Harry Potter & 'The Passion Year' Memoirs
by SongOfStars
Summary: Partly POA (slight AU)/partly Marauders Era. While exploring the Map's layout of Hogwarts, Harry finds a secret room in which a collection of memoirs written by James Potter were left. Reading it, Harry discovers that Sirius is innocent but has no idea how to prove it without exposing a dark secret of his father's past. Eventual J/L & S/R.
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter & 'The Passion Year' Memoirs**

**Disclaimers: **I don't own anything….yeah, I'll let yalls keep thinking that! MWAHAHA

**AN: NOT PART OF THE 'LEGACY' SERIES! **

**Set partly during the POA but as an AU & partly the Marauders Era**

**Contains S/J, then traditional pairings of S/R/T & J/L M-rated (must put ratings inside stories now due to stupid FFN rule…could someone please explain it to me?)**

Well this popped into my dreams which is very weird since I have never considered this pairing. Anyhow, due to the rules, the rating may say T but it is actually an M. I still don't understand why fanfiction net doesn't allow M stories yet has the rating in the choices!

Repeat! M-rated.

This is sort of slash Sirius/James & later Sirius/Remus.

Sort of as in the S/J part is an experiment. (Both for them & for me lol)

* * *

**Summary: **Partly POA (slight AU)/partly Marauders Era. While exploring the Map's layout of Hogwarts, Harry finds a secret room in which a collection of memoirs written by James Potter were left. Reading it, Harry discovers that Sirius is innocent but has no idea how to prove it without exposing a dark secret of his father's past.

* * *

**(1) The Lost Secret**

"Hermione, you're cat killed him!"

"NO HE DIDN'T!"

Harry shook his head, watching his two best friends have yet another row. They have never fought so badly before & he wondered if it would all fall apart. Hermione was cuddling Crookshanks close, Ron was brandishing his wand at the cat but didn't dare cast a spell, knowing Hermione was better at magic than Ron & Harry combined, while Harry did his best to become invisible.

In fact, he decided to do just that. He was tired of hearing them fight & tired of trying to help them patch things up. It was nearly Christmas, but they still continued to fight. Both were too mad at each other to pay Harry Potter any mind.

"I'm just gonna go, uh, ya know," Harry stopped trying. They didn't hear him. He turned on his heel & went up the stairs to the boys' dorms to get his Cloak & the Map the Weasley twins had given him earlier to sneak into Hogsmeade. The Map was his most fascinating possession yet. Harry had no idea who Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs were, but if they were good enough for the Weasley twins who have been using the Map for years without harm, it was good enough for Harry if only to avoid the war between Hermione & Ron.

Harry stepped out of the Common Room under cloak ("IT'S A CAT, RONALD!"/"I DON'T CARE!") & hurried away to the Grand Staircase. The entire castle was decorated from turret to moat in Christmas festivities but Harry didn't take too much notice of them. He went down to the fifth floor & past several tapestries to a bookcase in one corner of a small alcove, next to a few armchairs. Behind that bookcase was a hidden passage that was a shortcut down to the dungeons. Harry came out near where the Slytherin blank wall was, turned left away from it & went behind another tapestry. Here, the Map had shown three different passage ways all leading beyond Slytherin's borders & into the belly of the ancient castle. He finally took the cloak off & folded it up as small as possible to stuff under his robes, then entered the main doorway after using 'diffindo' on the tapestry. If one merely lifted the tapestry over, it would show a brick wall. Cutting it loose opened the hole. The moment Harry passed into the tunnel, the tapestry became whole once more & the false brick wall returned. Harry glanced down the tunnels, wandlight held aloft.

Trying the one on the left, he was blocked halfway in by an old cave-in. Harry turned back & went down the one on the right. It opened into a large circular room that looked like a cathedral. The stone floor had an actual stream going through its center & a wide stone bridge arched over it. The stream ran underground towards the Black Lake. The far end had a hall that led to a small door which opened to the outside on a long forgotten sandy shore of the lake. Harry watched the giant squid dive before turning back & taking the main route down the center.

After nearly twenty minutes of walking straight without any new openings, it apparently stopped at a dead end. Checking the Map, Harry saw that a room was supposed to be just beyond the wall. The Map didn't tell him how to get through. Harry stared at it, thinking. He checked the Map once more, but it remained mute on the subject. He wondered if the wall had been built in later. Harry tried to give it a shove, just to be sure, only to end up falling right through.

A cloud of dust rose up where Harry's head had been as he fell flat on his face. He stood up, cursing the Marauders for not putting in a warning, fixed his glasses & put them back on his face & then brushed himself off. Glancing back, Harry could see the wall he had just walked through. Oh well, at least he'll know to just walk through as if it wasn't there, just like at Platform 9 & ¾'s.

Harry coughed on the dust as he waited a few moments to settle, then looked around. It was a triangular shaped room that had a small torch in each corner that flared into life in his presence. The small glows from each torch were aimed up the corners to the ceiling & cast a circular light around the area, leaving the tips of each corner slightly darkened by shadows. There were two couches along each side of the triangle, with the false wall for the base of the shape. Between them was one long table from the false wall to the farthest tip with carvings on each leg & a pile of old papers on the top, covered with several layers of dust.

Harry read the carvings on the table legs facing him. Prongs. Padfoot. Walking around to the other end of the table, the leg in line with Padfoot was named Moony & the one across from it was Wormtail. Harry looked at the false wall again. "Who are you people?" He asked no one in particular. Perhaps they had been students here, or teachers. Or maybe students that had become teachers. How long ago were they? Was any one of them still alive? Harry knew he would probably never get those answers but he couldn't help but wonder at them.

He blew the dust off the papers sitting in the center of the table. They were bound together with strips of black leather to form a sort of book. Harry was looking at the title upside-down. He turned it the right way as he read it.

'_**The Passion Year'**_

It was etched in large golden letters, starting from the top left-hand corner & going diagonally down to the bottom right-hand corner.

Harry blinked. Could it be? Was this something else left behind by the Marauders? Would he find answers to his questions with this? He read the title again & then pulled over the first page which was the cover. It crackled as he gently pushed it over the binds of old leather until it lay more or less flat so that it was like an open book. The parchment was definelty old & yellowed. He looked down on the next page.

* * *

1977

It is my 6th year at Hogwarts. I am surprised I made it here alive & in one piece. I was nearly killed a couple months ago by a horrible excuse of a life who just happens to be the father of one of my best friends. In fact, if it weren't for the best friend now, I would have probably committed suicide. I already have two scars on my left wrist from an attempt.

This was supposed to be the best year of my life. It is, thanks to Padfoot—

* * *

Harry stared at the name. So it was part of the Marauders history! The year was 1977 so it wasn't all that long ago. He did a quick mental calculation in his head. "Oh my God!" He redid the calculations. His father would have been in 6th year in 1977! Would he have known the Marauders? An even more crazy idea; would he have been one of them? Harry bent over the pages again.

* * *

—Padfoot, but it was also my worst. Though my beloved Padfoot is helping me through this mess of my life, I feel that I must channel my anger & hurt somewhere, so I'm writing this out. I hope no one reads it. I'll probably burn it after.

* * *

Harry stopped reading & looked around, feeling guilty. If this wasn't meant to be read, then should he continue? He told himself that the parchments were never burned. They were right here. Maybe the writer had changed his mind. He stared at the page, heart racing. What if his father was in here? He thought long & hard, justified his decision that he was only looking for anything about his father & pulled an edge of one couch over so he could sit down to read.

* * *

To this day, I have told no one of what happened last summer. The only reason Padfoot knows is because he was forced to witness my ordeal.

I'm still hurting from it now & I probably always will. I feel a rage within me that I can not control if I ever see that horrible man again. The only thing keeping me sane is finding what solitude I can when writing & the support of my closest friend.

These are my memoirs of that fateful year. My name is James Prongs Potter—

* * *

Harry's mouth fell open. His father—HIS FATHER!—wrote this! Hardly had that thought crossed his mind when he realised, his father...was Prongs! He reread that bit before going on, only to receive not one but two more shocks.

* * *

—& I was cruelly raped by Orion Black.

* * *

With a shout of anguished surprise, Harry raised his head to stare at the opposite wall. What the hell did he just read? What the bloody hell was that? He stared at the wall for several long moments until he gasped for a much needed breath. He hadn't realised that he wasn't breathing. Harry took off his glasses with one hand & held his face with the other. He put one hand over his nose while closing his eyes, processing that. His father was Prongs. A Marauder. Raped. Raped? By a Black.

Hands clenched to his sides, Harry jumped to his feet & began pacing. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He was furious! He stood over the memoirs again & stared at that line. "Man, you just weren't lucky with that Black family, were you? Father hurts you. Son murders you!" He went back to pacing, passing one hand through his messy hair.

Harry suddenly realised why the memoirs weren't supposed to be read. He wished he could forget what he had read so far. Whatever James—his father—had felt, Harry didn't even kid himself to try & imagine.

Gritting his teeth, Harry marched through the false wall into the long forgotten corridor. After going a few steps, he fell to his knees, feeling he would be sick. He wasn't after all, but had come close. Harry leaned against the wall, feeling the cold stone against his cheek. He realised that he was burning with anger. "Is this the rage you were talking about, Dad?" Harry whispered to the darkness. He sat there, feeling the coolness, allowing it to bring his temperature down. He suddenly wondered if his mother ever found out. Harry suddenly gasped again, unclenching his jaw. It hurt! He had ground his teeth so tightly together that it was hard to open his mouth even a little to breathe.

After several minutes, Harry stood up & pulled out his wand. "Lumos." He began walking down the hall away from that room. When the tapestry was in front of him, Harry pointed his wand to cut himself out but the spell never came. He stood there, staring at the back of the tapestry which looked like a brick wall, but couldn't bring himself to cut it down. He looked back down the tunnel. The memoirs were never burned. They were still back there. His father was long dead. What would it matter? It wasn't like Harry was planning to broadcast to the whole world what had happened to James Potter during his 6th year. It was all he had of his dad besides an old Map & the cloak. Harry suddenly turned tail & ran pell-mell down the tunnel. He didn't even slow down when he reached the false wall but ploughed right on through.

Harry gently picked up the pages of his father's memoirs. The binding cracked in protest from being held after so long. The pages flaked a little. He put it under one arm & pulled out the cloak with the other. Running back to the tapestry, he put the cloak on & finally cut himself out. He headed straight for the Gryffindor Tower. As soon as he was inside the portrait, Harry took off the cloak & wrapped the memoirs inside it, then put the whole thing under his robes.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed. "Where have you been? We've been looking for you for almost four hours!"

"Just wandering about the castle," Harry shrugged. Now that he didn't want the attention of his friends, it seemed like he would be unable to get rid of them any time soon.

Ron stood close behind Hermione. "You off using that Map again?"

Hermione glared at Harry. "You shouldn't be doing that. What if you run into Sirius Black?"

"Well funny thing about the Map, Hermione," Harry snapped. "The names appear on it. I'd see him coming."

Hermione stared at him. She held out her hand. "Give me that Map!"

"Hermione!" Harry's teeth were gritted so hard they nearly cracked. "I have a nasty headache right now. I'm going upstairs to bed. I don't want to argue with you or anyone else about that Map right now!" At that, he shoved past both of them & marched upstairs.

Harry felt bad for shouting at her. He wasn't mad at her. She didn't hurt his father (or kill him, for that matter). But he was so infuriated that he couldn't help himself. "A rage I can not control." Isn't that what his father had said? Harry wasn't even the victim here, yet he was mad. How much more so was the fury of his father? The fury of ...Prongs? What did Prongs even mean?

Harry dropped the cloak still covering the pages James Potter had touched, into his trunk, slammed it shut, kicked it, cursed for the pain in his foot & then sat himself on his bed. Harry folded his hands in front of him & leaned his head over his knees. That last line kept echoing in his head & it was giving him a headache.

He didn't know how long he had stayed like that. He heard an owl hoot, but didn't look up to see if it was Hedwig or someone else. His mind was too stuck on that line.

_These are my memoirs of that fateful year. My name is James Prongs Potter & I was cruelly raped by Orion Black._

"Harry?" Ron poked his shoulder. Harry just shook his head, not looking anywhere. "Um, Hermione went to the hospital wing. She said to give you this. For your headache, you know." A vial was shoved under Harry's nose. He finally sat up, glaring at it. No magic potion or muggle cure would ever fix this headache. Not this time. But Ron was looking scared. They stared at each other. Then Harry knew why Ron was apprehensive around him. "Harry …your eyes." Ron made a motion around his eyes.

Harry wiped his face only to find a few tears on his hands. "It really hurts." He took the vial & swallowed it in one shot.

"Ok," Ron sighed. "G'night."

"Night," Harry lay down on his bed & pulled the rope for the curtains to close. He heard Ron leave. He waited a few minutes, then got up & pulled out the memoirs. He took them to bed with him & began to read.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Ok the damn Ffnet is NOT accepting my MSWord break line between Harry's time & reading the diary so now whenever a break line that Ffnet accepts appears, that's where the time switches from Harry to diary ... unless of course it's the start of the next chapter.

* * *

**(2) A Stag's Heart**

Harry took great care to prise open the next page & he read well into the night. Finally, after all these years, someone was giving him clear answers about his father. Funny thing was, such answers were coming from his father, from beyond the grave. The problem was, it was nothing to what he had expected. Wondering if he should even read this, yet yearning to connect with his father, Harry was soon lost within the pages of a time forgotten.

* * *

So there you have it. I was raped. I admit it. Satisfied? My cousin, who lived close by to me, & I had gone to my home for that last week of summer. It was just after the last full moon of that summer & Moony was going to Canada with his father for a few days to help him work on expelling some poltergeists that had inhabited someone's home. That is pretty much where this mess started, so I'll take it from here. I remember it in vivid detail unfortunately. There is a lake behind my house. The weather was hot so after we had cast a Concealment Charm (my parents are both Aurors so tehehe) on both of our Spirit tattoos (it would barely last a day), Sirius & I hit the water to cool off.

* * *

Harry stared. Sirius & cousin? What? Was this Sirius Black? Was he, Harry, related…TO SIRIUS BLACK? With a yelp, Harry tossed the pages to the end of his bed & scooted backwards away from them. He clutched a pillow to his chest & eyed the pages as if they might spring to life & kill him. These writings were causing more questions than answers. After several minutes, Harry picked them up again to continue reading. He was reading for his father's sake. That was all.

"What's a Spirit tattoo?"

* * *

"Oh come on Siri!" I snickered. "I dare you!"

"Don't care!" Sirius pouted, crossing his arms & putting his nose in the air. "I'm not doing that."

"You're going to go skinny dipping if it's the last thing you do!"

"I will if Remus does."

"Remus has a lot of scars," I pointed out. "So he's exempt."

* * *

Harry paused. Remus. As in Professor Lupin? Was this the same one? He did have a few scars on his face. Good Merlin, had he been raped to? Or attacked some other way?

* * *

"Whatever," Sirius complained.

"There you are!"

Sirius & I both jumped to our feet. Orion Black was walking towards us, focusing on Sirius. "What do you want?" I asked.

"Sirius is being very naughty," a woman's voice sounded behind me. I whirled around only to come face to face with another more distant cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange. "He needs to be taught a lesson." I fumbled for my wand but it was too late. She had grabbed me by the hair & whirled me around by pinning my wand arm behind my back so hard & fast that it hurt. I felt her wand at my throat & noticed Sirius was in a similar predicament under his father's grip.

We were whizzed away by side-along apparition & ended up in what could only be Sirius's home. I had never been here. Despite being family & pureblood, us Potters & Blacks couldn't be any more different than if we were bred on different worlds. Blacks hated anything impure. Remus was a mudblood to them…& worse if they ever found out his condition. My side of the family were considered blood traitors & were to be cast out. Like any of us Potters cared. Sirius was the white sheep of the Black family which was why he spent most of his time at my place instead of his own.

The moment we hit the black marble floor of the foyer at the base of the main staircase, Orion threw Sirius down to the floor. Sirius made hardly any sound. He was used to the beatings. His father was horrible sober & demonic drunk. I smelled a lot of liquor. This would be bad. "Where were you three days ago?"

"Up your arse! Where else would I be?" Sirius retorted. Idiot! Does he never learn?

His father kicked him hard in the side. Sirius was actually flipped over. I struggled to try & help but Bellatrix pushed her wand against my developing Adam's apple. Bloody hurt like hell. "You were in France, weren't you?"

Sirius rolled over on hands & knees. "So what?"

"Hanging out with that mudblood Lupin again, weren't you?"

"Don't call him that!" Sirius & I snarled at the same time. I meanwhile, felt a panic. That was the full moon three days ago. My God! If they knew Remus was a werewolf—

* * *

"AHHH!" Harry flung the pages aside & sat bolt upright in bed. Wait, if that Remus Lupin was his Professor Remus Lupin ...who disappeared regularly & claimed some great ill...illness...then…ok, he was a werewolf. He could only be Moony. Named...Moony? Harry blinked, then let out another screech. He now had two Marauders, one of them was his Professor. It was looking more like they were close friends than mere acquaintances. Yet Lupin had never offered any information on James Potter. In fact, it was nearly impossible to wrangle anything out of that Professor, not even if you beat him over the head with chocolate. Harry punched his bed, feeling angry at Lupin. Why was that Professor wasting time instead of talking to him? Or did Lupin not like Harry?

Thinking back to the few times he had questioned Professor Lupin about Black or his father, Harry realised that the answers were meant to evade. "Damn you! Why won't you talk to me then?" His next thought was to confront Lupin when they would start on the Anti-Dementor Charm after the holidays. Then he cast the idea aside. If Lupin was a werewolf, it was best not to confront him. Ever. His father knew him, knew his condition, yet was still friends with him. So Lupin couldn't be all that bad. Still didn't explain why he wasn't speaking.

* * *

If they knew Remus was a werewolf, they would slaughter him!

"You were supposed to be HERE, Sirius!" His father was bellowing. "Your wedding day, remember? You've been engaged to her since you were three months old."

"Yeah & that bitch is pureblood filth!" Sirius spat.

"Sirius!" I warned. Merlin's sake why was he such an idiot? His father kicked him on the chest, knocking the breath from his lungs. Bellatrix yanked my hair in order to keep me quiet. I could feel the great Stag within me screaming to burst out, but I shoved Prongs aside. It would only expose Remus & get me tossed in Azkaban for one year for I was an illegal Animagus.

* * *

"That's IT!" Harry put the memoirs on his nightstand & held up his hands. "I'm done. I'm done! I'm putting it away." Prongs. James Potter. An illegal Animagus? Harry thought back to Professor McGonagall & how she could turn into a Cat. His father …could turn into a Stag? Harry checked around outside his curtains but everyone was fast asleep. He had set up a silencing charm Hermione had taught him before reading to block out the cracking of pages. Now he was grateful it blocked his outbursts as well. He took a few moments to absorb that new information, then with a stubborn slap to his bedcovers, he snatched the parchments back & continued to read.

* * *

I learned the Stag late into my 4th year. We all learned Animagic when we figured out Remus was a werewolf. The four of us were able to form a pack every full moon. We're all illegal, even Remus. Though Dumbledore is taking care of him, no werewolf was ever supposed to get an education. Remus is the first.

My rack was now a 16-point spread, a fine hunter's prize. I could have gouged these monsters before they blinked but a Marauder's ultimate duty is to protect their werewolf. Prongs submerged, displeased.

"I know what you do at Hogwarts," his father ranted. 'Every single mudblood girl has given their virginity over to you! If I ever find out you have produced children with them—"

"I know safe sex!" Sirius snapped. I rolled my eyes. I've walked in on that idiot's mating habits more times than I care to count.

"Something about this is amusing, James?" Orion was now glaring at me. Damn it. Had I been smiling? Oh damn! I'm in trouble. I felt my hair rise & I think so did Bellatrix since she made a noise of surprise & looked at me weird. I shook my head violently, forcing my horns back in. It was a good thing my hair was messy. The first points sprouting up weren't visible.

But the entire Stag bursting out would be. "Quit it, Prongs," I whispered. "Yes," I said. "So?"

Orion advanced on me. "You blood traitors don't care!"

"Nope," I smiled softly, knowing I was doomed. I was already psyching myself up for a long bout with Crucio.

"I've tried everything to get Sirius in line!" Orion snarled as he came to stand nearly nose to nose with me. "He never listens. He associates with mudbloods. Sleeps with them. Now he's skipped his own wedding. You know how hard it is to undo a magical bind like that? Yet he runs around with mudblood women!"

"Mhm & having a marvellous time!" I said, waiting for the torture spell to hit.

His hand hit my head instead. I would have been thrown sideways if it weren't for Bellatrix holding me up. My glasses clattered to the floor. "Don't you dare sass me!" He stepped purposely on my glasses, smashing them. No matter, since that stupid werewolf loves chewing on them, I have like a bazillion more at home. I can't repair them with magic since the werewolf venom interferes, so I have plenty of spares! Overgrown puppy! I just smiled wider at the thought. I was already screwed so what did it matter?

"Leave him alone!" Sirius screamed. He got up to charge at his father.

"Kreacher! Hold him!" Orion pointed at Sirius. The demented house elf lifted a finger & Sirius was rooted to the spot. Orion turned back to me. "You know, you are family unfortunately. You're the one leading Sirius astray. It's high time you were taught some manners."

I licked blood off my lips. "Why thank you."

An odd sort of look crossed the vile man's eyes. This was it. I braced myself for the curse to come. "COME HERE!" Orion snarled, snatching me from Bellatrix's hands & throwing me onto the stairs.

As I was only wearing swim shorts, the rest happened to fast for me to blink. I hit the stairs; their sharp edges gouging my chest in a few areas. I flipped onto my back to stand up but wasn't fast enough. Sirius & Orion were both screaming. Prongs pranced wildly within my heart. I was so glad we had both thought to put Concealments over our tattoos at that moment.

Orion was suddenly on me, his hands around my throat. "I'll teach you a lesson in proper behaviour! Pureblood to pureblood."

"DAD NO!"

I had an abrupt feeling of being exposed. I was suddenly feeling the edges of stairs digging into my chest again. Orion slammed into me & I scr—

* * *

Harry closed his eyes & laid the thing aside. He wasn't expecting his father to actually go into details. He faceplanted into the pillow & dug both hands into his hair. Maybe he should follow his father's advice. Maybe he shouldn't read on. Or perhaps, skip that section & see if he couldn't pick up the other Marauders. Or perhaps, skip that section & read it later if he felt like it. He flipped over onto his back, then sat up.

Or should he read it now & get it over with? His father went through it! Harry sat still for half an hour, contemplating on how to proceed. He touched the parchments, feeling their age. One leather loop was ripped. The thing was falling apart from being left in the dust & air for nearly twenty years. Harry knew then that if he skipped ahead, there was no going back. So, should he skip it, ignoring his father's pain which he had seemed so desperately to try & heal or should he read on, gaining an understanding of that pain?

Wait, WHY didn't he use Prongs?

Harry let out a low growl fit for a grumbling werewolf. He would have to read it all to figure that one out. Sure, protect the werewolf…but if something this drastic happened, why wouldn't one protect oneself? Jaws set, he picked the memoirs up once more.

* * *

Orion slammed into me & I screamed. My God it hurt! No no no! This was not how I was to lose my virginity! It was supposed to be for Lily! I've been moping over that girl since I was eleven! Not this! Sirius was screaming but I forced myself to concentrate on Prongs. The Stag wanted to come out but I couldn't let it. The man inside me right now? Professional werewolf hunter. I wouldn't let him anywhere near Remus! He was MY werewolf!

I suddenly felt Bellatrix at my head. She wrenched me up by the hair & I lost touch with Prongs. Please don't come out! Sirius wasn't helping. I knew he was held in place by that house elf, but he kept screaming at me, "CHANGE! JAMES PLEASE CHANGE!"

"I CAN'T!" I somehow managed to scream back the moment before I figured out why Bellatrix had pulled me up. She had grabbed my full length in her hands & was now dragging her nails along it, leaving cuts. I gritted my teeth half against the pain & half against that damn Stag. No Prongs! You'll kill Remus! It felt as if my head would split in two. My rack was demanding to burst forth. I forced it down.

I began to feel pressure building up in what was supposed to be Lily's gift. My body was giving in to the sexual demands it was being forced to give. I grabbed at a pole in the banister & tried to stop it. I pulled myself hard up the stairs, trying to get away. Orion wrenched me back & the pole I was holding onto snapped. Then Bellatrix went under me & replaced her hands with her mouth instead. She would actually bite me a few times. The next moment, I felt myself give in to what my body demanded but my mind rejected. Lily! I thought of her.

When a Stag is in trouble, it would bugle for help, a long piercing whistle. Though in human form, I felt that call coming on. I bit into my arm, letting at an involuntary squeal as I went over. Ignoring my first & possibly only orgasm, I thought of Lily, wishing I was with her. Not this beast. I knew then I could never touch Lily or anyone else. It had all been taken from me & I was not free to give. I punched the stair I was spread upon with one hand as the pleasure high finished & Bellatrix released me. I hate her!

Orion left me. Bellatrix yanked me aside, again by the hair. It's amazing I kept my rack down this long. The stairs hit my side & then my back. I sat up only for a nanosecond. Yelling in a fresh wave of pain, I went back to my side, putting my face to the cold marble stairs as I panted & sobbed between painful protesting jabs in my entire body.

I couldn't believe what had just happened. I lay still, trying to catch my breath, feeling blood drip from my chest & inside my legs. I closed my eyes, wishing I could die.


	3. Chapter 3

**(3) The Promise**

Harry couldn't sleep that night. He had put the memoirs under his pillow after reading that. He didn't know who this Bellatrix was, or Orion, but he knew he hated them both more than even Sirius Black right now. In fact, for once Sirius was exempt from it all. Since he was being held in place by a house elf, Harry didn't blame him for not helping his father. He simply couldn't. Harry had witnessed house elf power several times before. Once they worked their magic, you were screwed.

Crying softly, he turned on his side, trying to sleep, knowing he wouldn't for a very long time. Had Professor Lupin been worth it? James seems to have thought so. But then again, Harry didn't know much about Lupin & well, who's fault was that? A horrid thought entered his mind. Did Lupin know of this? Maybe that was why he didn't speak of James. Maybe he had been trying to keep Harry in the dark about this, only to have Harry himself stumble upon the written works of James Potter. Well, that would be understandable. Sort of.

Harry lay flat on his back, watching the light come in. Finally giving up on sleep, he sat up & buried the pages of James Potter in his trunk under the cloak & several other things, Bleary-eyed & out of sorts, Harry went down to the common room. He was the first one out to go down to breakfast; though, he knew it would be a while before he could eat anything. He sat at the table poking at his food. Looking up at the High Table, he saw Lupin & Sprout both snickering at something or other they had been talking about.

Harry turned back to his cold food. Hermione was looking at him, worrying. "Are you alright Harry?"

"I think that headache's turned into a head cold," Harry muttered.

"Perhaps you ought to go to the hospital wing," Ron said.

"Maybe," Harry shrugged. Hospital couldn't fix this!

But he had no interest in going to any of the classes. He couldn't concentrate on them. Yet, he dragged himself from class to class somehow. It wasn't until the Defence Against The Dark Arts that Harry paid much attention. Not to the lesson but to the Professor. Harry sat in the back row & watched the lesson go by in a daze. His eyes focused mostly on Lupin. Was that truly a werewolf standing there? He certainly wasn't a vicious slavering monstrosity. Was he truly worth the price of stolen virginity though? Did he even know?

Despite the questions running around in his head, Harry knew that Lupin had been the best Professor so far that this school had. If only he could take over Potions. That would be great. Lupin seemed to have a way with the children, even some of the Slytherins. Then it dawned on Harry. He didn't know much about wolves but it was a well-known fact that wolves loved puppies. "Oh great," Harry muttered aloud, suddenly smirking for the first time since last night. Oh well, better to be viewed as puppies than food.

"Harry, can I have a word?"

Puppy. I'm a puppy, not food. Harry back-stepped from the door & sat down at the desk he had been at throughout the whole lesson while the rest of class filed out. Draco Malfoy was among them. "OOO, spot of trouble eh Potter?"

"No bullying in this class! Thirty points from Slytherin," Lupin smirked. Draco glowered but said no more as he left.

"I've been meaning to dock points from him for ages," Lupin said as he sat down backwards in the desk in front of Harry so that they were facing each other. "Now, what's wrong with you? You don't look well."

"I just didn't sleep last night," Harry shrugged, yawning.

"Hermione says you had a bad headache last night," said Lupin. "Why don't you go to the hospital wing?"

"Nah, I'll be fine," Harry suddenly remembered what his father had said about this creature chewing on glasses. He promptly took them off & squinting, noticed that Remus had cast a lingering glance down to them.

"Harry, I know a thing or two about illness," Lupin finally looked up at him. "I'm extremely ill myself as you may know. I can be wiped out in one night & then spend the next few days recovering." He leaned forward a little & took a piece of parchment off Harry's desk. "You look like you've been put through hell in a very short time." He began writing something. "Now, this is a note. You get the rest of the day off. Try to get some sleep." He handed it over. "You're too stubborn for your own good at times."

"Thanks," Harry gave up. "I just might do that." He stood up. "Professor, was my father ever stubborn when he got sick?"

"No, he was the whiniest baby ever," Lupin smiled. "But your mother was the stubborn one. Especially when she was pregnant with you. Ho man! Don't get me started!" Harry stared at him. "Ah that's Lily looking back at me." Lupin stood up. "Now, off you go."

"You'll have to tell about that sometime," Harry said & they both laughed. Harry stood up. "Professor, do you know who Orion Black is?"

Lupin's face went blank. "He was the father of Sirius Black."

"Was?"

"He's dead now," Lupin stated simply. "Long time ago." Harry unexpectedly felt a wave of relief so profound that he wavered on his feet. The one who had hurt his father so much was dead. "HARRY!" Lupin grabbed him & pushed Harry into the nearest chair. "Take a moment, then I'm bringing you to Pomfrey."

"I'll be fine," Harry said.

"Listen here, Lily!" Lupin half-smirked at the jest before going on. "You're going & that's final. Please don't make me take points from my own House! McGonagall would never forgive me."

"I'd much rather go to bed," Harry said. Pomfrey couldn't help him.

"Harold James Evans-Potter, you will do as I say!"

"Yes, yes & you told me to get some sleep so that's what I'll do."

Lupin closed his eyes in annoyance. "Fine! Sleep today but if you're still out of it tomorrow I will personally flip you over my shoulder & carry you to the hospital wing, fireman style. Don't think I won't! I did it to your father once, during our 6th year."

"Alright," Harry gulped, wondering if his father had added that detail to his Passion Year journal. He stood up again. "One more thing, do you know who Bellatrix Lestrange is?"

Lupin's jaw ticked. "Where are you getting these names from?"

"I've heard people whispering some names," Harry shrugged.

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I guess the whole school is talking about Death Eaters since we have one on the loose right now." He sighed heavily. "She's one of Voldemort's main Death Eaters, probably right up there with Sirius Black. However unlike Black, she at least is still in Azkaban."

"She is?"

"Yes," said Lupin. "In fact, I myself helped put her there."

"Wow," Harry stared off into the past for a moment. It was no less than what she deserved for her help in that rape!

Lupin dug around in a pocket & produced a bar of chocolate. "Found this today. It's a new one. Had to try it." The wrapper said Peppermint Dragon on it. He gave a piece to Harry, then had a piece for himself. "OOO! Damn!" He turned away, stamping his heel. "Baby, that's got some kick! Whoo! Careful Harry! Should have known what with the word Dragon on it."

Harry wisely pocketed his piece, snickering. Professor Lupin was certainly one of a kind. He turned & headed for the door. "Thank you," he said as he left. Lupin took it to mean for the chocolate, but Harry was actually thinking about Bellatrix in Azkaban. Having the day off, Harry returned to his dorm room & forced himself to get back into the memoirs. Maybe now that the horror was past, it would be an easier read.

* * *

When next I opened my eyes, I was lying on my own chesterfield in my own house. Sirius was sitting beside me wiping down my brow with a damp cloth in one hand & his eyes with another from crying so much. I stared at him. If he was crying, then it wasn't a nightmare. It was real. I tried to sit up a little. My body seized up in protest, making me scream.

"Prongs," Sirius said. "why? Why didn't you change?"

"You're Dad's a professional werewolf killer, Padfoot," I pointed out.

* * *

Harry blinked. Marauder number three down. "So, Black is Padfoot. Now, WHAT is Padfoot?" He was also wondering if & when Wormtail would show up.

* * *

"Kreacher had me immobilized. I tried to get to you! I couldn't move!" Sirius put his head on my chest & burst into tears.

"I know," I gasped weakly, wondering if this is something of what Remus felt after being ripped apart every full moon. I've watched more than one of his transformations. It's a brutal mess being a werewolf. I put one hand on Sirius's head. "Where's Mum & Dad?"

"Still out at the Ministry Of Magic," said Sirius. "Won't be home until late."

"Good," I attempted to push Sirius off but was too weak. "That's good. Let me up."

"Jim." Sirius went back into his seat while I ignored every stab of pain as I sat up.

That hurt the most. I set my teeth against it. "Help me stand up."

"James."

"NOW!"

Sirius grabbed both my hands & pulled me up. I tottered forward & fell into his arms. I let him hold me while I suddenly cried into his shoulder for a good ten minutes. Then I tried to move & nearly fell to my knees.

Sirius held me up. "What are you playing at?" he demanded. "James! My father nearly killed you."

"I know," I forced myself to walk forward a few steps, clutching the blanket around me. It was all I was wearing at the time. "I'm going for a bath. I need to wash up before my parents get home."

"As soon as they do, I'll send them over."

I turned so sharply that the pain nearly killed me yet somehow I kept on my feet. "You will do no such thing!"

"James, they're both Aurors! They won't stand for this!"

"They won't know!" I shot back. "No one! No one can ever know! What's done is done! Understand?"

"No," Sirius spluttered through a new wave of tears. "N-no you can't do that."

"Watch me!"

"He should pay for what he's done!"

"He will! Just not now."

"JAMES PRONGS! YOUR PARENTS ARE AURORS! TELL THEM!"

"NO!" I punched the wall with the same hand used for the stairs earlier. It ruined the bandage Sirius had wrapped my knuckles with. "No! We can't tell them. EVER!"

"Why?" Sirius fell to his knees, pleadingly.

"Sirius, it would tear them apart if they knew what was done to me!" I was sobbing now, not for myself but for them. They were too old. "You know how they are with me. Only child. Always fussing over me, spoiling me! I'm their pet, basically. They're old. My father isn't in very good health now, you know that!"

"We have to do something," said Sirius.

"We will," I said. "When I can move properly. We will take care of it. My parents are not to know. No one is. It's bad enough you do! Don't you understand what I'm feeling right now? I can barely look at you without feeling shame." My voice was cracked now. "You were there. You saw me. I hate that! I hate it all! I CAN-T—" I was suddenly in his arms again.

"You're right, I saw it all," Sirius said. "I hate it too. I couldn't move. I couldn't help you."

I turned away from him & headed for the washroom only to get stuck at the bottom of the stairs. How the hell was I going to learn how to handle stairs before my parents got back in a few hours?

The black Grim dog came to stand in front of me. Padfoot was bigger than even Moony—

* * *

A black Grim dog. Harry had seen that sort of beast more than once now. Was that Sirius Black? If so, then Sirius would have had several chances to kill Harry by now. They were alone together the first time Harry laid eyes on the dog when he had run away from Privet Drive. The dog was staring at him for a moment, but—but then took off. Something wasn't right.

* * *

—Moony on full moons. He was half my Stag-size. He whined. I shook my head. "James," Sirius reappeared. "Let me do something to help you."

"I need to learn how to move on stairs," I said. "Help me with that."

"One step at a time," Sirius held me gently in his arms & led me up the first step.

Unbidden, I cried out. I doubled over, trying to forget. Trying to put my mind from my mangled body so I could work these damned stairs. "Again," I ordered.

He helped me up one step. I paused for a rest. Then the next one. It took several minutes to go up half the stairs. "Prongs, this is ridiculous!"

"We're not telling anyone," I snarled. "I don't want anyone else to know. How'd I get here?" I changed the subject.

"When Kreacher finally released me," Sirius began. "I kicked him so hard, he was flung into my father's face. There was a bit of a fight & I jumped onto you & well, I apparated us out."

"How on earth do you know how to do that?"

"Same way we know Animagic," Sirius shrugged. "I started working on it during the summer. See, I was planning to do that at the wedding & leave everyone hanging, but I was able to get away earlier & go to France to spend with everyone for the full moon. Oh well, I still needed it in the end, didn't I?"

I nodded mutely. By now we were nearly at the top of the stairs & I was starting to do them on my own as I gained a new feeling for them. "You hexed me, by the way."

"What?"

"That's what we're going to tell Mum & Dad," I said. "We were screwing around & I got whacked which is why I'm limping around."

I finally made it to the washroom. It was nearly the same size as the Prefect's Washroom at Hogwarts. The bath wasn't the size of a swimming pool though, but it was bigger than usual & it had water jets in it which would turn on if one stuck their wand, tip first, into the slot. Sirius went to fill it as I stepped into the mirrors. My mother had very long hair which still was beautiful even though it was a pale grey now. Using the mirrors, she could see herself from all sides to do up her hair.

Letting the blanket fall to the floor, I walked into the center & turned the three panels so I could see myself at any angle. What I saw nearly made me pass out. I was blue-black from the lower half of my back all the way down my legs. I had gouges on my chest & back from the stairs. My left hand felt as if it was broken from punching things; the knuckles bleeding as much as the scrapes & bites Bellatrix had done to me. In fact, my cock was quite mangled & half-swollen (not in a good way) no thanks to her & I doubted I could ever function properly again. Yet despite all that, I was standing on tip-toe. That was Prongs. I wondered what he would look like but I found I couldn't change completely, though I managed to get part of my rack out.

I couldn't change! Thank God the full moon was just past. I had to learn Prongs again before the next full moon. I had a month to heal as much as possible so the Stag could come out.

If I lose my Stag, Moony would have to be kept either in the Shack or deep in the Forbidden Forrest, never to run free anywhere else again. My horns had driven him away from many villages. Some of the scars Remus bore were from Prongs, not Moony. If I lost Prongs, Moony would have to be imprisoned every night. Padfoot couldn't do it alone, neither could I. Wormtail was much too small to hold a werewolf at bay. I must find Prongs again.

Sirius helped me into the water. It was room-temperature so it wouldn't aggravate my wounds & there was no soap to sting my open sores. He had put many towels down in the water so it would be soft to lie on. He redid my hand-bandage. Neither of us spoke for a while.

Sirius suddenly stood up. "I can make you a couple of potions to get rid of the swelling a bit & bring down those bruises, or rather it looks like one big one. I'll give you one for the pain too." He put a hand onto one of my horns sticking out of my head. "The things we do to keep our werewolf safe. I know I would die for him, given half a chance."

* * *

"That's likely," Harry snarled.

* * *

"So would I."

Sirius left. I heard him banging about in the kitchen downstairs for nearly an hour. He would check on me occasionally, but I was mostly left alone. That was what I wanted. To be alone. Maybe if I sat here long enough, I could convince myself it was just a horrid dream. Moving into a new position however, reminded me of the reality of my situation.

Every.

Single.

Movement.

Sirius finally had three potions for me. I didn't feel any better after them though I suppose I was better. He helped me out of the water after & began to towel me dry, starting with my least injuries first.

"Er..." Sirius cast around for something to say as he stopped drying me off. He had missed a spot but that was the problem. "I um...I mean, well...should I...?"

I had been watching him in the mirrors. I could see everything he did to me. I simply nodded & after some hesitation, he finished drying me off, working up between my legs, his touch becoming more & more gentle. I trumpeted softly. Sirius threw himself away from me. My horns were still partly out & he stared at them.

"Don't worry," I actually laughed softly at him. "Prongs was just saying thanks."

"Ok," Sirius stood up, cracking his back as he stretched. Then he put the blanket on me again. "Let's get you to bed. We can just tell your parents you weren't feeling well & went to bed early."

"Not far from the truth," I turned & walked on my toes towards my bedroom. The potions had done something as I could move a little, but it still hurt.

"You might want to pull your antlers in," Sirius said.

I did so, but instinctively stayed on my toes. Sirius did that a lot as well & we were both often asked why we were walking on our toes. We do it without realising it. I forced myself to get under the covers & lay back. Sirius left to take care of the washroom. He finished barely in time as I heard my parents come in. They were coming up the stairs.

They were coming after me.

Being hugged & coddled right now was the last thing I needed. It would seriously hurt me. I was already damaged so much that my Stag was twisted up inside me & couldn't move. Plus I had little control over Prongs right now. Bits of him kept shooting out of me. I was illegal & I had not one but two Aurors for parents. How stupid am I? I felt a rising panic for a moment, then heard Sirius in the hall, blocking the way to my bedroom.

"Oh Siri!" My mother cooed. I knew she was crushing him in one of her hugs. My parents liked Sirius & often muttered that he should have been born a Potter so he could be my brother, not just a cousin. "I'm glad you stayed."

"We thought you might have gone home," my father added.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" my mother asked.

I heard Sirius crying. Oh God! He was going to tell them! I raised my head barely in time to miss skewering the wall as my entire rack shot out. Huffing, I pulled it in & stared horrified at my closed door. Don't tell! Oh please don't tell!

"Can I—can I mo-move in?" Sirius gasped between sobs. "Permanently? Please! I can't go back home! Never again!" My jaw dropped. FINALLY! I had already asked my parents more than once if we could make Sirius move in. After all he basically lived here to begin with. But they said we couldn't make anyone do anything. (Obviously rape wasn't in their vocabulary.) We had to wait for Sirius to ask.

"We knew this day was coming," my father said after a moment. "You can stay here as long as you like. Forever if you must."

"What has your father done now?"

"Pureblood supremacy," Sirius snarled. "I can't deal with it any more. We had a fight. My wedding, you know?" I heard both my parents scoff. They knew Sirius would never go through with it. "My Da—Orion. He really! He hurt—he—"

"Did he hurt you again?" my mother said. We all knew what was going on in that house. Orion Black used Crucio as his favourite form of punishment. Sirius finally was asking for help.

Though it was for me, not him. At least, it helped him to.

After a while, they soon got to asking about me. Sirius told them I wasn't feeling well & was sleeping by now. (I wish!) I heard Mum mention something about making my favourite soup whenever I was sick & I nearly threw up right there. That soup could never fix this! Nothing, could fix this!

After nearly two hours, Sirius entered my room. "I'm all moved in to the bedroom across from you." He sat down slowly on the very edge of my bed so as not to aggravate my injury. "I already have all my stuff, some here & the rest at Hogwarts. There's no need to go back. My bike's in your garage next to the Ministry car your Dad has." I put my hand over his as he went on. "I won't ever tell." He covered my hand with his other one. "I don't know how Jim, but I'll find a way to heal you. I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

**(4) The Lunar Reunion**

Harry laid the memoirs aside & got ready for bed. Remembering Lupin's threat of being carried off, Harry was determined to get some sleep tonight. He was already feeling better knowing that the two people involved were taken care of. One dead & one in Azkaban.

But something was bugging him.

That Sirius that was taking care of his abused father, did not seem to be the same Sirius out there who had murdered fifteen people, including James Prongs Potter.

Harry stood in the window for a while, petting Hedwig, listening to the deep snores of those sharing his dorm-room. He thought back to that conversation he had overheard in Hogsmeade the other day. Madam Rosemerta had said she found it hard to believe Black had switched sides. But everything else pointed to Black as doing just that. He watched a slightly diminished full moon rise. Suddenly he laughed softly under breath. Harry was without a doubt sure that Professor Lupin was a werewolf. If so, he would be rather busy tonight & pay for it for the next few days. He wouldn't be around to see Harry missing another night of sleep. Harry knew that Snape was going to teach the Dark Arts lesson tomorrow. Harry didn't care about Snape. He got into bed & pulled closed the curtains. After resetting his silencing charm, he continued reading.

* * *

I didn't go down stairs for the next few days. Sirius stuck to the 'he-hexed-me' story & brought me healing potions every day. My parents brought me meals in bed. I feigned an extreme sore throat the first day so I wouldn't have to speak. But I could only keep that ruse up for so long otherwise my parents would send me to St. Mungo's & then, the real story would come out.

The potions helped me, though they took their time since I was so ruined. By the third day, I braved the stairs again. I had to learn stairs now since I was going back to Hogwarts the day after tomorrow. I found that so long as I stepped down slowly & took each step in turn, I could move. I set my jaw against the dull lingering aches & strode into the living room, acting as cheery as possible.

"Ok Sirius," I began. "No more experiments with Exploding Snap! Do you have any idea how much that blast hurt me?" There, I now had my excuse to limp a little.

"I'm really sorry, Jim," Sirius stared at me but I knew he was sizing me up almost like a lover, with those piercing grey eyes of his, checking to see just how much I had healed.

By the time we were to go to Platform 9 & ¾'s, I had perfected my skills at hiding pain, taking cues from Remus. We found Peter & boarded the train. Remus wouldn't join us here as he was on his way back from Canada. He got on when the train stopped at the borders between countries to check us through.

Once back in motion, the four of us took one compartment. Sirius & I were on one side. I was sort of lying with my head in his lap, feigning tiredness. Remus sat across from me while Peter was across from Sirius. Why is this important?

Because it isn't our usual set up. Remus & I had switched places. I hated it but Sirius had been incredibly stupid late during our OWL year. He did something that nearly got Severus Snape killed ...killed by Moony. From then on, old Snivellus knew what Remus was. Dumbledore made him swear on his magic never to tell.

Remus was furious as well he should be. Sirius had yet to spend a full moon with us since that horrible prank. He went to France for the summer full moons but had to stay away during the nights. We had managed to trick Remus's parents into leaving for the second night so Peter & I could change. Sirius had to stay in a hotel but came to the Lupin Manor in the morning to help clean up the mess (we really need to break that mutt out of his chewing habits) before Moony's parents came back. We had all discussed it over the summer & had decided that Padfoot & Moony would be reintroduced during the first full moon at school. Remus & Moony had needed a very long break.

Now they were civil to each other but that was it. Sirius appeased the Alpha dominance of Remus Moony as best possible by buying the best chocolates from the trolley & then passing Remus one every so often. Remus would take it, glaring, his eyes slightly yellow with the wolf within, but he would take it. I wished things would go back to normal but I had given that up now. Nothing would ever be normal again.

The reason it was taking so long to patch things up between the two actual dogs in our pack was that before that ridiculous prank, it had been obvious that the two of them were in love with each other.

* * *

Harry looked up from the pages & stared at the far curtain. "Great! This just gets better & better ..."

* * *

Sirius had broken Remus's heart before ever even asking if he could have it. Now we were back to square one.

Minus one at that. Having never admitted it in the first place, Remus denied ever having a crush on Sirius. Wolves mate for life. Sirius didn't. Sirius had one, even two lovers at a time—

* * *

Harry double face palmed. "Too much information, Dad!"

* * *

—every other night or so. Sirius however, had confessed to me at the start of our OWL year that he was liking Remus as more than a friend & I had told him that I would kill him if he ever denied it.

Basically, a werewolf is like an elephant. Never forgets & slow to forgive.

Great! So, we're all caught up.

We told Peter & Remus the same thing we told my parents. I had been ill the last week & Sirius had nearly killed me with a pile of Exploding Snap due to some stupid new hex he had tried.

"You're not supposed to do magic outside of school!" Remus actually hissed, baring the points where his fangs were.

"Don't hiss!" The three of us ordered.

"Bad werewolf manners," Peter added. Remus just hissed again. He's our Alpha. He doesn't care what we say!

I glared at him, wishing he'd sit with Sirius again where he belonged. Stupid wolf! "Dude! Both my parents are Aurors. You think I care? I can get away with murder in my house if I wanted to." Annoyed, Remus clicked his fangs together. Sirius tossed him a chocolate. They stared at each other, then turned away. 'Sirius-ly', mate & get it over with.

* * *

Harry rolled his eyes so hard, they hurt. He had never seen a worse joke in his life!

* * *

We got off the train & headed for the great opening feast. I moved as smoothly as possible, but I was already tense from the fact that I would have to face all those stairs soon. Even with our shortcuts, it was still a lot of climbing. This was going to hurt. I had no idea how to do it in front of Remus & Peter without them asking questions.

It was Sirius who rescued me. Again.

We stood at the base of our main shortcut that went between walls & headed straight up to the seventh floor "Alright," Sirius began. "We have to race up there. First one to the common room gets something special I found over the summer." I raised a brow, wondering what he was doing. Sirius gave me a look before standing in front of me to block my way. "Ready? GO!"

Remus & Peter shot up the stairs like jets of magic from a wand. Sirius turned to me. "You ready for this?"

"No," I tackled the first stair. "What's your gift?"

"No idea," Sirius said. I laughed, which threw off my concentration & therefore my balance. I would have crumpled on the stairs if Sirius didn't catch me. He held me up & after a few moments of catching my breath, we continued upwards.

Peter & Remus had been waiting for us for fifteen minutes. They both said Remus had been first & the werewolf looked pointedly at Sirius waiting for his prize. Stupid Sirius. This would only end up hurting their frail relationship.

"I actually don't have anything," Sirius began without missing a beat. Remus blinked. "Look, Jim & I needed to talk. About Lily. You know Jim's still a virgin. You know I'm not so ...yeah, we needed to talk."

It was my turn to blink. I had totally forgotten about Lily! How could I look at her now? I was no longer virgin. I wished what Sirius had said was true but I couldn't deny it.

"Ya know," Remus said. "You could have just told us you wanted to talk." He huffed & turned away but not before I saw him smirk. Nice save Sirius. Nice save.

As I went to sit by the fire with them, I caught sight of Lily. She used to be the love of my life since I was eleven years old. She never liked me much but I had denied that fact for five years. Now, I was glad she didn't like me as I could never give her what a girlfriend would need. I looked away. I wondered if I could ever even look at her again without feeling disgusted by the very idea of sex or a painful twist in my gut from Prongs' own suffering within me.

I spent most of that month focusing on moving just so to avoid injury. I had to heal. If I couldn't bring back Prongs, I had no idea what to tell Remus. Sirius took care of me, covering for me as before when I had to face things like stairs or sneaking out more healing potions from the hospital wing, though he couldn't do that often. None of us spoke of the next full moon.

Reuniting the Wolf-Star team would be bloody. Deadly. I wasn't sure I would be up for it. I knew it would end up hurting my wounds, maybe even re-open some of them. But I didn't voice my concerns. Padfoot & Moony had to face each other sooner or later, but the sooner the better. In the meantime, Remus & Sirius worked on their friendship. The closer they bonded, the easier it would be on the K9 Appeal.

I focused on Prongs.

As the full moon drew near, I was finding it easier to move & was soon able to do things as before without pain. A hard knock would hurt me & I would bruise easily & it was pure murder if something touched my tailbone where the worst of it all was, but all in all, I was finally feeling better, physically anyway. The giant black bruise that covered most of my body was nearly gone but the area was sensitive. I was quite sensitive where Orion had forced me & Bellatrix had cut & bit me but I kept that quiet. I figured those would be among the last places to heal.

The day before the full moon, I locked myself in the washroom of the boys' dormitory & stood in front of the mirror. "Alright Prongs. I need you now!" I stared at the mirror. My hair rose up a little. "Prongs, Moony & Padfoot need you! Please." I stood back & closed my eyes, focusing on the Stag.

I don't know how long I stood there. Ten minutes. Maybe fifteen. I focused on the full moon & the task of reuniting the entire pack. When next I opened my eyes, I saw Prongs, not James, in the great mirror. The large Stag hobbled forward a few steps. I knew the full moon would remind me of old injuries. I didn't count on the Stag-form to do that. Of course it would. Different shape. Different size. It stretched out my wounds.

Prongs hung his head, nose nearly touching the floor with his tongue hanging out. Damn it! He was weak. Lank. Fur dulled. I knew that the Stag had taken the brunt of what happened to protect me as much as possible. It was the only way I was still alive. But try as I might, I couldn't even get Prongs to twitch his great triangular tail. I should have died that day, yet somehow I'm still alive. I had spent time healing my human body but Prongs needed healing to. How was he going to help our dogs get back together? Well, it was all I had. Changing back to James, my entire body seized up in protest. I had felt raped all over again. I lay on the floor, letting the coolness revive me. I had no choice but to make do with what I had. This would be a very bad full moon.

I didn't summon Prongs again until we were in the Shrieking Shack. By now, people thought this was the most haunted house in Britain as ever since five years ago, at least once a month, screams & wails reverberated through its walls. People blamed evil spirits & Dumbledore encouraged it. But this was actually Moony's den & those sounds were his pain.

I stayed human for as long as possible, watching Remus bent nearly in half backwards as Moony clawed his way out. Remus was split open as if someone was working an autopsy on him. He was screaming to make it stop. None of us could help him with this, only prevent further injury when the wolf appeared by playing with him, otherwise; Moony would turn on himself. We saw the Lycan symbiont within Remus's ribs heaving in the blood that usually ran through Remus's veins as it became larger. The rib cage of Remus was cracking apart & the popping sound was horrible to listen to. The flesh had peeled away as if boiled off, exposing muscle that was stretching & tearing & the bones that were cracking. The blood inside that double body was bubbling up & occasionally spluttering upwards like a coughing volcano. I could even see the heart beating fast from the stress.

* * *

Harry gasped & leaned over the side of his bed, dry heaving. He never knew the brutality of it until his father's own words described it in vivid detail. Harry's basic idea was out pops a wolf & then out pops the man at the end of the night. Not this! He lay still for a while, thinking of Lupin out there right now. He hoped he would never become a werewolf.

* * *

None of us would dare leave his side in his darkest moments. The Lycan broke out as fur sprouted from Remus.

Transformations varied in length. It depended on the mood of the human the day before or the wolf in the pre-morning light. Basically, the happier the man or the wolf, the quicker the change. I've seen some last a few minutes. I've witness one that lasted nearly an hour during which Remus had held my hand so hard he broke three fingers. I had to use a binding charm on my hand & then hobbled about as Prongs. (I had blamed Snape the next day for breaking them when getting Pomfrey to fix it. Better that than the truth.)

That one was the first full moon after Sirius had screwed up last year. The first full moon since we all learned Animagic that Padfoot would not join us. The madness of Remus had spread to Moony & both nearly killed each other from ripping apart. (It was the first time I heard Remus screaming for death, not just to make it stop. I never dared ask if he had asked for death before that night & I never will.)

This one went on for about half an hour. We were all apprehensive about this full moon. Moony was soon lying on the floor in front of me, panting. I finally shifted to Prongs. Wormtail ran up my legs & into my horns. Padfoot stayed just outside the bedroom, behind me on the landing of the stairs. I nudged Moony. He licked my muzzle, then pulled himself up. He barked & hopped onto the bed, then put his front paws on my nose. I twisted my head so the right antler would touch the bed. Wormtail scampered off & went into the hollow between Moony's withers. Moony began chewing on my horns.

My glasses. My horns. Once even my wand which to this day still has marks on it. (The one I bought at Ollivander's, not that other one. Heads out of gutters please. That said I wouldn't be surprised if Remus thought of that one to, just to piss me off!)

* * *

Harry spluttered, shoving a pillow into his face to keep from bursting out laughing.

* * *

Do I look like a bloody chew-toy? I have never liked dogs. Bad experience as a kid. I was a cat person. But now I was stuck with not one but two dogs. Why in the hell couldn't Remus be a werecat? Cats are nice! Don't chew & sure as hell don't slobber! I should check the Restricted Section to find something to turn this mutt into a pussycat. That would be great. He's still chewing on my horns by the w—OWW! That was my ear! I bleated & pulled away. Moony whined & licked his chops, looking innocent. This is why I'm a Stag. A flight animal.

(Oh by the way, I vote we change the fleabag's name from Moony to Chewbacca, anyone else? What? Remus is a bad boy & forces us to watch both Star Trek & that Star Wars movie that just came out during the summers. Apparently it's bad to like both. But I still like the name Chewbacca...& he's totally chewing my horns. Again! Well, this is unpleasant. Ah, sigh!)

* * *

Harry finally burst out laughing. He beat his pillow with his fist, roaring with laughter & had to wipe a few tears from his eyes before continuing.

* * *

I bleated miserably & pulled my head up. Moony promptly flipped over looking for a belly rub, another thing you DON'T have to do with cats. I put one hoof on him & pushed it back & forth a few times before stepping back. That was all he was getting. We have more important things to do.

Moony slowly but surely rolled to the side, accepting the fact that he wasn't getting any more rubs. He stood up & shook himself, then jumped to the floor, leaving Wormtail on the bed. Suddenly, Moony snarled viciously, his golden eyes shot through with red.

He had caught sight of Padfoot between my legs, who had been sulking behind me just outside the door. Growling low, Moony took a step towards him, which meant me as well since I was stuck between. We weren't going to let them battle it out in this small space. We had to get out. I turned my head & bleated at Padfoot.

/Run! NOW!/

Padfoot dashed down the stairs out of sight. Moony tried to follow but I lowered my horns. He attacked me instead, getting a mouthful of antlers but he was no longer interesting in chewing. Moony wanted Padfoot's blood.

I suddenly felt the breath of the night sweep over me. The door below was open. I bugled, letting Padfoot know that I was allowing Moony past, then put my head to the bed for Wormtail to grab my horns. I bounded off downstairs after Moony.

I couldn't believe how fast those dogs were. Padfoot had fled deep into the Forest to bring Moony away from Hogsmeade. Moony's only intent was to hurt Padfoot as much as possible so he didn't even sniff at the human world for once. I soon found them fighting frantically in a glade. Moony growled angrier then ever while Padfoot was yipping in pain. I bleated to him.

/Fight back you idiot!/

I put my head to a tree for Wormtail to jump into the branches.

* * *

"Dad, what is Wormtail?" Harry complained. He was wondering if Peter was perhaps a monkey or a badger or something. Small enough that it couldn't hold back a werewolf, but he had to be big enough so Moony wouldn't eat him. Right?

* * *

Then I gauged the fight, wondering where I could butt in to push them apart before Moony killed Padfoot. Sirius fought only to defend but he allowed Moony too much leeway since he was so desperate to be truly forgiven. I soon saw an opening & lowered my rack for a charge.

* * *

"Don't save him, Dad!" Harry whispered aloud, knowing the story anyway. "Please, don't! He'll kill you four years later."

* * *

There was a sickening thud as horns met wolf-flesh. I suddenly ploughed into Moony, throwing him about five feet in the air & twenty feet away.

* * *

"No," Harry whimpered, clapping one hand over his eyes. Then he rubbed his scar. "Why? WHY did you save him? Idiot!"

* * *

Remus will bear the gouges of that attack for the rest of his life. As Moony came crawling back, I stood between him & Padfoot, horns lowered. I sent out a bugle. Moony growled but came no nearer. I bleated at him.

/Enough! You've made your point./

Moony growled. /I Alpha!/

/I Delta! I have some say./

/Padfoot hurt./

/No thanks to you!/ (The great Grim was lying limp on the ground, crying pitifully. He was more red than black.)

/Hurt ME!/

/Yes. Accident though./

/Hate Padfoot! Not pack!/

/Love Padfoot. IS pack!/

/Remus love. I hate!/

/At least someone admits there's a crush going on./

/Padfoot sorry!/ We all looked around at the Grim who was dragging himself forward. He collapsed at my feet, crying. I nuzzled him. Truth was, Padfoot could die tonight. What would we tell the school if Sirius died tonight?

* * *

"Let him die!" Harry snarled.

* * *

/Not my pack-mate!/

I stepped over the Grim, guarding him. /Is OUR pack-mate. Bad boy but ours./

/Padfoot very bad!/ Moony growled under breath, glaring at the Grim.

/Yes,/ Padfoot whined. /I'm so sorry./

Moony stepped closer to just a millimeter out of reach from my horns. He sniffed, licking his chops, then growled at Padfoot. /Omega! Know your place./

/Yes, my Alpha./

Moony turned away & walked into the forest. Wormtail dropped onto my head to hold my horns while I cautiously stepped away from Padfoot. I started to follow Moony. Padfoot hobbled along behind me, pausing often to rest. I had to leave him behind, so I lowered my head to make Wormtail stay with him. Moony was loose. Someone had to watch him. I had to try to keep him close in case I needed help from Padfoot; though, he was in hardly any condition to help me. This could get worse. I turned away to continue into the forest.

I never knew dogs could scream. Padfoot had suddenly screamed. Glancing back, I saw Moony on Padfoot sinking his fangs into the Grim's chest. Sweet Merlin! He was going for the heart! I was in the process of charging but Wormtail jumped onto Moony's head, bit his ear & squealed. /Leave him alone!/

Wormtail jumped away a nanosecond before I gouged Moony's flank, shoving him off. /Satisfied now?/

/Very!/ Moony huffed & went to lie down under a tree.

I watched him for a long time, but he appeared to be sleeping. Moony is not to be trusted though. He's lied several times to us before, gets the perfect lying streak from Remus. Wormtail scampered over to stay with Moony who 'woke up' (knew he was lying) to lick him. As they snuggled together, I looked back at Padfoot who was lying like a Sphinx but with his head down. He was gasping & bloody. I finally released a breath I didn't know I was holding & then, I collapsed right there. The fight over, the stress now gone, my Stag-form screamed from within at the injuries from the summer.

/Prongs?/ Padfoot whined.

/Tired./

I didn't look, but I knew he watched me for a long time. But I was too sore to care. I curled up, putting my muzzle on the ground & let my horns hold my head up a bit.

There was no more fighting or talk between us. We all soon dozed, only to be awakened in the early morning by the howls of Moony which soon turned to the keening of a young man in torment. The sun's rays ripped the man out of the wolf. Remus lay naked & gasping on the ground. Peter & I changed back but Padfoot didn't move as he was still in too much pain. Great. What a team we make, eh?

"You ok mate? " I knelt beside Remus after his transformation finished. It took nearly half an hour again.

"If only something could be done for the pain ..."

"Perhaps some day," I stroked his brow, pushing back over-long sandy bangs that were wet with sweat & blood.

He closed his dark green eyes, darker than even Lily's. I'm not gay, but I think only stupid people don't have at least a little crush on Remus & I wasn't ashamed to admit it myself. Of course, all that was destroyed now, but I had my memory of before that horrible summer day. Technically speaking, Remus isn't gay either. That isn't how wolves operate. They need to bond with someone suitable as it's for life. If a nice bitch happens to enter our life before Remus is bonded to Sirius, he could easily switch if she proves more suitable. Right now, a female giant squid would prove more suitable it seems. Sirius was still in the doghouse but at least the next full moon wouldn't be so rough on him.

Remus's voice brought me back to reality. "Sun feels nice." He soon slipped into a doze. Ignoring the physical reminders of rape brought back to full force within me, I knelt beside him, pulled out the pack of bandages from under my cloak & began to work on the wounds I had given him. Werewolf first. Everyone else after. If there's one thing this pack knew, it was pain & we knew how to hide it, or put it from our minds until we could deal with it. I looked at the wounds on Remus. I knew I scarred him for life. Peter helped Sirius & for a while, we worked in silence, patching up our dog-team.

Remus grunted whenever I worked on the holes I had punctured in him. "Sorry, you old fleabag." He grinned at me, wolf-style. When I was finished, I let myself lie flat on my back to stare at the sky. Remus got up a moment later & began cavorting around the glade, letting Moony take over a little. He snapped at a flock of Flutterbys, batted a rock between his feet & then found a branch at fang-in-human-height-level & promptly began chewing on it.

"Hey Chewbacca!" I called out. Remus stopped mid-chew to stare at me. "Haven't you forgotten something?"

"Hmm nnn ohh," Remus shrugged, branch still in mouth.

I sat up a moment to take my cloak off & gratefully lay down again. Using my wand I levitated it over to Remus. "Get dressed, you 'Knut!"

* * *

Harry paused to look away from the words & stared at nothing in a sort of 'Are you kidding me?' look.

* * *

Remus hissed at me. "Chewbacca!" He snarled, throwing my cloak over his body. He tried to look furious but I could see his mouth twitching. He came & offered a hand to pull me up. I grabbed it & was pulled to my feet.

It hurt more than Orion did & I yelled, doubling over. Something was wrong. All my wounds I had received under that man's torture seemed to be back in full force.

Remus stared at me horrified. "My God! What did I do?"

"Nothing," I managed to say, looking at Sirius who was nearly glaring at me. "I'm fine. Damn werewolf strength. Moony!"

"I'm sorry!"

"It's fine," I repeated. "I'm ok. I'll walk it off." Sirius shook his head. He knew exactly what had happened.

We made our way to the Shrieking Shack so Remus could get fully dressed. Sirius rested as much as possible. They had yet to speak to each other. Next we hobbled through the tunnel to Hogwarts & went directly to the hospital wing. The only one not injured was Peter, but only Remus & Sirius had a bed. Remus went straight to sleep as Pomfrey did a better job on the holes in his sides ('What on Earth did he do?" she asked but since no one knew we could be with him on full moons, we kept silent.) I kept myself hidden. I was 'fine' as I kept saying. Only Sirius would be allowed to take care of me, so I had to wait. I will wait.

It was over. Our pack was complete again. We blamed Snivellus as usual for the cuts & tears all over Sirius who ended up in a bed next to Remus. I couldn't believe we were all alive. I thought Sirius would die. I felt I would die.

But we're ok. For now.

When the Wolfstar team fell asleep, I headed out to catch up on some homework. I saw Lily by the library. I kept walking, heading for Gryffindor Tower. Peter stayed with Lily so I took the shortcuts alone.

It took me nearly an hour.


	5. Chapter 5

_(AN: ok this one's a slightly higher than T rating if yalls get my drift, then the next chapter can go back to a T)_

**(5) Grim Healing**

Harry took his father's advice & spent the next two days catching up on homework as well as sleep. As predicted, Snape was at the next Dark Arts class & it was two days before Lupin returned. After reading an actual eye-witness account of Lunar transformations, Harry didn't blame him.

The holidays would be starting soon & the last few classes were spent in revision & short exams. Harry caught himself more than once watching Lupin when the Professor was turned away. He noticed that Lupin had sometimes stood on his toes for no reason & wondered if that was Moony snuffling about inside. Harry had also tried to check McGonagall's feet but she wore skirts too long to notice. Besides, she was a girl after all & probably wore high heels under her gowns which would put her on her toes, Animagus or not. Harry quickly gave up on her.

Ron & Hermione were fighting worse than ever. In fact by now, they were barely even speaking to each other. Harry wished he could say something, but fact was, there was a good chance that Crookshanks had killed the rat. It was natural after all. Cat versus rodent. Been that way for thousands of years. Harry was sitting on his bed, one evening, finishing up an essay for Flitwick when he saw it.

There was a rat under the dresser by Neville's bed. Harry dived, inkbottle went flying, wand rolling. "GOTCHA!" He grabbed the tail & pulled the rat out. "Easy. EASY! You're ok!" He cuddled the terrified rat to his chest. "Calm down! Ron's been looking for you every where. I'm so tired of hearing those two fight." Harry stopped talking as he noticed the ink everywhere. "Um, could ya give me a minute?" Harry tapped the rat's nose with his finger. "I have a mess to clear. Ron's not here right now anyway." Harry glanced around & spotted the empty cage on the floor on the other side of Ron's bed. He put the rat in it & locked it shut. "You'll be safe there." He put the cage by his own bed & then dived under Neville's to get his wand. Harry cleaned up the mess & then looked down & found his father's memories wedged between the bed & his trunk. He pulled that out & put it on his pillow.

Scabbers came to the end of the cage closest to Harry, pressed his nose through the bars & squeaked. "I found it in some room," Harry shrugged. "It was written by my Dad." The rat squeaked again. Harry sat on his bed & sighed. It had been a while since he had time to read more of it. In a way that was a good thing since he needed time to absorb what history it gave. Problem was, he couldn't talk about it. He would never tell anyone about what happened to his father. Harry took the cage into his lap & stared at Scabbers who stared unmoving right back at him. For a rat, the thing could stay still for long periods of time. Harry put a finger to the tiny pads of the rat's paw, noticing it was missing a toe. "You can promise not to tell anyone, right? You're a rat." Harry felt a jolt pass through him & the rat. Static shock. The rat squeaked & licked its paw. Harry's jaw ticked. After several minutes, he muttered the words that he had been denying all this time. "You know, Dad was raped by Orion Black just before 6th year."

The rat whirled around & stared at him. It actually seemed to gape at him but Harry burst into tears & didn't really notice. There. He had said it & no one heard. He had to get it off his chest. He folded his arms over the top of the cage & cried into them for a long time.

He finally raised his head & sighed. Harry held the cage in both hands & looked in. The rat ran to one side & put a paw through the bars where one of Harry's hands was & pressed against it. He squeaked incessantly. "Don't worry. We won't let Crookshanks get you. I hear a lot of noise downstairs. Maybe Ron's back." He stood up & carried the cage down stairs. Sure enough, Ron was there & he was overjoyed to see his pet. But instead of ending the fight, the pair of them only found something else to fight about.

"See? I TOLD YOU!"

"We got lucky!"

"I give up!" Harry turned & headed back upstairs to read more. Originally, Harry had wondered if the Passion Year was about James finally courting Lily. Now, it seemed more likely it was about when James had helped Sirius & Remus together; also of course most likely James finding true healing.

Harry had no idea.

* * *

Well I won't write anything boring about classes & whatnot. I went through most of those in a daze. I was the kind of person that didn't have to study. Besides, whatever I missed I could always steal from Remus. The only eventful thing really was shedding my horns as most deer do & I was grateful that I didn't have to worry about them shooting out at random. However, the new stubs soon appeared & each time I get a new set of antlers, they're bigger with more points. (By the way, Remus never chews on shed horns. He prefers them attached to me. This...is annoying.)

But then the Quidditch started & things changed for me forever.

I was a Chaser. But this year, I had a problem. I haven't even attempted riding a broom since Orion Black had touched me. The first full moon back at school had reinvented my physical traumas all over again, so I was in no condition to even fly.

Sirius & I both thought the same thing. I had healed somewhat in human form, never in Stag form & then I had forced Prongs out while he was weak. The two bodies were so different that it ripped me up again. Sirius helped me change between forms & took care of both me & Prongs. We had been spending more & more time together. It was almost as if we were back in our childhood. Before Hogwarts. Just the two of us.

To throw off Remus & Peter, Sirius devised a charm to hit me with that looked like it would hurt & so I was able to limp around freely for a while, cursing Sirius in front of them but often crying on his shoulder when we were alone. I couldn't handle this & one night, I woke up in a hospital bed. I panicked. If I was here, then Pomfrey could easily discover what my real injuries were. What was I even doing here?

Sirius sat at the foot of my bed, arms folded. "You're finally awake!" he snapped at me.

"What happened?"

He grabbed my wrist & raised it up to show the bandage. "You tried to kill yourself."

I merely looked away as the memory came flooding back. I had been alone in the dormitory washroom & had looked over my wounds again. The bruise was back, though more red then black. My tailbone still hurt. I was so messed up. Stairs nearly killed me & I would have to face riding a broom in a few days. I couldn't do this! I had flicked my wand into a knife-blade & cut my left wrist not once, but twice. Deeply!

"I guess everyone knows now," I finally muttered.

"Absolutely no one knows but us," Sirius replied crossly. "You think I'm stupid? I promised you I'd take care of you. Why didn't you trust me? My God! You're so stupid Jim!"

I glared at him, but said nothing. He suddenly launched into a tirade explaining just how he covered for me. Remus & Peter thought it was a hex gone wrong that Sirius tried. The floor had been covered in a lot of blood which Sirius had Vanished away, but Remus could smell the lingering odor of it & needed some explanation. Madam Pomfrey had to be told how the cuts came about so she could repair them properly, but then Sirius Obliviated her memory of it & destroyed her report. (Since it was knife-form blade magic that I had summoned from my wandtip that was used to cut, it needed more time for healing than if I had used an actual blade.) Now she thought I had been there for a severe headache but nothing more.

"Honestly, the things I have to do for you!" Sirius finished. By now he was lying on top of the covers beside me. "Don't ever do this," he held my cut wrist gently. "ever again." Then he put a hand on my face. "Ok? Jim, no matter where or how you're hurting, come to me above all else. I'll take care of you."

* * *

"Yeah I wish you remembered that promise, Black!" Harry glared at the lines.

* * *

I turned away, crying. Again. I felt Sirius hold my shoulder & soon fell asleep. I woke up during the night & found myself alone. It was then that I realised I was in real trouble. I had just tried to take my own life & had nearly succeeded. Sirius told me that more of my blood was on the floor of the dormitory boys' washroom than running through my veins. He had been almost too late in finding me.

Part of me screamed out to not do that again. The part of me that still wanted to live told me that I needed to find a way to channel my anger & pain. I rolled over & rummaged around in the nightstand next to the bed & it was there that I found the first thirteen sheets of parchment that became the start of these ramblings. I got up & stumbled weakly over to Pomfrey's desk & stole a quill & inkbottle. Due to the blood loss, I was freezing by the time I got back to bed & cast a warming charm on the quilts. The Replenishing potion I had been given would help my body replace all the blood I lost but it would take all night since I had nearly bled out completely. I began writing long into the wee hours of the morning, not knowing how much I should write but I just let it pour out into the parchment.

Now that we're all caught up, at this point I think I'll be adding every other day or so until I'm ready to destroy it.

The next day, I went to the dorm room alone & pulled out a piece of parchment. I began writing a note on it. Sirius soon came to check on me. He never left me alone for more than five minutes now as if I was on suicide watch. I handed him the note. "Give that to Charlotte."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"She's not going to like having to replace one of our Chasers," Sirius opened the note & scanned through it. My resignation from the team. "I can pad the broom for you."

"Doesn't matter," I shrugged. "A Chaser is too much work. Too much moving on a broom. I need a position that isn't so involved with the game but we're all full. I'm leaving the team."

"How do you plan to explain this to Remus & Peter?"

"It's interfering with my Auror studies," I sighed. "I prefer being an Auror to being a Professional Quidditch Player."

"I'm an Auror in training to," Sirius pointed out. "I'm still playing Quidditch."

"So you're better than me. So who cares?"

He put his hand under my chin & forced me to look at him. "I'll hang on to this for a bit. Let me talk to Charlotte, maybe we can rearrange some team members. Jim, I know how much you love Quidditch!"

"I don't love anything anymore," I wrenched my face out of his hand & pointedly glared at the window. My horns sprung out half way, warning Sirius not to touch me again. I heard him leave. Pulling my horns in, I went to the showers & put the water on as hot as I could stand it. I was freezing for some reason.

When I finally warmed up, the whole washroom was foggy with the steam. I stood in front of the mirror (though it was covered in condensation) & leaned on the sink. After a few moments, I pulled my wand from my robes hanging up in the closet & cleared off one mirror. Standing back, I viewed my body for what seemed like the umpteenth time. I checked myself from all angles. I could still see bruising in my lower back & inside my legs. The bite & nail marks were mostly faded but the two largest ones were still sore. I know why. They had become infected.

I'm taking care of it. No, I didn't tell Sirius & I don't plan to. I can handle it. I stood there, towel over shoulder, trying to feel nothing. Too late, I saw him in the mirror. Sirius walked around me.

"She asks you to reconsider," Sirius said. "In fact, she was hoping if you could change your position from Chaser to Seeker since Jason's gone now. You tried for Seeker before & were pretty good at it. Better than Dana who would be Seeker now if you don't accept."

"I don't," I took my towel into my hands & began twisting it.

"A Seeker isn't part of the main game. You fly your own route. You can choose your pace, your position," Sirius tried to coax me. "I can fix your broom to suit your needs. It won't be a problem."

"Why do you care?" I had gritted my teeth, catching my tongue. I winced.

Sirius touched my cheek with one finger. "Because you stopped caring."

"That's right!" I tossed the towel to the side, marched to the sinks & leaned over one again.

"You're limping."

I whirled around to glare at him but he was looking down. "So?"

His grey eyes suddenly snapped up into mine. "James, how long has that been going on?"

"What?" I had quite forgotten my infection. Sirius pointed. "Oh! It's nothing." I quickly turned away.

"That isn't nothing!" Sirius turned me back to face him. "Jim, those cuts are nearly black. You idiot! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Leave it!"

"James!"

"I'm taking care of it."

"Jim, you're as bad as Peter when it comes to potions," he held me against the sink. "I can help you. I told you to come to me."

"Sirius! How can I do that for something like this?" I snarled at him. "It hurts! Literally & in here!" I put a hand on my heart. "There are some things you can't fix."

He pulled me into his arms. I found myself in his arms a lot these past two months.

* * *

Harry put it aside & stared out the window.

Not Sirius & Remus.

Not his mother & father.

His eyes slid sideways to look at the memoirs lying on his pillow, waiting. "Son of a wand, you didn't!"

He didn't read any more until after the holidays had past as he tried to think of another explanation for the Passion Year. It wasn't that Harry had a problem with any orientation. If it had been Peter perhaps, or Remus, helping his father it would be fine.

But SIRIUS? Cousin. Friend.

Lover?!

Murderer.

Harry wondered if he should continue. James seemed to be graphic with his writing. The rape. The Lunar transformation. How deep would his father go?

Or perhaps, Harry had it all wrong. Knowing he didn't, he finally picked it up over a weekend, figuring to read the rest of it in one go & get it over with.

To top it off, not only had Scabbers gone AWOL again, but also Harry himself was now angry with Hermione. Someone had sent him a brand new broomstick for Christmas: a Firebolt! But no thanks to Hermione, McGonagall had confiscated the thing a few hours later on the assumption that it may have come from Sirius Black. Hermione meant well, Harry knew but how on Earth could Black even send him a Firebolt anyway? It was unlikely since the man was on the run. Harry preferred Ron's explanation that the broomstick had come from Dumbledore.

To avoid facing Hermione again & get out of listening to her & Ron fight as well, Harry used the memoirs as an excuse to escape. The only thing he had to look forward to was Anti-Dementor lessons with Lupin as promised now that the holidays were over.

* * *

He pulled me into his arms. I found myself in his arms a lot these past two months.

"Jim, if we don't get that fixed, you'll have to go to the hospital, possibly St. Mungo's," Sirius said softly in my ear. "Then the whole story will come out. You don't want that."

"No," I gasped under breath. After several minutes of silent resistance, I finally gave him what he wanted. "What can you do?"

"That's better," Sirius pulled a way, but only a little. He pushed me against the sink & then sat cross-legged in front of me. "Those two cuts look really bad."

"Yeah," I said, feeling rather awkward all of a sudden on exactly where he was looking.

He finally raised his eyes, only his eyes, to my face. "So tell me, what exactly do you feel & how long has this been going on?"

I hate this, admitting my weakness. My chest heaving with dry sobs, I told him quickly in one shot to get it over with. The marks left by Bellatrix still stung. I've never had a proper erection since that day & when I try, it hurts too much to bother with.

"That's called blue balls, Jim."

"I know what it's called!" I said furiously. "She probably damaged me permanently." By now, I was crying again, freely.

Sirius took my slit hand into his own. "You're not damaged, well you are, but I mean not permanently."

"I can't love again," I retorted. "That's pretty permanent. Got something to fix that?"

Sirius stared at the infected cuts on my length. "Yes," he said simply, standing up.

"If you're talking about Love Potions," I began.

"No," Sirius put his hands on my shoulders. I raised my own hands to hang on to his arms. "I can help you, Jim, but only if you want me to."

I could barely speak now. "I do."

"Ok, I'm in love with Remus," he began. I already knew this. So what? "You're in love with Lily."

"No," I shook my head, blinking tears from my eyes.

"You've been after that girl since we were on the train before our sorting," Sirius disagreed. "It's within you. It just has to be found again."

"Then help me!" I dug my nails into his flesh. He didn't even wince. "Help me find it again."

"Alright," Sirius said. "I'll help you find love again. You help me by teaching me to be monogamous."

"What?"

"I'm trying to marry a wolf," Sirius pointed out.

"Ok," I nodded. "Wait, what?" Just what was he talking about?

"Jim, neither of our interests are giving us the time of day right now," Sirius went on. "Let me use this time to help you, as your friend & family."

"Sirius," It suddenly slammed into me what he was proposing. It terrified me & must have shown.

"I would never hurt you—"

* * *

"No of course not," Harry grumbled, hating the fact that he seemed to have guessed right. "I mean, why hurt him when you can just, oh I don't know, sell his life to Voldemort?"

* * *

"I would never hurt you like that," Sirius murmured. "I want to heal you. I said I would find a way."

I stared into his eyes. I felt Prongs go very still inside me. My horns came up part way. Sirius laughed at me. "Oh God!" I cried out. "Oh God, Sirius. I don't know what to do!"

"Follow my lead," he said. "Trust me." I nodded mutely. He stood away from me. My hands slid along his arms until they ended up in his. "Would you let me take care of that?" He looked down for a moment. "There are two ways I can go about it. Your choice."

"What are my choices?" I asked breathlessly. I couldn't believe I was actually considering this.

"I could go sneak out a potion to start healing you," Sirius began. "It would take a few times. Or I could use Padfoot."

That confused me. "How?"

"A dog's tongue is very sterile."

I stared at him, then it dawned on me & I felt my eyes go wide. "Oh," I looked away.

He stepped away from me & let me go. "It's ok. I won't hurt you. Your choice."

I pulled my horns in, thinking. Sirius went to the sink farthest from me, giving me space. We remained silent for several minutes. I watched him, tried to catch his eye, but he pointedly looked away from me. "Padfoot."

Now he looks at me. "Are you sure?" I nodded once. He came back to me & pushed me back against the sink. "Prongs, I will never hurt you." He knelt down in front of me. "This might sting a little, considering."

I scoffed at him. "I hate you."

He smiled up at me. "Absolutely sure?"

I nodded once, then stared ahead at the showers, not to sure what to expect. I knew I'd feel the wetness of his tongue. I expected the stinging he warned me about. I didn't think I would feel more. How could I? Besides, we weren't doing this as a normal couple would do it for. This was medicinal.

Right?

So really, I shouldn't feel anything. He wouldn't hurt me. I was fine. I was...I was—oh my God! I was in his mouth all of a sudden. I forced my eyes on the opposite wall, letting Padfoot lick me. I gripped the sink behind me with both hands & was now looking at the ceiling. I suddenly sucked in a much needed breath.

Which made me thrust unbidden.

Which made me double over with a grunt, my forehead hitting Padfoot's head between the ears. What the hell was that? "Sirius!" I hadn't expected to feel anything. I wasn't supposed to ever again.

Sirius was right. It did sting a little. The rough tongue of the Grim chafed against those cuts but I could handle it. After what Orion had put me through, I could handle a few small stings. Besides that which couldn't be helped, Sirius didn't hurt me. I put my head back again, staring at the ceiling.

I breathed once more, making me instinctively press down into him for the second time. I felt that pressure building up & realised what was about to happen. I wanted to warn him but only managed to say his name. Everything felt as if it was in slow motion. I gasped & sunk to my knees, then lay onto my side, panting hard. It wasn't until I was breathing normally over a minute later that he let me go. Sirius came into view & lay beside me, holding his head up on one hand.

Putting his free hand on my chest, he asked, "You ok?"

"I didn't expect to come. Sorry. Tried to ...to warn you."

"It's ok. I didn't expect anything less," He lay his head on my chest. After several moments, he added, "Took you long enough."

"Sorry," I managed to say. Unlike Sirius who's been at it like a rabbit since he was nine, I had no real experience with this apart from the usual wank off boys do (oh right, I can't even do that now), the rape, now this. Ya know, the usual.

"Don't apologise," Sirius snickered. "The longer the better."

"I didn't think that would happen."

Sirius raised his head to stare at me. "Well , what did you think would happen? I was giving you a b-j after all."

"Well ...not ...not that is all," I said. "I didn't think that was possible."

"See? You are still virgin," He tapped my chest where the heart was. "Right here."

"...Sirius..."

"Right here," he repeated. He began petting the area on my chest. I felt my heart speed up & wondered if he noticed. He lay beside me again to stare at the ceiling.

"It felt different," I suddenly said. "From when I used to handle myself."

"It's supposed to be different," said Sirius. "Wanking off is just to let off steam. Having someone with you is better."

"Different from your Dad too."

"I most certainly hope so."

"I wasn't talking about the part that hurt," I wondered how to explain, then wondered why I had started talking about it. "I mean that one moment near the end. I didn't think I could feel anything with him ...I didn't want to…tried to stop it."

Sirius sat up beside me. "Now you're feeling guilty for that moment of pleasure under him."

It wasn't even a question. How the hell did he know? I covered my face with both hands before finally bursting out, "Yes! Sirius, yes! My God why did I do that?" I was suddenly crying again.

Sirius pulled me into his lap & leaned over me. "You're supposed to. If you had kept it in, that would have really hurt you. It was just your body's natural response to survive it. Nothing wrong with that."

"How would you—Sirius! Did he do that to you to?"

"No," He stood up & helped me to stand. I found myself in his arms again & decided I liked being there. "James, you are not the first ...first rape victim ...I've been with."

"What?"

"You're my second," Sirius went on. "A Hufflepuff girl two years ago was really hurt by someone from Ravenclaw. Someone from 7th Year at that. I helped her."

"How did that work for her?"

"She's engaged to be married to a nice Ravenclaw man right now," Sirius answered.

I drew in a shaky breath & leaned on him more. I inwardly smiled at the irony of my situation. Me, a victim of rape who's an-almost-virgin, let's just say, standing in the arms of quite probably the biggest sex addict in the universe. He was holding me close, pulling me against him. His hands were on my bare hips, holding me in place, his grip firm but gentle. I felt something between us but wasn't sure what. It took me a while to figure out I was pressed right up against him. Took me even longer to realise that I was feeling him next to me & he was hard as a rock.

I considered for a moment if I should pull away but he made no move on me. I felt safe. I was safe. We stood like that for what seemed forever. I had thought for the longest time that any guy with a hard on couldn't control it, yet Sirius did nothing about it. I focused on Prongs but if anything, the Stag felt sleepy.

I lifted my head from his shoulder, feeling sleepy myself. "Um we, we should go."

"Ok," he stepped back & looked down. "There see? You're almost healed there."

"How is that possible?"

"Grims are among the most magical dogs in our world, second only to werewolves."

"So, if Remus had done this, I'd be fully healed?" I laughed.

He didn't. "Probably." He walked out, leaving me to get dressed & follow.

I took my time getting to the bedrooms, partly to dodge the pain & partly to consider what just happened. Sirius was just getting into bed when I finally entered. Peter & Remus were already both passed out a long time ago. It was really late, probably nearly three in the morning. He watched me change into pj's, which I found both unnerving & yet rather arousing at the same time.

Going to his bed so I wouldn't wake the others, I asked under breath. "So how do we finish healing those cuts?"

"It's your choice Jim," Sirius lay back on his pillows. "Padfoot or potions. Good night." He rolled over & went to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**(6) Confrontation**

Harry laid the thing aside for nearly two weeks. He couldn't believe what he had just read. He never expected that from his father. But it wasn't the guy fling that bothered him. If his father wanted to experiment a bit first, it wasn't that big a deal, especially considering what horrors he had been put through.

It was the guy. Why did it have to be Sirius?

Oliver Wood had been ecstatic to learn that Harry had a Firebolt & was determined to make McGonagall give it back. It was during Quidditch practise one evening, Harry still using an old Shooting Star that Harry suddenly thought of something.

The moment practise was done, Harry all but threw the old broom into its place, ignoring surprised glances from Oliver & Katie. He marched right past them & off the stadium, inwardly seething. Harry didn't think he could hate Sirius more. Now he did.

Harry marched through the castle, heading down to the Trophy Room. He had seen something there in his very first year being here. He had never known that thing existed until Hermione had pointed it out to him.

"**You won't make a fool of yourself. It's in your blood." She had soon pointed out a Trophy Shield. Gold. James Potter emblazoned on it. Seeker.**

"**Blimey Harry! You didn't tell me your dad was a Seeker to!"**

"**I didn't know." ***

"Good Merlin, I REALLY didn't know!" Harry burst into the room & went to stare at that Trophy. He suddenly hated it to. The reason it was there was because Sirius Black must have convinced his dad to continue by switching positions. The reason he had to switch positions was because being a Chaser was too much work & it hurt him. Harry glared at the damn thing, sitting pretty behind glass, the name of his father in full view of anyone who wanted to see. That Trophy had been borne out of pain & meant nothing but false love (damn Sirius for tricking his father like that!) & murder to Harry. He wanted to destroy it. He felt his magic bubbling up almost the same way he had blown up Aunt Marge a few months ago.

"**It's in your blood ...your blood ..." ***

Harry knew he came from James Potter & Lily Evans. Now he knew that James & Lily only found each other after a brutal rape. "MY blood, Hermione?" His voice had come out altered, snarling, nearly evil. It didn't sound like him at all. He had never felt a rage like this before. With a sudden burst, the glass cabinet shattered & his father's prize went crashing to the floor. "Mine? Only because my father bled for it first!" The glass shards clattered to the ground around him, tinkling like bits of ice. His exploding magic caught on the edges of every single piece to make them appear as if they burned on fire. His scar suddenly seared but then remained neutral. Rubbing the scar, he stooped to pick up the Trophy, planning to hurl it into space.

"HARRY!"

So startled was he by hearing someone call him, Harry slipped on the fiery glass pieces & fell over, grabbing a large chunk of glass instead of the Trophy & giving himself a long deep cut in the palm of his left hand.

"Harry," Lupin was over him in an instant. He pushed the Trophy away with one foot, out of reach of Harry, to get close enough & pick the Boy Who Lived out of the glass shards set on a false fire. "Come here," He carried Harry bridal style across his arms out of the Trophy room before setting the boy on his feet at the top of the stairs. "Harry, what the bloody hell was that?" Lupin actually looked scared as he wrapped a strip of cloth he ripped from his robes around Harry's hand.

"I hate him! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!"

"Who?"

Harry sniffled. "S-Sirius Black!"

Lupin pushed Harry onto a low stone bench by the wall. Once the boy sat down, the wolf turned away & entered the Trophy room. He spent a few moments repairing the glass. The fire-magic had gone by now, disappearing as Harry's outburst came to a close. Lupin came back & sat beside Harry. Not realising what he was doing, he handed the Trophy over. "James won that in our 6th year."

"I know," Harry said.

"Which was weird," Lupin went on. "He was actually a Chaser. For some reason he switched to being a Seeker for the last two years of school."

"Two?" Harry stared at Lupin. Sweet Merlin, did the affair go on for two years? Harry was quite sure the title had said Passion Year, single.

"Yeah," Lupin seemed to stare off into the past for a bit. "Your dad was really weird during 6th Year." Harry closed his eyes for a moment. Did Remus know?

"How weird?" Harry dared to ask.

"Hmm, he stopped harassing Lily for one," Lupin snickered. Then he went very serious. "There was one time late into our 6th year, the last time Black's father came to Hogwarts & well, Jim went ballistic on him." Harry gritted his teeth, waiting. Had his father taken his revenge? Lupin seemed to notice Harry was watching him intently. "Senior Black had a habit of using Crucio as punishment," he explained. "If held on to the victim long enough, it can cause insanity from the pain. Even death. It's a banned spell but he didn't care."

"You think Orion Black used that spell on my Dad?"

Lupin took a long time in replying. "Perhaps. There was something odd about Jim ever since we started 6th Year. Oh well," He sighed with an air of changing the subject. "He liked getting this though." Lupin took the Trophy back. Harry blinked. His father liked that thing? "I better go put it back." He did so, as Harry sat still, thinking about all the different ways he could hurt Sirius if he ever met that monster face to face.

"I'll kill you, Black," Harry muttered to himself, waiting.

"Harry," Lupin was suddenly standing in front of him, looking somber. "You're not the only one against Sirius Black. We all are."

"Do you hate him?"

Lupin was taken aback by that. "I...don't know what to feel actually." It reminded Harry so much of James, who had felt the same way once.

"He hurt you."

Lupin closed his eyes. It was so low, Harry barely heard it. "Very much so. More than you'll ever know."

Harry inwardly groaned. It was the other way around. He was the one who knew more. Harry stood up. "He'll pay for what he's done." He left Lupin behind without another word. As soon as he was out of sight, he pulled out the Map & turned it on. "Protect your werewolf," Harry whispered to himself. "Don't worry Dad. I'll take care of him for you." He assumed that along with the Cloak & gold, he probably inherited the pet 'fleabag' as well so he might as well take up the Marauder's vow. He at least, won't screw it up like Sirius Black did.

Harry looked for the spot labelled Sirius Black. He wandered aimlessly through the castle until suddenly, he noticed it. Down by the lake on the far side where the Quidditch Pitch was. Harry turned tail & ran for it. He was going to get rid of that man once & for all. He dashed outside, not bothering with the Invisibility Cloak. The Dementors could see through it. They drifted around the borders of Hogwarts & didn't affect Harry to much as he sprinted across the grounds.

As he approached the Pitch, Harry went right, away from the lake, instead of left & towards it. He went around behind the Pitch & then dashed off into the edge of the forest. Here the Dementors were closer & he felt the chill. Think happy. Harry remembered the relief he felt when Lupin had said Orion Black was dead & clung onto that. It seemed to work. Harry dashed through the trees, heading for the lake. He knew what to look for.

The Black Lake stretched for miles away from Hogwarts & part of it went into the forest. Harry headed there, checking the Map occasionally to make sure Sirius was ahead of him. He had probably gone for a drink. Harry burst out onto the shore of the lake, screaming stupefy & a few other spells, sending them off in rapid succession in various directions. He glared around, but didn't see Sirius Black either as human or Grim form.

"BLACK!" Harry whirled around, looking every which way at once almost. "Come out! Here I am! Come out! I'll kill you! You hear me? I'LL BLOODY KI—UHH! OOF!" Harry had been knocked to the ground hard from somewhere behind. He fell flat on his face & felt a pressure on his back. Harry spat out a mouthful of snow.

"Ya know," he heard a man's voice chuckle. "If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now. Too easy. Just way too easy." The pressure disappeared. Harry spluttered & turned over onto his back. Sirius was staring down at him with a soft smile & Harry wondered darkly if Sirius had stared down at his father like that. "What the hell are you doing, boy?"

If Harry had a Galleon for every Marauder who asked him about hell today ... Harry stood up clumsily, slipping on stones & rotten icy leaves. He held his wand out. "You—You—y—OW!" Harry's ankle slipped sideways, making him cross his heels & do a pirouette on his way back down to the ground. He hated this! He hated this whole mess. This was not how it was supposed to happen. He hated Sirius. He hated. Period!

"You ok?" Sirius asked, pulling Harry up.

Now Harry hated the fact that he knew what voice James had heard when asked that exact same question in exactly the same way. Concern, almost as if he cared. "I'm fine, Black!" Harry snarled, taking a step.

He promptly sunk into an unseen hole under the snow right up to his knee. He winced as snow poured into his shoe, making his foot wet & freezing. Sirius just looked down on him, a bemused expression on his face. "Oh for God's sake! Today!" Harry tried to wrench himself free. He stared up at Sirius, thinking this might be the end of him. He was in a perfect position for Sirius to strike him down. Instead, he saw Sirius's lips twitch into a smile, those same lips that had taken care of his fath—oh good Merlin! Don't think of that! Especially not at this moment. "This isn't how I planned this,' Harry said stupidly, still tugging at his stuck leg. He glared up at Sirius who was still smiling at him. What a screwed up way to die! Harry suddenly burst out laughing, putting his face down to the ground, roaring with laughter.

"Yet they call me demented," Sirius actually snorted. Harry only laughed harder. Fact was, Sirius was right. He stood there like the bloody idiot James made him out to be, all calm & normal yet here Harry half sat on & half stood in the ground, stuck in a hole, awaiting his murder, laughing his arse off at the sheer stupidity of it all. "Yeah, you look fine!" Sirius finally laughed right along with Harry.

"Oh shut up!" Harry snarled at last. Suddenly his foot came free but his boot belonged to whatever animal lived in that hole. Damn it!

"What on Earth are you doing, little one?"

Harry glared at Sirius. "I've come to kill you."

"Really?" Sirius scoffed. "How embarrassing!" He burst out laughing almost as hard as Harry a moment before. "You're a pathetic excuse of a murderer then, Harry!"

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" Harry screamed at him. "Oh just die already!' He held up his wand & aimed for Sirius who neatly stepped aside. The tree trunk behind him exploded.

"Diffindo? Are you kidding me?" Sirius teased. "Come on Harry, surely you can do better than that? I don't even have a wand." He held up his hands & wiggled his fingers in a 'come get me' way. Harry raised his wand again. Sirius tackled him muggle-style & next thing Harry knew, he was face first on the ground again, eyes watering with both his arms pinned painfully behind his back. "Learned that from cop TV with Remus. Oh & looky here. NOW I have a wand." He stood up & let Harry go.

"GIVE IT BACK!"

"Or what? You kill me?" Sirius smirked at him. "Accio shoe." Harry's lost boot zoomed out of the hole into Sirius's waiting hand.

Harry dropped his head, chin to chest, & charged like a Stag. Sirius stepped aside, having spent many years with an actual Stag. Harry crashed headlong into the blasted tree trunk. Harry whirled around, glaring & massaging his head. His shoe fell beside him. Harry glared at it, then jammed his foot back in. Then he glared at Sirius.

"Want your wand, my sweet?" Sirius promptly shoved the thing down his prison-striped pants. "Come get it." Harry gaped at him. Sirius spread his hands, laughing.

"I hate you. I won't stop trying to kill you for as long as I live!"

"Everybody needs a hobby," Sirius muttered in a bored voice.

"Hobby?" Harry stared incredulously at him.

"Well what did you expect, Harry?" Sirius snickered at him. "Thinking to come charging in here to attack me. I heard you running a mile away. I'm a trained Auror, Harry. I was one of Dumbledore's best until I got into this mess. You think to overpower me? Look how much you failed & I don't even have a wand. No offence, little one, but you're bloody pathetic. You're too noisy on the charge. You're too sloppy. This is what school's for. You're lucky you're not my target or you would be dead by now." Sirius shook his hips & the Phoenix wand slipped down his right leg to sit on the toe of his worn out boot. "Here, take the damn thing. Bloody useless to you right now anyway." He kicked it into the air towards Harry who caught it.

Harry was about to ask who the target was, then thought with a horrific jolt: Remus! Remus was the target. Was Sirius taking out all his lovers? Protect your werewolf! "Dumbledore's best Auror? You? The right hand Death Eater of Voldemort? HOW DARE YOU!"

"I am no Death Eater!" Sirius seethed in a low dangerous voice. "How dare you come down here looking for me when you don't even know the whole story? You could have been killed. You're lucky I'm here to protect you, not harm you."

"I don't need protection," Harry glared, arms crossed. "Least of all from you."

Sirius looked Harry over before saying softly, "You look so much like your father."

False love. False love! "DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY FATHER!"

"Harry," Sirius began but he was suddenly wiped out as Lupin appeared out of no where & slammed into Sirius. Both went sprawling to the ground

"Harry run! Run NOW! GO! Get Dumbledore!" Harry fled for the castle as Remus struggled with Sirius on the ground. "Now you die!"

"Wait, Moo—"

Remus punched him. "You don't get to call me Moony!"

"You don't understand," Sirius tried again.

"You ripped my heart out of my chest!" Remus cut in. "I understand quite enough, thank you very much! I should have known since that wasn't the first time you did that to me, was it Black? Oh no! 5th Year, trying to feed me Snape! That should have been a warning flag!"

"Remus! I am so sorry for that!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Remus growled & bit Sirius on the throat. Moony & Padfoot were in battle once more. Padfoot pulled free but not without ripping his flesh away from Moony's fangs. He ran. "COWARD!" Remus took off after him. "You coward! Get back here!" He stopped as he saw the ray of Light take off. Any Auror can ride the Light into or out of a situation. Remus had no license to be an Auror & he couldn't keep up. The ray of Light was gone in a blink. Remus dropped to his knees, crying. "Coward." He whispered to himself. He had missed. How the hell did he miss?

Dumbledore had sent several people in the direction Lupin pointed them in but Sirius was not to be found. Lupin took care of the next Dark Arts defensive lesson, not looking at Harry once. As the classroom got up to leave at the end of the lesson, he finally seemed to notice that Harry was there.

"Remain behind, Potter," Lupin all but snarled.

Potter. Not Harry. Lupin was the only professor the students had who had used their first names. Harry gulped & stayed at his desk, wondering if he was still a puppy. Ron & Hermione tried to linger, but Lupin tossed them out.

Lupin came to stand in front of Harry, glaring down at him, arms folded. "I have lost James. I have lost Lily. I have lost Peter & yes, I have lost even Sirius. I will not lose you! How stupid can you be? Huh? HOW STUPID?! Jim had his dumb moments but he would never have done something that incredibly stupid! What is wrong with you?" He huffed, pushing a hand through his greying hair. "_Mmm merde!"_

"Merde?"

"French for shit & don't interrupt when I'm yelling at you!"

"Sorry," Harry stared at the floor.

"_Desolé_," Lupin said. "That's French for sorry." Harry nodded mutely. "You idiot!" Harry jumped as Lupin actually turned & kicked over the nearest desk. "What is WRONG with you?I had a feeling you would go around looking for Black, so I followed you. I didn't think you would find him but just in case, I followed you. You're lucky I did. Now," He sighed & seemed to calm down a little. He stood in front of Harry again but this time he put his hands on the top of Harry's desk & leaned towards him. He was so close that for the first time, Harry could see the longer more K9-style pointed teeth whenever Lupin spoke. "Do you know how many points Gryffindor has?"

"Um," Harry thought back to the last time he bothered to glance at the hourglasses either by the main doors or the smaller ones behind the High Table of the Great Hall. "148?"

"You're at 345 & in the lead," Lupin said. "Or at least you were. For your incredible stupid lack of judgement & nearly getting yourself killed—"

"No! Don't!" Harry suddenly realised with a horror what Lupin was about to do.

"345 points from Gryffindor!"

"NO!" Harry stood up. "PLEASE! I'll do anything. Detentions. Expulsion! Anything! Don't hurt my—our—whole House!"

"Shut up or I'll put you in the minuses!" Lupin retorted. "Now get out! Do something like that again, I'll off your miserly hide myself & save both Black & Voldemort the trouble. Understand? Now get! Another 50 points from Gryffindor for taking too long! LEAVE!" He turned away, though Harry could have sworn that he saw tears in Lupin's eyes. He had scared the wolf. Protect your werewolf. Idiot! Do that but next time, don't let the wolf know! James had the right idea it seemed in not telling Remus things. Harry turned & had the door half-open. Minus 50 points! How would they ever catch up? "Oh & Harry? I think I did you wrong when we started Patronus lessons. It all went to your head. You think you can go running off waving some spell you only half-learned. Don't bother coming back in the evenings. I'm not providing you with more lessons on that one."

"But Sir! The game!"

"OUT!" Lupin pointed at the door. "Or I'll find some way of benching your arse permanently from Quidditch to, in case you plan to go flying after Black on your broom. Maybe I'll snap that blasted Firebolt in two. That should do the trick if you don't leave this instant!" Harry left quickly. The moment the door closed, Remus dropped into his seat behind the teacher's desk & plunged forward over its surface, burying his face in his arms. An inkbottle went crashing to the floor & a quill poked into the back of his right hand. Without raising his face, he flicked it aside. "Sirius! God! Why are you doing this to me? What did I do wrong? Why do you hate me so?" It took nearly an hour for the sobs to subside. Not even chocolate helped.

The next morning, there was a fervent chatter as nearly the entire Gryffindor House had gathered around the larger hourglasses by the main doors.

"Harry!" Neville came running up to him. "Look! LOOK! Gryffindor is minus 50 points!" Harry stared glumly at it.

"What bastard is responsible for that?"

"What did they do?"

"I'll kill them!"

Harry wisely kept his mouth shut as his entire House bemoaned their frustrations.

"Gotta be a mistake. Maybe the thing's jammed." Whoever said that promptly kicked the hourglass, only to end up hopping on the spot.

"It is no mistake," Dumbledore's voice suddenly boomed over their heads. "Now, off to breakfast." Harry was grateful that Dumbledore didn't offer more explanation, but then the old wizard glared at him for a few moments. Damn it. He knew.

Well of course he must have. Lupin must have discussed the deduction with him, probably McGonagall too judging by the way she glared at Harry as she past, before actually doing it.

Harry skipped breakfast.

***From 'Harry Potter & The Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone' movie **

**(AN: **_Oh & yes, I ripped off a line of Sylar's from Heroes. No I don't care. Heroes fans will see it LOL)_


	7. Chapter 7

_(AN: There will be a bit of French & French Canadienne ahead. Such words will be misspelled on purpose if from James's POV...just saying so people won't have to try correcting me here. Lol)_

* * *

**(7) Kiss Of The Wolf**

My heart pounding, I lay awake most of the night, mulling over what had just happened. Sirius had touched me. I let him do it & I ended up liking it. Merlin's sake, had I just been seduced?

No, it was just to help me. Padfoot had taken out most of the infection from my old wounds that Bellatrix had given me. But I had felt more than I had expected. I never thought I could feel something like that again. I was half-hard that night which kept me 'up' until the sun started to appear.

* * *

"Dad, 'sirius-ly'?" Harry blinked. Wait. "ARGH! Now I'M doing that!"

* * *

I left it alone though. Right now it wasn't really hurting but I knew if I tried, it would hurt again. Often, I caught myself glancing at Sirius sleeping in his bed across from mine. Potions or Padfoot. I knew another round would have me right as new, but would it stop there? Or would it continue for a bit? Did I want it to?

I waited as usual for the others to finish their morning showers. I had yet to share showers with anyone since coming back. I finally entered alone, only to find Sirius there. He was standing at the mirrors, checking out his long hair that was just past shoulder length & had only his towel wrapped around him. Ok, I was not ready for something that close yet. I turned to leave.

"Oh morning Jim," He said casually as if nothing was the matter. He was still staring at his hair. "Can you help me a moment? I could have sworn I saw a grey hair."

I rolled my eyes. Sirius could be as vain as a woman at times. "You're nearly 17. How can you have grey hairs?"

"Remus has some greys," Sirius pointed out.

I scoffed. "Um hello? He's a freakin' moon mutt if you haven't noticed! OF COURSE he'll have some grey hairs. You on the other hand, have no excuse except vanity."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius actually shoved his tongue into one check as if licking his chops, much the same way our Moon Dog does a lot, usually right before or after chewing on something important that he knew wasn't allowed. "What's wrong with that?"

"Oh come here," I marched over & grabbed his face to make him stay still. I pretended to inspect his hair. "Oh yeah, you're right. I'll get it out. Put you're head down." Once his head was down, I took hold of a couple of his hairs & said "Accio greys." Then I promptly ripped two random hairs out.

"OW!" Sirius clapped both hands onto his head. "Bloody hell, Prongs!"

"Oh you're such a baby," I teased, holding up the pulled hairs. "Hmm, nothing new here. Just some nice shiny black hairs, Black." I gave them over.

"I hate you," Sirius rubbed his head. "What are you here for anyway?"

"A shower," I pointed at the stalls. "Same as you."

"Oh, right," He was still grousing about his hurt head. "By the way, I got something for you." He put a vial on the counter. "In case you need it."

I felt my teeth clench & forced them back open. He had gone straight to the point. "I...I don't know."

"Whatever you choose, be quick about it," Sirius dropped his tower right in front of me & stepped into one of the stalls. "The sooner that heals completely, the better." He closed the door.

I stared at the door as he turned the water on. My choice was a bit tougher now. I looked at the vial. I took it, then put it back. That potion could heal my physical wounds but there was nothing for the horror of it. I picked up the vial again.

"Tabrenack!" (I have no idea how to spell French, either from France or Canada.) Sirius swore in French Canadienne as something hit his foot. Remus says that this word is the Canadienne equivalent of the English F-word. He had picked up several Canadienne words during last summer & we all had found it so funny that those strange people swear using church terms that it was all we said for a while.

I took the potion, then got undressed, feeling nervous even though I knew Sirius wouldn't hurt me. I went into my own shower stall, waited for a minute, then came out & leaned on the doorframe where Sirius was. That was as far as I could go. I'm amazed I went this far. I had no idea what I was doing or what I wanted. I stared at the floor until Sirius finally finished & opened the door to come out. He yelped & leaned back against the inner wall.

"You scared me," Sirius gasped. I wanted to say that he scared me to, but why would he? I had been so safe with him last night. We stared at each other for an eternity. "Come in here," He finally said & I could do nothing but blindly obey him. The moment the door closed, I realised just how close we would be. "You're still dry." He turned the water back on & I closed my eyes as he wetted my hair.

I soon felt his hands caressing my shoulders & then my upper back. I felt soap suds running down my body, followed often by his hands. He didn't touch anything too personal & he barely grazed over my lower back & hips where the focal point of my distress was. He rinsed me off & then unbidden, he knelt before me.

I put my hands on the opposite wall & felt the warmth of his mouth again. I didn't pull away. I didn't move at all for I knew that moving would hurt. I occasionally half-thrusted without thinking.

Which made me want more.

Which made me grind my teeth as I felt a familiar build up again.

As before, it seemed to happen in slow-motion. I was lying on the floor of the stall for nearly a minute. When I found my voice, I said, "You didn't change to Padfoot."

"You didn't need it," Sirius said. "You're all healed. Took the potion, did you?"

"Yeah," I pushed my sodden fringe out of my eyes. "Figured I shouldn't let it go to waste."

"You still came to my door though."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Sorry."

Sirius laughed. "Would you quit it with the apologies?"

"Sor—" I shut up. "Well...well you invited me in!"

"Yeah," His eyes shifted down to a point below my waist. "Figured I shouldn't let it go to waste." I glared at him but he only laughed.

I leaned against the back wall of the stall. He was on the floor as well, next to me. Half-smiling, naked as I was, he watched me with unblinking eyes. "Sirius," I finally dared to breathe. "Now what?"

"Well, its Quidditch practise today."

"I meant with us!"

"You have but to ask," he stood up, then reached down for me. "This is going to hurt."

I knew that. After what Remus accidentally did to me during our full moon, I came to expect a lot of pain whenever I would get up. Sirius went under my arms to help lift me up. It didn't hurt as much as the full moon, but I still felt my tailbone seize. Yelping, I turned into Sirius's grip, felt something I probably shouldn't have & jumped back with such force that it felt like my tailbone was smashed.

"Easy," Sirius put a hand on my shoulders to hold me up. "Breathe & relax. It'll pass." We stood in silence while the throbbing subsided to a dull ache. "You didn't have to do that," Sirius actually smirked. "I've touched you twice now. Looks like I still owe you one." He turned & opened the door to let us out.

"Three times."

"Oh?"

I squinted at him to see more clearly. "Padfoot, who cleaned up my wounds on that same day while I was passed out?"

"Hey now, that doesn't count!" Sirius looked aghast. "I didn't take advantage of you then & besides, you didn't feel whatever I did do, which was minimal to begin with."

"I'm teasing, Siri!" I managed a weak laugh.

"Uh huh," he wasn't impressed.

"I'll try being the Seeker," I said as I finally came out of the shower.

Sirius gave my hand a soft squeeze. "I'll help you."

We purposely arrived last at the Quidditch Pitch. Most of the team was already out of the changing rooms. Sirius went in first. I watched the last few team mates leave & enter the Pitch, then Sirius pulled me inside. He was already changed.

"Give me your broom," he held out a hand for it. I passed it over. "Go get changed. I'll deal with this." He locked the door & sealed it with a charm so no one would walk in on us then focused on the broom.

I took my time to change, wondering if I could even do this. We took so long that Charlotte actually pounded on the door. "BLACK! POTTER! Are you having sex in there or something?"

I stared horrified. Sirius burst out laughing. "Maybe!" What a freakin' IDIOT! "Want to join us?" I blinked like an owl. Ok…NOW he's a freakin' idiot! I HATE HIM!

"HURRY UP!" She shrieked at us. "Practise should have started fifteen minutes ago!" She thudded on the door again before stomping off.

"What did you say that for?" I exclaimed, glaring at Sirius. He just laughed again & returned to adding magical padding to the broom.

I was finally changed & he handed me the broom. It didn't look any different. I took it, still glaring. "Oh relax!" Sirius laughed at me. "Everyone knows I sleep around. They won't really believe we're together." At that, he exited the changing rooms. I followed, face burning. Why was I even blushing anyway? I wasn't in love with the guy. With that thought in mind, I felt my cheeks burn even hotter & I finally couldn't wait to get in the air.

"Sorry, couldn't find my playing robes," was my feeble excuse. Sirius winked at me. He bloody winked! I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'll personally hand-feed him to our werewolf! Oh I'm mad! I have no idea why, but I'm mad.

"In the air!" Charlotte ordered, just as furious as I was. "Potter, remember. You're Seeker now." She flew up without another word.

I gingerly mounted my broom & felt the cushions of shielding placed upon it. It was like sitting down into an armchair. I followed Sirius into the sky & then took off even higher & adjusted my glasses while I waited for the Snitch to be released.

The rest of practise happened smoothly for me. I didn't pay much attention to the others & I liked that. I heard Charlotte ranting at someone but since it wasn't me, I didn't care. I was soon following a glint of gold. Sirius flew past me occasionally, once or twice asking if I was fine, but ultimately, I was left to my own devices.

The Snitch soon swooped downward to the stands right towards Peter & Remus who had been watching. I dived after it. Remus & I both grabbed it at the same time. I clasped my hand around the ball. Remus bit a wing.

"Oh let go!" I snarled, tugging. Peter snickered. Remus whined, then smirked & let go. "Crazy mutt. I'll give you something to chew on." I tossed him a chocolate bar & took off. I returned to the sky without showing off the Snitch. "Urgh! Wolf slobber & venom!" I'll have to let Sirius know that Moony needed to be milked. It would be an easy process, but the wolf didn't like it. Oh well, none of us care. So there!

* * *

Harry scratched his nose. "Milked? He's a boy though. How can he be milked?" Thoroughly confused, Harry read on, hoping his Dad would explain that.

* * *

Once I finished cleaning the Snitch off, I let the team know I had it. Charlotte called us down. I hovered beside Sirius & leaned over to whisper about Moony. He rolled his eyes.

"Well, not a bad job considering," Charlotte was glaring at me. "We need to get our timing up to par." She cast a nasty glance at Sirius, which was two-fold. She was an ex-girlfriend of his & didn't like the fact that he had moved on. Sirius had a major flaw. He was known as a heartbreaker. I often wondered if he was capable of being with a wolf. Would he break my heart?

Where did that idea come from?

"Potter, I know you can do better," Charlotte was saying. "I've seen you fly faster. I've seen you show up on time."

"I got it," I muttered. She announced the next training session for the day after tomorrow & then led the team back to the changing rooms. I put a hand on Sirius's shoulder to slide off my broom. Once on the ground, I wobbled as a weird sensation went up my legs.

I had felt that several times before, having taken riding lessons as a kid. I couldn't believe it. I was bloody saddle sore! I've never felt like that from a broom before. It must have been the cushions Sirius put on which made a sort of saddle, invisible though it was. Great!

"I'll uh, I'll work on that one," Sirius said, a sheepish grin on his face. I rolled my eyes & walked as straight as possible to the changing rooms.

Afterwards later that evening, the four of us went up to the Astronomy Tower & pushed aside a loose wall that led onto a hidden balcony. Then Sirius, Peter & I ganged up on Remus. He hissed like a wildcat as we forced him down. Peter held him while Sirius prised open his jaws. I held a thin folded cloth & pressed into his mouth, feeling around behind those fangs for the venom sacs. I pressed down on each one, letting the cloth soak up the black sticky venom, like black honey. Remus growled as I moved to the next one. I managed to get three done before he bit my hand right through. That's fine. Who cares? There's three of us & one of you buddy! I switched to Prongs to nullify Moony's venom while Sirius took over & finished him off.

* * *

Harry raised his brow. "So he does bite!" He decided to be extra careful around Lupin since, unlike his father, Harry didn't know Animagic. He read over the milking process again & realised it was something akin to milking snakes for the venom. Harry still didn't get why though.

* * *

"This would be so much simpler if you didn't fight us, Moony!" Sirius complained as I changed back to myself once the stinging sensation was gone. "Oh don't fuss! You feel much better now that the pressure's gone, don't you? Hmm? What do you have to say for yourself?" Remus pushed Sirius down & crawled on top of him. "Hmm? Whine? Is that all you can say?" Remus whined like a dog, licking his chops, then he promptly slobberkissed Sirius on the face. Sirius groaned, wiping the kiss off. "Come on Moony! Get off." Sirius tried to push. "Remus! You're squashing me! Why don't you go say hello to Jim, eh?"

"No thanks!" I quickly said, laughing at Sirius. "You know I hate it when he slobberkisses. How many times to I have to say I'm a cat person?"

"OUCH!" Sirius yelped as Remus's knee made a permanent imprint into his liver. "MOONY! GET O—"

Slobberkiss. Remus then rolled off & onto his back. It was Moony taking over, looking for a belly rub. We Marauders had merged the man & the wolf. This may be a human body, but the mind switched easily between entities. To tell them apart in human form, one had to look at the eyes. Remus was green while Moony was a bright glowing yellow amber.

The creature was giving us a golden glare, upside-down. Most people would either run from or kill this being if they saw that look, but a golden glare meant little to us.

"Here," Peter held out a chocolate. "Moony. Come here" Remus half sat up, whining. If he had his tufted tail it would probably be wagging.

One of the first things we had learned about Remus when we all first met so many years ago now it seemed, was that he had a sweet tooth. Once we figured out he was a werewolf, we decided to raise, tame & train him using chocolate. So far, it seemed to be working.

Now, if we can get him to kick that damned slobberkissing habit that would be great.

Slobberkiss.

That was my face this time & I found I was relieved of my latest pair of glasses. I pulled out a spare pair & put them on, hearing the sickening CRUNCH of fangs on lens. Oh well!

As the werewolf mind inverted once more, we settled into teamed Exploding Snap Remus & I on one against Sirius & Peter on the other. Knowing we would regret it, we played well into the night & didn't get to bed until almost four. Oh well, Binns was our second class of the day. Perfect time to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**(8) Something Wrong**

Since Lupin's class was right after lunch the next day, Harry spent the free time in the library, reading up on wolves. They formed close-knit family packs. All pitched in to take care of puppies. They had ranks like a military.

None of the books explained the milking process however; though, Harry did try to read about werewolves as well. There was nothing much on them & what was there didn't match up with the Marauders. Mostly, Harry read the same thing. Werewolves were killing machines. There was no cure. If you saw one, it was best to destroy it.

Harry had a feeling that the Marauders had dealt with Remus as they would a common wolf & Remus had responded as predicted. They had formed his pack & he, Harry, was the only pup (that he knew of) born into the pack so far. Harry became so engrossed in one book about Timber wolves of America that he didn't notice Lupin standing over him.

"Reading about wolves Harry?"

Harry jumped clean out of the chair. The book literally went flying back to its place on a high shelf. "Um, nothing. School stuff."

"School stuff," Lupin echoed, rather coolly. "I'll see you in class."

Harry watched him leave. He arrived last in class & sat at the back once more. They studied Lethifolds & Harry forever looked twice before using the Invisibility Cloak again. When the class filed out, Harry stayed at his desk. Lupin took a long time in noticing him.

"Did you forget something, Potter?" He finally muttered.

Slow to forgive. Harry gritted his teeth. "I know what you are."

Lupin didn't turn around. "Oh really? What am I?" His voice was cold.

"A werewolf."

Lupin's back snapped so straight & so fast, it was a wonder it didn't break. He turned quickly to look at Harry. "I'm—I'm sorry!" He whispered, glancing to the window for a moment. Looking back at Harry, he added. "I'll leave." He turned & headed for the steps going up to the office.

Harry jumped up & ran to the bottom stair. "Look, I'm sure you've already had a similar conversation with my father." Lupin paused on the balcony. "He figured you out to, didn't he? They all did! You didn't leave then. You won't leave now, so let's just skip ahead."

"How do you even know all that?" Lupin whirled around to glare down the stairs at Harry.

"You told me!" Harry said. "In a matter of speaking. You disappear regularly & you described to me the other day how you lost them all, even Black. They were like a pack to you, weren't they?"

"Harry, you must think very badly of me," said Lupin.

"No, why would I?" Harry shrugged. "So I have to throw you out once a month. I don't really care."

"Thanks," Lupin muttered. Then he burst out in one breath, "But I mean Black. If I had known...back then—if I...Harry," his voice broke. "I thought he was a good friend."

"That's a lie!" Harry snapped. "You thought he was your lover."

"HAROLD!"

"Oh please! It's obvious!"

Lupin fell to sit cross-legged on the balcony. "I thought Hermione was a clever one! Boy, did I ever under-estimate you!" He tried to wipe tears from his eyes, but they continued to fall. Harry felt a little guilty. He wasn't half as good as Hermione. He actually knew all this thanks to his father but there was no way he would expose the Passion Year diary to anyone. How could he? Lupin finally found his voice. "How long have you known this? Any of it, I mean?"

Since about a month before Christmas. "Oh well," Harry shrugged. "Long enough. A couple of months now, I guess."

Lupin suddenly stopped crying & he cocked his head slightly. Harry saw a tinge of gold shine through the green. Moony was stirring. Uh oh. "A few ... months?"

"Look, I didn't mean to upset you," Harry tried to mollify the inner wolf. He didn't know Animagic.

"I'm not upset."

"You're not?" Harry felt relieved.

"Nope. Not upset at all." Lupin stood up. "_**I'M FURIOUS!"**_

"Errr—" Harry ran backwards several paces as Lupin suddenly sprung, clearing the railing to land neatly on his toes like a cat on the floor below, hissing. He was nearly in front of Harry. "Um I don't know Animagic so don't bi—"

"You know about Animagic? HOW?"

Harry thought wildly. Then he remembered. "Professor McGonagall."

"Oh," Lupin let that one slide. He put a hand out, grabbed Harry by the front of his collar & yanked him forward so that they were nose to nose. His eyes were pure Egyptian gold. "You knew all of that for a few months? You knew I had lost my pack. You knew you're all I have left. You knew Sirius was more to me than a friend. YET YOU STILL WENT AFTER HIM?! Boy! I ought to eat you!"

"Please don't," Harry whimpered.

He held up one long index finger. "Be grateful that Remus has kept me from tasting human flesh! Or I would eat you!"

"You're Mmm—the wolf."

"Brilliant deduction, you ridiculous puppy!" Moony shoved Harry back so that he hit the wall. Harry gulped. He didn't expect this. His father had yet to write about Moony talking to them as Remus would. "It is not your place to kill Padfoot. It is mine! It'll break the marriage bond." Harry gaped at him. "Then I can be free. Remus is right. We should have known by our 5th year but hindsight is a cruel bitch. Can't mate with it!"

"Yeah, no, I guess not," Harry stammered. "Um, chocolate?"

"What?"

"I would like to speak to Professor Lupin right now," Harry said, cautiously stepping towards the werewolf. He WAS tamed...right? "If I give you some chocolate, will you go away for a bit?" Up on his toes, Moony stalked around Harry. His father was right, the only difference in human form was the eyes. These eyes were still blazing gold. Where was the green?

"You think chocolate can appease me?"

"Isn't that what Dad used to train you with?"

"Oh I let them all think that," Moony replied. "Fact is, the only leash on me has only ever been this," He patted his body with his hands. "Right here. Remus has battled me since he was four. I make him pay for it twice in one night per month."

Harry had to steer this out of very danger waters right now. He hadn't expected to talk to Moony at all. Why didn't his Dad get around to mentioning that Moony could speak sooner? "But Dad tamed you!"

"Your father was terrified of me," Moony said. "He never liked me. It was always Remus. He's the special one."

"That's not exactly true," Harry said.

"James was cynophobic since before he even went to Hogwarts the first year," Moony pointed out. "Some dog bit him on his left eye when he was eight. He had a mini almond shape scar on the upper eyelid from it for the rest of his life. He hated dogs!"

"Yet he stayed with you until his end," said Harry, wanting every bit to scream at Moony that his father had suffered even rape to keep him safe. Harry was beginning to wonder if he should mention that fact, if only to keep from being eaten.

"Remus, not me," Moony said. "Everybody loves Remus."

Harry backed away but Moony kept up with him. "Ya know, maybe if you weren't so threatening, people would like you to." Sweet God & Merlin that was a stupid thing to say.

"I'm not threatening you. Not yet."

"Well, you're kind of in my personal space," Harry tried to step away again, but still Moony followed. "Back up a bit, would you?" Moony raised one brow in a Spock sort of way but backed up two steps. Harry motioned with his hand. "Little more, please." Moony smirked & backed up all the way to the wall & leaned on it, folding his arms. "Thank you."

"You do know I can just jump on you from here, right?" Moony said.

Harry didn't know that. "It's the principle of the matter. As Remus or M—wolf, you ought to respect personal space, right?"

"I sup—" Moony suddenly doubled over with a grunt.

"Are you ok?" Harry kept his distance.

"Are you?" Lupin looked up. The eyes were green. He stared at Harry. "Oh Merlin, what have I done?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"He came out, didn't he? He was here."

"I think he was just testing me," Harry said. "To see how I'd respond."

"If that wolf had hurt you," Lupin began.

"I'd make Hermione neuter him," Harry smirked. "Don't think she can't do it either." Hermione also knew that Lupin was a werewolf; though how, Harry didn't quite know. It was why he didn't say anything when Ron had once wondered exactly what was wrong with Lupin & Hermione had scoffed at him. Harry knew exactly what Hermione was referring to, but until he got his Firebolt back, he wasn't about to ask her how she found out.

Lupin stared, then burst out laughing. "So something Jim would have said!" He laughed more, before adding, "But if he had hurt you, I'd never forgive Moony...or myself."

"Moony," Harry was glad the name was out. Now he wouldn't slip up.

"Yeah," Lupin laughed. "Ridiculous as it was, they named my wolf Moony."

"Cute name," Harry said.

Lupin glowered & his eyes flickered yellow for an instant. "I know you want to talk about your father, Harry. I promise you, someday we'll have a long talk about it. Just not now. Not until," He waved his hand at the window where a Dementor had floated past. "Not until this is all over. If you know what I am & you know what...what Black is...to me, please try to understand."

"You have other things on your mind right now."

Lupin stared long & hard at Harry. "Black must die, Harry. It's the onl—worst mistake of my life. Harry, I need to be free."

"Wolves mate for life."

Lupin nodded. "It's the real reason I came here. I had actually refused this job. I didn't want to come back to Hogwarts. Too many memories. You're here & I didn't...I didn't want to see you at first. I thought it would just drive home the memory of everything I lost. Then he got out & I found a way out of this mess."

Harry stared. Sirius had talked about getting out of a mess as well. He was not Sirius's target. Harry was convinced now that Remus was the target. "Sir, I'm not his target."

"What are you talking about?"

Harry launched into an explanation of what Sirius had told him. "I'm not his target. You are."

"That doesn't make any sense," said Lupin. "You block his way to Voldemort. Why wouldn't he want you dead?"

"He said he was here to protect me, not kill me."

"Oh & you believe him?" Lupin nearly snapped.

"Well, Sir. He's had plenty of chances to kill me," Harry said. "I mean I was stuck in a hole. He had my wand. He's been wandering around out there the same time I have since the start of the school year."

Lupin turned away to stare out the window. "Something's wrong. This whole thing is all wrong." He turned back to Harry. "Black probably wants us both dead. You for obvious reasons & me just to get out of the marriage bond. He used to be quite the man-ho before I got mixed up with him. That's his problem. Black's a seducer." Harry tried not to make any noise on the subject. He already knew all to well about that one. "Get pulled into his web, then BAM!" Lupin clapped his hands together. "He has you trapped. But he messed with the wrong wolf. I will end it."

"I feel something's wrong to," Harry said under breath, forgetting that he was in the presence of a wolf.

"How so?"

Harry quickly covered with, "Fact is, he still didn't kill me." In reality, he kept thinking about his father's writings. How could that person who helped his father be that same person out there right now? They were definitely missing something.

"Look Harry, I have no idea why he didn't murder you the other day," Lupin said. 'I don't care what he wants, he can't have you. You're all I have left." He looked out the window for a moment before saying, "If you have half an idea of the pain I'm in right now."

"I do," Harry said simply. Lupin scoffed & rolled his eyes. "No, I do. It's like your soul's been...well been raped."

Lupin stared at him. "Well put," he hung his head.

Harry had Potions next. He left Lupin & headed for the dungeons barely in time. Between classes & during meal breaks, he came to a decision. Harry had been planning to stop reading the Passion Year memoirs as he felt a little guilty delving in to his father's personal affairs. But two things bugged him. Remus had mentioned that Orion Black had visited Hogwarts during that year. Harry wondered if his father had written about getting his revenge & was curious to know what he did.

But the second thing was, his father had planned to burn that diary yet there it lay for years behind a false wall. Was there a reason James didn't burn it?

Something was definitely wrong.

Why did Sirius Black let him live?


	9. Chapter 9

_(AN: Slightly higher warning for this one.)_

* * *

**(9) A Hard Task**

"Mr. Potter, if you wish to become an Auror, you will focus on the lesson!"

I started, sitting up straighter. "Yes Ma'am!"

"Now, can you or can you not tell me how to perform the Disillusion Charm?"

McGonagall glared at me with her hawk-like stare. I cleared my throat. Sirius snickered. I swung my foot under the desk & kissed him.

{The word kissed was crossed out.}

KICKED! Damn it, what the hell?

"Yes, Ma'am," I said, as Sirius grunted in pain.

After a long minute, McGonagall said, "Well? I'm waiting."

"Right," I cleared my throat again as Sirius put his forehead on the desk in silent laughter. I kicked—KICKED!—him again, then explained the charm. She was happy with my explanation, but not on the time I took. I don't think I earned any points for it. Oh well. I found myself looking at him again.

I had been stealing glasses at him whenever I could.

{The word glasses was crossed out.}

GLANCES! What the "tabrenack" is wrong with me?!

* * *

Harry burst out laughing. "Oh wow! You got it bad, man!"

* * *

I don't even know why I'm correcting my mistakes. No one's going to read this anyway. This is just for me to let it all out.

* * *

"Hmm, sorry Dad. No can do," Harry muttered. "Something's come up." He paused, then rolled his eyes. "Bet you'd love that one, Dad." He sighed before going on. "I'll just have to pretend it's Peter or Remus you're falling for."

* * *

Must be the perfectionist in me.

ANYway ...I had been doing this for the past couple days ever since our first Quidditch practice. During our next training, I noticed he might have been watching me as well. Yes we showed up on time. I caught the Snitch much sooner than before & without Moony's help.

I left that practise feeling as stiff as before. Not like that either! Whatever. Anyway, my saddle sore at least was something I could handle. It wasn't bad & by the next afternoon, it was gone again.

It was the actual game that killed me. The game was much longer than a training session. I was fine while flying. It was a hard game from what I could see below & I was glad I was no longer a Chaser as both of them got rather bloodied up. I took one hit to my left side which made my body seize up in protest but then I finally saw the Snitch & managed to catch it soon after. We won by a mere twenty points though. It was a very close game!

I did not come to land with the others since I knew the whole team would want to lift me up. That would hurt me & I don't like being touched anyway. Well, I'm not minding Sirius, but he hasn't done that to me again since our shower. Also I knew I would have the worst saddle sore of my life once I did get off, so instead I did a few victory laps, upside-down, making the fans scream my name.

I didn't like that for some reason. All those eyes watching me. I knew girls other than Lily were wishing to be on my arm & now I knew there were probably aspiring young men there as well. I quickly swooped right into the changing room to get off before everyone else came clamouring in.

I had never reacted to my fa—THE fans—in that way before. I used to revel in it. Now, it scared me away. Sirius was the first one in & put one arm around my shoulder protectively while screaming our victory to the rest of them. He kept us close to the wall so the others couldn't get to me well. If not for Sirius being there beside me, I think I would have cried again. But I was able to smile & shake everyone's hands. Sirius finally got rid of everyone by saying there was to be a huge party in the Tower so hurry up & get there. Everyone ran for the Tower to start the party without us, leaving just me alone with Sirius.

"You ok?"

"No," I whispered. I was shaking from head to foot. "I can barely walk."

"I tried to adjust that saddle thing," Sirius passed a hand through his hair.

"That too," I tried to stand still, explaining to him my odd reaction.

He put a hand on my face. "If anyone so much as looks at you in a way you don't like, let me know." I nodded mutely, knowing it was silly to tell him that I thought everyone but him was looking at me wrong. "Come on. Let me help you to the castle."

I took a step forward, then promptly crumpled to the floor. Sirius pulled me up & held me until I was able to stretch out my saddle sore a bit. Barely enough to walk, but I forced myself straight & headed out the door with him by my side.

"Hi James."

My eyes barely took her in. Lily. Here. What the hell? I thought she hated me? I NEEDED her to hate me right now!

* * *

Harry read that line over & over again. His mother was finally being mentioned. He knew she would probably show up sooner or later. After all they had gotten married & then Harry was here.

* * *

"Hi Evans," I said.

She tucked some loose red hair behind her ear. "You're a good Seeker. That was some great flying out there."

"Um thanks," I tried looking at her again. I caught her eye, then looked at a point just above her head.

"So uh, I'll see you at the party," she said.

"Ok," I dared look at her again. Every time I looked at her, all I can think of is what Orion Black stole from me. From us! Looking at her...ripped my heart out. Over & over & over. She waved at us, then turned & ran out of sight towards the castle. I let the tears fall. Again. "Sirius!"

"I'm here," he took me in his arms & held me for several minutes. He finally led the way towards the castle.

We took our shortcuts up to the 7th floor but Sirius didn't bring us to the Tower. We went instead to a place where a room sometimes showed up if you thought about it long enough. I stood still, not knowing what he had in mind, as he marched back & forth three times, then went in.

It was a white room with a large bed. He pointed at it. "Get undressed & lie down."

"Undressed?"

"Completely." Sirius opened a small cupboard & pulled something out. Vials of something or other. "I'm going to get rid of that saddle sore. It's my fault you have it." He looked up at me & half-smiled. "Don't you trust me?"

"Yeah." I moved slowly, to avoid my tense muscles. I laid down on my tummy across the bed.

"How's your side?" Sirius sat down beside me, rubbing his hands together. They were shiny with some sort of oil.

"I'll get another bruise," I answered. "I'm used to bruises by now.

"I'll take care of that first," He began to work some oil into the area. "I know why you can't look at her, Jim." I merely grunted. "Same reason you don't like your fans any more." He started massaging my shoulders next. "We'll stay here for the night."

"What if she asks Moony or Wormtail where we are?" This place may not show up on that Map no matter how many spells we threw at the parchment, but not showing up was also a tell-tale sign of where we would be.

Sirius pointed to where my glasses where lying on a small stand. Our Map was right beside them. "Let her ask."

He continued to rub me down, his pressure becoming lighter as he worked towards my tailbone & hips. I felt my face burn as he moved downwards. This massage was the most erotic thing I had allowed to happen to me. Prongs seemed quite content with that fact which didn't help me at all. I stretched out my arms to the top of the bed, trying to make it look like I was merely stretching. In reality, I was trying to find a better position, let's just say. I really hoped Sirius didn't notice!

Hardly had a thought of Sirius crossed my mind when he leaned over me. "I think it's time I start on your legs. Get rid of that saddle sore."

"Mhm," I was screwed. He would notice. Prongs made me huff & sort of shove my head sideways. "Quit it, you stupid Stag!" Damn thing wants to rut.

"Alright?"

"Mhm!" I was doomed.

I felt his hands near my ankles. He worked upwards now. As before, his touch became lighter as he neared my injury. When he touched my inner thighs, it was feather light & I lost it. I had never known those areas to be that sensitive. I hadn't expected to become so hard so fast even though he didn't actually touch that part. I tried to lie still as he touched there again. Prongs had enough. He didn't burst out but he did take control of my body. He made my entire body suddenly lurch forward, pressing hard into the mattress. I gasped in surprise, partly at losing control & partly at the jolt of passion that went through me.

"Having fun?" There Sirius sat. Smirking smugly. Watching my every move. Bloody idiot!

"That was Prongs! That was NOT me!"

"Uh huh," He leaned over me again. "Can I continue?"

Hell no! "Yes!" I breathed heavily.

He moved down again. I felt him lie over me for a moment as he touched the base of my neck with his fingertips & traced down my spine. I sighed, nearly going over at that touch. I felt something soft & wet touch the place between my shoulder blades. I think he kissed me there. I didn't dare ask. I didn't have time anyway as I felt his touch on my inner thighs again. He traced patterns, teasing my flesh, making me shake & gasp with abandon. How it affected me I don't know, but it did. It nearly drove me insane, as if I was in a constant orgasm, right on the edge. Prongs' instinct made me suddenly bare down on the bed again & I finally came completely.

Sirius dropped flat on his back beside me. I could only stare at him with one eye since my face was buried in the pillows. Though it was hazy since I was without my glasses, I could see enough of Sirius to know that he was watching me.

"Where did you learn something like that?" I asked weakly, feeling exhausted.

"Please, I've been doing it since I was 9," he snickered. "You pick up things when you're doing it that long."

"We didn't have sex Sirius!" I stared at him with both eyes through the fog. "You didn't even touch me really."

Sirius scoffed. "Oh I touched you alright. You just didn't know about that until now."

Forgetting that I was completely naked, I turned to lie on my back as well. "Remus will be lucky to have you someday."

"Lily will be lucky to have you someday," Sirius put his hand on my leg, moving slightly to the inside.

"Yeah that won't happen."

"Why not?"

"I can't."

"Ok."

"What? No lecture about not giving up or how I thought she was the best girl ever until now?"

"I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want to do, Jim."

"Do you have any idea how scared I am of hurting Lily?" I retorted. "What if I do marry her? Then what? All I know about what men can do is hurt. I'll just be like Orion to her on the wedding night. I won't do that!"

"Have I ever hurt you?"

"We've never had sex Sirius!" I snarled furiously! Didn't he get it?

"It doesn't hurt to have sex, Prongs!" Sirius sat up. "Done properly, it's a grand thing."

"Your father hurt me!"

"That beast is not my father," Sirius glared at me. "What he did to you was vile. Not real sex!"

"Sirius!" I looked away. Merlin's sake, don't cry!

"It doesn't have to hurt," Sirius made me look at him. "Not if you don't want it to."

"Why would anyone want pain?" I wiped my eyes with the back of one hand.

"You've seriously never heard of BDSM? Good grief, Hornhead!"

"Oh," I muttered dumbly. "Well. Whatever!"

He lay down again. "Yet you call me an idiot."

"You ARE an idiot!" I glared before asking, "Have you ever done that?"

"Again Jim, I've been at it since I was 9. I've had a few lovers who were into the darker side of sex."

"Would you ever do that with me?"

"If you want."

"If I don't?"

"Then we don't."

Without thinking, I lay down in his arms, covering his side. I felt his hand pet my back between the shoulder blades. I had entwined my leg around his & was just about to doze off with my cheek pressed against his chest when I remembered. I was naked & uncovered, yet here I lay snuggling up to him. I pretended to stretch, pushing myself up & then sheepishly got off the bed. By the time I hit the floor, Prongs had appeared. The Stag's hooves clicked against stone as he skittered around, sniffing.

Sirius raised himself up on his hands, watching me. Prongs looked back, whistled softly, then continued exploring the room. He soon came to the bed again, then put a hoof up. "Wait. Prongs? NO! You'll break the—"

Too late Prongs had bounded onto the bed to lie down & the entire thing cracked under us. Sirius yelped as something smacked his back. Prongs bleated in surprise then transformed away to let me take over. Thanks. Thanks a heap!

"AHH YOU STUPID STAG!"

"Oh I'm sorry!" I yelped as well, trying to gently touch my back. I hated Orion. Ever since he forced me, I had little control over my Stag. I was beginning to wonder if I could ever get it back. What if he came out in public? I could not add the horrors of Azkaban to what I had already gone through! "I'm sorry! I can't control him."

"James if that ever happens in public."

"Hey don't remind me!" I snapped, disentangling myself from the mess.

"Worse, what if he disappears during a full moon?"

I hadn't even thought of that. Moony would kill my human self in an instant. "He won't." I said unconvincingly.

With a flick of his wand, Sirius pushed the broken bed aside. We laid the mattress on the floor in case Prongs took over again & piled on the blankets then got under to go to sleep. We ended up in the same position as before & I was still undressed.

"Sirius? Will it ever stop hurting?"

"Some day," He put a hand on my head & I think he kissed my brow. "These things take time. Years for some."

"I mean my actual injuries," I tried again. "What he did to me. It all still hurts so much."

"Well you have two bodies to heal, Prongs," Sirius sighed before going on. "Also you refuse to seek professional help. So you're healing the long way around. I'm studying to be an Auror just like you. I'm in training to bring in Dark wizards. Serve & protect. Maybe even kill."

* * *

Harry blinked. So. Sirius admitted to learning how to kill. "You learned well, Black." The moment he said it, Harry felt that something was definelty wrong with everything. Then he remembered. James Potter had become an Auror to. He learned the same things. Did he…ever kill?

Remus had said that James had gone ballistic when Orion Black came to Hogwarts one time.

Did James Potter ever kill?

* * *

"...Maybe even kill. I may be good at Potions but I'm not a Healer. I can only do so much for you."

"It is enough Padfoot," I said. "I wouldn't even be alive right now if not for you."

* * *

"That's an oxymoron if I ever read one!" Harry wanted to hurl something out the window & hope it landed on Sirius Black hard enough to kill him.

* * *

"I'll help you find your flower again, Prongs," Sirius said. "But when you do, I will ask you to do a very hard thing."

"What is it?"

"Not now," Sirius covered my lips with a finger. "Go to sleep. Just rest."


	10. Chapter 10

_(AN: Slightly higher rating at the very end of this chapter.)_

* * *

**(10) Forbidden Touch**

The next morning, we returned to the common room to get fresh school robes. I followed Sirius into the Portrait only to catch sight of Lily sitting at a table reading. Fortunately, the unlit dim hall from Portrait to the room was a bit long & had not one but two escapes. One was behind a tapestry into a tiny room that had a few portraits & a small table. The other led into a larger reading room & for those not in the know, a secret passage behind another portrait into yet another room, larger than the reading room.

I ducked into that reading room but stayed by the door. I heard Lily asking where he & I had been.

Sirius just laughed. "We never even made it to the common room. We both got rather trashed out on the grounds."

"You slept outside?" Lily was horrified.

"No we were in the castle by then," Sirius went on. "Somewhere. Don't rightly know. Well I'm here now aren't I?"

"Where's James?"

"Probably heading for breakfast," Sirius said before snapping at her. (Those two love each other about as much as Snivellus & I do.) "What do you care anyway? You've been nothing but a hag to him for the past five some odd years!"

* * *

"Oh no, you did NOT just call my mother a hag!" Harry nearly flung the Passion Year away but reminded himself this was his father's memoirs, not Black's.

* * *

"He's nicer than you are," Lily shot back. "You're nothing but a man-bitch!"

* * *

"GO MUM!"

* * *

"I'll take that as a compliment!" Sirius seethed. "You have no idea how I can be in bed & I would never show you, not even if you were the last girl on Earth!"

"Good, I'd rather be a lesbian!"

* * *

Harry burst out laughing so hard, he fell out of bed.

* * *

"Good! I'd rather be gay!"

"Well don't get your 'wand' in a knot! Or is it even big enough to tie up?"

* * *

"Oh wow!"

* * *

"OH! What does Jim SEE in you?!"

I heard him stomp off. Great, now I'm stuck in here, waiting for her to get bored & leave. After several minutes, I heard more stomping & peeked out a crack in the door to see Lily in a huff & a puff marching down the hall & out the Portrait. If there was one thing I had learned the hard way in my life, was never to cross Lily Evans when she's in a mood. She's scarier than an angry werewolf on full moons! So I naturally stayed hidden until I was sure she was gone. No chance in hell would I come out now with her there even if I wasn't messed up! HELL NO!

I took my time to go upstairs & find Sirius seething on his bed. He needed a time out to calm down & something Lily said about him made me think about him in a very different way. I lay down beside him, staring at the ceiling, while twirling my left armguard in my hands.

"I used to think she was the prettiest thing I've ever seen," I said. "Also, I used to like her fiery temper. She never takes any nonsense. But now ...now I can't even look at her without being reminded of everything I lost. My plans for us. I wanted my first time to be with her. It's all ruined now."

"Technically speaking, it still can be," Sirius raised himself on one hand to look down at me. "Even if we go all the way, you'll still get a first time with her. You've never been with girls before, unlike me. She can still be your first girl. Why you want her though, I can never understand."

"I guess so," I tossed my armguard aside. "It doesn't matter anymore."

He put one arm around me & we dozed off. In silent agreement, we skipped breakfast. I wasn't all that hungry & anyway, Lily was there, looking for me. Last year, I would have nearly killed to have her looking for me or even to give me the time of day. Now I wish she would go back to hating me.

We got up, got dressed & headed for our first class of the day. I was still a bit sore from Quidditch & was glad that we had no more practises for a couple of weeks.

In mid-November, our Auror training intensified from written & theological lessons, to practical defence. Our Defence Against The Dark Arts lessons were different from the rest of school. We were often in the Great Hall with the doors barred, instead of the regular classroom. We even had Ministry officials over-seeing some of our training & any tests done were put up by them, not Hogwarts' staff. It was so much work, more so than I expected.

Remus & Peter were no longer with us. Being a werewolf, Remus wasn't allowed an Auror's license; though, hopefully someday Dumbledore could change that as Remus's biggest fantasy was to be an Auror. Dumbledore had bent the Ministry's hand against werewolves & brought Remus into Hogwarts as a young pup. Remus is the first & so far only, werewolf to get any education & so far, it looks like he would get full education. Auror would be the next step. He'll be late, but thanks to Dumbledore, hopefully he'll be standing with us some day.

As for Peter, I'm not sure what he's up to anymore. I heard him mention once that he wanted to be a Healer but as he was dismal at Potions, it wasn't likely. I hate this. The four of us used to be close. The brotherhood of the Marauders seemed to be on a back burner. We would barely get together outside of full moons.

I'm starting to miss Peter. If there was one thing he was good at, it was kicking my arse at Exploding Snap. Oh man, that guy's a hussler!

I'm missing our werewolf so much. A month between full moons seemed an eternity for me. I know that seems cruel. His body breaking apart twice a night is something Remus can barely survive. I know the pain he goes through. My heart rips out every time for him. But right now, it seems full moons is the only time I can have any time with Moony & so I don't complain when he's gnawing my horns.

Lily on the other hand, was also an Auror in training & contrary to what people thought my dreams coming true would be, I was rather annoyed at being paired up with her more often then not. She was a good trainee. That wasn't my problem. I simply couldn't look at her without hurting inside but since she had no idea, she didn't take things easy on me. I ended up in the hospital twice thanks to her. Sirius would glower at her but honestly, it wasn't her fault. She simply did not know.

Two other friends had also signed up to be Aurors. Alice Jay & her fiancée, Frank Longbottom—

* * *

Harry stared at the name. Neville's parents? BOTH Aurors? Neville had never once mentioned his parents. Only his grandmother.

* * *

—both of Gryffindor House. They had become engaged earlier this year & were planning to marry during the summer before 7th Year started. Young I know, but those two had clicked from the start, unlike Lily & I. Why can't we get our crushes for each other on at the same time?

The next Quidditch game was soon upon us, this one between Hufflepuff & Ravenclaw. A rare non-full moon time, the four of us were actually together for once, sitting along one bench in the high stands with the best viewing points. I was between Sirius & Remus, with Peter on the other side of Remus. The four of us were soon on our feet with the rest of the spectators, screaming out orders as if it would help. Go left. LEFT YOU BLOODY IDIOT! No! Your OTHER left! Merlin dammit! I swear Gryffindor is the best team. We wouldn't be making these stupid mistakes!

We sat down as one during a lull & adjusted our cloaks better. There was a good foot of snow all around & a cold wind was blowing under a sky full of more snow waiting to happen. As the game went on, flakes began to fall, slowly at first but it soon turned into a bit of a blizzard. Occasionally we could see players zipping by. After shouting more orders at a Ravenclaw Beater (aka curses in both types of French as well as English), Sirius plopped down beside me. He shifted our cloaks so the edges overlapped & I felt him take my hand underneath our cloaks.

He was holding my hand! We haven't done anything to each other since he had given me a massage nearly a month ago. Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes, feeling my heart race. I hoped I wasn't blushing! I thought again of what Lily had said & wondered if I could ever figure it out. I knew then, that I had to or else I would be forever damaged. But I had no idea how to proceed. Sirius suddenly squeezed my hand so hard it hurt. Opening my eyes, I saw the Snitch barely an inch from my nose. A shadow swooped past, making the four of us scream, she was that close!

Hufflepuff won that round while the four of us probably had ten years shaved off our lives for that scare. We climbed down the stands to the grounds as the Teams landed in a frenzy before dispersing to the two changing rooms.

I felt a tugging at my cloak & for one moment, I panicked. What if someone was trying to touch me? I whirled around, wand out, only to have it pointing in Remus's face. He gasped in surprise & stepped back. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you!"

I glared at him. He had no permission to touch me! Oh my God! Where did that one come from? I hated myself for thinking that! It was all Orion's fault. Now I'm turning against my friends because of him? Remus would be the LAST person in the universe to do something like that to me, even if he wasn't a wolf! Feeling horrified at how I had thought of him like that even for a fleeting moment, I put my wand away. Oh well, at least he wasn't telepathic. "Sorry, mind's somewhere else." I actually hugged him then, hoping to find some silent forgiveness. How dare I think of Moony like that? Of all people?

"Yeah," He patted my back & I was amazed that it didn't hurt. Was I finally healing? "I can see that." We pulled apart. "Prongs, can I talk to you for a moment?" He nodded towards a spot under the grandstands out of sight. I followed him. Remus leaned up against a support & folded his arms. "Lily & I are on patrol again tonight." I blinked. In all this time, I had totally forgotten that. "She's been asking me about you."

I was still stuck on the fact that he had patrol duties & took a moment to catch up. "Oh, about what?"

"She's been wondering how you're doing," Remus explained. "She's glad you're not so mean to her anymore."

"So I dipped her hair in inkbottles. So big deal."

* * *

"Wait. WHAT? DAD you idiot!" Harry found himself smirking though.

* * *

"You've done a lot more to her than that," Remus pointed out. I scowled. "Anyway, she's wondering if anything's wrong. She feels like you're avoiding her. I told her that's trezempossible (What? I said it before, I can't spell French to save my life. This guy's from France! Shoot me! Wait, I do think those are two separate words.) Trez impossible. But now that I'm thinking of it, I'm starting to agree with her."

I shrugged. "So?"

Remus stared long & hard at me. His eyes swirled gold for a moment, appraising me. "Oh my 'deer' sweet Stag! What happened to you? I know something's wrong."

"Nothing," I shrugged again. "I'm fine." I hated lying to him but it was bad enough Sirius knew my shame. I couldn't bare to tell anyone else. Besides, Remus has enough problems with the full moon. He doesn't need to worry about me. Sirius is taking care of me anyway.

Remus took both my hands & put them onto his shoulders, then held my face with his hands. The gold swirled out of sight as Moony submerged. "Prongs. I am the biggest liar out of the four of us. I have to be. Please. Don't lie to me! You've been strange since we started this year!"

"I told you," I petted his arms, feeling new scars under the material of his robes. "I was extremely ill that last week."

"Your scent was extremely off while we were on the train."

Damn him! "Yeah. Illness."

"If it was an illness, it would have changed back by now. But you still have that same strange new scent. I think it's permanent."

I had to turn this conversation away from a dangerous topic. Fast! "Well, I am nearly an adult now. Maybe I really am a man in wolf terms to? It's probably a more manly scent is all."

Remus's eyes switched to gold so fast, I felt dizzy. "That is EXACTLY what this scent of yours is."

"Easy Moony, we're in public," I glanced around. The last thing I want added to my conscience on top of it all was the death of this precious wolf.

The gold glared at me for a long time. I really hope no one looked around. "I should go find Lily," Moony said, then submerged once more. "Yeah, he's right," Remus agreed.

* * *

"Oh NOW you put in the fact he can talk," Harry groused. "Still haven't told me what Wormtail is either."

* * *

"How's that working for you anyway?" I asked, grateful for the topic change. I hated Orion ever more. My scent changed because of that? "When patrols go with full moons, how are you dodging Lily?"

"She knows."

I stared at him. She—Lily. Knows? WHAT? "Exkuz ee mwa?" (What? I can speak French just fine…I just said 'Excuse me,' by the way. I just can't spell it!)

"She knows," Remus repeated. "She covers for me when I leave. She's ok with it."

I realized my jaw was on the ground somewhere & with great difficulty, I closed my mouth. "How long? How?"

"Since OWL exams last year," said Remus. "She never said how she knew. She just came up to me & said 'I know you're a werewolf. It's ok with me.' Then gave me some chocolate & left. We never spoke of it since except when Lily asks if I want her to cover for me."

Then it hit me! That was why Lily was being nice to me. She was starting to see me for what I was. A werewolf guardian. She was finally seeing beyond the façade we Marauders put up, beating up Snape, pulling pranks, stealing from Hogsmeade & other people's money like the band of land pirates we are; all to distract Remus from his pain every month. Oh God not now! Please not now! I'm not ready. "Does she know Animagic?"

"No," Remus said slowly.

"Moony!"

"She saw all three of you change once."

"WHAT?!"

"She's ok with it. She understands."

For a split second, I wondered why my head was hurting. Then I lowered my hands from my hair before I ripped myself bald. "How could th—HOW COULD THAT HAPPEN?!

"It's ok Pro—"

"NO IT'S NOT! IT IS NOT OK!"

"Prongs!" Remus slapped a hand over my mouth. "She is sworn to secrecy like the rest of us. She knows us. What we do & why. SHE'S ONE OF US, PRONGS! She's one of us!"

"I can't even—I can't deal—g'night Moony!" I whirled around & fled for Sirius's side.

"Prongs? PRONGS!" Remus called after me but I ignored him.

I needed Sirius. Now! I felt violated all over again. Violated by Lily! Animagic was our greatest secret. That werewolf our greatest treasure. No one. NO ONE! Deserves the right to know about any of it. Lily had seen us? How? When? Where? I stormed into the Entrance Hall past the hourglasses of the House points, looking for Sirius. I spotted Lily by the doors of the Great Hall, talking to her girlfriends. I marched over.

"James," She smiled at me for a second before it vanished. I must have looked mad. I was!

"You!" I glared at her, fists balled by my sides. No I would never hit a girl, don't worry! Well except maybe Sirius's mother who was a real bitch but besides that one, no. "How dare you?" My voice was low & deep & for the first time, I realised I was a baritone.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked weakly.

"MY best secret! MY greatest treasure!" I hit my heart every time I said 'my'. "How could you know?"

"What?"

I glared at her some more before stomping off. She called after me but I fled for my bedroom. I hated myself for blowing up at her. She hadn't done anything wrong. If anything, I should be happy she had accepted us without question. If only Orion hadn't ripped me apart. Now, there was very little left that was sacred & oh yeah, Lily had just ripped out my last heartstring. I tossed my glasses onto the desk. They slid right across & fell behind. I flung myself onto my bed & stayed there for the rest of the evening.

A few hours later, Sirius turned up. We shared a look, then I went back to sulking. He sat beside me & gently put a hand on my tailbone. I didn't feel the pain I expected to feel. "Well, I suggest you avoid Moony & Lily for the rest of your life," Sirius said. "They're both mad at you."

"I don't care," I told my pillow, ignoring Sirius as best possible.

"Yes you do," Sirius lay beside me. "Or else you wouldn't be sulking up here."

"Padfoot! She KNOWS about us. ALL of us! Werewolf & illegal Animagic."

"So what were you planning to tell her if your marriage plans had gone through? Hmm? Thought so! Sooner or later, she would have had to be told everything."

I glared at him. "Go away!" I turned my back towards him.

"Prongs you know how much I hate that girl! Stuck up know-it-all," Sirius squeezed my side a little. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to defend her? Against you no less? Don't embarrass me further please."

"Whatever."

"Prongs, our secret is safe with her. Our treasure is safe with her & maybe someday, your heart also, will be safe with her."

With a cracked voice I barely managed to talk at all. "Pads, it was the last thing I had all to myself ok? Now it's all gone. I have nothing left!"

"Neither Evans or Moony know the whole truth though," said Sirius, drying away my tears with a finger. "You can't fault them for their innocence."

"I have no innocence left!"

"You're a lot more innocent than me, the slut of Hogwarts," Sirius half-smiled at me.

"Yeah thanks," I scoffed, moving over so we could lie side by side. "You haven't been lying around much have you?"

"No, I'm talking care of you," Sirius took hold of my hand between us again. "Then I have Remus perhaps. Wolves mate for life."

"When are you ever going to ask him?"

"Now isn't the time."

"Oh don't wait on my account."

"We have a friendship to rebuild first," Sirius reminded me. Man, how out of it can I be? "Besides, I like this time with you."

I stared at the ceiling. I couldn't believe he had said that. There was something about him I needed to know & for some reason, I felt I would find out tonight. I had no idea how though. Would he even allow it? I suddenly pulled my hand out of his & laid it on the front of his hip closest to me, then moved to just near his inner thigh as he had done to me once. "I have no idea what I'm doing," I whispered.

"You're doing fine."

I moved my hand over that bulge between his legs & actually felt his sharp gasp the moment I touched him. "Did I hurt you?" He grunted a no so I continued to fondle him. I should have expected his reaction. After all, I did the same thing. But believe it or not, I wasn't intending anything sexual.

What I wanted was to see how he felt compared to his father. Lily had teased him about his size. (She's wrong by the way. It's big enough, thank you very much!) I needed a difference between Sirius & Orion. Him getting off just happened to be a pleasant side effect. He suddenly guided my hand inside his pants. Now I was really able to feel around for a difference. He was enjoying it so I didn't bother telling him what I was really feeling around for. It worked out for both of us. I also was stupidly comparing him to myself. We seemed the same length more or less, though him a bit bigger around. Whatever. Not important. The difference between him & that vile creature was a different story.

I was just on the verge of finding out how different he was when I felt his hand in my pants, returning the favour. For Merlin's sake! I'm trying to concentrate on something here! Fine. Might as well finish that off now that I can't think straight!

Surprisingly, I felt my back arch a little as he brought me over the edge. It didn't hurt as much as before, but there was still a jabbing pain by the tailbone. But it had definitely healed a lot by now.

Ok, thank you very much. That was great. Now I worked on him again. I had been careful to keep him going while he worked on me. I needed to find a difference. Sirius had his face turned into the pillow as he thrusted long & slow into my palm. I was suddenly distracted by the fact that this would be the first time I see him actually come. I stroked him long & slow. I had to find something different. Sirius was practically sobbing by now but I didn't bring him over the edge just yet.

I kept him going as I let my fingers explore every bit of him. I finally found a difference as he grabbed my collar & bucked hard into my hand. The Grim within him growled as he went over.

Sirius was longer. I was sure of that. Good. Definitely not like the man who bred him at all!

_(AN: Yeah, totally ripped off a Sherlock BBC line there. No, I don't care lolol)_


	11. Chapter 11

_(AN: Based upon lyrics of 'Poison' by Alice Cooper & covered by Tarja Turunen)_

* * *

**(11) The Price Of Love**

He lay under me, watching me with those pale grey eyes. I felt safe whenever he looked at me. One look from him would kill my pain. A thrill went through me as we continued to stare at each other. He wanted something & I had a feeling of what it might be. He put one hand around to the back of my neck & held me so I couldn't pull away.

I didn't want to pull away while at the same time I wanted to crawl under my Invisibility Cloak & hide. This wasn't supposed to happen, was it? The eternal fog in my eyes seemed to blur out everything around his face as he lay there looking up at me, as if enhancing him. I realised then that I wanted to love him. Or perhaps I already did. I suddenly stupidly realised my hand was still down his pants. Trying to look anywhere but in his face, I quickly pulled out. The last thing I should be doing with thoughts like these running rampant in my head is touch him there! He laughed at me.

I had a sudden urge to kiss him. I was wanting this way too much! I couldn't help it. I leaned down & barely tasted his lips before trying to pull away. His hand held me in place & he returned the gesture. Oh Merlin! What AM I doing? He soon deepened our kiss & I found myself in his hot mouth, Frenching him senseless.

I was doomed. I was so caught in his web. There was no backing out now! We soon pulled apart.

"I'm sorry Sirius."

"Would you quit apologising?"

"But what about Remus?"

"We're still working on our friendship. We've got the time, Jim. Right now, you need me more."

He pulled me down to him again for another kiss. I felt bound to him & I had no intention of breaking these chains in my heart any time soon. His skin was still wet from what I had recently done to him.

Prongs reared up within me, not in alarm but in passion. His rutting instincts took over & I suddenly found myself lying directly on top of Sirius, yet having no idea how I got there. I bore down on him, ignoring the spike of pain running up my spine. It wasn't as bad as it used to be. I could handle it now. I pressed down against his hips again, intensifying the heat between us. I had a vague idea that my hand was up his shirt at the same time I inwardly fretted if Prongs would burst out & take over completely. I hoped not. That thing was big, being an Elk Stag, & he would crush Sirius. Well, ya know, more so than how I'm crushing against him right now. Sirius held me tightly against him & moved with me. After a third hard long hit between us, he gasped sharply as Prongs whistled through me.

It was over almost as fast as it started & I knew the only thing that stopped us from actually mating was the fact that we were both still dressed. In a way, that was a good thing as I wasn't ready for something that intimate yet. If ever.

I slipped off & he held me close to his side. "You've come a long way today, Hornhead."

"It wasn't actually that long," I tried to stop grinning.

"Well perhaps not," Sirius snickered. "But it was bloody intense."

"Um, thanks," I knew I was blushing. I could feel my cheeks burning nearly as hot as another part of me had been burning a few seconds ago.

"We should get changed," he said after nearly half an hour of us just lying there. He touched my face with one hand, then kissed me. "G'night Prongs." He got off the bed & went to his own across from me.

We had Remus between us & Peter on my other side. Both were still in the common room, playing Exploding Snap. I could hear an occasional mega-explosion of cards from here as more than one pair would blow. Remus was dismal with that game. But do not EVER go up against him with Gobstones. Hell no! I lost 100 Galleons to him once for that. My public shame which Hogwarts still laugh at me today for.

I got up to change, knowing those two would be up soon. Then I remembered. "Padfoot, we both still have a three-foot parchment essay on Stealth for our Auror training due tomorrow." Sirius glared at me. Begrudgingly, we pulled out sheets & quills & started writing. I found a spare pair of glasses in my bag.

We worked in silence for several minutes. I stared at the door, expecting Remus & Peter up at any time. It was now or never. I put my quill aside. "Sirius, do you think, there's a bit...a bit too much work for becoming a trainee Auror?" Sirius made a derisive sound. "Sirius, listen to me!"

"What?" He tossed his quill aside & glared. Studying late at night was never his strong point. Studying period was never his strong point.

"I looked up what it all takes to become an Auror," I began. "If you choose that route in Year 5, then the last 2 years of Hogwarts has the trainee starter programs. We need at least five NEWTS...which might I remind you is 7th Year. We're in 6th Year. No marks under Exceeds Expectations. But then after Hogwarts, you have three more years at the actual Ministry Of Magic to go through to become a full Auror. Most of that in Defense Against The Dark Arts; yet here, we've been grilled raw to the bone on it & it's only our 6th Year."

"Yeah? So?"

"I compared what we're learning to what the legislature said about Hogwarts Auror programs in the past," I laid my parchment aside & stared out the window. "We're doing double to what used to be taught here before. Hogwarts used to do just the basics back when my parents trained here."

"So Hogwarts decided to be harder on the next generation which would be us," Sirius grumbled.

I glared at him. "From my parents point of view, we're several generations later. You know my Dad was 16, nearly 17, when he was on board Titanic. He got off only because he was still considered underage & he & his mother were the only ones of the family on board. You know how old he is!"

"Yeah yeah, you're something of a miracle child born to them in old age," Sirius said. "Bit like Abraham & Sarah's child in the Bible."

"Yeah."

"So Hogwarts really added to the program since then," Sirius said.

* * *

Harry made a whooshing motion over his head & tried to flip a few pages ahead through the memoirs without breaking them. "Wait Dad! That means nothing to me. What's Titanic?" Harry put the pages back as carefully as he could, seeing no more mention of Titanic. "I hate it when he does that!"

Now he had three things to watch out for. What was Wormtail? Why did his father not destroy this? What did Titanic mean, other than large obviously?

* * *

"Sirius!" I tried to get him to see reason. "I wrote to my parents about it, asking them if it made any sense all this extra work we're doing. Mum agrees. It's a bit much for Hogwarts. Something's wrong Pads. Something's coming."

"You think they're preparing us for an attack?"

I was about to answer but Remus & Peter both entered & we were not supposed to discuss Auror training in front of non-trainers. Another thing not only I but my parents found weird. I nodded once to Sirius to answer his question as silently as possible.

"You guys still working on homework? Should have been done hours ago!" Remus all but glared. (I swear to Merlin if that mutt doesn't become a Professor here ...)

* * *

"Yeah wish granted."

* * *

"It's a lot of work," Sirius stole my line. What the hell? I glared at him again.

"You two are going to regret it in the morning," Remus pointed out as Sirius & I both stuffed our work away in our bags, giving up.

"Oh well," I muttered. "I'm too tired now anyway."

We crawled into our beds. Remus stood staring at my nightstand for a moment, then with a K9 whine he got down on his hands & knees & shoved his body in behind it. I heard the CRUNCH of fangs on lens. One of these days Moon Mutt! One of these days. Oh well, I had millions more stashed away. He came out, one earpiece dangling from his jaws. "What on Earth were you two doing all that time up here if not studying?"

"Sleeping," I said quickly while at the same time Sirius said, "Planning our next full moon romp." I tried not to roll my eyes. Ok one of us was sleeping, one of us was planning.

"I heard Prongs," Remus glared gold at me. "You shouldn't change with the door wide open."

"OY!" I sat up sharply. "It was closed & I didn't change. I can whistle like that myself, ya know." I promptly did so to prove it.

"So you weren't sleeping?"

STUPID stupid wolf! Drop it already! "I was. I whistled in my sleep & it woke me up sort of." Remus nibbled on what was left of that particular pair of glasses, the rest of the broken pieces lay strewn on the floor. "Ya know, we got to break you out of that habit soon. You're not a puppy any more." Remus plopped onto his bed, growling under breath.

"DON'T GROWL!" Sirius, Peter & I all commanded in one voice.

"Bad werewolf manners," I threw a pillow at him, earning a hiss.

"DON'T HISS!" We all ordered.

"Have we taught you nothing in proper werewolf etiquette?" Sirius groused.

"I am your Alpha. I will growl & hiss if I please. Besides, I'm not the idiot throwing pillows in other people's faces." Remus tossed my pillow back.

I locked eyes with Sirius, then turned to Peter nearly behind me. "LET'S GET HIM!"

The pillow fight was on! It was miserably unfair. Three on one. Remus fought valiantly but we killed him in the end. Werewolf fangs & pillows don't really go together. Feathers flew as he caught several of our 'weapons' in his teeth, snarling 'viciously'. (I could actually see his scruff rise as he let some of his fur on the nape of his neck out. It was all he could do without a full moon. I knew we were safe though. With his unnatural strength even in human form, he could kill us easily with one swipe. Since he was allowing the pillow-beating, he was obviously just playing.) Peter started sneezing with allergies. Moony through Remus barked. Sirius & I both rammed the dual entity at the same time.

CRACK!

Remus's bed broke.

The three of us nearly died from laughing so much. Peter had the worst of it as he tried to stop sneezing as well.

"OHH! Why am I friends with you?" Remus groaned as he fixed his bed with a wave of his wand. I could see him smirking though as he turned away. "You idiots!'

"I have no idea," I teased, then fell on my bed holding my stomach while suffering another laughing fit. In fact, it took several minutes for the four of us to actually fall silent & try to get some sleep. We repaired the pillows (though I'm sure we missed some feathers as the pillows felt flatter ever since) & Sirius used a quick Scourgify to remove any venom left on the pillowcases before we finally sank down tiredly into our beds. Remus Vanished away the broken eyewear as he lay down last.

Sirius & I skipped breakfast to finish our homework. Remus & Peter both brought us sandwiches, which we scarfed down before heading to class. We shared the usual classes with them & then found ourselves locked in the Great Hall. Auror trainers only. The Tables were gone & we were paired up to duel each other. I was with Frank Longbottom for a while, then we switched & I ended up with Jason Garcia of Hufflepuff. He was good & I ended up on my back twice.

Duelling was intense & hard work. We were kept at it for nearly an hour before class was dismissed. We grilled for long hours for the last few weeks leading up to the Christmas holidays.

Each one was more intense than the last, as we learned to control & channel our magic against each other. We were frowned upon if we spoke our spells. This was wordless magic. In our 7th year, we would learn wandless magic as well; though, Sirius & I being illegal Animaguses, would be ahead of our class.

Our final duelling test before the holidays was the hardest. Now, we would actually lose marks for speaking. Two Ministry officials oversaw the test. But the worst was, two of the Unforgivables would be used on us & we would be allowed to try to use them on our partner. The Death Curse of course, was unacceptable (though both Sirius & I eyed some people with silent wishes), but we had to learn how to handle being under attack by control or torture. An official would duel us each in turn & we had to block all their spells without even knowing what was being thrown at us. Crucio & Imperio would be among them.

But when my turn came, I was paired up with Sirius! I had never actually partnered with him before during lessons. Plenty of times outside of school of course, but never in a lesson. It was usually Lily I got, or Frank. Yet instead of someone from the Ministry coming for me, Sirius stepped up to the duelling floor in their place.

He spoke to me in French & as I can't spell it, I'll just write the English translation as best possible. "You think I'd let anyone else hurt you after last summer? I relieved that monster of nearly a million Galleons to buy my way up here for you." I stared at him, feeling both grateful & terrified. Somehow, I knew. I just knew it. He would not take it easy on me!

"Mercy." (Means thank you by the way & I think it's pretty close to the spelling.)

"Don't thank me yet," he said solemnly, still in French. Then he surprised me. "Je t'aime (I love you…the one phrase I can spell since I had plans to send it to Lily one day.)"

I was stunned! I felt my heart skip a beat. My mind was still processing that but suddenly all thoughts of what he had just confessed to me flew from me as I hit the floor screaming. Crucio! He had gone & bloody used Crucio on his first round. TABRENACK I'M GOING TO BLOODY MURDER HIM! Son of a Merlin-damned troll, he's going to die!

"Enough!" Bellowed an official after the allotted time past. Sirius left the torture curse on just a moment longer. Oh he's going to fucking DIE!

* * *

"DAD!" Harry stared at the word, never expecting to see such a bad swear from his father. Granted, that French Canadienne word was similarly as bad. Plus this Crucio thing seemed like a terrific curse. Lupin had explained it a bit. It seemed to be painful, yet in spite of it, Harry did find the situation amusing. More appropriately, his father's comments on it.

* * *

I got up on my hands & knees gasping. I have a pretty good idea how he managed that curse though he loved me. Crucio is fed by hate. He must have envisioned his father standing there instead of me, for what that man did to me. Didn't change facts. I'm going to murder Sirius! Tabrenack! That hurt!

Ignoring the aches in my body, I jumped to my feet. I doubled over for a moment, feeling as if I had been put on The Rack several times over. I honestly felt raped all over again. Glaring, I attacked him with the same spell, hoping to hurt him as much as he had hurt me.

Stupid idiot blocked me! Ok...NOW I'm incensed! I reached for Prongs within me, hoping to tap into his fury but without calling him out. Sirius & I silently bounced Crucio between us a few times, but neither was able to bring down the other. I changed tactics to a different spell but Sirius blocked me. We had totally forgotten about Imperio it seemed.

We duelled silently for the full five minutes without scoring any more hits. When we were finally ordered to stop, those overseeing our test were impressed. We both got full marks, even though I had been knocked down once right at the beginning.

No matter. I'll get him when we're alone! Then I figured it out. He didn't love me at all. He loved Remus. He had only said that to me to throw me off guard.

Yep! He's gonna bloody die. Horribly!

As we entered the dorms that night, I felt tired & out of sorts. Sirius sat down next to Remus on the couch by the fire & for the first time in my life, I felt an inexplicable anger towards our werewolf. I muttered something about getting some homework done & marched upstairs without a backwards glance. Seeing those two sitting together was the last thing I needed right now. Why I don't know, but it bugged me. Barely a few minutes went by, when Sirius joined me. I pointedly stared at the window, only to end up glaring at his reflection.

"You ok?"

"Fine, Padfoot!"

"No, you're in a jealous rage."

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are," Sirius argued. "I can expl—"

"I have homework to do," I began pulling random things out of my bag.

"You weren't supposed to get struck by it."

"Well, I did. Happy?" I kept my back to him.

"As an Auror, you are never to let your guard down," Sirius insisted on staying. "How do you know that was me down there? Hmm? Just because I say I love you doesn't mean I'm Sirius Black. Or Lily! I could be a Death Eater using Polyjuice potion."

"Oh so you were just training me, were you?" I snarled sarcastically, spilling my inkbottle.

"Not just training you but yes, that was partly it," Sirius tried to stop me from turning my bag inside-out. I pulled it away. "You failed."

"I get it," I hissed like Remus. "I don't deserve the full marks & I really shouldn't be angry right now." Damn him! He was right. I should never let my guard down. In that moment, though Remus would never know it, I knew our ranks had reversed. Sirius was now Delta & I the Omega.

Sirius grabbed my arm & forced me around to face him. "You think because I used Crucio on you or have feelings for Moony that I love you any less?"

"You can ju—wait, what?"

"Don't think for one second that I didn't mean what I said, Jim," Sirius grabbed my shoulders & demanded eye-contact. "Because I meant every word! Why do you think my Crucio was so strong? I hate him as much as I love you AND Remus. Why do you think I bought my way up there? Hmm?" He shook me a little.

I knew he had thought of his father when he did that. I felt my face getting wet. Damn it, I was crying again! "Padfoot! It hurt!" I gasped. "It hurt so much. I thought I would die."

"I know," He pulled me close & kissed me. We both knew I wasn't talking about his Crucio anymore. "I won't let you die. Never."

* * *

Harry tossed the writings aside. "But you did. Damn you. You did! I don't understand." He put the memoirs away in his trunk. Despite wanting to finish them in one go, his eyes were tired from reading & he felt more confused now than before. Harry headed to the common room to play a round of Wizarding Chess with Ron to try to clear his head.

"_You're lucky you're not my target or you would be dead by now." _

Sirius had said that. What the hell did he mean? He had run from Lupin, not tried to kill him. Was Remus the target or not?

Harry thought of the Passion Year & wondered briefly if he was reading about a different Sirius Black.

"_I am no Death Eater...Dumbledore's best Auror. Best Auror!"_

Certainly looked pretty good from what his father had written. Half-way on the stairs, Harry came up with a strange solution. What if Sirius was innocent of the crimes in a sense that he wasn't a Death Eater? James had ended up with Lily & Remus it seemed had ended up with Sirius. Harry stopped, thinking. "Merlin's sake, was it a jealous rage?" Did all those muggles die due to an accident? Manslaughter perhaps?

"_How dare you come down here looking for me when you don't even know the whole story? You could have been killed. You're lucky I'm here to protect you, not harm you."_

"What do you mean the whole story, Black? Harry muttered aloud to himself. He suddenly cast the 'jealous rage' theory aside. If that had been it, wouldn't Black want to get rid of a child representing love he had lost?

Sirius had twice saved his father's life inside of a few months. The rape. The suicide attempt. Why let James die four years later? Harry suddenly considered confronting Black again & he knew he was in trouble. There was no way he would risk getting eaten by Moony, or worse, emptying the Gryffindor hourglass again. Dimly reminded of how Hermione once sorted out her priorities in a strange way during their first year, Harry hurried to Ron's side, hoping a rousing game of Chess would make him forget his confusion, if only for a while.


	12. Chapter 12

**(12) Ballroom Blitz**

For the next two days, Harry caught up on homework & avoided Hermione & Ron together as much as possible. He didn't want to be stuck between them while they were fighting & his mind was on other things anyway.

Why was he at Privet Drive during the summer? Harry had a feeling his grandfather was probably dead due to what James had written about him being in poor health. But where was his grandmother? No one had ever mentioned anything about grandparents. Were they both dead?

On his way to the next Defence Against The Dark Arts class, Harry passed Dumbledore on his way to his office. Dumbledore was the oldest person at Hogwarts that Harry knew of. Harry suddenly turned back & ran after the old wizard.

"Professor! Wait," Harry panted as he caught up. Dumbledore paused & turned to look at him. "Have you ever heard about my grandparents?"

"I met them both only briefly," Dumbledore said. "They came here when the First War started."

"Where are they?"

"They're both dead now," Dumbledore said.

"Oh," Harry glanced at the floor. Well, that was why he was at Privet Drive.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Dumbledore went on. "They were both quite old. James was something of a miracle child to them. I do know your grandmother had become pregnant six times in her life before James. He's actually their seventh child but," He paused & sighed. "None of them took until James came into the world. Some women just have problems that neither muggle or magic cures can understand & fix."

"How old were they?"

"Well," Dumbledore thought a moment. "I don't rightly know but as I understand it from what your father said, your grandfather Charlus Potter, was in his late teens when he was on board the Titanic, as was I, though a bit older of course."

"You were on the Titanic?" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh yes," Dumbledore said. "Horrible tragedy way back in 1912. Less than half the people on that ship survived. I only got off because I had Fawkes & he teleported me far away just after Titanic sunk, farther than one can apparate on their own. Shouldn't you be in class?"

"Right, sorry sir," Harry had completely forgotten & as he didn't want Moony to eat him or dock off more points, he wisely broke off the conversation & fled for Lupin's class. 1912! That was a really long time ago.

Lupin's classroom had been turned into a bog & Harry found himself swearing in both dialects of French under breath more than once at the blasted Hinkypunks. A well placed Lumos would send them off but the trick was finding the damn things in the first place. Fog on fog. More than one student was led astray. It was a frustrating yet fun class.

Harry headed to the library that evening & looked up the Titanic. Afterwards, he felt unsettled almost as if he were, well seasick. The chance of him or even his father never even being in the world was so great, Harry was amazed they had come through. Hardly any men had survived the disaster & James had written that the only reason Charlus got off was because he was still considered young & was with his mother.

"You know Harry," Lupin's voice sounded behind him. Again, Harry vacated his chair faster than he could blink. "When you go home, you should Google about that ship."

"Google ...sir?" Harry felt incredibly odd speaking about a muggle thing like internet at Hogwarts with a Professor.

"I'm muggleborn," Lupin reminded him. "Anyway, not long after, uh, after your parents—in 1985, the bow of Titanic was found. Now, some guy named James Cameron is going after it. Been at it for nearly a decade. There's talk of a movie coming out. You should look him up."

"Oh," Harry blinked. "I will maybe."

"Careful Harry," Lupin actually smirked at him. "We sorcerers call it the Curse Of The Titanic. It creates an obsession in people. Some people really do obsess over that ship."

"Like you," Harry pointed out.

"Yep," Lupin admitted. "It affects muggles as well. A lot of sorcerers died on that ship. They stayed behind to help hold it up. Most didn't apparate away as they didn't want to take up spaces in the boats that others could need. Muggles only know about the design of that ship that let it sink slowly which is partly true. But the magical residue of witches & wizards that died created that so-called curse." He bit a piece of chocolate. "Superstitions, eh?"

"I guess," Harry shrugged. "Been to Canada lately?"

"No," Lupin laughed at him. "Oh but the Titanic is sunk in Canadian waters."

"Hang on," Harry suddenly thought. "Dumbledore was on that ship to."

"Was he?" Lupin stared a moment. "I didn't know that."

"If all these powerful sorcerers were on that ship, why did they let it sink?"

"Most say it was a magic experiment gone wrong," Lupin said. "The iceberg was a cover. Oh yes, it did hit the berg but there was a jinx on it. Before a counter was found it was more than too late. Most people didn't even know the ship was going under until the very end. Some say it was Grindelwald's fault."

"Who's that?"

"A dark wizard almost as bad as Voldemort," Lupin stated simply. "Dumbledore finally put him away though. For a while, the wizarding world was fine, then Voldemort showed up."

"I'll be sure to avoid luxury ocean-liners until Voldemort's gone then," said Harry. "Both Dumbledore & my grandfather was on board Titanic. Quite amazing!"

"That's how I got cursed with that ship," Lupin said. "Your father mentioned that fact about your grandfather & I was hooked on Titanic ever since. I wonder if it's still here." Lupin beckoned Harry to follow as he led the way into the Library's Annex & then almost up to the iron barred doors of the Restricted Section. Leaving Harry below, Lupin quickly scaled a ladder going up one wall of bookshelves until he reached the ledge to the next level. Ducking under flapping books, he disappeared out of sight for a few minutes. "Found it!" Lupin suddenly appeared in midair as he jumped down. Harry was sure he would break his legs but Lupin landed light as a feather on his toes. "What? Moony's strong. Here," Lupin handed over a small yellowed book.

Harry opened up the book. It was full of moving wizard pictures, all of Titanic. "Wow. She was a pretty ship inside."

"Mhm," Lupin nodded. "Those were taken by various sorcerers on one camera. The pictures are all in order. Near the end, you'll see her in distress. James insisted that the camera was given to his grandmother & your grandfather Charlus when they left. Let me know when you're on page 221."

Harry took some time getting there as there were so many pictures of parties & the decks of Titanic. Then suddenly, the angle of the pictures changed. They were now taken from a position away from the mother ship which was now partly underwater at the front. He finally flipped to 221. Titanic was on end & then broke apart, the back end splashing down & creating waves as it struck ocean water once more like a giant whale's tail. "Found it."

"That was taken by Charlus," Lupin said. "So James told me."

"Whoa!" Harry watched the break up again. How the hell was he standing here? Only because Charlus was young then. It seemed like Dark Lords plagued Harry's existence even before he existed. "That is scary! It's amazing anyone survived that."

"Yep, you're officially cursed," Lupin walked away laughing.

Harry watched the picture replay the snapping of Titanic. He saw in tiny letters on the bottom 'Charlus Potter' written out. His grandfather's picture? He stared at it a long time, wishing he could rip it out for himself. But it would interrupt the story told by the pictures as they went right to the end & then stopped just before the back end of Titanic disappeared. It was with great difficulty that he released the book so it could fly back to its place high among the shelves of the older parts of the library. Harry headed back to his father's writings.

* * *

Padfoot was in love with me. I couldn't believe it! I don't think either of us planned to go this far. I wasn't even into guys, especially after my encounter with Orion Black. I was terrified of guys! But Padfoot? I wondered how I ever got along not loving him. Yes I returned the feeling. I had felt this way for a while.

What about Lily? Remus? I had no idea what he had planned for either of them or us, but at the moment, all I cared about was standing here, letting him hold me. Me! Not some girl whose name we forget in a day. Not even Remus. Me.

After what seemed like an eternity that was far too short, he pulled away. "Hey, I have an idea for a kind of gift to our muggleborn friends."

Just like that, Remus & Lily had come up. Great! "What is it?"

"Well," Sirius stood away from me & held his hands in the air. "We need Flitwick's help."

"Flitwick's?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "It's the holidays now. I was thinking for something at the New Year's Party."

"Ok, what sort of Charms do you think we'll need?"

"Um, not uh not exactly Charms, per se," he passed a hand through his long black hair. "Flitwick teaches two things you know."

"Yeah he's the choir mast—oh no. Can you even sing?"

"No idea," Sirius shrugged. "But I'd like to try & I do know you're a good dancer."

* * *

Harry glanced up, staring at nothing. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly?"

* * *

"Well I," I stammered. "Remus says I rip off dance moves from the girls in ABBA & the Jackson 5, namely Michael. But I'm not that good at it. Are you asking me out to the dance? You want to take this public?"

"I am asking you to the dance but we don't have to take it public," Sirius said rather fast. "I know you want something secret for yourself. Besides, people would want to know why we're together & you don't want that out. We also have Lily & Remus to take care of."

"What are you scheming, you crazy man?" I gave up & asked him point blank. He ended up explaining to me what he wanted Flitwick for, but he left me in the dark on Lily & Remus.

We had to invite Flitwick outside the shielding of Hogwarts which wouldn't allow most muggle contraptions to work. As he was already leaving for Hogsmeade anyway, we cornered him there & got him to agree to come with us to the next town with muggle folk. Sirius had picked out apparently Remus's favourite song at the time from some muggle British band called 'Sweet' & he had a taped copy of it. He had borrowed the player in a hotel & pushed play but nothing happened.

Flitwick (who easily passed himself off as a midget) & I glanced at each other while Sirius muttered (quite unkindly) in French at the contraption. I finally noticed the cord & remembered something about that. I plugged it into the nearest hole in the wall. It didn't fit so I turned the plug upside down. I think. I don't know. I'm a freaking pure ok? Hex me! Anyway, despite the fact that my stupid beautiful Grim dog knew more about muggle contraptions than I did (all to help his rebellion against his family along); I at least, got the thing to work.

* * *

Harry burst out laughing as he facepalmed. "Yep this is going to be bad! Hey Dad? It's called an outlet & the plugs have one larger prong on it. You ought to know the word prong, Prongs. Just for the record."

* * *

Sirius glared, then pushed play again. A fast paced rock 'n' roll song was heard. I glared back at him. He expected us to sing this? I half-hoped Flitwick would think the idea ludicrous, dock some points off both of us for ever bothering him & walk away.

Turns out, he loved it.

Great, we had less than a month to work on it before the New Year's dance!

Have I mentioned lately that I hate Sirius?

* * *

Harry nodded vigorously, took a bite of a sandwich he had stolen from the Great Hall & continued reading.

* * *

Leaving it all in Flitwick's hands, Sirius & I took off to finish our Hogsmeade vacation with Remus & Peter.

For Christmas, I pushed out my horns part way & was able to pass them off as festive decorations. Others wore actual headbands with antlers sticking out of them or Santa elf hats. They were impressed with my realistic-looking antlers. For the first time since I've known him, Sirius was not impressed. He considered it reckless exposure & pointed out that since I had little control over Prongs, who's to say the whole damn Stag won't appear?

It would have been fine if it weren't for that one stupid Hufflepuff girl. Those from Year 5 to 7 were allowed to stay in the Great Hall longer for the Christmas party. Late into the night, Sirius encountered a problem that nearly ripped Prongs out of me. The girls were starting to come on to him again. It had been several months since he had done his rounds of Hogwarts witches & they were starting to talk. Odette Bennet has had her eye on him since the end of our OWL year. Back then, he had promised to date her when we returned in the fall. Of course that had never happened & now she was starting to dislike being ignored.

She wasn't even ignored. Sirius & I had actually forgotten about her, since we had more urgent issues to deal with. She caught him in the Grand Entrance & pushed him under the stairs.

That's where I caught them. She had her wand pressed against his Adam's apple, thinking to have her way with him. I knew immediately that Sirius didn't want to be there, but who ever heard of Sirius refusing a girl's advances? She didn't seem to notice. I huffed & felt my horns rise higher. Sirius's eyes flew open wider in alarm & the rest happened in a blur.

"What are you doing?" I grabbed her long brown curly mane & yanked her right off Sirius, then twisted around & threw her across the floor. I had used the strength of Prongs.

"POTTER!" Odette cried out as she hit the floor. She touched her hip gingerly. We all knew she'd get a bruise there. Good! I've had to deal with my fair share of bruises there for a while.

I dropped chin to chest & was about to charge. Sirius punched me! "Calm down!"

"What did you do that for?" Odette sobbed as she tried to limp forward. She held her left side with both hands.

"Sirius didn't want you touching him!" I shot back.

"JAMES!" I felt Sirius throw me behind him & further under the stairs into the dark. I knew why. My horns were coming out completely. Next would be the Stag & I found I didn't care any more. I wanted to charge her, run her down. Anything to drive her away. If this stair decided to take off when Sirius was trying to hide my illegal Animagic, I'd probably burst out laughing at the irony of it all. "Stupify!"

I woke up in a broom cupboard a while later, Sirius leering over me. "Wha...?"

Sirius punched me again! "I told you to get that damn Stag under control but what do you decide to do? Go rutting against some woman & try to charge her! Prongs, what is WRONG with you?"

"She was forcing you."

"She was doing no such thing!" Sirius balled up one fist. I ducked but he didn't swing at me. "Yes, she had me pressed up against the stairs. But she wouldn't have hurt me. I'd have gotten rid of her myself but no no no! You had to go all Wild America on her arse!"

"I just wanted to—"

"I know exactly what you wanted!" Sirius shouted at me. "Do you honestly think I don't know what's going on? I heard Prongs whistle at me the last time I gave you the rub! You're in the rut & since you can't control him, your instinct is to charge down anyone who so much as looks at me. Get that thing under control!"

"Padfoot, I can't help how I feel about you."

"Nor I you," Sirius put a hand on my cheek. "But Jim, if you go to Azkaban even for a second, it'll destroy me. You've suffered enough." He kissed me. Long. Deep. Sensual. Then he ripped my heart out. "Destroy him."

"What?"

"Destroy Prongs," Sirius repeated.

"WHAT?!" I couldn't believe what he was asking me to do. If you destroy your Animagus form, you could never learn another one.

"The anti-magus potion takes an hour & half to make," He held up a vial. "I've had it ready since our first Quidditch game. Destroy him." He held it out to me. "Now!"

He made me cry that night. I couldn't believe what he was asking me to do. He upset me more when he revealed that he had that hellish potion that would rip Prongs away from me forever ready for me for months! "Sirius. Don't!"

"I would rather die than see you, Remus or Peter in Azkaban! Now drink it!"

"Sirius please!" I got on my knees as if begging. I was begging. "Please! What would we tell Remus?"

"The truth!" Sirius uncorked the vial. "You didn't learn Animagic well enough. Prongs would kill you. Now drink it!" He grabbed my hair & tipped my head back.

"FORCE ME TO TAKE THIS & YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN YOUR FATHER!"

Sirius released me like a live wire. I stood up, glaring through angry tears. "Jim..."

"Force me & I'll kill you!" I meant every last word. "Do you hear me? I'll bloody kill you! I'll lie you down in a grave by your bastard father!"

He back-handed me so hard across the face, that my body was turned into the wall. I closed my eyes & leaned against that wall. It was over. Our love. Our very friendship. All gone! Just like that. The worst thing was? It was all my fault. I knew I hurt him when I compared him to his father. I regretted it the same moment I said it. But it was finished. I heard glass shattering. He had dropped the vial.

* * *

Harry had one hand over his mouth as he reread that. "Is this whole mess...your fault Dad? Did you...drive Black away?"

It was a horrible thought. But ...what if?

Harry forced himself…huh forced...to re-assess everything. He hated the Sirius Black out there for killing his parents. But here in these pages? Sirius had never done anything against his father.

Until now.

"_You're not my target. I'm here to protect you. Dumbledore's best."_

Harry ran both hands through his hair. "Oh Merlin! Did Dad drive you away?" In that moment, Harry knew. He would go face Sirius Black again. He would have to be extra careful not to attract Moony. Maybe go after Black during a full moon. Something certainly wasn't right.

* * *

"If that's how you see me," Sirius whispered. "Mister Potter." He put a hand on the doorknob & opened it a crack. "Don't you ever speak to me again." He opened the door & stepped out.

"No!" I pushed away from the wall & went after him. "Stop! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." He slowed but didn't stop. He didn't look back at me either. I fell to my knees. "De so lay. DE SO LAY! (French for sorry.) Padfoot!" I thought I knew what cry your heart out meant before now. I was wrong. Every last tear within me fought to be the first to fall & they all came out at once. He had stopped. Finally stopped walking away from me. "Don't take another step! Not one more! I'm so sorry!" I kept apologising in both French & English.

He came back. He came back! I knelt there panting, my heart racing faster than ever. All I wanted was his forgiveness. Crossing his arms, he sent me a murderous look. He raised one brow in a Spock-ish sort of way. "Would you like to know where I was headed just now?" His voice was sweet & loving & I knew, I was in serious trouble! "I was heading for Dumbledore to ask him to sort me into another house."

"Sirius! NO! Please don't!" Merlin's sake, will I ever stop crying this year? I've never shed so many tears before now.

"Give me one good reason why I should stay in Gryffindor."

"Two. I've got two!" I couldn't believe he was that mad! "Remus &...&...& je t'aime!"

"I don't have to be a lion to take care of Remus," Sirius continued to glare at me. "And no true lover would ever dare to compare me to Orion Black!" He turned to leave.

"Wait! No don't!" I screamed so loud that my voice was as high as a woman's. The noise of the party beyond the large doors to the Great Hall did not drown out my cry. "Please! Sirius, I didn't mean it. I just got scared is all! Please." I grabbed his hand. "...My Delta..."

Sirius turned back to me & yanked his hand away. "That's the problem, isn't it? I am the last person you ought to be afraid of, Omega!"

"Sirius," I was at my wits end by now. I did not miss the fact that he had not said 'my' Omega. "Prongs means everything to me. I'm not a Marauder without him. I can't run with you against Moony without him. I can't raise Wormtail to safety without him! Please. Don't take him from me. Help me! Please. Go through Animagic with me again. Help me get him under control. Don't kill him!" I could no longer bear to look at his glowering gaze. I bowed my head. "Please Padfoot! I need you."

He touched my head & began petting me. "Do you have any idea how out of line you were?"

"I'm so sorry!" I dared to look up at him. Great! Now he was crying to. What a mess! "I'll do anything!" I put my arms around his neck so he couldn't get away. "I'll quit being an Auror so you won't have to work with me." I turned my face to kiss his arm. "I'll drop out of school & only come around on full moons so you don't have to leave Gryffindor." I kissed his cheek. "Anything Padfoot! Even s—s ..." I stopped, then Frenched him so I wouldn't have to finish that word. He knelt down in front of me & I was able to bury my face in his shoulder. "Can't breathe. Oh Sirius! I can barely breathe!"

He finally put his arms around me & I broke down completely. My panic & shock was absolute. "Jim? Shh. It's alright. I'm here. Jim..."

When next I opened my eyes, I was lying on a bed. My bed. Gryffindor Tower. Sirius was lying on his side next to me, looking down at me. Early morning sun was streaming in through the windows. "What happened?"

"You fainted." Sirius pushed back my bangs. "More precisely, you had an anxiety attack."

"So, uh I didn't die & go to heaven then?"

"Why do you think you're in heaven?"

"Well, you're sort of lying here next to me," I muttered. "But didn't we just break up in reality?"

"Almost," Sirius said, flicking up an eyebrow. "But not quite."

Feeling guilty as hell, I looked away for several minutes. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Can you ever at least consider destroying Prongs?"

TABRENACK!

OFF!

Are you kidding me?

I can't believe he's still harping on that one! Didn't we just nearly get myself killed over this? I HATE HIM! "Don't ever spring something that drastic on me again, ok? Give me time. Work with me." I grabbed his collar & yanked him down so that we were nose to nose. "GENTLY EASE ME INTO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" I let him go. "I need time to consider something like that. It was too much. Too fast. Too sudden! How could you do that to me?" Great. Now it's all his fault. Let's see how he deals with it!

Jerk!

He kissed me.

Stupid bloody jerk!

"I know," Sirius said. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you better be!" I folded my arms & glared at the ceiling.

"I erased Odette's memories of last night," Sirius tried to appease me. "She can blame her bruise on being drunk."

"Yeah, thanks," I muttered. "Merry bloody Christmas!" I had just remembered what day it was today. Sirius burst out laughing. OHMYGOD he's such a jerk!

Then he straddled my hips & I could feel every curve & lump between his legs pressed against my own. I gritted my teeth, glowering. I was mad at him. He wasn't allowed to flirt! "Hold up your hand." I rolled my eyes. "Just do it." I raised one hand. "Your cut one." With an annoyed slap to the bedcovers, I let that arm fall & lifted the other one. Sirius pulled out a leather strap. I rolled my eyes again & glanced around to the other beds but they were empty. "They never came up. Passed out in the Great Hall no doubt." He tied the strap over my suicide scars. "I've gotten all us Marauders into wearing these." He held up his own wrist where a black leather strap was tied. "Call them friendship bands but in reality," He gestured at my scars.

"Mhm," I was actually quite impressed & grateful for the idea but I was sooooo freaking mad at him right now that I didn't bother showing it.

He smiled at me. "You've got a bit of a shiner going on there."

"What?" I took my part of the double mirror we used to talk to each other, similar to muggle telephones. I had a small dark purple bruise just under my right eye & it extended down to a small cut over my cheekbone.

"I'm sorry Jim, but I had to keep Prongs from bursting out."

"I really dislike you," I grumbled. "How the hell are we going to explain this?"

"Simple really. You hit a wall," Sirius shrugged. "That's where that cut came in I think."

"I hit a wall," I echoed. It was pretty much the truth.

He shifted to lie on me, the movement working some rather 'swell' wonders on me which I tried not to show. He kissed me again, while bearing down on me in one steady movement. We both got off with that. Then he pulled away from me a little. "Never, say something so vile to me again. Alright?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Sirius nuzzled into my neck. "But you only get once chance with me about something like that. Don't blow it, Potter. I'll make you regret it."

* * *

"You DID drive him away!" Harry laid it aside for hopefully the final time. So that's what happened. James Potter must have made yet another snide remark like that. Even Harry couldn't believe how stupid it was, comparing Sirius to Orion. After all they had gone through. Lily must have gotten caught in some crossfire but James had been the target.

So how would that explain all the muggles that died & that other wizard Pe—Peter? PETER! Was that Peter this same Peter here?

"Oh what am I missing?" Harry cried out. "Dad, what aren't you telling me? Is this your fault or not?"

He picked up the cracking pages once more.

* * *

As New Years Eve loomed over us, I was suddenly feeling nervous. Why had I agreed to this? If it was last year, I'd have revelled in it & bragged about it. Now I hate being the center of attention. I would actually be up there on stage with the rest of the Hogwarts Choir. I realised what Sirius was doing. He was reintroducing me to my fans.

I used to be a great show off. During Quidditch matches, I could fly standing on my broom handle at high speed, yet have my hands free to clap against everyone's outstretched hands in the stands. I was a bit of a trick-flier. It had come naturally to me. Same thing went for dancing. I had been to one ABBA concert with Remus & watched both them & others on his TV. I just picked stuff up like that. (Yet I'm so confused on how ABBA are made of full sized humans yet still get into that tiny box in Moony's living room. I just don't get it.)

* * *

Harry facepalmed. In fact, he decided to stay in that position while reading through New Years. "It's the same way that great ship Titanic came to be a tiny thing in that little book, Dad! Merlin's sake, I'm so glad I'm not a pureblood."

* * *

Now, I could barely stand Lily's eyes watching me, let alone the whole school. But could I pull out?

Nope! Sirius forced me to face him. "I'll be up there with you. Just let the music move you. Let it take control. Just like you used to do."

Yeah right! If it weren't for my aversion to fans, I knew it would have been easy. Flitwick was a great teacher & it turned out that both Sirius & I had voices well-suited to that song. We were perfect in practise, but I had no idea how to handle every last eye staring at me.

The party started long before midnight. Flitwick had the choir going with other songs until midnight & I avoided the stage until the last possible moment. In the meantime, I know Sirius spiked my eggnog! He got me a little high & drunk so that I wouldn't care.

Or at least he tried. But I was still so traumatised inside that I was completely sober when it came time to join Flitwick's band up there. Then the lights went out apart from torches in the corner casting a near-romantic glow around the edges of the Great Hall. I couldn't see them so well as before. Sirius then removed my glasses. Now, I really couldn't see murd! (French for shit by the way. No idea how to spell it but whatever.)

"How many times do I have to tell you to trust me?" He kissed me quickly behind the curtains, then disappeared out there leaving me no choice but to suck it up, buttercup! No matter. I now felt light as a feather.

Sirius skipped to the front of the stage. "Are you ready Hogwarts? This one's for our muggleborn friends. Popular a couple years ago!"

I ran out at that moment & the only thing stopping me from ploughing head over heels off the stage was Sirius grabbing my hand. I really couldn't see much but if I squinted, I could make out—make out, what a weird multi-purpose phrase—make out barely Remus & Peter right in front of me. Well, that's ok. No one else though please. I called out the first line & the answers from the crowd filled in the lyrics.

"Are you ready Remus?

Uh what?

Lily?

Yeah? (She was somewhere off to the side, totally confused but close.)

Sirius?

Ok.

Alright fellas lets go!

(OH YOU GITS! Remus suddenly understood what we were doing. He burst out laughing as Sirius & I started. I DON'T BELIEVE IT! YOU IDIOTS! He had to cover his mouth with both hands to hide his fangs while he laughed. Oops, didn't think of that. Oh well. He got it covered.)

Oh it's been getting so hard,

Livin' with the things you do to me.

Aha

Oh my dreams are getting so strange,

I'd like to tell you everything I see.

(Sirius pointed at someone who he later insisted was Snape while Remus doubled over laughing.) Oh I see a man at the back as a matter of fact;

His eyes are red as the sun.

By now Harry had his own hand over his mouth. "I'm so calling in sick for Potions for a while."

(I saw Lily moving closer to Remus. She was laughing at me to. Good, 'cause her line's up!) And the girl in the corner? Let no one ignore her

'cause she thinks she's the passionate one! (She tried so hard to glare at me as Sirius & I harmonized together again.)

Oh yeah, it was like lightning!

Everybody was frightening,

And the music was soothing,

And they all started grooving!

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!

And the man at the back said, Everyone attack

And it turned into a ballroom blitz!

And the girl in the corner said, Boy I wanna warn ya, (Lily wagged an accusing finger at me.)

It'll turn into a ballroom blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

(Sirius & I both danced back to back for a bit, before he took over the lyrics.)

Ah ah I'm reaching out for something;

Touching nothing's all I ever do.

Oh-oh I softly call you over (He summoned me over with a finger.) when you appear

There's nothing left of you.

Aha

Now the man in the back is ready to crack

as he raises his hands to the sky.

And the girl in the corner is ev'ry one's mourner.

She could kill you with a wink of her eye! (I think Lily winked at me, but I'm never going to ask her! I continued to sing with Sirius.)

Oh yeah, it was electric.

So frightfully hectic!

And the band started leaving

'cause they all stopped breathing!

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

And the man at the back said, Everyone attack

And it turned into a Ballroom Blitz!

And the girl in the corner said, Boy I wanna warn ya

It'll turn into a Ballroom Blitz! Ballroom Blitz!

(HOLY FLAMING PHOENIX! FLITWICK IS CROWD-SURFING! CROWD-SURFING! I just barely caught sight of him running off the stage & jumping onto the crowd! When that happened, I decided to go all out with the dance. If a Professor can go crazy like that, so could I. Crowd-surfing! Charms will never be the same!)

* * *

"Nope!" Harry agreed, wiping tears from his eyes.

* * *

(Flitwick had upped the beat a bit & as far as I could hear, the crowd was loving it. I let it take over me. HEY PRONGS! Remus called out! I THINK I GOT YOU THE WRONG GIFT! I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU A POLE FOR CHRISTMAS! Yeah well, Moon mutt's gonna die! So there. That said, he did have a point. I could feel myself twisting & turning to the music & I just let myself go. Flitwick had returned to the stage as Sirius & I finished the song.)

Oh yeah, it was like lightning!

Everybody was frightening,

And the music was soothing,

And they all started grooving!

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

And the man at the back said, Everyone attack

And it turned into a Ballroom Blitz!

And the girl in the corner said, Boy I wanna warn ya

It'll turn into a Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

Ballroom Blitz!

(By now, Sirius looked every bit a rocker, swishing his shoulder length black hair back & forth. He had even let his beard grow out a bit for the night into a goatee.)

It's it's a Ballroom Blitz!

It's-it's a Ballroom Blitz!

It's-it's a Ballroom Blitz!

Yeah, it's a Ballroom Blitz!

(Flitwick finished with a large explosion of fireworks inside the Great Hall. Sirius & I clapped our hands together & jumped off the stage onto Remus & Peter.)"

"I can't believe you guys did that!" Remus exclaimed loudly over the noise.

* * *

"Yeah, I can't believe I just read that!" Harry wasn't sure what he was laughing at by now. A muggle rock song played in this very school. His father a potential pole dancer. Both his father & Sirius Black out there, singing. Or Flitwick crowd-surfing. "I'd give all my galleons to see that one! A crowd-surfer! Wicked!"

* * *

Remus, Lily & several other of our muggleborn friends kept us up late into the night when we finally returned to Gryffindor Tower. All demanded how we managed to get Flitwick to agree to a non-magic band song. It was easy. Turns out he had a penchant for muggle music & had been looking for an excuse to bring some of it into the school. None of us got to bed until late in the morning & we all slept most of the day.

As the holidays drew to a close, I had to face getting on a broom again as the Quidditch had started up once more & Charlotte wanted us to practise, practise, practise.

* * *

Harry took a moment to check his watch & he stared at the time to make sure he was reading it right. "_Merde. Merde! MERDE!"_ Harry used the French word for shit as he leapt from his bed, tossed everything into his trunk & locked it. He was nearly ten minutes late & he hadn't even left the dormitory. Speaking of Quidditch practise, the Gryffindor team had booked the Pitch for this very evening! Harry ran as if being chased by demons & showed up so out of breath that he collapsed to the floor until the dizziness wore away a few minutes later. "I'm here. I'm ok! Let's do this! I'm fine!"

"What the flaming Phoenix is wrong with you?"

"I have no idea what the 'tabrenacking' Phoenix is wrong with me," Harry wheezed. "I'm here aren't I?

"What was that you said?"

"I'm not quite sure how to say it," Harry shrugged. "It's Canadienne. Ask Lupin." He shouldered his broom & headed out for the Pitch.

"Did he just say to knock up a Phoenix?" Fred asked his twin.

"Wicked," George schemed. Fawkes would be the victim of whatever tests the twins schemed up next, provided they got their hands on him.

_(AN: Yeah yeah, ripped off Sherlock again. Lol)_


	13. Chapter 13

_(AN: Slightly higher rating on this chapter due to some violence coming up.)_

* * *

**(13) Tribal Summons**

When it was time for Quidditch practise to start again, I asked Sirius to remove his charms so I could see if I could ride properly. Our next game was in a month & a half, just after Valentine's Day. But Charlotte said that we had gotten fat & lazy over the holidays & she wanted us to get into shape now or else.

Well she had a point. Sixteen of them really. I wasn't fat. I was actually underweight due to this stressful year. But Prongs? He had almost always been fat, probably because whenever I used him, he tried to waste time chewing cud when I was trying to keep Moony away from humans. Stupid Stag!

Technically speaking, though she didn't know it at the time, it's Lily's fault that Prongs is fat. She hated me from the start, but when she first met Prongs, she thought first of all that he was just a wild Stag & second of all, she liked him just fine. She had fed Prongs throughout the past couple of years. Sugar cubes, Candied fruit. Apples & when Sirius finally got through to her, pineapple. He had convinced her that deer like pineapple, not apples, since pineapple was my favourite. But it all comes down to the fact that Prongs is a pig in Stag's clothing & he is fatter than Santa Clause. Granted, he had lost a bit since last summer but as Charlotte said, he managed to pick it up again over the holidays. I'm just grateful it doesn't affect my human form.

Yet.

What was I saying? Oh yeah. Prongs is stupid (& fat) & I'm trying to sit on a broom properly for the first time since last summer. Here goes nothing.

Anyway, the practise was fine, though I waited until no one but Sirius was looking at me to get off my broom. It wasn't unbearable any more, but I was still a bit sore. I just needed to get used to a normal broom again. I was getting better at being the Seeker & felt that by the next game, I should be fine.

Sirius did not bring up Prongs again for which I was grateful. I knew he was right about the Stag becoming uncontrollable. Wild. But to destroy him? I couldn't bear that right now. Though I didn't show it, or tell him, I found myself often silently crying myself to sleep, horrified at the mere suggestion. Part of me knew he was right. But if I lost Prongs, there will be more scars on my wrists & this time, I'd be sure to pick a place no one will find me until long after I passed on.

I can't lose Prongs. I won't!

I began using my Invisibility Cloak to sneak into the Restricted Section of the library at night. When we had first learned Animagic, we had used old books from the great Black library that Sirius stole from his parents' house during breaks from school. He never returned them but instead had found a hidden shelf to put all of them on so we could refer to them whenever we needed to.

There were seventeen books altogether, some of them four inches thick. We never read all of them right through. I suppose now we probably should have. We had merely studied through them enough to learn how to become an animal. Now I started reading them all from front to back. I was looking for a way to heal Animagustral Power.

Sirius caught me sneaking out one night & from then on, he came with me to help look for a remedy besides destroying Prongs. While the match between Ravenclaw & Slytherin went on, we both spent the time going through the books. We read in silence. By now we were nearly done. I finished a rather larger book & put it aside, finding nothing. Then I noticed a tiny book not much bigger than my hand. I stared at its title for a long time.

"Tribal Summons"

Did I dare? Yes. Yes I did. "Sirius, I need your help."

"Found something?"

"I want to do the Ritual," I said. He let his book fall. "I want to do it & I'm asking you to be my Watchtower."

"James!" Sirius gasped. "We don't know enough for that."

"It's all here," I lifted up the tiny book.

"It isn't enough," Sirius shook his head. "You & I both know that if the Spirit refuses, the Summoner dies. We're illegal. All our Spirits are already upset with us for that."

"I have to speak to him," I stated firmly. I've never felt more calm in my life than in that moment. I knew this was the right way. "Please don't make me drag in Peter. I'd rather not explain this to anyone else. But I will do this!"

"We have to wait for a New Moon."

I tucked the book into my pocket & picked up the Cloak. I knew Sirius would try to change my mind from now until then. Yeah well, good luck with that! "We will wait."

I was wrong. Sirius barely spoke to me for the next week & a half & I was almost ready to consider another Animagus to come with me (dreading the fact that I would have to expose my rape to anyone else) when Sirius showed up with a gold-bladed dagger. I was sitting on my bed doing homework, when he shoved it under my nose.

"Promise me, you'll stay alive through this."

"I will," I wasn't afraid at all. I knew this was right.

"You know the rules," Sirius went on. "You can't take anything against the pain or to heal afterwards. It all has to be natural."

"I know."

He sat on the bed in front of me, shoved my parchments & quill to the floor, then leaned forward & kissed me. I felt the cold metal at my throat. He continued to kiss me as he pushed me down under him until we were lying across my bed. I felt a prick at my throat from his blade. He finally broke off with me but kept the blade firmly in place. "Then steel yourself against tomorrow night because I am really going to hurt you."

"I trust you."

"Good," Sirius kissed me again. "Because I don't trust myself."

"It'll be fine, Pads."

He merely scoffed & went to his own bed, tucking the blade under his pillow.

We put a mild sleeping draught into the drinks of Remus & Peter so they wouldn't follow us & stumble on something they shouldn't. We then exited the castle under Cloak & headed for the Dark Forest. Neither of us spoke, being lost in our own thoughts. I knew Sirius was terrified of not only my impending death but also of hurting me. I was prepared for both & doubted I would die. While walking towards the Forest, I went through all the self-training we had done to become animals for our werewolf.

Animagic is neither Light or Dark. It is a grand thing once mastered but it isn't without its horrors such as this Ritual tonight. There are plenty of reasons why it's illegal without Ministry approval.

Animagic is Tribal Power from millennia upon millennia ago. When Native Indians speak of Spirit Guides, they refer to an old power from their ancestors. A Spirit Guide is an animal that guides one's life. It is a Spirit from long ago of ancestral elders. To become an Animagus, one must find what their Spirit Guide was, then summon it, then merge with it. Prongs, my Stag? He used to be a Lakotan Chief about four thousand years ago named Swift Horn. Padfoot is from the Iroquois (who was originally a woman named Tiny Bubbles) & Wormtail is Algonquin (Bloodclaw, a Brave & great hunter).

* * *

"Whoa," Harry suddenly thought of McGonagall. That Cat? An actual living person thousands of years ago? He had heard of Spirit Guides before of course, but had never put much thought into them.

* * *

The Ministry official that oversees any Animagustral attempts are Native Indians who either deem one worthy or not. To become an Animagus, one must first belong to a tribe, learn their language, their ways. That was to please the Spirit Guides. The Merge happened only if they approved. Our three Spirits were angry with us when we first met for doing this without permission of their descendants. They had demanded why we wanted to Merge. Then we told them of the werewolf. They had become curious & the death threats stopped. They had finally agreed & not one but three Merges happened.

The Ritual summons them out of your body to speak to them. If they weren't pleased, the Summoner, who was originally the Animagus, dies.

All who Merge bear a living tattoo that runs about on your flesh. It won't go to the face (so as not to block the eyes, considered to be the windows to the soul) but I have had an outline of Prongs on both my hands on more than one occasion. The three of us learned rather quickly to be ambidextrous to hide the Spirit tattoo when it showed up at random.

I broke out of my memories as we arrived at the spot deep in the Forest where the Merges had taken place. The altar was still there as was the old fire pit. There was no snow here, being so far under the trees. Our protective shields from two & a half years ago were still up. Sirius added a Warming Charm to keep out the cold & then lit the fire. He set the blade part of the sheathed dagger into the flames & then stood by the altar, a long slab of stone that was just big enough to lie down on. He didn't speak & neither did I. We both knew what to do.

Now that the time had come, I was afraid of the coming pain. I took my time to strip down completely but eventually I was standing naked before Sirius for a very different reason from flirtations in the showers. I held my hands out, watching the small but intricate outline of my Stag cavort down my right arm & over my shoulder. With a quick move, Sirius had stepped behind me & clapped a hand to my back.

Close to my tail bone. Great! So it's that part that will get hurt all over again.

"I caught him. He won't move now."

I was about to ask if it had to be there of all places, but I knew that it was the only place that would work. Catch Prongs anywhere else, I would die. We stood like that for several minutes, his hand still touching my lower back. I was shaking. Damn it! Why didn't I expect this? Why was it so surprising? It was the only place that would work. I should have known!

"There's still time to back out."

"No."

"This won't be like Orion."

"I know," I finally stepped to the altar. "It'll be worse." If it had been anyone else, I would have given up. But I was with my Grim. He'll take care of me. He was my Watchtower. He would stand by me to the end & witness this. As he went to the fire to retrieve the hot golden blade, I began chanting in Lakotian, speaking to Prongs. Calling him out. By now I was kneeling in the center of the altar, ignoring the hard stone against my legs. I continued my summons. I felt the power of the Spirit rip through me, jerking my body back. I found myself staring at the sky as I finished the call.

Sirius put a hand under my head & pushed me forward to lie face down on the altar. He used Carpe Retractum to bind me, hand & foot, to the four corners of the altar & then stood at my head. "This is so not what I imagined tying you up for."

"Just get it done." My eyes were level with his belt & I watched him take it off & fold it. He put it in my mouth to bite on.

"I'll be as quick as I can," he kissed my brow, then went to the side & out of my sight. I heard the shhh of the dagger being pulled out of its sheath.

Instinctual panic took over but I was bound firmly in place. He made the first cut & I squealed into the leather between my teeth. He cut again.

Sirius had to cut every single line on the tattoo. He was carving Prongs into my living flesh. The cuts not only stung with every slice, but also burned from the hot blade. The heat boiled back my flesh from every line but I'd rather this any day than Orion. I suddenly threw my head back in a scream, the belt dropped to the ground. Sirius had hit the tailbone with that hell-hot blade & he could not stop to give the belt back. Once started, it was death to stop for both of us until it was finished. He cut the next line, also through the bone. In fact, his next several engravings were on the bone as he finished the middle section of the tattoo.

By now, I was keening for it to be over. It can't last much more than this, can it? I heard & felt Sirius move to my other side to finish. He struck again. It didn't hurt as much as going through my bone. My blood was running out of Prongs & down the left side of the altar. Now, it was starting to stain the right side as Sirius continued to carve out Prongs.

"Almost over," he suddenly said. "Seven more lines ...four more. Hold on."

"Padfoot! It hurts!"

"I know, two more!"

The next thing I knew, my binds were loosed. He was finished but the entire image of his butcher's work still burned. I heard the fire sizzle loudly as Sirius cast off my blood from his hands into the flames. "Come James. You have to."

"I can't..." I wanted to pass out.

"You must!" Sirius ordered. "Come now!"

He couldn't help me. I'm the Summoner. I'm the one who had to choose to move or die. Well, I didn't want to die right now, that was for sure. I held my breath & pushed myself off the altar now damp with my sweat, tears & blood. I stumbled for balance as my back felt enflamed with agony. Ignoring it as best possible, I looked at the fire & began marching towards it, my scarred hand outstretched in front of me. I began chanting the summons once more. The flames rose up to twice their height, past our heads. A true bonfire. They suddenly turned a blue-black & I stepped into their center.

I was surrounded by white. No more pain. No heat. No Sirius. Though I knew all of that was just beyond the borders of this Spirit Realm. I heard the thudding of galloping hooves & turned sharply. All I saw was more white but some unseen thing slammed into me & knocked me down.

I called to him. I knew that was Swift Horn. A great see-through white Stag appeared in front of me, horns down. I closed my eyes & let him charge me full on. He went through me. I heard a voice that echoed several times in the Native language.

"First called (first, first) without (called without) asking (called—out asking...ing)."

I felt a force of air whip past me as the Spirit took another dive.

"Now called (now, now) in (called in) secret (in secret...secret)."

The force swooped by me from the opposite direction.

"Pain ...(pain...pain...)"

That creature was all around me now. I could feel its rage. Oh Merlin! I am going to die!

"Rage ...(rage...rage...)"

I felt it coming for me & I ran backwards but wasn't fast enough.

"Terrible …(…er...ible)"

I was flat on my back & it hurt. I was back in the mortal world. Outside the fire & my lower back was carved open down to the bone. I had to stand. I forced myself up & glanced around.

"Jim, you did it!" Sirius pointed ahead of us. "There he is!" My eyes stung with tears demanding to fall for the pain in my body. I blinked them away & looked in the direction Sirius was pointing. I did not need glasses for this. I could see Prongs, bright as day, walking towards me.

A great silvery Stag came to within an inch of my nose. We gazed in each others eyes as Sirius stepped aside to inspect the Stag from an angle. He suddenly pulled me to him.

"Look," He pointed along the Stag's side. "There too." He indicated the chest & several other places on the body of Prongs as the Stag slowly turned around.

The silvery body was ripped open & the gashes bled silver blood that sparkled on the ground wherever the Stag walked.

I spoke Lakotan to him. "What's wrong, Prongs?"

The Stag flickered in & out of view a few times, then disappeared. In its place stood a man that seemed to be in his thirties; though, he was much older. He wore a large headdress over his head that hung half way down his legs. He was dressed for hunting & held a spear in his right hand. (If I had taken that anti-magus potion, this Spirit would have been destroyed.)

That silver blood oozed out from his sides, right through his clothes & littered the ground we stood upon.

"Our binds. Breaking," Swift Horn spoke in our shared tongue. I repeated it to Sirius.

"I think he's talking about the Merge."

Looking back at Swift Horn, I pointed at the altar. "When we met first time?" I asked in his language. He nodded. "What broke us?"

Swift Horn pointed at Sirius. "Your father," I translated. In Lakotan, I said, "Yes, he hurt us. I couldn't let you out to save us. It would have killed Remus."

"You three are so young," Swift Horn replied, referring to us as well as Peter. "The Wolf is a good creature. You are wise to protect him. But so young."

"Tell me, how do we make this right?"

"Heal us."

"How?"

"Destroy the sword that cut us apart," Swift Horn raised a hand to silence me. "I am what your people call Two-Spirit." He looked pointedly at Sirius for a moment who couldn't understand since this wasn't his Tribe. Swift Horn looked around, studying the area. Then he spoke in English! "One of your own will betray you to death." With that, he vanished.

I collapsed nearly to the ground but Sirius caught me. "Are you ok?"

I took a moment to recover my wits. I noticed that my back didn't hurt anymore. "I think so." I lay face first on the ground to rest.

"Jim!' Sirius put a hand on my back & stroked my spine. "It's all healed."

"Good," I lifted my head & pushed out antlers. "I still have him."

He handed over my glasses, then lay beside me. "Hornhead, don't you EVER make me do this again! I hate seeing you hurt."

"Sorry," I actually had the nerve to smirk at him, pulling my horns in again.

"Hey," He slapped my shoulder. "I mean it. I felt like I was cutting out my own heart when I carved you up like an animal at slaughter. Never again!"

"Thanks."

He just grunted. "What was that last thing he said before he spoke English?"

"He was a Two-Spirit," I sighed, feeling tired after that ordeal. "He approves of you & whatever woman I may like."

"Then he said we have a traitor," Sirius added.

"Yeah, I'm still working that one out!" I didn't understand what he meant. A traitor? Someone who would try to kill me? I hated that Swift Horn disappeared right after that revelation. I didn't feel like summoning him back any time soon. But at that moment, I wondered if I would have to. We lay in silence for several minutes. Neither of us dared to broach that subject again. A killer among us? Surely not Remus! The Wolf was too tame. Besides, the way Swift Horn had put it, this would be deliberate, not accidental. My head hurt with suddenly sifting through names of all my friends & distant relatives. I shook it off. "So, you imagined me tied up did you?"

"Oh shut up," He towards me & promptly sealed my lips with his own so I would literally shut up. It didn't work to well as we both had started laughing. I figured out a moment later though, that I was the only one laughing. He was crying. "Oh Prongs, I'm so sorry I hurt you like that."

"It's over now," I said. "Don't worry about it. Come here. It's done now." I pulled him close to me to hold on to him.

Sirius kissed me again as he began stroking my back & side. He soon went to my hip, resting his hand on the bone. "I love the way you touch me," I sighed as I rolled slightly to lie flat on my back with one leg up, hoping for that strange touch again as when he had given me a massage several months ago.

He did so, but only for a moment before lying over me. He held my hands down on either side as he kissed my neck, then chest. He worked his way downwards. Then he met my eyes. "Will you be ok?"

I think my heart actually stopped. I knew then, we were going to attempt something more than usual. This was Sirius, not Orion. "I'll be fine."

We soon had him undressed. I helped with his shirt. I thought it would be fine. I knew I was safe with him. I lay prone on the ground once more, arms crossed with my face buried in them to hide a sheepish snicker. Sirius kissed between my should blades, then worked his way down my spine. Damn it, I need to stop laughing! What the hell? I soon felt that special massage on my inner legs again. I gave up! Coming undone, I pushed myself up on my hands & threw my head back to stare at one star through the trees. As he continued to trace patterns, teasing my skin, all I could do was force myself to breathe as I vibrated from jolt after desirous jolt of gratification pulsing through my entire body.

"You really like that, don't you?"

"I could go on all night!" I gritted my teeth, still focused on that one star above us through the branches. His answer was a prolonged kiss to my tailbone while he still stroked my inner thighs. Knowing he'd take it as an invitation to claim me, I willed myself to lie down again, this time on the altar of his heart instead of the cold grey stone. It's amazing how similar both pain & pleasure are when in the extremes like this. I was so on the edge & needed release soon.

He took his time with me. A warm caress. A touch of gentleness so profound, it made me forget all my fears.

Then we found out that the damage done to me last summer wasn't gone. It was inside me. Out of sight. He had barely pressed inside yet it hurt as much as Orion's touch. I felt the agony of Orion's vileness that had been lurking unknown to me inside my skin, under the bone, flare to life. It was like when you have a bad bruise & touching the center of it makes it hurt worse than when you first got hit. Sirius had thrown himself across the fire to give me space while I recovered.

"I can't believe what that monster did to you!" He exclaimed over the dying flames. "For that to hurt even now!"

I was already more than half dressed. "It isn't your fault. Padfoot, don't worry. You were gentle." I grabbed my cloak. Destroy the sword that cut us apart.

Those gashes on the body of the Spirit were unhealed wounds from Orion. That was why it still hurt.

One of your own will betray you to death,

I knew exactly what Swift Horn meant.

I was the traitor! In that moment, I planned a murder. I was probably going to get killed committing it, but I no longer cared.

Orion Black was the sword that had severed me from my Spirit.

I'm going to kill him!


	14. Chapter 14

**(14) A Flower's Grace**

By now, Harry was holding his head in both hands, trying to recover from the shock of what he had just read. He couldn't decide what had been worse. He knew he would never look at McGonagall in the same way. Did she ever attempt a summons for her Cat? Who was her Cat before it had transcended the mortal world & became a Spirit Guide?

He couldn't believe his father had been so trusting that he had allowed his future murderer to carve him up like that. In fact, Harry was starting to go crazy with the split idea that maybe either this wasn't the same person (perhaps that guy out there just happened to be another Grim Animagus & is using a false name to destroy the good name of the real Sirius Black...& if so, where was the real Sirius Black—dead perhaps?) or maybe—just maybe, mind you—perhaps he was the same person & maybe was framed. Innocent?

Ridiculous!

On both accounts!

Right now, Harry was struggling with the fact that his own father had not only just decided cold blooded murder, but also he stupidly wrote it down admitting that fact. Granted, Orion Black was a horrible person & Harry was glad that he was dead, but at his father's hands? Lupin had said that James had gone ballistic the last time Orion had visited Hogwarts during that year. The last time. Was that Orion's last time ever? Or just the last time for that particular year? Did Lupin know about a murder but not say, or did James wait until he was alone to kill Orion, or hopefully, perhaps James didn't go through with his premeditated murder plans & Orion simply just died?

He hid the memoirs in the bottom of his trunk, wondering if he should continue to read or not; knowing that he had to since James Potter had left it out for someone to find. (Or did James simply feel guilty & left out his post-mortem confession just in case he died so he would have clean conscience? If so, then perhaps there was nothing to find in those pages after all.)

Harry arrived ten minutes late at Transfigurations. The Cat hissed at him, twitching her tail. He sat down in the back row & tried to catch up quickly with Hermione's help. Afterwards, he hung behind until he ended up alone with McGonagall, who was back to her human self by now.

"Yes Mr. Potter, what is it?" She glared at him. It was fortunate that A: he seemed to be her favourite student & B: Lupin had taken off so many points that McGonagall was scrambling to catch up. Those were the only reasons he didn't lose points for being late.

"I was wondering, um, well," Harry wondered how to ask without revealing he suddenly knew quite a bit about Animagic. "Um, how long were you a Cat?"

"For most of the lesson while you did your written essays."

"No, I mean like, when did you first learn how to be a Cat?"

"Oh?" She looked at him, rearranging her glasses. "I was twenty two when I decided to try for lessons at the Ministry Of Magic."

"Oh so, Hogwarts doesn't even offer it?"

"Oh we do," McGonagall said. "First in OWL Year in case any students want to sign up for lessons later. We teach just the theory but not the practical side of it. Theory goes right through NEWTS. Of course, you don't have to sign up for it right away. You can go to the Ministry for that any time of your life. Well, once you're in your OWLS anyway."

"I see," Harry now knew why Sirius had to steal books.

"Are you thinking of trying?" McGonagall suddenly asked.

Harry tried not to think of the horrors of summoning the Spirits. "No, I was just wondering how it worked is all."

"It's based in Native Indian rituals," McGonagall explained. Harry's stomach clenched up at the word rituals. "Spirit Guides & such. You have to be able to summon them before you can learn your animal. Then if you're accepted, there's a Merge."

"How many times have you summoned your Cat?" Harry latched at the chance to ask about summoning.

"Only the first time," McGonagall said. "I've never done a Tribal Summons Ritual. That's if when you wish to speak to your Spirit Guide, you can separate from your Spirit for a moment. But hardly anyone does that once the original Summons & Merge is done."

Oh gee, I wonder why? Harry bit back the sarcastic remark. "So, your Cat is a Spirit?"

"Have you ever heard Indians speak of Spirit Guides?" When Harry nodded, she continued. "Muggle people think it's just an animal. But really, a Spirit Guide was actually an ancestral elder. My Cat for example, used to be a great hunter several millennia ago named Two-Hawks. He was an Apache Indian."

"I never knew it had to do with Indian mysticism!" Well at least, not until quite recently anyway though Harry didn't mention that.

"You should try it," McGonagall insisted. "But not right now. No one can even master that sort of thing until well past the age for Hogwarts."

How wrong she was! "Yeah, it sounds complex. See you later." Harry quickly left to go for lunch.

It wasn't for several days before Harry picked up his father's writings once more. He needed time to relax. January slipped into February, bring more cold weather. Harry started worrying about the upcoming match. He still didn't have his Firebolt & was pestering McGonagall any chance he got about it. He worried about the Dementors & timidly asked Lupin about more lessons. Lupin glared at him.

"I can't even use a Patronus on Black! He's not a Dementor!" Harry insisted. Lupin continued to glare, slightly gold. "Besides," Harry pressed on. "If I don't, then I'm stuck trying to sort out Ron & Hermione again. It's her fault I don't have my Firebolt. I need some protection since I can't have that broom."

"Black could have sent it to you."

"So could Dumbledore."

"Then he wouldn't be part of the Anti-jinx team."

"'Course he would so he won't show favouritism!"

Lupin huffed. Harry glared. Lupin sighed, "Stubborn as your Dad." He half smiled. "Alright, we'll continue but only—ONLY!" he raised his voice before Harry could say anything. "For the game in a few weeks. That's it! But if I hear or see you run off one more time..." Harry shook his head vigorously.

With Anti-Dementor lessons back on, Harry worked extra hard to catch up. He didn't get back to the diary for a few more days. Sometimes, he caught himself staring out at the forest, wondering if that altar stained with his father's blood was still standing. One of those times, he caught sight of Hermione's cat, Crookshanks, following a large black dog.

At the sight of the cat & the Grim communicating, Harry was more determined than ever to finish that diary!

* * *

Though we didn't say it, Sirius & I both knew that the other wanted to kill Orion. In silent agreement, we walked out of the Forest & headed back to Hogwarts under cloak. Once in the protective halls of our secret passages beyond the castle's main routes, Sirius pulled me aside.

"You go on. Can I have the cloak?"

"Alright," I handed it over. "I think I steal some time in the bath."

"I don't know when I'll be back," Sirius wrapped the cloak around himself so only his head showed. "I'm going to knock Pomfrey out, then raid her recipes to find a proper healing potion for you.

"Padfoot," I gave him a half-hearted smile. "You didn't hurt me."

"Enough!" Sirius grumbled. "You've been far too stubborn for your own good. I've been trying to find a faster way to heal you since this started."

"Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever heal," I started up the old cracked stairs.

"You will. I'll make sure of it."

I headed straight for the large bath in Hogwarts, hoping Lily or Remus or any of those actually allowed there, weren't using it at the moment. The portrait glared at me but since I had the password, he had no choice but to let me in. Fortunately, it was empty. I filled the Olympic pool sized bath & sat down on the raised bench all around the side. The mermaid in the stained glass picture, swished her hair over her shoulder & jumped into the watery depths to get away from me. I was violating her space. Good! I needed to be the one doing the violating this time!

I raised my right arm straight up & watched the tattoo of Prongs run around upto my fingers before plunging down to my shoulder. The lines were scarlet red right now since he had been freshly carved. I still couldn't believe I had done that! Closing my eyes, I sunk into the water, then allowed only my head above the surface as I lay back along the seat.

I don't know how long I lay there as if asleep, letting my mind go blank. Thirty minutes perhaps, or maybe an hour. I knew I wouldn't leave until either the water got freezing cold or Sirius showed up. I just wanted to stop feeling & forget everything. I couldn't believe that I had sustained injuries from Orion's attack for this long. No wonder the Stag was bleeding.

Dying.

I had to fix him or else he would. Sirius might get his wish sooner than later. What would happen to me if my Spirit died without me personally destroying it with the anti-magus potion, I knew not what. Maybe I'd die with him. I didn't care too much about that. I half opened my eyes & held my scarred wrist out of the water for a moment. I pushed back the leather strap to look at the scars. Running my fingers across those cuts, I remembered the pain of cutting them open. How really, it wasn't the physical pain that was the problem, but the release of everything inside me when I split them open. I remembered simply just lying down on the floor & watching the blood drain out. I had imagined that everything vile & unclean in me had oozed out along with the warmth of my passing life.

Now I knew. Not everything left me. I still had literal wounds inside me that still hurt. How the hell am I supposed to get rid of them? Would more cuts help? I pulled my wand out of the slot & the underwater jets stopped. "Don't worry, Siri. I'm not killing myself." I made a third cut, though not as deep. Just a scratch. It would heal & probably not even show within a day or so. I watched the blood drip out & into the water. Prongs came up my arm, stopping at the scratch. I could see his petite nose sniffing at it. He skittered around my arm, then dashed away to my left calf & stopped. I put my wand back into the slot & the jets turned the water into a swirling warm froth. Ignoring the sting of soap on wound, I let my hands float out as I lay back in the water once more.

"James? What on Earth are you doing here?"

That wasn't Sirius & I was lying naked but for a leather wrist band, an illegal Animagic tattoo & for all the good they were worth, soap suds. My wand hand found my weapon even before I opened my eyes. Huh, wow. I don't think I've ever referred to my wand as a weapon before now. Must be all that Auror training. I sat straight & looked up into the eyes of Lily Evans. Not her. Oh please not her now! She glared at me while I just looked up with apathy. I soon put my wand back in the slot & lay back in the water again.

"No no no! You get out of here this instant! You hear me? This instant! You're not allowed here! How'd you even get in?" She pointed to the door.

I glared up at her. "What's this? The almighty Lily Evans missed a secret of mine? Come to steal that one away to, have you?"

"Mm what?"

"You know who & what I am," I shot back. "Illegal Animagus. Werewolf guardian. Marauder. Those ought to be your first clues as to how I can get in here whenever I wish." As if on cue, that damn Stag appeared on my neck. I can feel wherever the tattoo moves. It wiggled its tail at her. "Why don't you stay a while? Sirius is on his way. You & I both know how much you two love each other!"

I was turned away from her by now, but I could just feel those eyes boring holes into the back of my head. No matter. Here. I'll help. I let my horns come out part way. "Is that why you've been so vile to me all this year like a complete turn-around from before? You think I have something going on with Sirius & you're jealous? What is the matter with you?"

I dunked my head underwater to hide the few silent tears that came out at the word 'vile'. I didn't mean to be that way with her. But I have no idea what to do with her anymore. Not since this dreadful year started. "No," I shook my head, smiling sweetly. "I know for a fact nothing's going on between you two. Sirius is in love with someone else." I allowed her to think of Remus perhaps, though I was referring to myself. Oh yeah! I knew my facts on this one! I need not have bothered hiding my tears for Lily was looking rather apprehensively at my horns. "Go on, give them a touch. The velvet's starting to grow since spring's coming."

"What?" She seemed to only just realised that deer horns were attached to a human head. Mine.

"Bucks grow velvet during the spring. They have to rub it off against trees." I leaned forward so she could reach them easily.

She gingerly touched one horn with just a finger. "This is really weird."

I laughed at her. "For me, it's the Spirit tattoo that's weird. Always running around & since I'm illegal, I have to keep it hidden."

"Spirit tattoo? That thing running around your body?"

I slapped my arm, catching him on my left bicep. "See him?"

"It looks like ...Native Indian art."

"It is," I quickly mentioned Spirit Guides & how they merge with an Animagus. My horns suddenly vanished.

"Does it hurt? When the horns come out?"

"Only the first time," I shrugged. "When the Merge happened."

With a sigh, she put the large white towel she had over one arm onto the side of the bath. "What you three did for Remus; it's indescribable. So many things could have gone wrong! You must really care for him."

"Not really, I'm more of a cat person," I actually snickered. "Don't worry. I say that to his face all the time." I turned away to discreetly check on my scratch. Oh she couldn't have come at a worse time. Yes I had been planning to scratch myself again. "I'm sorry if I haven't been very nice to you lately. I'm just having a lot of issues with stuff right now. It's not your fault."

"Maybe I can help?"

I actually laughed at that. "No one can help. Trust me."

"Surely things can't be that bad," Lily said. "I noticed you haven't been so horrible to Sev' either."

"I forgot about that little git," I muttered, not really intending for her to hear.

"Jim."

"Why do you still care? After what happened last year?"

"I—"

"Lily!" I turned back to look at her. "He has proven that he's no friend of yours."

"He used to be."

"Yeah well, he isn't any more."

"Just like you," She muttered under breath.

Now, I was infuriated with her. "Hey! I told you I've got some issues going on this year! I'll try being nicer to you. I've always ever tried to be nice to you. Yet all I got from you for five whole years was a hate as vile as Snivellus's. NOW! Of all years, you start caring about me? You're one to talk!"

"I never sa—"

I hit the water with my hand, like an angry whale slapping its tail. "I would never mistreat you even though you're less than my blood! You're just another girl to me. It doesn't matter. I'm perfectly fine sharing the school with muggleborns!"

"I know that!"

"Yet you never once gave me the time of day. Since we were eleven years old, Lily!"

"You were beating up my childhood friend all the time! I didn't think too highly of THAT! I'm not afraid of your royal blood flowing through your veins!"

"Royal! WOW!" I glared at her. Then I burst out laughing.

"I see nothing funny about this!"

"Oh you don't, do you?" I laughed harder. "Let me lay it on the line for you then. Whenever I like you, you hate me. Now that you're trying to like me, I apparently hadn't been too nice to you. Yet we still managed to have a fight. Right here. Me completely naked & you nearly so. How did this happen?"

"Nak—?" Lily's eyes suddenly widened three times their size as she glanced over the water.

"Oh I suppose you want a look at my ROYAL gems now, do you?" I swept the soap suds away. "Feast your eyes!"

"_**GET OUT**__**!"**_

* * *

"_Oh merde!" _Harry was sobbing with laughter. How in the flying Phoenix did these two ever wind up together? "Note to self: do not treat women the way Dad does! EVER!"

* * *

"Are you sure you want me to just pop outta the water like a freakin' daisy?" I grinned evilly at her.

* * *

Harry clutched a stitch in his side.

* * *

"NOW!" Her voice was a high shriek similar to a whistling tea kettle. She pointed to the door again.

"FINE WOMAN! HAVE IT YOUR WAY!" I turned away for a moment & gave myself a few quick strokes for effect, then I promptly stood up & faced her. With a shake of my hips to wiggle my 'royal gems' which were nicely standing at attention, I said, "This is so not how I planned on you seeing me naked for the first time." (I'm quite sure I felt a soap sud slip down my erect length to plop off into the water. Oh yeah, baby!) She screamed so loud that I think my ears got raped with the sound.

* * *

There was a thud as Harry fell off his perch (he was in the Owlery avoiding Ron & Hermione) & a flurry of feathers. "How the hell did I ever get born?"

* * *

"Did I come at a bad time?" That was Sirius.

"YES!" Lily & I both snarled at him as he awkwardly held up a goblet of something for me.

He turned to leave. "P-P-Put the goblet down!" I stammered in a rage, no longer concentrating on being horny & no I'm not referring to my antlers either.

* * *

Shaking his head, Harry raised his eyes to the ceiling & heaved a heavy sigh. He then buried his face in one hand. "Would you stop it with the double meanings already, Dad? For literally "tabarnac's" sake!"

* * *

I pointed at the counter. He did so, then wisely fled for his life. I stomped over & downed the drink. Prongs shifted to my back to watch Lily.

"What's that drink?"

"Nothing. I'm not feeling well." I put the goblet down & turned to her, Prongs shifting to my chest to keep an eye on her. "So, like what you see?" I gestured to my exposed body with one hand.

She suddenly remembered I was standing stark naked in front of her. With a squeal, she turned around. "You're despicable!"

"I'm a guy! Deal with it!" I stepped back into the water but didn't sit down yet.

"I thought I told you to leave!"

"I'm not finished my bath yet. Either leave or join me."

"Oh I'd bet you'd love that!"

No. I wouldn't have. Not now. "I don't care what you do."

"I'll go call a Professor."

"You do that!" I snapped. "That'll get me, Sirius & Peter sent to Azkaban for a year once whoever you bring notices my Spirit tattoo! Then of course, get Remus slaughtered for being a Lycan. Go right ahead!"

"I would never—"

"Just like I would never put you down for not being pure!" I finally sunk back into the water & ignored her.

"What's happened to you? You're not the James Potter I remember."

"You're right. I'm not. Satisfied?" We shared a reproachful look. She looked hazy to me since I didn't have my glasses but I was sure she was about to cry. "I'll never be the same. Never! Isn't that what you wanted Lily? Me to change into some fantasy guy of your dreams?"

"Not like this," Lily whispered.

I scoffed. "I wish you women would make up your minds. Most of the other girls liked me the way I was. You never did. Now I've changed as you say. Sorry to disappoint."

"All I ever wanted was for you to stop picking on a friend of mine," Lily said. "If we could have all gotten along maybe things would be different."

"Well they are different & you're still not happy!"

"Ok, that's it. I'm leaving."

"Good."

"You keep driving people away like this!" Lily shot at me. "You'll end up alone & it'll be your fault."

I heard her stomping for the door. I hated her! For the first time in my life, I hated her. This wasn't my fault at all! Then I said the words I regretted almost as much as what I had told Sirius over Christmas. "You try being raped by Orion Black! See how you like it!"

There was no answer. Maybe she was already gone & didn't hear. I stared into the water for several minutes, then pulled out my wand from the slot again. I put it to my wrist to make another scratch since the first one had vanished when I drank that healing potion. (I'm not sure why, since the scratches just like my suicide scars, were done by magic. Perhaps it was because they weren't as deep.)

"That explains a lot."

God damn her! I dropped my wand into the water & whirled around. "What?"

"James, please tell me you didn't just say what I think you said?" She was standing with one hand gripping her chest. Her eyes were closed. She looked about ready to faint.

"What did I just say?" I had honestly forgotten.

"Orion Black...raped you?"

I stared at her. I suddenly gasped for air after holding my breath for so long. My heart shattered. I've lost count of how many times that happened this year. I broke into tears again, another thing I've lost count of. "Damn you! Every last secret I have, you take from me!"

"Oh dear God! You're not lying," Lily went to her knees. "Remus complains to me how vile Sirius's father is. He wasn't kidding, was he?"

"He doesn't know!" I panicked. Now the whole school would know. "No one does. Only Sirius."

"Sirius?"

"He watched it happen."

"AND HE DIDN'T HELP?"

"He couldn't. Elven power."

"Oh," Lily slowly stood up.

"He's been taking care of me ever since."

"Yeah, you two have been spending a lot of time together," Lily nodded. "Remus & Peter both mention that there's something different with both of you, but especially you. We thought it may have had to do with the fact that you & Sirius are Auror trainees & they aren't." She paused before adding in a lower voice. "Not this. I would have never guessed this."

I crossed my arms & Prongs skipped to the back of my left hand. "I ask you again, what do you care? You've hated me for the first five years we've known each other. Let me guess, I'm just an arrogant Quidditch show-off that likes to bully people & I got what I deserved. Is that it?"

"I know what you're doing."

"Oh uh huh & what am I doing?"

"It's ok," She took her coat off. "I'd be lashing out wildly to if something like that happened to me."

"What are you doing?"

"I'll uh, I'll keep my lingerie on," Lily tossed her nightgown aside & came into the water. She scooped up my drifting wand & put it into the slot, then sat down. "It's ok Jim. Come here." I came over slowly but made sure that there was at least a foot between us when I finally sat down. She put a hand out but didn't touch me, expecting me to take it. I didn't. "No one deserves what he did to you. Not even you."

We stayed in that bath for almost half an hour. I never spoke to her. I was still in shock from what I had done.

I still can't believe I told Lily Evans about Orion Black hurting me. What is wrong with me?

She never touched me.

_(AN: Yeah ok..ripped off a bit of Brave & Lion King there tehehe)_


	15. Chapter 15

**(15) Call To Arms**

I was curled up in one corner, with my head resting on the side. I was slowly falling asleep. Lily watched me but kept her distance. Why the hell did I tell her?

I heard someone else come in & then the voice of my Grim. "So, you two didn't kill each other yet?" I opened my eyes to look up at him, but he was staring at Lily. "You know." He knelt down on the side by my head & put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on Jim. Curfew's about to start." I noticed that Sirius was trying to not look directly at Lily, but he kept a wary eye in her direction.

No longer caring what Lily saw, I stood up & put a hoof to the floor. By the time I was out of the bath, Prongs had appeared. Lily got out & was just wrapping a towel around herself, when Sirius grabbed her. "Stay behind me."

"Why?"

"Because we can't control Prongs any more," Sirius kept himself between her & me.

"Control? Sirius, he's just Jim."

"No, he isn't."

"Sirius," Lily began, trying to step around him.

Sirius pulled her back behind him. "You know nothing about Animagic, do you? These animals are Spirits! They used to be living people eons ago."

"Right. He mentioned that."

Sirius stepped towards me. "Just stay behind me."

I lowered my head. The man James Charlus Potter inside this body is fully aware of the creature's antics but he used to control it for his own fancies. Now, in Prongs form, the most I could do is watch & concentrate hard until I righted the balance of power & took control again.

"Easy," Sirius spread his hands, coming towards me. "Prongs. It's me. Please Jim. I know you're in there somewhere." Prongs huffed & kept his head lowered as he stepped sideways away from him. He trumpeted softly. Sirius back-peddled fast & hard into Lily, pinning her against the wall. "He's going wild. We're losing him, Lily. We're losing both of them."

"How?"

"What Orion Black did to James really hurt Swift Horn as well," Sirius said softly. "That Stag used to be a great Lakotan Chief about four thousand years ago. Animagic is the merging of a Spirit Guide & your body to act as one complete being. But now, Prongs & Jim have been severed by Orion. We're trying to heal them."

"If you don't?"

"The Spirit will die," Sirius slowly put his hand into his pocket. "I have no idea what'll happen to Jim." Sirius came after me again, holding up a slice of dried pineapple. He tore it in half & tossed one piece on the floor in front of me.

Prongs picked it up & nibbled it away. He flexed his head, the horns crashing against the sinks. That felt good. I allowed him to rub his horns again. They were itching.

"Whoa!" Sirius put his left hand up while holding out the rest of the pineapple. "Easy. Easy Prongs. Come." He shook the pineapple. Who cares? My horns itched! I swung sideways & the right antler crashed into the mirror, shattering it. Sirius pulled out his wand. "Repairo!"

I turned around, bobbing my head up & down, half wondering if this being was going to charge or find something to rub on. Prongs slipped on the wet surface near the bath & fell into a sitting position with his hind legs crossed. With a loud bleat of pain, he submerged but for the horns & I was left to deal with the itch of them & the pain in my left hip. I tried to stand.

"Jim, you ok?"

"I'm getting him," I was almost standing. "OW!" My left ankle hurt. It was sprained. I hobbled over to the sinks & leaned on them. My horns finally sunk into my head. "Oh! Ouch!" It wasn't just a sprained ankle. The muscles in the whole leg were pulled.

Sirius put a bath robe around me & laid my clothes over one arm. "I wish you had done that before drinking your potion. Come here." He swung my left arm across his shoulders.

Lily quickly got dressed & grabbed the empty goblet. "What are we going to do with him?"

"Common room," Sirius said, helping me to hobble along.

"Ow!" I yelped, trying to keep my leg straight. "Hooves & wet surfaces! Ouch!"

"I got you," Sirius pulled me along as Lily followed. "We'll go behind that tapestry just past the Portrait. Then I'll just have to go back down & get another potion for you to heal this."

"Merc—OW!"

"Thank me later," Sirius tugged me along the corridors as fast as possible.

"He needs to be taken to the hospital!"

"NO!" Sirius & I both turned to look at her.

"OUCH!"

"Sorry," Sirius gently turned us back towards Gryffindor Tower. "Lily we can't. I have to take care of him."

"But—"

"No Lily!" I cut her off. "Ow! We'll explain lat—OUCH—er. Let's just get to the Portrait! Oh! Tabrenack!"

We waited for the staircases to shift. Sirius tossed the other half of the pineapple up & caught it with his teeth, then turned to me. I took it from him with my own mouth. Our lips had barely brushed against each other. It was a slick way to kiss in front of Lily.

"Figured you ought to finish that off while we're waiting," Sirius said smoothly.

"I just hope my rack doesn't come out while we're out here," I glanced around, casual as ever. "I don't see anyone."

"We're all past curfew by now but the Map shows a clear route ahead," Sirius helped me onto the last staircase when it finally arrived.

We headed down the main corridor of the seventh floor until we came to a tapestry of two unicorns with a fair maid leading them on. Sirius cut it down with 'Diffindo' & we all went through. (Lily only stared in surprise at the secret passage behind it for a moment before entering it.) The tapestry re-sewed itself seamlessly together as if it had never been cut. We limped onward until the passage emerged right beside the Portrait of the Fat Lady.

"I like it when the staircase is gone," I glanced around at the dark moonlit corridor. Sometimes the whole corridor shifted & we got stuck at the top of a stair case that led right to the grand stairs but this secret passage only ended by the Fat Lady when the long dark corridor was here.

"Wattlebird," Sirius spoke the password & we stepped into the hall from behind the Portrait that led into the common room. On the left was the door to the reading room for older students, from Year 5 onward. On the right was another tapestry that led into a tiny room & it was here that Sirius brought us. Not a moment too soon, for my horns came out of their own accord. He helped me to lie down on a large cushion on the floor. He laid my clothes nearby & pulled out the Invisibility Cloak. He handed my glasses over & I put them on, then took the empty goblet. "Lily, stay with him. I'm going to get a healing potion to loosen up that muscle."

The tapestry reformed once Sirius was gone & I was once more stuck alone with Lily. She cast several protective charms at the entrance, then turned to me. "I've put a silencing charm & a few others. No one can hear us if we talk & there's an alarm that will let us know if someone's trying to cut in here."

"Thanks," I reached up & rubbed my horns. "This shouldn't be happening. I'm just starting to velvet out. The itch usually happens during spring break."

Lily stared at me for a long moment while I rubbed. "You're so messed up," She managed to say with a cracked voice.

"Honey, you ain't seen nothing yet!" I tossed my head, forcing my horns down. The thrust worked, but it also sent tremors down my leg. "OUCH!" I put my hand under the bath robe to gently rub the tingling pain away.

"Is there anything I can do?" Lily came to kneel beside me.

I pushed back the robe enough to expose the leg. After a long hard glare at her, I said. "You can touch. It's in the back. Down to the ankle. It's really tight." She put her hands on my leg & began to massage it. Ok, Lily is touching me! This was so not how I imagined anything with her. I hated Orion ever more. "Don't go to high," I said without thinking.

She pulled her hands off my leg & met my eyes with her own. "I would never do that to you."

I lay over the cushion, looking away from her. I felt her hands working my leg again. "This wasn't how things were supposed to be."

Lily worked on stretching out the muscle in my calf. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Ok," She moved down towards my ankle. "Will you at least tell me why you're not going to the hospital wing?"

"OUCH!"

"Sorry."

"Not your fault," I muttered. "Nothing about this past year is your fault. Like I said, I have other issues to deal with."

"Yeah," Lily moved back to my calf. "You sure do."

"I've been in pain all year," I went on. "Sirius is helping me. No one else knows & I really really hate myself for telling you."

"Jim I won't spread it around," Lily said. "Not even Remus & Peter. Don't worry."

That wasn't why I didn't want her to know. She had been the love of my life. But Orion had destroyed everything. Just looking at her hurt me now. "That's why I can't go to the hospital wing, Lily. I still have physical wounds, inside me, from what Orion did to me." I heard her gasp. "It still hurts. If Pomfrey inspects me, she'll know. I don't want that. Sirius is a good potions maker. He's gotten me this far. He'll help through to the end."

"Jim, I'm so sorry!" Lily had started crying. "If I can ever help you to, just ask."

"Now do you believe me, when I said I actually didn't want you in the bath with me?" I shot back at her, wondering why I was mad at her. "Or why I was always annoyed being paired up with you? Or why it's so hard to let you touch me now? Those were all dreams I had of you, hoping some day you'd like me. Now, every time I look at you, I'm reminded of what I lost."

We ended up looking at each other for a long moment. I swear to Merlin if it weren't for her shock, my rage & the fact I was currently, though secretly, with Sirius, I think we may have kissed right then & there. Prongs actually made me curl my lip & huff at her.

"Jim, your eyes. They're different."

I looked away from her again. "It's the Stag sizing you up. He's just curious right now, don't worry. By the way, you & I need to have a little talk. You not only heard something you shouldn't have, I think you saw something you shouldn't have either." I forced myself onto my right side & propped myself up against the wall. Pushing back the sleeves of the bath robe I held up my hands. "What do you see?"

"The friendship leather band Sirius made for all you boys."

"That's a cover up," I pushed back the band. "See those two scars?"

Lily nodded. We stared at each other for another long silence. Then realisation swept over her face. "Oh Jim. Oh no. You didn't!"

"I did. Well, I mean, tried."

Lily gasped, putting both hands to her face. "James! No! Don't do that again!"

"Like I said, honey, you ain't seen nothing yet," I rubbed the place where the scratch had been with a finger. It had healed instantly with that first healing potion I had. But Lily had seen me put a knife-bladed wand to my wrist.

"That time several months ago, when Sirius hexed you," Lily went on. "Oh wow! He covered it up! That was when ...oh God! James!"

"I don't think there's any more secrets of mine you don't know," I said. "Is there nothing sacred now?"

"James!"

"As for this," I laid my un-charmed wand along my cut wrist as before. "It wasn't another suicide attempt. I just wanted to draw a little blood. A scratch. I know you saw me with my wand about to cut. Sirius doesn't know & I don't want him or anyone else to know."

"You have to stop doing it."

"It won't kill me," I began, lowering my hands.

"It's still bad," Lily said. "What if you miscalculate & you do cut deep enough to kill?"

"So what?" I shrugged. "I'm not fussed about it."

"But James!"

"No buts about it!" I snapped. "A scratch won't kill me. I'll be careful. But they'll still help me release some pain. Everyone's happy."

She turned her face away. "Except you."

"Oh don't worry about me."

"You have to stop," Lily said.

"No I don't!"

"Jim, hold on! We'll bring you back. Somehow." She stood up as a yellow light began flashing. "It's Sirius trying to cut in."

"Don't you dare tell him!"

"I won't," Lily released the block & let my Grim in.

Sirius knelt before me & handed over another goblet. "It's to relieve tense muscles & a pain killer to."

"Hmm physical or emotional?" I took a sip. It didn't taste much so I began downing it in one shot.

Sirius said to Lily, "Rough night."

"I've had worse," I put the empty goblet aside, then proceeded to rub down my leg again. I could feel it relaxing & slowly but surely, it stopped hurting. "I swear that Stag will be the death of me. Walking around on a wet floor. What was he thinking?" I was trying to make light of the situation, but Sirius was glaring at me (I just know he has anti-magus potion in the back of his mind) & Lily looked ready to cry again. Well I neither needed or wanted a lecture or pity, so I gingerly stood up. "I think we should all go to bed. Let my leg work itself out."

"It should be fine in the morning," Lily said. "Jim, if there's anything... I...goodnight."

"Goodnight," I watched her duck under the tapestry. She was gone, probably out of my life for good.

"How much did you tell her?" Sirius asked the moment we were alone.

I was grateful he didn't mention the anti-magus potion. I had been expecting that. "I didn't mean to tell her. She had started on how things were my fault. She didn't know. I just blurted out that Orion Black raped me." I closed my eyes, feeling tired. Prongs huffed through me. "I only told her that you're the only other one who knows & you help me. Potions & whatnot. Oh & she knows about this." I exposed my scars for a moment.

"Ok, well, that's out of the way then," Sirius put his arms around my neck & kissed me. He moved one hand to my chest inside the V-line of the bath robe. "Remember I told you I would ask a hard thing of you a while ago?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted you to tell Lily eventually."

"What? Why?"

"Especially if you two ever got together," Sirius went on. "It would be better if you had told her. So you did, bit earlier than I thought it should be but at least it's over with."

"Sirius, I never wanted to tell anyone. Ever!"

"If she ever becomes your girlfriend, or even wife, she should know."

"But she isn't right now!"

"Hence why I said 'bit earlier than I thought' doofus!"

"Let's just go to bed," I grumbled.

"I'm 'up' for that," Sirius teased. (See where I get it from? Idiot!) I rolled my eyes & tried to limp by. I almost made it, but then I felt his hand take my own. I was pulled back. He held me close to him (I could feel that he was indeed up for it) & kissed me again. "Oh Jim," He sighed into my shoulder. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," I felt him push aside the bath robe a bit so he could touch my skin. In truth, I was detached. Ever since deciding murder, I felt nothing but a purpose to kill the monster that had wrecked both me & my Spirit. I found myself dwelling on thoughts of murder. It was all I could think about.

* * *

"Oh Dad! Please say you didn't do it," Harry put it aside. He rubbed his eyes with one hand & felt a wetness. "Please, change your mind later."

He found Hedwig & petted her in silence for a long time.

Was he the son of a murderer? Did Sirius help? Had they sunk so far into a life of bloody crime that it got his mother killed & nearly killed him as well?

Again, was Sirius Black ...innocent? Well of killing James & Lily anyway. Perhaps he & his father had planned something but it had gone wrong.

That nagging innocent thought kept teasing Harry in the back of his mind. But it was ridiculous. There were several eye-witnesses to the blast in the street that had killed twelve muggles & Peter.

"Dad, are you a killer to?"

Harry hated Orion Black like no one else, not even Sirius. He admitted to being happy the man was dead. "What if someone ever forced me? Would I want their blood? Would I kill?" Harry couldn't imagine killing anyone any more. He had tried with Sirius Black, or so he made himself believe but what were the first spells he had shot into the air when he had actually gone to confront Black? Nothing that killed. "I don't know any killing spells," Harry told himself. "That's all it is."

Sirius Black deserves death for what he did not only to James & Lily but also Remus.

The werewolf himself had said that.

"ARGH!" Harry's scream scared off Hedwig & her owlfolk. Delving into the disturbed mind of James Potter was starting to affect him. It brought up more questions than answers. He had always wanted to learn about his parents. "Be careful what you wish for!"

He snatched up the pages again. "Let's get this over with!"

* * *

He held me in silence for a while, gently nipping at the top of my shoulder. I soon remembered what we had nearly done just a few hours before & how it was all ripped away. Again! "I hate your father, Padfoot."

"I know," he sighed. "So do I." In a rare bold move, I moved on him, quickly kissing him. He returned the gesture, though he lasted longer.

"What was in that first potion you gave me?" I suddenly asked, silently wondering why my first scratch disappeared so easily.

"Oh I gave you the best pain-killer & healing potions mixed together," Sirius explained. "Same as this second one. The birthing one."

Yeah. Ok. I have absolutely no comment on that one. (It's the potion they give to women to help ease pain & heal while giving birth. Very powerful stuff…full of estrogens to. I really don't like Sirius!)

* * *

Harry put the journal down & walked away to the nearest wall. He promptly banged his forehead against it once or twice, then slid to the ground, laughing hysterically.

* * *

He snickered at me, then helped me up the stairs to bed. Peter & Remus were both already passed out due to the drug we had given them. (Swear to Merlin, if I wake up lactating!)

Sirius was soon asleep but I didn't fall asleep until the room was tinged with the first rays of sun. I was too out of sorts. I told Lily! Damn it! How could I let that happen? I decided to Obliviate her next time I caught her alone, or get Sirius to. I was still reliving the pain of being carved up like a living Totem pole. The only thing that brought me any comfort was thinking about what I had nearly let Sirius to do me after. I'd never been more turned on as in those moments with him (& I've had some pretty good hard moments before last summer but they paled now compared to a few hours ago).

But, oh yeah. Nearly! We never did get very far. I never did feel my well-deserved release & I'm no longer in the mood anyway.

Ok, so. Lily saw me naked. That's a good thought. Right? Not the way I planned at all.

Officially the worst night of my life, which very nearly could have been my best.

When I finally found them, my dreams were filled with every possible way I could hurt & kill Orion. I woke up even more out of sorts than before. My leg was fine. (It had better be after not one but two shots of that stupid potion. Oh & no, fortunately for Sirius, I am not lactating. Yet!) I was last out of bed & finding myself alone, I redid the first scratch & made the second one I had planned to do since last night. I waited for the blood to dry before getting dressed & going down to the common room where I was cornered by Remus & shoved into the nearest chair.

"Alright, which one of you blockheads put sleeping draught in our drinks?" Remus demanded as Peter stood behind him, arms crossed & glaring.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered. "It's Sirius." I pointed.

"Was not!" Sirius looked aghast.

"I know we were drugged last night," Peter added. "We both felt way too tired, too early, too fast."

"I didn't even finish my drink," Remus added. "I checked the rest of my butterbeer this morning. It's drugged. The two of you weren't around last night either. If this is Auror business, you're doing it wrong. Even I know that!"

I noticed Lily come off the stairs & pointedly looked in the opposite direction. "Well it isn't Auror business. That much I know."

"Then what?" Remus demanded. "What on Earth are you two doing without us?"

"What's going on?" Lily asked. Remus explained it to her, then they both cast glances at me, then Sirius.

"Jim was in the bath," Lily said. "So it can't have been him."

I had been in the bath several hours after drugging these two but I was grateful for that input. "Like I said," I pointed. "Sirius!"

Remus & Peter rounded on him. Good, focus is off me. Sort of. Lily was still casting odd looks at me but I tried ignoring her as best possible. "Alright I admit it," Sirius caved. "We just didn't want you two following us, only to try to stop us."

"Stop what?" Remus asked in a sickly sweet voice. He wasn't happy. He has PMS like a woman. (Pre Moon Syndrome…what? Sirius 'came up' with that one!)

* * *

"Ohh gimme a break!" Harry groaned. "And no Kit Kats please. Not my thing!"

* * *

"Sirius!" I was horrified. We never agreed to tell them.

"Aww if you two wandered off for sex, either with each other or women," Remus continued in his sweet little voice.

"Maybe," Sirius laughed. One of these days I WILL murder that man! (Not even talking about Orion right now!)

Remus leaned over Sirius & actually licked his nose like a puppy greeting his master. "Sirius, what are you ...up...to?" He winked with the word up.

* * *

"Seriously, Professor?" Harry's left eye twitched.

* * *

"You'll just get mad if we tell you," Sirius finally said something wise.

"No I wouldn't," Remus patted Sirius's free hand (the other was scratching the head of Philip, Frank Longbottom's platypus that he rescued from dingoes as a puggle about six years ago, then promptly smuggled out of Australia. Philip's been Gryffindor's favourite thing ever since.).

* * *

"Ohh a platypus?" Harry stared at the word. There had been a platypus in the Gryffindor common room? Cool!

* * *

"Oh so, you're perfectly ok with us speaking to our Spirits then?"

Remus blinked. I wanted to hex Philip so his spurs would stick out & sting Sirius. "What do you mean 'speaking to your Spirits'?"

"See? You're getting mad," Sirius stuck a finger into the bill for Philip to hold.

"Did you do a Tribal Summons last night?" Remus snarled & his eyes dangerously flickered to gold. Uh oh. Well done, Sirius! Fortunately, it was still early & the weekend so most people were still sleeping in.

"Did I say that?" Sirius smiled. Remus growled. "Don't do that."

"Give me one good reason not to," Remus snarled anyway.

"What's a Tribal Summons?" Lily asked.

Still glaring gold at Sirius, Remus said. "It's an Animagic ritual to separate your Spirit from your body & speak to it. It involves blood sacrifice & if refused, your very life. Tabrenack! You IDIOTS!" (I've really got to learn how to spell in French, but right now, Remus is in no mood to give us writing lessons.)

"We lived," Sirius smiled. "We're fine!"

"I should have known you'd do something like this, Padfoot!" Remus huffed at him. "Since your Spirit is a woman! Oh you stupid idiot!" Sirius just laughed. I relaxed. Remus thought it was Sirius who had done the summons & that was fine by me. Remus turned away to let out a long-suffering growl. Sirius winked at me.

Sirius pulled his finger out of Philip's bill & stretched. "Well, I'm hungry. See you at breakfast." With that, he got up & trotted to the Portrait.

I unfortunately watched him go so I didn't notice Remus sneaking up on me. "AND YOU!" Remus smacked me over the head.

"OUCH!"

"You went & helped him?" Remus made to smack me again but I dived past him & grabbed Philip to use as a cover. "Carving him up like a lamb to slaughter. What is wrong with you? Come here! Peter? Where's my wand? James Charlus Prongs Potter, don't you get away from me! Peter! Wand! NOW! For Pete's sake!" His mouth twitched in spite of himself at the joke.

"I have no idea where it is," Peter smiled sweetly. Remus growled again.

"Watch it moon mutt!" I brandished Philip like a sword. "I have a male platypus & I'm not afraid to use it!" Philip grunted indignantly at being taken for a weapon. I put a finger on the protective booties covering his hind spurs full of mind-numbing painful venom for which there was no cure.

"I'll turn you into a female platypus to be his wife if I can ever find my bloody wand!"

"I'd suggest looking in your pants!" I shot back.

* * *

"Oh wow!" Harry sobbed with laughter.

* * *

"What do you mean, carve up?" Lily asked before we could hex or sting each other. The moment both Remus & Peter turned to explain, I took the platypus & ran for it!

I handed Philip over to Frank, then sat down beside Sirius. I felt his hand swipe quickly up between my legs before he put both hands on the table. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine, Sirius!" I grumbled. "I didn't think we'd tell him about the Summons."

"Neither did I," Sirius admitted. "But you have to admit, Remus is like Sherlock Holmes. He'd have figured it out eventually so I might as well get him off the trail & make him think it was me."

"Thanks," I said after a moment. "By the way, have you ever found the Sherlock Holmes Wizard Card?"

* * *

"Hang on, I thought Holmes was a myth?" Harry re-read that line.

* * *

"There's only one in existence you know," Sirius reminded me. "I'll never even see it in my life."

I felt a patting on my shoulder & then Remus plopped down beside me. "Last I heard, its way down under the Ministry Of Magic, in the Department of Mysteries. I'd like to at least see it. Supposedly, it's made out of star gold."

"Star gold?" I asked.

"Honestly, am I the only one who pays attention in Astronomy?"

"Yes!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "When some types of stars die, they actually leave a clump of gold at their center. It's of the purest gold in the universe."

"You're totally making that up!" Sirius & I exclaimed.

"Nope," He smiled at us. "Papa says so."

"He works with ghosts & poltergeists," I pointed out. "Not gold."

"All I know is what he told me," Remus stuck his tongue out at us before turning to his plate.

* * *

Being an avid collector of Wizard Cards, Harry's eyes went wide with desire. "Ok Lupin. You're going down, moon mutt. DOWN!"

* * *

"Oh! Mail's here!" Peter exclaimed as he had just shown up. He sat down as the owls came in.

Peter's Great Horned owl was among them. Stryker would bring him the Daily Prophet. But the arrival of Nightstalker, Remus's black Firefall owl, was a surprise. Peeps, my parent's barn owl also showed up, though I was sort of expecting it.

I took the brown envelope with shaking hands. Sirius, Peter & Remus all put their letters & Prophet aside to wait. We had been expecting news about my father for a while. "Do you want me to open it?" Sirius asked when I still hadn't opened it after several minutes. I silently handed it over. He read through it. "Oh! It's nothing bad, Jim." I wasn't the only one letting out an audible sigh of relief. "It's for both of us really. They're coming here sometime next week."

"Both of them?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah," he handed the letter back.

"Ok," I scanned through the very short note. "Weird. What's yours, Moony?"

Remus started, as if he had quite forgotten Nightstalker was still there. He picked up his letter. We had learned from first year not to bother leaning in to read with him as every letter he got was from his parents & were in French. He soon laid it down flat in front of him & I saw only two lines. It was about as long as mine was. "They're both coming here to."

"What?" Sirius & I asked. That was weird.

"Maybe your father wants to have another go at Peeves," I offered & we all snickered. John Lyall Lupin had taught Defence Against The Dark Arts during our fourth year.

* * *

Harry stared. Two Lupin Professors?

* * *

He had been really good to. It's unbelievable how that position changes every single year. We had all hoped Mr. Lupin would stay for more than one year, but as it was, he had only come to check on the ghosts & poltergeist here. He was summoned to Egypt that next summer to help remove some particularly violent Mummyfiers, very vile pyramid spirits.

We had little choice but to wait for our family reunions. I was at first excited to have not only my parents here but also meet up with Remus's again, but then it turned to horror as we headed towards the Entrance doors to go outside.

"Sirius!"

We all turned around to see Regulus, the younger brother of Sirius. He was one year behind us, but in Slytherin. "What do you want?" Sirius muttered.

"Dad's coming next week. Be ready." He stomped off.

"Whatever," Remus shrugged, walking ahead with Peter.

Sirius & I just stared at each other. I was rooted to the spot with terror. Not now! Please. With a quick movement, Sirius wrenched my Invisibility cloak out from under my school cloak & threw it over both of us. He was just in time as Remus had turned back to call after us. Peter soon pulled our werewolf outside. Though other students were heading in all directions, Sirius & I were alone under my cloak. He pulled me close & kissed me, deep & long. We stood like that for several minutes, barely breaking apart for air before continuing.

I felt as if the iceberg that had sunk Titanic was now firmly lodged in my stomach. I was shivering with cold fear. Sirius held me tightly. After at least ten minutes of trying to lose myself in his mouth, I suddenly pulled away from him. "I can't do this. I can't!"

"Ok."

"Not you!" I felt tears fall. Will I ever run out? "Him! I can't face him right now! I thought I could, but I can't."

"Come with me," He took my hand & led me to one of our passages. We took the cloak off so it was easier to move & then set off at a brisk trot up long forgotten stairs & dusty corridors over-run with spiders. We finally came back into the main castle by the seventh floor. He was bringing me to that hidden room that the Map never shows. We entered & I saw a cozy fire-lit room with a mattress on the floor. We lay down on it side by side.

I pressed both hands to my stomach, trying to get rid of that iceberg. "I'm so scared, Padfoot! It's amazing I got put in Gryffindor!"

"Hey, most people would crack under the stress you've been through this year," Sirius put an arm around me.

"You don't think I'm cracked?" I gasped in one breath.

"You've managed to keep this hidden from almost everyone," Sirius said. "And our affair & do the school work & Auror training & the full moons & now a Tribal Summons. Not to mention," He moved close to my ear to whisper. "Get the girl of your dreams to see you naked."

"UGH!" I groaned. 'Don't remind me! That so didn't happen how I planned."

"Mm but it did happen!"

"Oh shut it you!"

He pressed a hand on my chest, moving back & forth between the pecks & over the breastbone. "Jim, I don't think he'll attack you at the school. Stay in public places. Don't go anywhere alone. Stay next to your parents. I'll be right beside you but I was bloody useless the last time."

"That's not your fault." My entire body suddenly twitched from a massive shiver running through me. I pushed my messy fringe off my hot, damp brow. I had broken out in cold sweats. "I don't think I can do this."

"We have a weapon, Prongs."

"We do?"

"Lily."

I took a moment to let that one sink. "What do you mean, she's a weapon?"

"Orion only knows that you & I know," Sirius started.

I was slowly catching on. "But not Lily."

"Exactly," Sirius agreed. "She can watch him & he won't know to look out for her."

I'm officially in love with Lily again & it didn't affect my love for Sirius at all! Two-Spirit indeed. We stayed there for several hours. Sirius had piled blankets over me as I continued to shake with cold. My teeth chattered too much to talk. He cast several warming charms over me & the blankets, then lay down on top of them & held me close while I fell into a fretful sleep.

The next few days were complete hell for me. As none of us knew exactly which day everyone arrived, I found myself constantly checking over my shoulder. I also had to duck into lost passage ways or dark corners every so often as Prongs was panicking as much as I was. I was seriously considering the anti-magus potion but on the other hand, what if I was stuck alone with that monster? I could use Prongs against him then. I made several scratches on both my wrists during that time.

Sirius & I cornered Lily & explained the situation. She was a great help in hiding my Animagical outbursts. She was determined to keep Orion Black from me.

On Thursday, we had our answer at last. At the end of Transfigurations, McGonagall dismissed the class in a very strange new way. She opened up a roll of parchment. "Would the following students please remain behind as I call out your names? The rest of you will be dismissed shortly. Black, Sirius. Evans, Lily. Jay, Alice."

"Oh my God!" I stood up. "She's calling out the Aurors." At that, all us trainee Aurors stood up.

"Well, er, yes," McGonagall fiddled with her glasses while lowering her half-read scroll. "Obviously, I suppose. Everyone else dismissed."

There was a flurry of papers & robes as the non-Aurors got ready to leave. I grabbed Sirius's hand for a moment right in public. "I knew something was wrong! I knew it." I let his hand go as Remus & Peter both gave us a long look before exiting last. Once gone, a few students of the other Houses who were also training to be Aurors were shunted inside to join Gryffindor & Ravenclaw. (There was only one Slytherin boy but several Hufflepuff students as well.) Then the doors closed & two Aurors took up guard positions on either side. My father was on the left. I ran up to him.

"Jimmy Boy," My Dad hugged me & it was all I could do not to squirm. I liked being called Jimmy Boy about as much as Remus liked being called R.J. & all that was about as much as any of us liked facing the Lunar wrath every month. Grr! Plus, I'm nearly 17 years old. I'm too old for parenting hugs! Gimme a break!

After a polite time had passed, I pulled away. "What's going on?"

"You're mother will explain," He pointed to the front of the room. "Hi Sirius."

I put a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "He should be here," I whispered low so Dad couldn't here. "He would be. Somewhere."

Sirius pulled me back to our desks. "Stay in sight."

Lily was at the front. I glanced around wildly for Orion Black but couldn't see him. But perhaps this was a closed meeting for Aurors only. Orion Black might not be in this room, but he was most certainly in the castle. I hated not knowing where he was. I found Sirius's hand & dug my nails into his palm as my mother took over McGonagall's position.

"It is my unfortunate duty to announce that as of today, those here are considered adults allowed to do magic at any time." There was a murmur through the crowd & Mum had to wait a moment before going on. She pointed with her wand to a stack of packages on the side. "In those, each of you willing to stay will find an Auror's uniform for themselves, but before collecting them I must tell you now to think about what you're doing. You have been cramming your last two years into this year. If you wish to stay in Auror training, none of you need come back next year."

"No, what about Moony?" I gasped softly to Sirius.

"We'll come back for him."

"Those of you who are still deciding or no longer wish to be Aurors, may leave now. Bear in mind, that if you walk out now, you will not become an Auror & your schooling will go back to normal." She hesitated a moment, waiting but no one moved. "As of 4.38 P.M. yesterday, the Wizarding World ... has declared ...war against Lord Voldemort!"

Wild chatter followed that proclamation. I think I actually passed out on my feet for two seconds. My hands were on my face & I have no memory of putting them there.

* * *

The son of Prongs was in a similar predicament.

* * *

Sirius gripped my arm. "I know why he's here. Jim, it isn't for you."

Like that helped! We're at war!

* * *

_(AN:_ _Ok well, I hope that clears up the mess between book vs. movie of where the Fat Lady's Portrait is. I'm among the few that were NOT bothered by it as Hogwarts is a machine (bit like Figaro Castle in Final Fantasy 6 lol) that seems to move around ... so ... hope that helps! :P_

_Wow this turned out to be a long chapter. Oh Philip, Stryker, Peeps & Nightstalker (as is Paris the unicorn coming up) are crossovers from another Harry Potter fic I'm working on, my Legacy series (the Marauder's 7 years), which will be posted soon. There will be more info on the Firefall breed but basically, they're similar to a Snowy, bit larger, pure black with red outlining the feathers…dark brown with red for females. Immune to fire, they live in chimneys especially if a fire is burning & make nests out of the embers, which can be a bit of a nuisance lol.)_


	16. Chapter 16

_(In honor of the Jewish Holocaustic Remembrance Day April 27, Sunday 2014)_

* * *

**(16) A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words**

When next he found some free time, Harry located Lupin on the Map & went after him. He wanted to know more about this mysterious Sherlock Holmes card. Lupin was outside on the lawns on the way to Hagrid's Hut. Harry sent Ron & Hermione ahead as they were trying to help Hagrid save Buckbeak, his prized but condemned Hippogriff & turned aside off the main path to find Lupin.

The werewolf was standing close to the Whomping Willow, staring at it, lost in thought. Harry hesitated as he saw his Professor put a hand to his face, wiping something away. Not wanting to intrude, Harry turned away to go see Hagrid first.

"Harry, where are you off to?"

Harry barely glanced over his shoulder, pretending not to have noticed Lupin. "Hagrid's."

Lupin trotted up to Harry's side. "I'm a wolf, Harry. I heard you coming."

"Well yeah," Harry wondered how to get out of this one. "I'm cutting through to see Hagrid."

"The tree has so many memories," Lupin went on. "I know you were watching me. What do you want?"

Harry gave up. "Well really, did you ever, uh, collect Famous Witches & Wizards Cards?"

"Still do," Lupin laughed.

"Oh, uh, well," Harry passed a hand through his hair. "I was wondering, do you have the Sherlock Holmes card?"

Lupin growled & his eyes flashed amber. "How the hell do you know about that card? Hanging out with Black again? 150 points from Gryf—"

"NO! Wizard pictures can talk!" Harry cut in. Lupin raised a brow. "It's true! I heard it from Dad in my family photo album."

The werewolf pressed both hands to his brow. "Keep the points."

"Thanks," Harry gulped before going on. "So, did you ever see it? Or have it?"

"It isn't real."

"Oh," Harry blinked. "But Dad said it's made of star gold."

Lupin burst out laughing. "Oh those idiots," He continued to laugh for a long time. "Star gold! I swear all three of them were blond in a previous life." He doubled over laughing. When he finally stood straight again, Harry could see that the laughter had turned to crying. "Oh I never did get to tell any of them," Lupin sighed before going on. When he was composed, he explained, "My mother came up with the idea during our fourth year & told Papa & me. We led Jim & Peter ...& Black...on for years about that stupid card. It's totally made up, but it got three purebloods to read some muggle novels, all to find out more about the card of Sherlock Holmes."

"Oh," Harry started laughing. "That is so mean!"

"I know right?" Lupin was laughing once more. When the pair of them finally settled, Lupin began, "Um Harry?" He hesitated & looked away to the Willow. "Could I uh..." Looking back at Harry, he finished. "Never mind."

"What?"

"Oh, it's, uh, it's yours," Lupin shook his head. "Forget it."

"You want to borrow my photo album?" Harry asked. Lupin didn't meet his eyes, but he nodded quickly. "Sure, I'll bring it to your next class."

"Really?"

"Yeah, no problem," Harry would have time to warn every single picture of his father in there about covering Harry for the Holmes card.

"_Mm! Merce!_" He turned to leave. "Oh uh, French for thank you by the way. Sorry, I tend to switch languages at times."

The next day, the Defence Against The Dark Arts was the last class before lunch. Harry put the photo album on Lupin's desk & while the class was set to a written exam, Harry noticed the werewolf looking at it. Literally looking at it. He didn't open the album but seemed to be deciding on whether or not he should go through with it. Near the end of class, he finally opened it to the first page.

When they were dismissed for lunch a few minutes later, Harry was torn between going with Ron & Hermione or staying with the werewolf. He was spared having to come up with a decision by Lupin asking him to remain behind.

"I've noticed you're not with your two friends lately," Lupin got right to the point as he turned another page in the album. "Something wrong?"

Harry had quite forgotten about his two friends fighting over their pets. He had been using most of his spare time to do homework, practice Quidditch, comfort Hagrid, learn the Patronus, curse Black & most of all, get through his father's writings. Why had James left that thing out? "No, just busy. Quidditch & homework. Though I would like to get that new broom back!"

"I know," said Lupin. "By the way, I do have an actual Card to show you." He pulled one out of his pocket & handed it over to Harry. "It is extremely rare. Only two of them."

It was a picture of an officer dressed in a Nazi uniform. Not understanding what he was seeing, Harry blinked like an owl. On closer inspection, a Star Of David would flash across it at an angle. "What the bloody hell are our Famous Cards doing supporting the Nazi regime?!" Harry demanded. "Professor, this guy's a Nazi!" He stared at Lupin as if the wolf were crazy.

"Not all of them were bad," said Lupin. "He is actually the only one buried in Jerusalem, in a Jewish cemetery. He saved nearly 1,200 lives. He was a Half-blood. Bribed his way through the Holocaust trying to get the Jewish folk into his camp. He used everything from his own savings to Leprechaun's gold. Whatever worked." He pulled it out of Harry's hand. "You can get your own. This one's mine. Good luck finding the other one. I had to hustle & bribe a lot myself to get this one." He tucked it securely away into his inner-most pocket.

Harry realised he was still gaping in disbelief. "I just never expected ... Nazis."

Lupin burst out laughing. "He was very unexpected. Wait until you're a bit older, but there is actually a movie recently out about his story. Very accurate one at that to. Schindler's List."

"Why wait?"

"Well Harry, what do you know of the Holocaust?"

"Quite a bit," Harry said. "I've seen a picture or two."

"The movie is a bit ...accurate," Lupin repeated. "Wait until you're 18 or so at least."

"Fine," Harry nodded as Lupin turned the photo album & began flipping through pages. He was still wrapping his around the fact that the Wizarding World—not to mention the Jews it seemed—supported Nazis. Some Nazis anyway. A single Nazi. Right? He learned enough about the Holocaust in his muggle school to know some of the horrors that had gone on then, but never this!

Harry was brought out of his confused thoughts as Lupin made a noise in his throat that was a cross between a growl & a puppy's cry & quickly turned the page again. He looked straight up across the room. "I'm actually the camera man behind a lot of these. I forgot he's in half of them."

Harry didn't need to ask who 'he' was. "You're the one with the camera? So were you at—at their—wedding then?"

"Oh yeah," Lupin huffed as if trying to force aside some emotion he'd rather not feel.

"He was their best man," Harry said. Lupin grunted derisively. "I didn't notice him in any of the other pictures."

"He's there," Lupin said. "They all are." He suddenly laid the album flat open to the wedding picture.

"Moony is that you?" Harry heard his father's voice.

"Yeah," Lupin said.

"What year is it?" James asked. "You look a bit older."

"1994."

"Wow!" Lily said. "I knew a long time has past. I mean Harry's so grown up now."

"Hey," James looked around as the picture stared up to the ceiling. "Isn't this the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom in Hogwarts?"

"Yeah, I'm teaching here right now."

There was a snapping of fingers. "Pay up you lot!" Sirius's voice sounded through the photograph. "I KNEW he'd end up doing that! 100 Galleons. Each!"

"Padfoot, drop dead," James complained. 'We are a photograph. I'm sure my real life version paid up."

"Heh, if only," Lupin muttered under breath.

Harry came to stand by Lupin to look at the photograph. Sirius had come to the forefront & leaned against the bottom frame. "Be sure to drain the Slytherin hourglass any chance you get, Moonlove."

Harry tried really hard not to roll his eyes. Lupin just laughed. "Unlike some people, I'm not that much of a bully."

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked. Lily smacked him over the head. Then for the first time, Harry saw a fourth figure enter the picture from the side. He was shorter than James, Lily & Sirius & a bit plump.

"There you are," Remus said. "I knew you were there since I'm the one who did this picture."

"Hi Moony." The man waved. Harry stared. Could that be Peter? He had to be. He was about to ask but Lupin had already gone on.

"You idiots," Lupin began. "I never got to tell any of you but, the Holmes card isn't real!"

The three men in the picture shared confused glances but Lily turned away snickering. "Not real?" James finally asked. "What does that mean?"

"I mean, Mama came up with the idea. She was a muggle," Lupin tried to explain as he laughed at them. "She told Papa & I during our fourth year. We've had you hook, line & sinker ever since. Star gold? Are you kidding me? How dumb can you get Prongs?" Lupin doubled over again, laughing & Harry caught his mother's eye & they both started laughing.

"STUPID WEREWOLF!" James shook his fist. Then he pointed at Sirius. "I knew it! I told you something was fishy about Sherlock Holmes! What are you laughing at Lil—oh no! You knew?"

"I know enough that you boys always pulled stuff like this & I'm quite the avid fan of Sherlock Holmes," Lily laughed. "But I at least, know how to read a book. There's a delightful little thing written on the back of A. C. D.'s works. One simple word. Fiction!" She collapsed out of sight under the bottom frame, but her laughter could still be heard.

"UGH!" James came stomping back to the front. "You had to wait until after I died to tell me this? Wise decision! I was soooo set on getting that card!"

"You know you're dead?" Lupin asked. "But this is just the wedding day."

"Harry explained his scar to us a few years ago," Lily said as she reappeared. "We know."

Sirius returned to the front & leaned on the left-hand side of the frame. "How did Peter & I take it when you told us?"

"I didn't," Lupin said quietly. "Until just now. Right here. With this photograph."

Harry was keeping an indirect eye on Sirius, gauging his reactions. He was so confused about that man now. Why would he murder that same man standing beside him? Or did he even do it? "Well, it's been years, Moonlove! I think you should confess to Peter & I."

"You're both dead to."

The shock on Sirius was absolute & Harry couldn't help but feel the same. Sirius was actually dead? Did Lupin find him recently? James took Lily's hand & they both cast a worried glance at Sirius, then Peter. Then they left the frame. Sirius took Peter's hand & pulled him to the front.

"Oh Ray! When?" Sirius asked.

"Same day," Remus said. "Well, the next day. You both died."

Harry was even more confused. That wasn't right. Sirius was out there right now. Right?

Sirius pressed a hand over his heart & closed his eyes. Peter looked up at Harry & Lupin. "Moony, do you not have a pack anymore?"

"Just Harry," Remus said. Harry concentrated on Sirius. His reaction seemed genuine.

The long silence that followed was so thick, it could have been cut with a knife. Harry never took his eyes off Sirius. Peter hung his head, looking below the bottom frame. Sirius finally unfroze. "Ray ...if that's the case, it's been what? About twelve years?" Lupin merely nodded. "Did you ...find a new mate then?"

"_Non (No),"_ Lupin whispered & Harry was starting to feel like a third wheel as was Peter most likely who still hadn't moved or looked up again.

"Moony, it's ok," Sirius said. "I'm long gone. You deserve someone new."

"Stop it," Lupin shot to his feet.

"Moony, I won't get jealous!"

"I said stop it!" Lupin shot back. "Every time I have ever loved someone in any way, they were ripped away from me. I'm not going through that again."

"You're still young, Moo—"

"I said stop it!" Remus actually growled & Harry saw something rise on the back of Lupin's neck. The scruff!

"I don't know Animagic," Harry put a hand over the picture. "Please don't piss him off while I'm here."

Peter finally raised his head. "Moony, calm down. Think of Harry."

"Pull that fur-line in, Moony," Sirius spoke softly. "If Harry doesn't know Tribal power, you've got to be careful."

Lupin cast a quick glance at Harry. _"Desolé (Sorry)." _

"_Je t'aime (I love you)," _Sirius whispered. "Always, Moony. But you need to move on. It doesn't mean forget me."

Remus glared at the photo, at Sirius. "You have no idea what's going on out here. You're just a photograph of a wedding day long since over."

"A photograph with the memories of the life lived upto this date," Sirius said. "I'm still loving you on this date."

"Yeah, ok," Lupin stood straight. "It's lunch break now. Harry & I are going now." At that, he strode away from the desk & exited the door without a backwards glance.

"That's peculiar," Sirius mused. "Harry, what happened?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out," Harry said. "For the record, I don't get why he said you were dead. You're not."

"What? Why would he say that? Where am I?"

"You're out there on these grounds right now; along with the main horde of Dementors looking for you. I think Peter is dead though."

"Dementors?" Sirius shared a look with Peter. "Harry, go to the Great Hall. When you have more time, we can talk."

"Ok," Harry closed the album & headed for lunch. He had never thought about it before. But it was true that pictures contained the memories of everything previous to the date taken & then learned anything new by what was told them. He should talk with them. Maybe he could glean something form those preserved memories & not have to read the diary. The trick was to get a picture with Sirius & James alone, or maybe with Lily. But not Remus or Peter since they didn't know. Harry suddenly snickered to himself. He could talk to Sirius Black without ever having to go out & face him again & risk getting eaten, loss of points or Quidditch banishment.

Unlike what Sirius had asked, Harry didn't open the album for a few days. He took time to think things through first. After his next Anti-Dementor lesson, Lupin had offered Harry a Butterbeer. Harry had asked what was under a Dementor's Hood. It was then Lupin told him. Sirius Black's sentence had been upgraded from 'going back to Azkaban for life' to the Dementor's Kiss.

Harry was running out of time. The moment he left Lupin's office, Harry made to dash to the common room but he ran into McGonagall. She returned the Firebolt! Harry carried it tightly in his hands as if his life depended on it back to the Tower. The Firebolt couldn't have come at a better time. He needed to stop being mad at Hermione. Now!

He had to have a talk with the photos as soon as possible. He needed to separate the photos somehow so they couldn't wander around ...or worse, have outsiders come in to the conversation. Harry approached Hermione with the question on how Wizarding photos actually worked, particularly in an album. It wasn't until late that evening after a long hard practise in Quidditch did Harry devise a plan for the photos. He opened it up when he was alone.

"There you are!" His father in the picture of James & Lily with baby Harry groused. "Padfoot's going insane! What is wrong with you, leaving him hanging like that?"

"Sorry. _Desolé. _Whatever," Harry inwardly groaned. Now he had no choice but to separate them. News about Dementors had spread through all of them. "Dad, which page has the most recent picture of you & only you?"

"Uhh, 43 I think," James said. "It's the wedding day but before the ceremony."

"Excellent," Harry flipped to that without another word. Sure enough, James Potter was standing in a room by himself, holding a napkin to his nose.

James huffed. "Only Sirius would be this stupid!"

"What's wrong?"

"Lily gave me a kitten for a wedding gift," James began & Harry smirked. "Turns out the damn thing is a fem-only type of cat. It hates me. Sirius just happened to catch a picture of me cleaning the scratches. I'll get him!"

"Good," Harry promptly lifted the picture off the page & laid it aside.

"HEY!" James glared. "Now I can't get to the other pictures since you separated me."

Harry ignored the picture & flipped to the wedding day. "I need to speak to Sirius alone first." Lily & James glared. "Sorry, I'll explain later." Grumbling, Lily & James left. "Is Peter gone?"

"Yeah, I'll get him." Sirius made as if to leave. "HEY!" Harry had already lifted the picture from the book. "He can't get in now."

"Good," Harry said. "Moony took the picture of this wedding shot, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius tapped on the frame but he was stuck.

"Can he enter the picture?"

"No, he isn't part of it," Sirius said. "You have to actually be in the photograph for the magic to pick up your essence. He's on page 58 & a few other places though. In that way, he could get in here if you put this back."

"That's fine," Harry tossed that picture on top of the other one. Ignoring their complaints at being separated, Harry closed the album & buried it in his trunk. Then he sat on his bed, Passion Year on the left & the two separate pictures on the right. He stood them up against a pillow so they could sort of face each other but see him as well.

"What are you doing?" Sirius demanded.

"Keeping us separate," James glared. "No matter, one of the other photos will get you somewhere else."

Sirius blinked at him. "Oh, the cat scratch," He snickered.

"I am keeping you separate & for good reason," Harry interjected. "I know about the Passion Year." This declaration produced two distinctly opposite results. Sirius merely looked confused while James reacted the way Harry predicted he would.

James dropped the napkin, exposing two scratches on his nose & fell to his knees staring ahead. "Oh no." He gasped. "Not you. Not my son."

"Enlighten me," Sirius stared at James. "What's the Passion Year?"

"What, he doesn't know?" Harry asked.

"Know what?" Sirius asked as James looked away, crying softly. "Harry, let me over there. Something's wrong."

"No," Harry stated simply. "Passion Year is a diary I found a few months ago while wandering about the castle. Written by my Dad. Starts a week before your 6th year. I don't know when it ends."

Sirius wavered on his feet. "YOU WROTE ABOUT IT?!" He punched the side of his picture. "Normally, I'd say whatever gets you through, do it! But you left it lying around? Harry please, let me over there."

"Nope," Harry glared at Sirius.

"Harold James Evans-Potter!" Sirius glared at him. "If you know even half of what went on that year as you claim, then you'll know how much he's hurting now!" Sirius pointed at the picture across from him. "Let me help him."

"Sure, right before you kill him."

"Har—what? I would nev—let me over there!"

There was a scream from the other picture. Both Harry & Sirius looked over & saw James stand up sharply, only to turn into the Stag. Prongs skittered about, trapped in his frame. Harry forced himself to look away from his father. He was doing this to judge the reactions of Sirius.

"PRONGS!" Sirius yelled, trying to get the Stag's attention. "My God, Harry! How can you do this? Please! Let me over there!" Sirius fell to his knees, looking imploringly at Harry. "Please, I don't know what I did to you for you to do this!" Sirius gasped between sobs. "I don't know how much you know of that dreadful year, but I took care of him. He needs me now."

James suddenly reappeared & stumbled to the frame for support. "Harry, how—how much did you read?"

"My Grandma just announced war."

"He knows, Padfoot," James sunk to the floor. "He knows enough that we don't have to be secret. Damn it, Harry! That was not meant for you."

"Oh really? Then who?"

"No one!" James wept freely. "Just me. A release. Why is it still there? I wanted to burn it after."

"I'm trying to figure that out," Harry said, looking back at Sirius who was now lying on the ground of his picture. "You're either not behaving like a killer or a very good actor."

Sirius forced himself into a kneeling position. "What are you talking about Harry? You saw me with our werewolf earlier. I love that moon dog as if he were my own soul. The same goes for your father. I only ever had two loves in my life even though I slept around a lot before I found them. Harry," Sirius watched the other picture. "Your Dad isn't doing so well. Please! I beg you! Let me over there!"

Harry glanced back at his father's picture. James was slumped against the frame & looking half-faint. "Black, when does he recover?"

"Never," Sirius whispered. Harry put his face into both hands. "He get's better, don't worry. But really, he didn't have much time to recover, considering what you told us."

Harry got off the bed & retrieved the album. "Get into one picture." The relief on Sirius's face was quite visible. "But don't allow anyone else still. I'm not finished with either of you!" He put the pictures back into their places & waited a few moments, then pulled out the one with James only, but now Sirius was there as well.

Sirius pulled James into a tight embrace. "Shh Prongs. Old man. I've got you." Harry gave them time by taking longer than necessary to put the album back in his trunk. "Thank you for separating us from the book," Sirius said the moment Harry returned. James had his face buried into one shoulder as Sirius held him. "But why did you separate us if you know about this? Why say I'll kill him?"

Harry watched the pair for a moment & then told them the whole story. By the time he was done, Sirius had a hand on his heart again while James sat cross-legged on the floor, staring into his lap. "So now, I'm so confused with this Passion Year diary. I feel like I'm reading about a different Sirius Black. I have no idea what to think any more. Everyone thinks you're here to kill me but like I said, the worst you did was shove my Phoenix wand down your prison pants & laugh at me."

"That was my worst?" Sirius raised a brow. "Wow, I'm getting rusty. I can do better than that."

"Yeah please don't," Harry glared.

James finally laughed. An evil witch's cackle really & Harry was surprised to hear him. "Sirius is guilty as hell." Harry's face drained of color. "For being the biggest perv in the universe," James added. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Yeah I knew that was coming," Sirius laughed.

"But for killing me?" James was suddenly on his feet, looking livid. "That's a fucking lie!"

"Dad! I'm telling Mum!"

"You do that!" James glared. "Padfoot would never betray me! NEVER!"

"Is it possible you're blinded by love?"

"Hey you're too young to be so smart-mouthed!" James shot back. "No! Not possible! For the record, I love your mother as well. If you've read that much into my memoirs, you'd know how & why."

"You're attracted to her looks & her temper & Prongs is a Two-Spirit which worked on you," Harry said.

"Exactly."

"Yet you were a real ...shall I say, arse to her in that bath?"

James burst out laughing. "Oh come on, Harry! She literally got what she asked for!"

"You are so mean!" Harry shook his head. James just fell over sobbing with laughter.

"Yeah I'm totally missing something now," Sirius said.

"I'll explain later," James was still sobbing, holding a stitch in his side.

"What I don't know is how she ended up liking you," Harry said.

James just snickered. "It all worked out. Until now," He was suddenly serious again. "Harry, I don't know why people would blame Sirius like that. It can't be true. It isn't."

Harry sighed heavily. "You said something really stupid to him once, Dad. Is it possible you said it again & drove him away? When he tried to force you that anti-magus potion the first time."

"How the hell does your kid know that one?" Sirius glared at James.

"I wrote it down," James shrugged. "I was quite detailed really."

"Bit too detailed perhaps," Harry muttered under breath.

"I didn't think it would survive this long," James sighed. "Harry, I learned my lesson the first time. To this day, I've never said anything so vile to him again."

"If he did, Harry I still wouldn't kill him," Sirius said. "But I would have walked out of his life & never see him again."

"Equally as destructive for me," James said. "There are things so much worse than death."

"Besides, you say Lily & Peter got killed to," Sirius added. "plus nearly you, getting that scar! I would never put you of all of us combined, in such danger. No matter what happened between Jim & I. Understand?"

"You don't like my mother much," Harry raised a brow. "You hated her."

"Never!" Sirius exclaimed. "Harry, Lily was the one girl I was never allowed to touch since Jim made first claim on her since our sorting. Remus also had a crush on her for a bit. I was the biggest man-ho ever until I finally grew up. Lily was untouchable for me. That's why I was mean to her, 'cause I could never have her."

"Oh wow, this gets better & better," Harry moaned, massaging his head with both hands.

"Anyway, it all comes back to you," Sirius went on. "You nearly got killed. I would never do that to you! No matter what."

"This is the wedding day," Harry said. "I didn't even exist yet. How would you know?"

"You," Sirius stated simply. "You've carried this album around for a few years & you're in it as a baby. I've visited those pictures enough to know something of what's going on beyond my essential memories."

Harry suddenly had a thought. "What is the most recent picture in that album?"

"I think it's the front page one," James said. 'With your Mum & me holding you, almost a year old."

"Almost a year old," Harry went for the album & put the picture back.

"Harry," James began. "Come back & see me when you're done with them."

Harry nodded, then flipped to the front picture. "Mum, can you excuse us for a moment?" Lily looked slightly confused, but bowed out. "Dad, how do you feel about Sirius Black?"

James raised his brow as he gave the baby Harry a little bounce. "Odd sort of question."

"Oh I know about the Passion Year," Harry said irritably, remembering that the two different pictures had different time stamps. "DAD!" James had dropped the baby & put both hands over his mouth.

"I—I just—I—"

"DAD! You just DROPPED me! You idiot!"

"Harry honey!" James tried to compose himself. "It's a photo. He's fine. I'd never do that in real life! You're still here obviously, aren't you?"

"Dad!" Harry facepalmed for a full minute.

"I don't know how you found out about the Passion Year," James snarled low. "But drop it. Right now!"

"How do you feel about Sirius?" Harry repeated.

"I love your mother to, Harry."

"Sirius?"

"I can't—I—" James proceeded to leave the picture, only to find himself trapped. Harry shoved the album aside. "Harry, please don't." James looked away. "It still hurts. I don't want to talk of it."

"We won't," Harry promised. "But if you don't answer my question, Sirius Black will face the Dementor's Kiss & his own murder at Moony's hands."

"What?"

"Ask your cat-scratched picture," Harry said. "Later. But right now, Sirius!"

James looked devastated. "No no no. That can't be! Oh Padfoot! What happened?" He doubled over, as if about to faint. "Je t'aime, Sirius. Ohh, je t'aime!"

Harry half-smiled for a moment. "What did you do with your Passion Year diary?"

"Hmm?" James looked up. "Oh, uh, I don't know honestly. I know I wanted to burn it, but as of this date, I have yet to do so."

"Damn it!" Harry pushed the picture aside & lay back on his pillow for a moment. "Can you think of any reason why you left that out? This is twelve years later from when you died. I found it buried under Hogwarts a while ago."

James could only stare. "Harry I have no idea why I would do that. I want it destroyed!"

"I'll burn it," Harry said. "But only after I find out why you didn't."

"I don't know!" James cried out. "I don't! I hate that you know!"

"_Desolé (Sorry)." _Harry stared at the ceiling for several minutes, then put that picture back in the album.

Lily walked back in. "Honey, where's the baby?"

"He dropped him," Harry pointed at James.

"YOU DROPPED THE BABY?!"

"That's what I said," Harry pointed out.

"Where is he?" Lily glanced around.

"Right there," James pointed at the real Harry Potter looking at the picture. "He's fine." Harry waved awkwardly as Lily glared at James.

"I mean the one year old photo, not the real teenager!"

"Sweetheart," James tried to soothe her. "It's a personal photo album. He can't have gone far!"

"YOU IDIOT!" Lily beat him over the head & then took off running through the portraits. James cast a pathetic puppy dog look at Harry as he shrugged. Harry quickly flipped away back to the cat-scratch James picture.

Sirius wasn't there anymore. If anything, it seemed like James had been waiting for Harry to come back. "So," James began. "You're up to the declaration of war, are you?" Harry nodded, lifting the picture from the page so Peter or Remus wouldn't walk in. "I see," James picked at the edge of the frame for a moment. "Harry if the stakes weren't so high, I'd ask you to stop reading it. I must have left the diary behind for a reason. Oh hello, little guy," James picked up the baby. "How'd you get in here?"

Harry snickered. "You'll find out later. I bet the whole album's in an uproar."

James knelt in the center of the picture, holding the baby. He suddenly broke down in a wave of tears.

"Dad, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault, little one," James gasped. "Not your fault. I hate this whole mess!"

"I'll burn it."

"NO!" James put the baby aside & thumped the carpet with his fist. "No! You told us! You said he's slated for a Dementor's Kiss! Moony wants to kill him! No!" He wiped away tears before going on. "Not my sweet Grim! You can't let that happen. He would not do this! He must have been framed!"

"How can you be sure?" Harry asked.

"Harry, every fiber of my being is screaming at you that it's wrong!" James was in a panic.

"If we're wrong & Sirius did betray us," Harry cut in. James was shaking his head but Harry ploughed on. "He'll finish off what he started. What about Moony? Isn't the Marauder's oath to protect your werewolf?"

"What do you think saving Sirius will do?" James declared through gritted teeth. "You saw how Moony reacted in that classroom! Sirius told me. Harry, this is tearing him apart! Destroy Sirius? You'll destroy your wolf! What do you think Remus will do once Sirius has been kissed by Dementors & executed by his own hands, huh? What do you think?" James held up his wrist & pulled away the strap to expose the scars. "I've been that low & I never climbed all the way up again. At least not up to when this was taken."

"So what should I do?"

"Figure it out!" James screamed at him. "Figure it out & hurry! Dementors hate waiting."

"I'll keep reading," Harry resigned to the fact he had to continue. A silence fell around Harry & the picture of James. The baby crawled around but couldn't get out; though, it did disappear into a closet. "Dad did you...ever, uh," He wanted to ask if James had murdered Orion. "Orion Black ..."

"You're at the Declaration right?" James sighed before going on. "Yes." He said.

"Yes what?"

"You were going to ask about Orion Black, weren't you?" James said. "I encountered him three more times after that summer."

Harry had a horrible feeling that they were talking about two different things. Harry was asking about murder, but was James talking about more rape? Four times altogether? Harry dared not ask but something of his horrific thought must have shown up in his face.

"Don't worry," James went on. "None were as bad as that first time. Not as bad ...for me anyway." He smiled. Sly. Scheming. Now Harry didn't know what to think…again. "Anyway, I must warn you now, if you're at the Declaration, then things might get a bit more ...detailed...shall we say?" Again with the sly smile.

"Oh now what did you do?" Harry moaned. Marauders! Always up to something.

"Sirius & I become much closer," James said.

"Yeah, I sort of figured that one out already," Harry muttered.

"Harry," James shrugged. "things like this do happen. I did eventually find my way to your mother. Isn't that enough?"

"Oh I don't care if you experimented with Devil's Snare," Harry said. "I'm sure everyone does that eventually. Experiment I mean, not necessarily with Devil's Snare. Oh shut up!" James had started laughing so hard, he fell over on his side. Harry huffed. "I just find it hard since this is Sirius Black, not someone else. In the beginning, all I knew of Black was that he killed my whole family & is responsible for this," Harry lifted his fringe to show his scar. "Now, I don't know what to believe."

"Believe me," James stated. Harry made a disparaging noise. "I guess it's a good thing it's you," James went on. "You're about the age I would have done this anyway."

"Uh you were 16, nearly 17."

"That's ...not what I'm talking about," James actually snickered. "Just consider the rest of it our little father-son sex talk, if you know what I mean." He winked! ARGH!

"DAD!"

"Oh uh, post-mortem. Of course."

"Dad," Harry wanted to kill something again. Where's Sirius Black when he needed him? James burst out laughing. "I'm putting you away now ...& get that baby back to the right picture!" Harry stuck the thing back in its place & closed the album.

James was still snickering. "Let me know when you get to Remus with the condoms."

Harry slammed the album into the bottom-most corner of his trunk, then closed AND locked the lid. He sat back down in his bed. "He was joking about that one. Surely!"


	17. Chapter 17

**(17) Tortured Spirit**

I couldn't believe it. War! Sirius & I finally remembered how to move & we each took a package which had Auror uniforms in them. There was a clamour as everyone else grabbed their uniforms & the crowd spilled out into the hall. My father & another Auror, Alastor Moody, stood on either side of the door until nearly everyone had gone. Sirius & I waited until we were the only ones left along with Professor McGonagall & the other Aurors.

I know he's out there. I took my time before attempting to leave. Mum came up to us. "You ok, Jim?" She tried to pet my hair but my horns had poked out a little. I pretended to drop my wand & stooped down to pick it up, narrowly missing her hand. Prongs. Pull in. Now! I fiddled with my wand on the floor until I felt the sharp points sink in, then stood up. "Oh that's a useful Auror move," She teased. "You look pale, dear."

No shit, Sherlock! I'm losing control of Prongs & my rapist is in this building near by. Oh yeah, we're at war now to. "I'm fine." My heart was racing at top Warp Speed. What is it? 4.5 if I remember correctly? What? I play Trek Trivia with Remus a lot. Bite me. (Oh & no, I can't do that Vulcan hand thing to save my life! Remus can...on both hands. Show off!)

"Why are full level Aurors here?" Sirius asked.

"Oh we have some talks with the Headmaster & Professors here," Mum explained. "We'll be adding a few extra security charms over the next couple of days."

"You'll be here for a few days?" I asked, dropping my wand for real. What if Orion stayed that long? He wasn't an Auror but there's no reason why he wouldn't be allowed to stay & visit with his family. Sirius isn't the only one here & neither is Regulus. Fortunately, that lot is all in Slytherin.

Sirius knew exactly what I was thinking. "We'll be ok. We have a lot of hide-outs to get out of parent control." He laughed it off as a teasing insult for my mother.

"Don't be too sure," Mum raised a brow at him. "I know quite a bit of this castle after all."

My Dad soon joined us. "Hey it's about lunch time. Minerva has led the rest of the young Aurors away to change into uniforms. You two should change now. Then perhaps we could meet up with the others in the Great Hall?"

He would definelty be there. I felt Sirius behind me putting a hand on my lower back. "Ok," I resigned myself to the fact I'd have to face him sooner or later.

Sirius & I moved to a corner away from my parents & took turns getting changed so the other could stand by & block their line of sight to us. We didn't have time to conceal our tattoos so we changed as quickly as possible. The Auror uniform is mostly black, with a leather jacket that Sirius could easily swap around with his biker's outfit; while a griffon-fur lined black cloak covered the ensemble in cold weather. I remarked to Sirius how the boots resembled Captain Kirk's & we both broke into a fit of laughter as we suddenly understood EXACTLY why Remus wanted to be an Auror! It was the undershirt that was a bit different. Much like the Starfleet, they were color-coded. Red was unfortunately for us trainee levels & we both knew Remus would take the mickey on us for it. (Trek Trivia of the day: what do Red Shirts represent in Star Trek? Yep!)

* * *

Harry rolled his eyes as he got up & went for the album. "I really hate it when he does that!" Flipping it open down the center, he found a picture with his parents on one page & another of Remus, Sirius & Peter on the other. "Trek Trivia of the day: what do Red Shirts represent in Star Trek?"

"Death!" They all said.

"It's the security guard that usually got killed off at the beginning of each episode," Remus explained. "Originally, it was to show the viewer what to expect. But they did the effect so much that it's become something of a joke on Star Trek. Hey Harry? Is it still going? I know they've done a few movies."

"I haven't heard of it for a while," Harry answered. "I'll ask you in the next class."

"Well this is awkward," Remus snickered. "Answering my own question."

"Well, Remus wins that one," James grumbled. "As usual. He's a walking encyclopaedia for that!"

"You getting into Star Trek?" Sirius asked.

Harry shook his head. "I've heard of it. Who hasn't? But never watched it."

"Sirius. Kill him. Please!" Remus glared amber. "How can a Marauder say he's never seen any Trek?"

"Blasphemous!" Lily added. "I loved that show to."

"Ya see this Harry?" James waved his hand indicating the others. "This is what I get dragged into all the time. Personally I preferred Star Wars."

"Ok now I'm glad you're dead out there!" Sirius grumbled.

"That was even more blasphemous!" Remus stared at James. "I may like Wars to, but Trek's way better!" Lily & Sirius were nodding in agreement.

"Know what, little wolf?" James huffed. Then he did a Jedi hand-wave. "You can bite me."

"Bend over. I will!"

"Right, that's my cue to make like a tree & leave!" Harry slammed the album shut & put it aside.

"Banana & split, Harry," Remus's distant voice sounded through the pages. "It's banana & split."

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

The belt had a wand sheath that was gold-plated & fit nicely just under the jacket for easy access. We put the black leather gloves into a side pocket while inside the castle & then finally, laid our former school robes aside, never to be worn again so we're told. I kept thinking of Moony missing half his pack. We couldn't leave him. "Mum, Sirius & I need to come back to school next year."

"You're doing double lessons this year," Mum said as we walked out the door into my silent personal hell. I glanced furtively around to see if I could spot him. "There's no need."

"Yes there is," I insisted. "Remus, remember?"

"I'm sure he'll be just fine without you," Mum said. "You can still be friends with him but since he can't be an Auror, you'll be going abroad a lot."

"He's our werewolf!" Sirius exclaimed. "We can't leave him."

"Siri, Dumbledore is taking care of him to," Dad put in. "Remus will be fine." (My parents knew what Remus was the moment they first laid eyes on him but it didn't matter to them.)

"He has packing bonds with us," I declared. "You don't understand. We've got to be here!"

"James!" We all stopped walking as Mum rounded on me. "I like Remus just fine. He's a good man. But he has his battles to fight & soon you will to. Sooner or later you will be forced to choose: Remus or Auror."

"Never mind that now," Dad cut in. "You're still staying here to finish off this year. You have time to sort things out." He opened the door & stood by, waiting for us to go in.

I felt as if I was being dragged to a very long slow execution. I stood rooted on the spot. Sirius put a hand on my arm. "You two go inside. We need to discuss something first. Give us a few?" My Dad nodded & held an arm out for Mum. Once the door closed behind them, Sirius took me in his arms for a moment. "We don't have to go in."

"Do you think he'll stay as long as the Aurors?"

"No," Sirius stepped away from me & glared at the door. "He's just here to talk to Regulus. Make sure he supports Voldemort, not us. He'll probably swing a few blood traitor insults at me to. But he won't stay."

"You think he's in there now?"

"Positive," Sirius said. "Jim, we don't have to go in."

"My parents will wonder what's wrong with me," I said. "Plus, we've been avoiding Remus & Peter for a while. They'll start asking questions soon."

"He'll be at Slytherin's Table," Sirius said. "Stay on the other side of me, away from it & keep looking ahead." He glanced around but no one was out in the hall any more. He kissed my lips quickly & softly, then took my arm. "It'll be ok." I let him lead me inside.

We marched down that aisle between tables, in our new Auror uniforms, cloaks sailing behind us. I kept my eyes firmly on Gryffindor Table. Remus was sitting between his parents & leaned out a bit to watch us come in. (The only reason his muggle mother can even be here is due to marriage & her blood ties to Remus. I wondered what they were doing here since they weren't Aurors, but had no time to ask Remus at the moment.) We marched past the Lupins & headed down near the end where my parents were already sitting. Lily was across from them, though she was standing & staring right at Sirius & I. She moved to our side of the table so she could speak under breath.

"I see him," Lily made a slight move with one brow towards the Slytherin Table. "How dare he? How long do you think he'll stay?"

"Possibly just over night," Sirius said. "He's here to make sure Regulus doesn't follow in my footsteps."

They spoke a bit more but I felt as if everything was fading from me. My heart was pounding so wildly that its thudding seemed to fill the entire Hall. I could sense someone was watching me. I did the stupidest thing in my life so far then. I slowly but surely looked over my shoulder.

Our eyes met. He was staring right at me, sitting at Slytherin Table. He smiled. Softly & so much like Sirius. I was petrified without the need of the spell.

"HEY!" Sirius was shaking me by the shoulders. I looked blankly at him. "Where did you go off to?" He asked with a laugh, but it didn't reflect in his eyes. He knew what happened. "Come sit down! I'm starving."

I wasn't. I wondered if I would ever eat again. Sirius put me between himself & my father, with Mum on the other side of Dad. When the feast appeared on the tables, I wanted to pass out. As in the Quidditch stands, Sirius again shifted both our cloaks to hide ourselves & took my hand. I just stared into my plate as a few tears fell into it. I suddenly felt something rubbing my ankles under the table. It felt like it was coming from someone sitting across from me. I dared not look, thinking stupidly if Orion had suddenly come to my table to harass me. He could easily do it since Sirius was right here.

But the nudging continued. I knew that if it had been Orion, Sirius would have caused a scene by now. I finally looked up a little & saw through my over-grown fringe, Lily. Sitting right there. Then I understood what I was feeling, her shoeless foot rubbing the front of my legs. Something I had dreamed about for years! I blinked out the other tears demanding to fall, then put a finger under my lens to rub my eyes dry.

She leaned forward to whisper, "Nice boots Potter. Just like Captain Kirk."

"You know about Star Trek?" Sirius & I gaped at her.

"Of course! I'm muggleborn," Lily stared right back. "How on Earth do two purebloods like yourselves know about that?"

"Remus," Sirius & I said at the same time.

Lily laughed. "Should have known." She glanced at the Slytherin Table & I noticed that she had her arms crossed, wand held firmly in one gloved hand. No one would ever know about it, but Lily was taking on her first mission as Auror. Being my personal body guard.

"Jimmy Boy," Mum was looking at me. "You haven't eaten anything. Are you feeling alright?"

Sirius was squeezing my hand. Lily was giving me the footsies. I rested my chin on one hand (not realising my elbow was in a bowl of salad) & said, "Oh yeah! Sure. I just ate earlier with the guys." Lily & Sirius had suddenly stopped groping me as they turned away to laugh. What are they laughing at anyway?

"Jim," Mum reached past Dad with her wand & tapped my elbow. Stupid bloody salad bowls! Once I had cleaned that up, Mum went on suspiciously. "Really? What did you eat?"

"Uhh, plomeek soup," I said. Sirius & Lily both snorted. "Remus's favourite. It's a French thing." (Technically, it's Vulcan, which explains both Sirius & Lily choking to death right about now.) "Yeah, oh it's vegetarian soup to. Pretty good stuff."

"I'll have to get the recipe," Mum turned back to her own plate & began talking with my father again. Sirius & Lily were both in stitches now. I kicked Sirius but Lily got away since she's a girl. Grr. Being a gentleman really is a bitch at times!

I had actually forgotten Orion Black sitting not far away from me for a short time & finally managed to eat something. By now, everyone knew we were at war. It was the talk of the Great Hall. The owls came in late bearing Daily Prophets which had been held back until the Aurors had been sent to various areas to secure them. Now, papers rained down with the head title "WIZARDING WORLD AT WAR" across the front page & the entire thing was full of articles on it.

It was when most of the people had gotten up to leave that I was rudely reminded of my predicament. My parents had gotten up as well & we were about to head for the doors when I saw him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lily dash around to stand behind Sirius & I as Orion Black came over. He spoke quickly with my parents. They were civil to each other, but neither Mum or Dad liked Orion much for what he did to Sirius.

Orion looked over my head as if I wasn't there. "I suppose there's no talking to you is there?"

"Nope," Sirius glared, keeping a firm hand on something under my Auror's cloak. I was too terrified to notice what at the time but now know it was my Invisibility Cloak. I felt something hard curl around my tail bone & press into my flesh until it hurt. I knew some part of the Stag had shown up but fortunately it was under my uniform. I also strangely had a hard on yet having no inclination for sex. It must be the Stag again since one way to show dominance is to force the other under you. Remus did it to me often enough both in human & wolf form. It was never for sex.

"Well I have to speak to Dumbledore about something," Orion looked past me towards the teacher's High Table. "Good bye Mr. Potter. Ma'am." How falsely polite! I want him dead. He made as if to step to the High Table ...& he promptly walked right into me. He grabbed me by the shoulders to halt my fall. "Why James! I'm so sorry! I didn't even see you!"

"Quite alright," Mum said. "He was rather standing out there. Come on Jimmy Boy."

Oh Merlin! I'm in his arms. He's touching me! I glared into his eyes as he smiled coolly back. I reached for my wand, not caring that several eyes would see me murder him. Something pulled me away. Sirius was soon holding me tightly from behind. Orion winked! Quick so no one else saw it. But I did! I struggled in Sirius's arms as Orion headed for the High Table. Let me at him! Then a silvery mist fell over my eyes even though I had my glasses on.

"Well you might as well stay under your cloak, Jim," Sirius was saying in a laugh. "Seeing as how no one can see you anyway." If it weren't for him covering me like that in more ways than one, I'd be writing this from Azkaban. My horns had come out. All the way! I saw Lily purposely trip & fall. Magic shot out of her wand, hitting Orion hard on the shoulder, making him yelp.

"Sir, I'm so sorry!" Lily lied. I could see her murderous glare.

"Quite alright," Orion rubbed his shoulder. "I'll just go to the hospital wing." He turned back & Sirius pushed me aside so Orion wouldn't walk into me a second time.

Once he past, Sirius spoke to my parents. "You go on ahead. We want to talk to Remus anyway."

"Alright," My mother said & my parents walked out.

Sirius ducked under the cloak with me. "Prongs! Your antlers! Pull them in!"

"I can't!" I felt my voice crack. "H-he touched—me! I can't!"

"Come," He whispered softly, taking me in his arms. "Press close to me." In a louder voice, he spoke to Lily. "His antlers are out. We can't get rid of them."

"Great!" Lily was glaring at a point just off to our left. "That was really quick thinking Sirius. Pulling out the Invisibility cloak."

I was shaking from head to foot. I can't believe he touched me again! I cried hard into Sirius's shoulder. "He's really scared Lily. If the whole Stag comes out, this cloak won't cover him."

"Come on," Lily headed to the back of the Great Hall towards the Trophy Room door at the side of the High Table. "The teachers are all gone now. Let's go in here."

We made it barely in time. The moment Lily closed the door behind the three of us, Sirius pulled off the cloak & I literally bounded down the short stairs into the Trophy Room. By the time I hit the bottom, I was Prongs.

Lily & Sirius put so many protection charms on that door that we were lucky to find it ourselves later. They sat together on the stairs, side by side, in silence, while I stampeded around the room & bugled several times. It went on for nearly an hour until I finally forced him to submerge. Lily was actually hanging on to his arm & lying her head on his shoulder. It was so weird to see them being nice to each other.

"James," Sirius took up both my hands. "We need to talk. About ...about maybe using...a certain potion."

"I've thought about it," I admitted. "Make it just in case. I need some time to think."

"Alright," Sirius stood up, then helped Lily to her feet.

"That is so unnatural," I remarked. "You two. Being nice to each other." Sirius & Lily shared a look, then turned away snickering.

"Jim I'm sorry," Sirius suddenly went on. "I didn't think he'd do that in front of your parents! I didn't think he'd try to touch you again. I don't know why he'd do that. He's had his way already."

"He's making sure he has control of you," Lily said. "He'll keep you under his thumb. Needle you. It's mental torture."

"What he did to me last summer was more than mental," I leaned on Sirius for support. "He nearly killed me."

"Will you be ok to make it to the common room?" Sirius asked.

I looked long & hard at Lily. "We'll have to show her our ways."

Lily was watching us apprehensively as Sirius pulled out our beloved Map. "Use this." He handed it over & showed her how to use it.

Lily couldn't believe what she was seeing. She stared at it for several minutes. I clung to Sirius while she absorbed herself in the Map's lines. I was still hard as a rock & I pressed firmly into his hipbone, holding him in place with the force. I knew Prongs was demanding to be Delta again but I was quite content to plod along as the Omega. They were taking care of me. Why change that? I felt that bit of the Stag curl around my tailbone again, tucking in to my flesh so tightly it hurt.

"This is amazing!" Lily gasped. "I can't believe you guys did all this."

"It's Moony's actually," Sirius said. "He drew most of it."

"But to actually have found all these lost passage-ways!" Lily went on. "I'm sure we can get you safely to the Tower. Using this, you can't be touched."

Lily led the way. I stayed between her & Sirius as we trotted along until we came to the entrance of one of our secret routes. After checking around to make sure no one was watching, Lily spoke the password to the gargoyle 'jumping jellies' & it jumped aside to expose a hole in the wall that led into the bowels of a Hogwarts long forgotten. The gargoyle jumped back in place once we were all inside. We threaded our way to the Tower.

We made it safely. I knew our next class would be starting soon. I had no idea what to do about it. Lily suggested calling in sick but then I would have to hide in the hospital wing as proof, allowing easy access to me. I didn't want to see Orion again. I had no idea how to sit through the next class without Prongs bursting out of me & there was no time to make the anti-magus potion for me right now. Alice Jay came down the stairs of the girls' dorms to head back for class & insisted Lily & we go with her. Sirius sent Lily ahead, saying we would follow in a minute. We were now alone in the Tower. Without a word, I headed upstairs to my bed with Sirius close behind.

Sirius locked the door behind us as I undid my belt & loosed my trousers. "Padfoot, can you see what's going on back there?" I felt his hand touch my lower back, then slide lower past my tailbone. He pulled on something & I sensed something familiar lift up before it pulled out of his grasp & hugged my flesh again.

My damn tail!

"He's using it to protect himself," Sirius said, tossing his jacket onto his bed. "The entire tail is out, covering you."

"I'm grateful for the gesture, but it's damned annoying!"

"Prongs is as stressed as you are," Sirius said. "Our death threat isn't helping either, I'm sure."

"He needs to pull that tail in," I said.

Sirius put his arms around my waist from behind. He kissed the side of my neck. "He needs to relax."

"Fat chance!" I actually stamped the ground with one foot like a grumpy rabbit. "With my hunter right here in this castle, hunting me?"

"Oh Jim! I really didn't expect him to do that in public." His embrace tightened around me. I leaned back against him. I didn't dare speak. I knew I'd break down again if I did. We stayed like that for several minutes, knowing class (Charms) was started by now, knowing neither of us would finish any more classes today, knowing we'd both lose points & probably get detention for it all. "What about your other problem?" Sirius murmured in my ear after about half an hour of just standing there.

"What problem?"

"Well you weren't exactly hugging me with your arms down in the Trophy Room," Sirius pointed out.

I half smiled. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise," Sirius corrected me for the umpteenth time. I pressed my nose into his cheek, Stag-style kiss. Sirius hesitated before asking, "Do you want me to...?" I nodded, pressing my nose to his cheek again. "If you change your mind, let me know. I'll stop." He slid his hands down lower into my loose trousers & used the undersides of his wrists to rub against me. Prongs huffed loudly, wanting to rut all of a sudden. "How's your tail?" He asked after a few moments passed.

"Still there," I was leaning heavily on him by now as he continued to manipulate my desire. I was soon half-crumpled on the floor, borne up only by him holding me.

"We're both going to be in so much trouble," He said the moment he pushed me over.

"Mhm," I didn't rightly care at the moment as I had other things on my mind. "Damn tail. Still there."

By now, I was lying on the floor with my head in his lap & his hands still down my trousers. I drifted off to sleep for a while. I don't think it was that long since when I woke up, we were still in the same position & it was starting to get uncomfortable, curled up on the floor like that. Sirius was looking at me, as if waiting for me to wake up. My hips suddenly twitched unexpectedly. I had forgotten his fingers were still down there until he had suddenly pulled out, giving me one long stroke as he did so.

"What did you do that for?" I managed a laugh, still feeling sleepy.

He sat up & leaned over me. I then received the strangest kiss of my life. He kissed my lips & it was upside down since he was over my head. "I've been thinking about something while you were resting."

"You? Actually have a brain? Trez impossibile!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever!" He flicked my nose. I finally stretched out, keeping my head in his lap. "Jim, just in case...something happens, I need you to do something for me."

"In case what happens?"

"Shh," He kissed me upside-down again, then moved towards my throat. "If Orion does force you again, I want you to relax & focus on what I did to you after your Tribal Summons."

He had said three different things at once & I had no idea what he was talking about. Force? Relax? Tribal Summons? "What?"

"I'm going to teach you something right now," Sirius went on. "Just lie still. Close your eyes & focus on us after the Summons."

"Not a …hard...thing to do," I snickered. "Considering you just aroused me a moment ago."

"I did that on purpose," Sirius said. "Now hush up & focus." He had his hands on my shoulders & pressed down along my chest. I felt him tugging at something & then a touch of cool air as he laid open my jacket & shirt. "That ought to help. Now, remember what I did to you. How I caressed your skin. Teased your desire. Can you remember how it felt? How it burned?"

I think I nodded, or made some sort of affirmative noise, but just thinking about that night would often bring me close to the edge.

"Good, you're breathing faster. You can feel it then," He knelt at my head again & ran his fingers over my face. He leaned down to whisper so low I barely heard. "Remember how close you were?"

My answer was a violent tremor throughout my body. "As close as now!" I gasped in one breath. How the hell was this possible? He wasn't even touching me.

"You could go all night like that," He whispered. "Isn't that what you said?"

Another tremor nearly made me sit up, but he put a hand on my forehead & pressed me back down. "Sirius! Merlin's sake, how are you doing this?"

"I'm doing nothing," he kissed my brow. "You are. Stay focused on that night. Can you think of us as if we had gone all the way?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately but I'll be damned before I admit it! So there! My brain however, sent a different message to my mouth. "Yes." I hate myself! I felt my face burning. Here I thought blushing was for girls only!

"Good," He held my head between his hands. "Focus on that now. Think of us together." I did. "Think of me holding you under me as we move as one." Oh I did! I reached up & grabbed his shoulders. "Now," His seduction washed over my ear. "Think of us finishing as one."

My fingernails dug so hard into his shoulders right through the Red Shirt, it's a wonder he didn't cry out or pull away. I have no idea how, but I suddenly felt a powerful surge & a release so strong, my spine took on the shape of a deadly bow & I stayed like that for a while as it seemed to happen in slow motion as usual. "Sirius!" I was suddenly lying flat on the floor again,

"All better now?" He smirked at me.

"What the hell did you just do to me?"

"Are you complaining?" he stared incredulously at me.

"I …well…no of course not!" That had been the best feeling in the world. "But how?"

"Muggles call it sexual energy but they have no idea what they're talking about," Sirius leaned in & gave me a quick kiss. "Basically, you focus on what you feel & what you want to feel & focus on how you want it done. Concentrate on the areas you want touched. Relive past moments of pleasure. Rather amazing trick, don't you think?"

"Yeah," I gasped weakly. No wonder the women in this castle were crazy for him. I realised that they probably missed him as he hadn't dated anyone since we started last September, apart from me secretly.

"Do you think you can do that again?"

"Not right now."

"Of course not," Sirius stood up. "But as soon as possible, you should try it again. Practise it."

"I think I...I will," I ran both hands through my hair. "Why did you show me that?"

"After that stunt Orion pulled today, I realised if he wanted to, he could just hurt you again," He knelt in front of me. I felt a rising panic at the mere mention of that name. "If he does—"

"No!"

"If he does," Sirius took me in his arms. "I want you to do what you just did. Just let go & recall that night."

I was suddenly no longer drunk on the after-effects of a pleasure high. I stared at him, not believing what he was suggesting. "I...no no! I can't!"

"James."

"If he does that again, Sirius, I'll die!"

"No, you'll go to our Summoning grounds & be with me."

I exposed my suicide cuts. "Sirius, I can't! Go through! Something like that again! I can't!"

He sat beside me & put a hand on my face. "Shut him out," he said softly. "Just shut him out. Recall that night. Don't fight him. Just leave & go to us." I wanted to tell him I couldn't do that, but my lips trembled too much. He pressed a finger to my mouth. "Shut him out." He leaned down & kissed my chest over my heart. Prongs was there. The moment he sat up & met my eyes, my full rack came out. "Oh Prongs," Sirius put a hand on my chest. "Don't make me destroy you. But James is more important. I'll do what it takes to protect him, even if it means losing you. Please submerge."

The horns disappeared. Sirius passed a hand down my back but my tail was gone as well. I stood up & got dressed. My shirt was drenched & clung to my wet body. I put on the Auror's cloak so I wouldn't get cold. "Let's get this over with."

Sirius stood up. "You want to get our detentions done?" He laughed but I merely headed out the door. Sirius would have to keep up.

We were almost running, but I kept it to a fast walk. Sirius attempted to head to Charms but I hurried on. I wasn't going to any more classes today. I headed right past a grouchy Argus Filch, up to the staff's meeting room & burst through the door. Sure enough, Dumbledore & several other Professors were there, along with all the full Aurors. My parents stood up suddenly as I marched inside.

"My dear boy," Dad looked me over. "What's wrong with you?"

I needed my father. He had been a Healer half a century ago before switching to Auror. He wouldn't put me in Azkaban. He's my father & unlike Sirius's father, mine at least cared about me. He wouldn't dare! "Can I speak to you alone?"

"Not right now," Dad began. "We're in the middle of a meeting."

My tail reappeared. "Now Dad. Or I'll die!" I turned & marched out passed a rather confused Sirius & headed into an unused classroom nearby.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Dad said to Sirius as he walked by him.

"Dad please hurry," I called for him. "I can't control it much longer."

Dad & Sirius followed after me. Sirius locked the door & cast several protective & repelling charms on them. Dad watched him, rather alarmed. Yeah well, wait until he turns to me. He finally did so & both he & Sirius gasped.

I was crackling. Bolts of power ran up & down my body, sparkling yellow. I was shivering with the warped magic twisting against me. I held up my hands, exposing my palms. Bursts of power snapped out of them. It was all I could do to keep Prongs inside me & it was killing me.

"James, what is going on?" Dad stared at the power surges in shock.

"I'm an illegal Animagus & I'm having problems."

Sirius clutched his heart with one hand, his mouth with the other. But my Dad surprised me. "I know." Sirius now had both hands over his mouth as Dad went on. "I suspected it for a while. John Lupin has found some strange prints around his home over last summer's first full moon & tufts of fur in his home over the second one. The prints are werewolf of course, but a small animal & something of the deer family to. Both times those incidents occurred, Remus had three visitors. You two & Mr. Pettigrew. At least two of you are Animagi, aren't you?" (Thank God Padfoot didn't join the night romps. Maybe now we can keep Dad guessing who the other one is.) "I'd say all three of you are really. It wouldn't make sense that one isn't since you're always all together."

Damn it! Whatever!

"Yes, Dad," I fell to my knees as a particularly violent jolt from my Spirit shot through me. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen."

"What on Earth were you thinking?" Dad glared at me. "I appreciate what you're trying to do for John's son, but to attempt something that dangerous? Jim, there's a reason it's illegal without supervision."

"I'm sorry!" I gasped as another bolt circumvented my entire body. "I'm—OH!" There had been a flash of Light emanating from my palms. I clapped them together in an attempt to catch my Spirit. Prongs was trying to tear from my body. Dad & Sirius both made a move towards me, but another explosion of bright white Light burst from my hands. It was shaped like a Stag. "Stay back. STAY BACK!" I grasped my Spirit again, forcing him inside me. "I'm losing control. Stay back." I held my hands tightly together around that ball of Light, my very life-force. "NO! STAY WITH ME!"

"I need to find a ready made anti-magus potion!" Sirius exclaimed as Dad stared horrified at me, trying to gauge the reaction of my Spirit & deduce his next outburst.

"So you're the Stag," Dad said as he saw the Light take shape.

"I don't want the anti-magus potion," I gasped between jolts. "NO! COME BACK!" There was another explosion of Light. I pressed my hands to my chest. If Prongs succeeded in leaving me, I would die right then & there. "I'm the biggest animal in the pack. Analyse Remus. A lot of those scars are from my horns keeping him at bay—oh no you don't!" I doubled over, holding him under me. "I've recently done a Tribal Summons with Sirius as my Watchtower to speak to my Spirit. He's hurt & it's killing both of us."

"How long have you known your Spirit?"

"Mid-fourth year."

Dad stared at me. "That long? Yet you wonder why you're having problems?"

"No!" I shook my head. "My Spirit & I had a perfect union. We all did. They respected the fact that we were protecting a wolf. I've only just lost control recently."

"You said your Spirit is hurt?"

"Yes," I yelped as a bolt of power went right up my throat.

"Oh James! What have you done?" Dad stared at me. "When did he get hurt?"

"Earlier this year," I tried to be vague as possible.

"How?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Then I can't help you."

"Dad, he's dying!" I cried out. "We both are."

"How do you expect me to heal you if I don't know what to heal?"

"I can't tell you!" I screamed at him. "You'll just have to guess."

"I could kill you! I won't do that."

"I'll die anyway if you don't," I shook my head furiously as my horns suddenly came out. My glasses went flying.

"JAMES! TELL ME!" Dad had his wand trained on me.

"Let me talk to him," Sirius came closer to me than he should have. I was surrounded by another flash of Light. Sirius spoke in French to me. "We have to tell him."

"No."

"James, we must!" Sirius grabbed my hands. His body jerked with a power bolt surging through both of us.

"SIRIUS GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Dad bellowed. "You'll corrupt your Spirit!"

"NO!" Sirius glared at him. "My Spirit is the only thing that can stop this!" He clung to my hands. Padfoot cavorted over his fingers & sniffed at the places were we were interlocked. Prongs suddenly appeared over my hands & touched noses to Padfoot. Sirius switched to Iroquois & spoke to her. I'm not sure exactly what but afterwards, I didn't burst into flashes of Stag-shaped Light any more. The tattoos soon left our hands. I felt as if I was kicked in the chest as mine hit my heart.

Dad was staring at our clasped hands. "Holy Phoenix! I have never seen that before & I've been around a lot of Animagi. I've never seen tattoos communicate to each other, not even if they're the same Tribe."

"As Jim told you," Sirius held my gaze. "We're a pack. We take care of each other." I grunted & tossed my head back as another surge all but threw me off my feet. Prongs was still fighting me. "Prongs! Trust me! Please."

"What the hell happened to him?"

I tried to tell Sirius not to, but I was forced to my knees by Prongs. "Je t'aime," Sirius whispered to me, then turned to my father. "What I tell you now does not leave this room. Only Lily Evans knows. Not Remus. Not Peter. No one. Swear on your magic!"

"Excuse me?" Dad couldn't believe Sirius was bold enough to ask for something like that. Break an oath sworn on magic, you'll lose your powers & live as a muggle or Squib. My body contorted with several power bolts at once & I fell to my side.

Sirius defiantly stared at my father. "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! HE'S DYING!"

"Yes!" Dad raised his wand & touched its tip to Sirius's wand-tip. "I swear."

"That last week of summer, when he was sick," Sirius began. "I moved in because Orion did something terrible. Jim wasn't actually sick, Sir. He was raped."

I knew it would destroy my father. I knew it! I saw his face when Sirius had no choice but to betray my secret to him. Dad stared at him. "W...what? Siri! No!"

Sirius whispered softly. "He was raped...& ever since then, his Spirit has been wrecked."

"Dad!" I screamed as my stomach twisted with the Spirit. "Heal him! Please!"

Without another word, my father pointed his wand at me. I was lifted into the air & lying flat on nothing before him. He began working around me, spinning his magic. I don't know what he did but it hurt like hell. I passed out.

When I woke up, I was lying on a bench with Sirius & my father both standing against a table, watching me. We were still in the unused classroom. I no longer had power surges sparkling over my body & I didn't see any flashes of Light. I felt my tattoo resting on my right hip but something wasn't right. I looked over at my father & spoke but it came out in Lakotan.

"What did he say?" Dad asked Sirius.

"I don't know," Sirius shook his head. "I'm Iroquois. He's Lakotan."

"That just made what your tattoos did, that much more profound."

"I said..." I spoke slowly, focusing on English. "When are we leaving for Azkaban?"

My father smiled for a moment. "I'm not turning you in. You're secret's safe with me. I'm going to alter John Lyall's memory as well so he won't look into these prints around his place further." Sirius breathed a loud sigh of relief but Dad was glaring at both of us. "I hope you two brats learned your lesson! Messing around with things this ancient? Remus should ever be grateful for you lot."

"He doesn't know about any of this," I said as I slowly sat up.

"I know what everyone does & does not know," My father said. "Sirius explained it to me. Now Jim, I must ask you, why didn't you tell us what happened last summer?"

He's too old. He's ill. I didn't want to stress him out. "How could I?" I just shrugged.

He came to me & put a hand on my shoulder. "I'll need a few things to heal your Stag."

"You CAN heal him, can't you?" I was afraid he would try to give me an anti-magus potion.

"Now that I know what happened, yes," Dad said. "It'll take a few days while I get some ingredients together for a potion. It's been a while since I was a Healer.

"What if he turns against me again?" I asked.

Sirius shared a look with my father before saying, "He won't. He's ...locked up."

"Locked up?"

Sirius came close to me & we shared a look that my father couldn't see. He put a hand on my hip. "May I?"

I stood up & allowed him to loose my belt. Sirius then pulled down the right edge of my clothes & pointed. I looked down & saw my Spirit on my hip bone. He was again a black outline, having healed from the Summons but he had seven gold bars criss-crossed over him like a net. "What did you do?'

"He's tied up," Dad explained. "He can't hurt you. Can't leave you but you can't Summon him & you can't transform until I loose those bars."

"How long will you take to cure him?"

"Not until next week."

"Dad!" I looked up horrified. "The full moon's tomorrow. I need my Stag!"

"Tough," Dad glared at me. "That thing nearly killed you today. No full moons for you until further notice."

"But Dad!"

"SILENCE!" Dad cast a glance at Prongs. "There will be other full moons. You just can't go to this one. I'm sorry."

"What the bloody hell can I tell Remus then?" I snarled through gritted teeth. "I need my Stag! I'm the biggest animal!"

"Remus has Sirius & Peter," Dad said. "Tell them you're on an Auror mission. I'll have you sent to Hogsmeade for your first patrol. You simply can't do it this time."

"I have never missed a full moon since I Merged!"

"Didn't your mother & I warn you about this?" Dad said.

"Sirius?" I looked at him for help but he was avoiding my eyes. "Sirius! Please tell me you're not going along with this?"

"I'm sorry, Jim," Sirius turned away from me.

"Get dressed, James," Dad ordered. "Sirius, take him back to Gryffindor Tower. I'll take care of your remaining classes for the day. I don't want my boy out & about with that man here." He then took my face in his hands. "Oh Jim! You look terrible. No wonder. Stay in your Tower." He turned & pointed his wand at the door for over a minute. "You have some rather good charms put up here, Sirius. You'll make a great Auror. First mission: keep James safe."

"I will Sir," Sirius said. "Thank you." When my father left, Sirius put a hand on my shoulder but I shook him off. "You ok?"

"No," I turned away from him.

"It's one full moon," Sirius tried to comfort me. "The pack's been short one for the end of last year since I was banished. At least you're not banished."

"I might as well be," I stared at the opposite wall.

"Jim, you would have died today."

I turned sharply to him, but didn't meet his eyes. I lifted my cut wrist & pulled back the strap. "Like I care."

"I won't let you die Jim." He pulled me close to him. "I won't ever let you die!"

"I wish you would!" I struggled to get away from him but he clung to me. "Let me go!"

"Never!" Sirius pulled me back to him. "I'll never let go Jim. I'll never let go!" We struggled for a moment, but I finally gave up. Gave in. He sealed my mouth with his own & kissed me long & deep. Sirius put his head over my shoulder. "At least, we can finally cure that Stag."

"I guess so," I shrugged. Part of me wished that my Spirit had succeeded in destroying me. "What'll Remus think?"

"He'll understand," Sirius said. "Auror patrol. As for Moony, Padfoot will just tell him you're off really sick. He'll be fine."

"Auror patrol," I muttered. "In Hogsmeade? We may be at war but it isn't close to here yet."

"Well there have been a couple of Death Eaters through there before," Sirius said. "Maybe you'll get lucky & get rid of a straggler. Look on the bright side, you're getting your first mission before me."

"We should have been together," I said. "People are noticing how good we are as partners. I don't want anyone else. I haven't learned with others. What if someone I get is a complete stranger I don't know how to work with? Someone I can't sneak off & use my Stag with?"

"As you say, it's just Hogsmeade," Sirius shrugged. "I'll be there with you for the others." He smiled slyly. "You're right. We are good partners." I rolled my eyes, but felt my lips twitch into a smirk.

Lily burst in on us but fortunately, we were standing slightly apart by now. "Jim. Sirius. You've got to come now! Your Dads—it's dreadful!"

"Couldn't care less about mine," Sirius grabbed my hand with his left & Lily's with his right & allowed her to lead us on.

We ran outside & across the Transfiguration Courtyard to the long winding stone stairs leading down to the boathouse. Bolts of magic were shooting out of it & we heard voices as we came closer. I feared the worst. What if my father had gone crazy on Orion & openly accused him of what he had done? Then the whole school would know & he would lose his powers. On the other hand, I hoped Dad would kill him. I wanted Orion dead like nothing else! Please, kill him!

By the time we entered the boathouse, my Dad & Orion had seemed to forget that they were pureblood sorcerers & were now engaged in an all-out muggle fist fight. I found a sordid pleasure at seeing Orion bleed. My father may be old, but he had caught Orion by surprise by suddenly punching him hard across the face. He was now bleeding, as I had once bled, though him from a split lip & crushed nose.

"My boy!" Dad punched Orion again. "My only son! How could you do that to him?" He suddenly kicked hard, hitting Orion so hard between the legs that he crumpled to the ground. Sirius & Lily had plunged past me to intervene. I pressed up against the doorframe, feeling the cold of frozen over stone in stark contrast to the sudden burning of heat I felt when I saw Orion hurt like that. I suddenly stepped away as my mother came crashing through.

"What's going on in there?" She didn't even seem to notice me. "Charlus? Oh my! Orion? What are you two doing?"

"Dorea stay out of it!" My father punched Orion hard across the face as he knelt there trying to recover from the kick.

"CHARLUS!" She put a hand on his shoulder. "What is the matter with you?"

"You stay away from my family!" Dad shot at Orion. "You understand? That includes Sirius!"

"Orion," My mother glared at him. "Sirius left your home. He's with us now. Come Charlus. Let's go." It was a struggle, but she did manage to pull my father away. "You kids get back to class." Dad caught my eye & shook his head.

Lily went to class alone while Sirius brought me back to the safety of our dorms. We lay on his bed in silence for the rest of the day. I wished my Dad had killed that monster, but I still enjoyed the fact that Orion felt pain in the same area I had when he touched me.

Sirius soon had my shirt spread open as before & I found myself lying with my head in his lap again, though now we were on his bed. He kissed me upside-down, then moved forward to my throat. He moved to my chest, then lower still. I found ourselves nearly in a 6-9 & I realised I had never done anything like that to him before now & wondered if I should try. I was spared from trying to ask him about it though as he returned to my head. Again, he made me focus on the night of my Tribal Summons, drawing out the sexual power of that night, letting it drive me over the edge.

Throughout the last half of the day, that was all I did. Four times, maybe five. I lost count. I wished it would last forever. I loved every moment of it so I was suddenly in a right foul mood when we realised class was over & students had been returning for the night.

Sirius smirked at me & brought me into the showers, the last place that was free of students. He actually locked the door so no one could follow. We shared a long hot shower; though, we didn't do much to each other. A kiss here. A touch there. He was giving me a rest but I had wanted so much more. I wanted to be a part of him & there were several times when I wished I could just grab him & have my way.

But I had never done that to anyone before, neither man or woman & all I knew about it was force & pain & the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Sirius ...so I didn't ask for more. Since Prongs was on lock-down, his instincts didn't take over either; otherwise, I was quite sure that he, unlike me, would have no problems mounting someone for a good long rut which was something I was really starting to want but to terrified to ask for.

Sirius put a hand on my right hip, staring down at the tattoo. "Still not how I imagined you being tied up, you know."

Damn him! Was he telepathic or what? I looked down as well, though more to hide the furious blushing then anything else. "Yeah well, at least he's safe." Padfoot showed up & pressed as close as possible to Prongs, right at Sirius's fingertips.

"She's worried," Sirius said. Padfoot lay Sphinx-style along the fingers, curling her tail.

"I honestly don't get why the Grim is a boy when you transform," I said. "Shouldn't you be a girl in Grim form?"

Sirius laughed. "I've wondered that myself but I guess it's just my male body taking a different shape that the Spirit allows me to do." He lifted his hand from my hip & Padfoot shot to his throat, stopped to scratch her neck with a hind paw, then disappeared over one shoulder. I found myself staring at his throat. Just kiss it already! He's done that to me often enough. "So," Sirius held me against the back wall. "are you ok?"

My Stag's on lockdown, I can't go to the next pack gathering & I'm having very disturbing thoughts of fucking his mind out but can't 'get up' the nerve to do so. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

"You've just encountered Orion Black for the first time since this whole mess started & you're fine?"

A mess my poor dear father now knows about on top of it all. "It was nerve-racking," I admitted.

He held me close to his body & I felt every curve & form pressed against me. "I swear to you my love ..."

Oh!

My!

Crystal!

Ball...room Blitz!

"Some day soon, we will kill him."

_(AN: Two quick disclaimers. (ok three...yeah yeah, ripped off Titanic again. Bite me!) I own neither Roswell or Heroes from which I based James's collapse. Bolts of uncontrollable power is what happened to Liz in Roswell after what Max did to her. The outbursts are based upon Meredith when she lost control of her firepower after Sylar drugged her. That being said I DO own both complete series on DVD...& Titanic lol)_


	18. Chapter 18

**(18) The Choice**

I had absolutely no idea what to say to that one. He had called me 'my love' which sent a thrill through me. I couldn't say anything, so I kissed him quickly.

"Hey," He grabbed my chin. "I know you can last longer than that."

Yeah I'm not sure who initiated that second much longer kiss, but at least I didn't have to talk. The fact that we had just agreed on a murder together went right over my head at the moment. He held my sides, keeping us tightly together. I suddenly was staring at the ceiling as I came from being pressed right against him. We stood silently, resting our foreheads together. "How are you shoulders, Pads?"

"They're fine."

I pushed him sideways to look at one. I could see red marks from where I had clung to him several hours ago. I had cut him! "Sirius, I hurt you."

He burst out laughing. "You've got a lot to learn my almost-virgin, as you put it."

"But Si...I made marks!"

"Pathetic ones at that," Sirius teased. "I've had better. Way better marks than that. It takes a lot to hurt me & then, I'd probably enjoy it."

"How much?"

"A lot."

"I dare you to tell me how much it would take."

Sirius glared at me. If a Marauder doesn't take a dare, they could actually risk banishment. (He was already banished when I once dared him to go skinny dipping last summer.) I smirked at him. "I hate you," Sirius grumbled. "Fine. You've got to be violent with me. How do you think I survived all those rounds with Crucio, huh? By channeling that torture into a different venue."

I chocked & gripped my stomach. Sad fact was, he seemed to actually mean it. "Forget I asked."

"No, I don't think I can."

"That's totally barbaric!"

"Hey," Sirius shrugged it off. "Whatever gets me through."

Only—ONLY!—Sirius! I crossed my arms, staring at the shower door. "Sirius, another dare."

"Oh boy," Sirius muttered.

"I want a truthful answer."

"Aww I hate this kind of dare." He pouted like a pathetic little puppy.

"If Orion had thrown you on the stairs instead of me," I started. I couldn't finish.

"He would have little effect on me."

"He was trying to punish you," I tried again.

"Yeah he likes seeing me hurt," Sirius huffed.

Everything clicked into place with that one simple line. "He can't hurt you, not directly at least."

"What are you talking about?"

"You like violent sex."

"So long as it's consensual. There are safe words to use," he said. "Jim, I did not like what he did to you. I hate what he did. It wasn't consensual."

"I know," I suddenly understood everything. "That's why he attacked me last summer & why he made moves on me today. He knows it'll hurt you like nothing else can."

Sirius could hardly speak & he took a long time answering in a broken voice as realisation sunk in. "I-it's possible. Yeah."

"Which means, he'll do it again & again & again," I now knew exactly why Orion was tormenting me. I was a weapon to him. A weapon against Sirius. "He'll never stop! I'm doomed."

Sirius put a hand on my cheek. "Not if he dies first. We find him & then, we're going to kill him." At that, he burst out of the shower stall & marched for the door. He left, letting the door bang behind him. I rolled my eyes. Why is my stupid Grim just so bloody stupid? I at least, had sense to get dressed.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Freakin' idiot!

Sirius came running back in & snatched up his Royal blue silk pjs, got dressed, then tried all that again. I left first while he got dressed. Remus, Peter & several others, at least four girls (thank God none of them were Lily!) stood staring at me. Remus held up his hands in a 'dude 'siriusly' what the freakin' hell was that' gesture as Peter snickered.

Sirius was soon right behind me. In French, Sirius said to Remus, "Like what you saw?" (Which earned him a glare that all but killed him.) Then Sirius cleared his throat. "Let's go." I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head. Sirius marched down the short hall to the Portrait but I headed straight for Remus.

"Did you happen to notice something that maybe shouldn't have been seen?"

"Uh...let me think," Remus glared incredulously at me.

In a lower voiced I hissed, "The tattoo you idiot! Not THAT!"

"No & I doubt anyone else would have noticed," Remus said. "Seeing as how we were all a bit preoccupied with his head & no, I'm not talking about the one on his shoulders."

* * *

Harry buried his face in his hands. "Yeah. Ok. I have no comment for that one!"

He did however, plan to skip the next dark arts or two.

* * *

"Really? He has a head on his shoulders?" I raised one brow. "I never noticed."

"Prongs, what's going on in there?" Remus asked.

"Oh nothing," I blew out a breath, flipping my over-long bangs out of my eyes. "Daddy issues really."

"Daddy issues," Remus echoed.

"Yeah," I said. "Sorry. Gotta fly!" I turned & smacked right into Professor McGonagall. "Sorry. Ma'am. Didn't see you!" I stepped backwards until I found a chair to plop into. Remus growled low under breath. Sirius was right behind her.

"As of now," McGonagall began. "Curfew is at 7 o'clock." There was an uproar. 5th Year students could usually be out until nine! "FOR ALL YEARS!" She went on.

"Outrageous!" Someone behind me complained.

"Prefects & Aurors only are allowed outside the dormitories after hours," McGonagall added. "Must I remind you that we are at war now? This castle is over-run with Aurors. They are here for a reason!" She then looked at me. "Mr. Potter stay here. Your father is on his way to see you."

I met Sirius's gaze & he rolled his eyes. There went our plans for murder tonight. McGonagall left & I made some excuse to exit the common room as quickly as possible. I got on my bed & pulled the curtains closed. I had a feeling Remus didn't believe me about 'daddy issues' but really, it was true. Only problem was, so much more was going on. Sirius belonged to Remus.

Didn't he?

My curtains swished open & Sirius stood there looking at me. "Don't worry. We'll get him." He lay beside me.

"Padfoot, what are we doing?"

"Waiting for your Dad."

I felt his hand slide under my top as he petted my tummy & ribs. "I mean this," I put one hand on his arm. "What about Moony?"

"He's fine," Sirius moved up further.

I loved his touch. So gentle, unlike Orion. "So you two mutts aren't getting together then?" I finally asked the main question.

"James," He pulled out of my shirt & touched my cheek. "Out of everyone I've ever been with or ever will be, I only have two loves." I felt his lips brush against mine. "Moony's the other one."

"But he's a wolf," I pointed out. "Unlike us, he can't share once the marriage bonds are sealed."

"I know that," he began petting my hair. "How do you feel about Lily?"

"I don't know," I thought about her but things were cooled between us now. She had finally become my friend, but was there nothing more? Then I remembered her touching my legs under the table. Something I had always dreamed about. I used to imagine her doing that but going all the way up. True North. She knew everything about me except having Sirius for my boy—boyfri…wow. Ok, I can't believe I just wrote that. Yeah. Boyfriend. Or does that not count if we're not actually having sex? Technically we never did. We tried once, but it never happened. Does trying count?

"You miss loving her."

Wasn't even a question & how true it was. "A bit. She was torn away from me."

"You want to pick up where you got left," Sirius put an arm across me. "Jim, I will never stop loving you. Or Remus. It'll be ok. Don't worry. It'll work out eventually." His hand suddenly ended up in my pants. He kissed me while rubbing me off. I knew if Prongs was free, he'd try to take over & I found myself for the first time, liking the fact that I was cut off from my Spirit. It was nice to just lie there next to Sirius & let him be in control.

I can't believe I just thought about Prongs like that! Oh well.

Sirius finished with me & got off the bed. He wasn't a moment too soon either as my father entered our dorm just a second later. "Orion is gone back home," he said. Neither Sirius or I were happy about that. We wanted to kill him. "Sirius can you excuse us for a moment? I need to talk to Jim alone."

"Sure," Sirius cast a quick wink at me & left.

Well...this was awkward. My Dad here while I was still feeling the after-effect of getting off. I tried to lie still & look indifferent. Thank Merlin we didn't strip down! "How could you not tell me what happened?" He got right to the point. I just shrugged. "If anyone so much as looks at you in a way you don't like, your mother & I ought to be the first to know!"

"Dad, I—"

"Don't you understand how your mother & I would react if you died?" He cut me off. "Sirius told me. He said he saw it while he was held by that blasted house elf! Orion nearly killed you. But it didn't stop there, did it? A Tribal Summons? Are you insane? You're too young for Animagic! You're illegal! You don't know what you're doing. It isn't all about baying at a full moon! You ought to get rid of that Spirit! Oh ho ho but you weaseled your way out of that one quite nicely. You're illegal but guess what? So is the anti-magus potion! If I try to get one, we'll both get sent off to Azkaban. I can't believe Sirius suggested that. Shows that you don't know what you're doing. Murdering your Spirit? You are bloody insane! There are other ways to re-Merge without killing each other! But after what I've seen today, I've never seen a wound so bad as what I just witnessed! You'll be lucky to survive this Jim! I have half a mind to get an anti-magus potion to spare you but I can't live with the knowledge that you'll live the rest of your life in Azkaban in a cell right next to me."

"We KNOW it destroys Spirits! Sirius can make the potion as a last res—."

"What part of illegal do you not understand?" Dad glared at me. "I won't accept anything from him. It'll cause more trouble than it's worth. So I have no choice but to heal that Spirit."

"You can do that, right?"

"I have a few foreign herbs to get," Dad crossed his arms, still glaring at me. He shouted at me & his voice was rising higher. "I've had to order something from the American continent to sort you out! Oh! You STUPID boy! Have you any brains at all? What is wrong with you?"

He was not only yelling at me, but also insulting me. Neither of my parents had ever done that in my entire life. It was unnatural & unnerving! "Dee sa lay," I couldn't believe it. My own father made me cry. That has never happened before.

"What?"

"French for sorry."

"Sorry? James Charlus! How many times have you nearly died this year? Don't tell me you're sorry!"

I put my hands over my face & pushed up through my fringe. I had never expected to be yelled at & I wasn't taking it well. "What else can I say?"

"Nothing," Dad said. "There are no words to cover for your arrogance. Your foolishness. Attempting Animagic at fourteen. FOURTEEN JIM!" I flinched at his bellow. "You do know that if those Merges weren't accepted you would all be dead?"

"But Re—"

"I don't care!" Dad interrupted me again. "There are other ways of helping young Lycans without putting yourself in unnecessary danger! Playing with him in human form. Taking care of his injuries AFTER full moon. Fine. But Animagic?" He bent over me so that we were nearly nose to nose. If possible, his voice grew ever louder. "THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN YOUR VOCABULARY AT THAT AGE!"

"Dad, stop!" I tried to wiggle away from him. "You're scaring me!" I had never seen him so mad in my life...& his fury was directed at me.

Then, he raised his hand as if to swipe me across the face. I couldn't believe it. I was going to be hit by my own father? Never had that happened before. I winced, closing my eyes, waiting for the blow. "I really ought to smack some sense into you!" I bit my lip. Just get it done already! Orion had back-handed me to. Dad huffed before going on. "Oh stop whimpering. You're nearly 17! Anyway, I'm not going to hit you. But by Merlin, I should!"

I glared at him through tears. "Orion back-handed me to, before grabbing me."

We shared a silent look. I could see that what I said either frightened him or made him feel guilty that he had just put me in a similar position. Good! Either way, good! "Why didn't you use your Stag against Orion?"

"He's a professional werewolf hunter," I said. "Protect our werewolf. Code of the Marauders."

"Marauders?" Dad glared.

"It's just what we four call ourselves," I shrugged.

He went to the window & stared out for a few minutes. Then he stomped his right foot more than once while growling," Damnation! DAMNATION!"

"D-Dad?" I winced again. I have never seen him so mad in all my life. He suddenly turned back to me.

"You four brats...are the damn Marauders?" Dad was suddenly twice as angry. "Boy if you didn't just explain Orion to me I really would smack you right now! Do you know how many people are working on catching the arses responsible for this fabled Marauders gang for a couple of years now? HUH? YOU IN A GANG? JAMES CHARLUS POTTER! MY GOD! I really should send you to Azkaban. FOR LIFE!"

"We don't...hurt anyone."

"I don't think you should be a ...Marauder...any more."

"Whatever!"

"Don't sass me!" Dad ordered.

"If Remus dies—"

"I appreciate the amount of caring you put into that pup!" Dad smiled for once. "The Lupins are good friends of ours. I worked with John Lyall often enough at the Ministry Of Magic. It's tragic what happened to that family. Fenrir breaking into the nursery & not only infecting Remus at four years old but also killing his twin."

* * *

"…Whoa...a twin?"

* * *

"Fenrir is a monster. Remus is not!"

"That's because he didn't go wild," Dad sighed. "His parents kept him. Usually, the child is left with the wolf pack if something like that happens. It's a first time that the human family kept the infected one. What Dumbledore…not you or your other two friends...Dumbledore, is doing for Remus will pave the way for other Lycans who aren't so wild. Who knows? Maybe someday Remus can get an Auror's license, then he can reunite with you & Sirius."

"I hope so. But Dumbledore is only helping Remus politically. We actually take care of him. Feed him treats. Milk out his venom every season & stay with him on full moons so he wont try to eat at himself."

"Oh for God's sake! He's a boy, a young man with a horrible disease...a disease that can be contagious with a single bite must I remind you?! He's not a bloody pet!"

* * *

"Ohh I beg to differ on that one, Grandpa!" Harry smiled to himself. Even now, Harry had caught himself on more than one occasion thinking of Professor Lupin as the inherited pet fleabag, as James himself would call him. The effects of the Marauders pampering the wolf was still visible now. Actually, he was bloody spoiled, particularly with chocolate.

* * *

Dad shook his head & rolled his eyes. "Animagic. You idiot! Unbelievable. Remus sure is one lucky pup!"

"Yeah, he is."

"Well, what's done is done," He sighed heavily. "I just wish you had come to me straight away. You could have spared yourself nearly a year's worth of misery."

"That's a nice conversation for Sunday dinner!" I snapped, wiping my eyes. "Mum. Dad, how's it going? I was just raped & my Spirit's trying to kill me. Oh yeah. I'm an illegal Animagus! Do you have any idea how I'M feeling about this? I don't want to talk about it with anyone but Sirius. He saw it happen! He understands. You don't!"

"You're right, Char," He was finally speaking softly but using my middle nickname really pissed me off for some reason. It used to be for when I was a kid & for some sweet thing, like Christmas or something. "I don't understand what you could be feeling right now. Not as much as Sirius. But I understand your Spirit much better than you."

"That's likely."

"I have nearly a century's experience with Animagic," Dad suddenly surprised me right then & there. He transformed! OHMERLINIHAVEANANIMAGUSFATHER?!

The tiny ruby throated humming bird flew around me like a living Snitch. I caught him & then let him perch on my finger. "This. Is. So. WEIRD!"

The hummingbird, bobbed his head as if laughing at me, then flew off to the side. My father stood before me once more. "Unlike you, I'm registered."

"When did you learn to do that?"

"Titanic," Dad shrugged. "I never wanted to go through that kind of horror again. So I signed up for Aerial Animagic—you DO know what that is?"

"Yes," I glared. I'm not that stupid. You can't choose what animal you'll be but you can choose what class so you won't end up quite literally a fish out of water. There is Aerial, Aquatic & Geo (I've also read something about Stellar as well but I'm sure that's a myth...unless Tribbles are part of the equa...wait a minute. REMUS! Mangy mutt! Grr! Yep, definitely a myth!).

"Good," Dad glared. "Anyway, if something like the Titanic ever happened to me again, I could just fly away."

"Wow," I gasped, staring at him. "What's your Tribe?"

"Naturally of course, I found a Tribe that lived by water, by the sea," Dad said. 'The Haida Tribe along the west coast of North America. She's about a thousand years ago. A chief's daughter named Nadia."

"Have you ever done a Summons?"

"Twice."

"Whoa!"

"So you see, I understand your Spirit just fine. I can fix him. I may be a different Tribe but all Natives use the same sort of medicines from Earth." Dad surveyed me for a long time before going on, "I'm glad you're...well, you seem to be getting along well after what Orion did."

"What makes you say that? Prongs is trying to kill me."

"I'm talking about Sirius, not ...uh...Prongs."

My heart definitely stopped. "Sirius?"

"Please," Dad rolled his eyes. "The way he looks at you. Hiding hand-holding under cloaks." Oh murd murd MURD! "Now you lying there, shirt & pants all askew. I saw Sirius just leaving your bed as I came in."

Tabrenack! Are you kid...are you KIDDING me? I tried to look anywhere but at him. "We're not really doing anything," I tried. Technically true anyway. "He's just keeping me safe."

"Good," Dad turned to leave. "Good night."

"Wait!" I sat up so fast my back cracked. "OW!" I stretched to crack it back into place. "Wait. No one knows. Don't tell anyone. About Sirius & I."

He smiled widely at me. "Not really doing anything, eh?" With that he left. For lack of something better to do, I hurled the nearest pillow at the door. He opened the door a crack. "Should I expect a wedding invitation soon?"

"I HATE YOU!" I launched for the door. Dad literally flew downstairs & I ran after him. When I reached the common room, I found him talking to Peter & Lily. I sat down on the couch as he turned to me. I was going to say something or other, but Remus suddenly sat on me & pushed me into a lying position as there was no one around at the moment who didn't know what he was. He whined, licking one side of his chops. "What do you want, Moony?" I wasn't in the mood to play. He licked my nose. "Here!" I held up a piece of chocolate I had pulled out of one of his ever-full pockets. "Go on!" My fingers slid right into his mouth as he took it. I could feel his sharp fangs. He made himself perfectly comfortable on top of me, while he munched on it. I petted his head, then glared at Dad. "Oh he is SO a pet!" Dad closed his eyes for a moment before marching out the Portrait.

"So what did he say?" Remus asked the moment he finished his chocolate. He was still lying on top of me.

"Uh well," I stammered. I didn't plan on this moment popping up so soon. "I—it's really. Moony, I won't be with you this full moon."

"What? Why?" Remus pushed himself up so that he was sitting across my legs.

"My first training on Auror patrol," I said. "I'll be in Hogsmeade."

"Auror," Remus hung his head. He would have given all the chocolate in the world to be like me & Sirius. "Ah well, I should have known something like this would happen since you were accepted into Auror classes." He looked over at Sirius. "Will you be there?"

"Yeah & Wormtail."

"I'll probably hear you in the Shrieking Shack," I offered. "I'll be close by."

"Maybe I'll come bark at you," Remus teased as he stood up.

"Sure," I forced a laugh. I hope not! I can't change. He would kill me. I pulled my legs in so that I was curled up on one side of the couch.

Peter sat down in the free spot, Philip on his lap. "I feel like we're going in separate ways," he said as he stroked the platypus's head. "Two of us Aurors. Maybe someday a third."

"Oh are you going to sign up?" I asked eagerly, sitting up to rub a webbed foot.

"I mean him," Peter jerked his head in Moony's direction. "I'm trying to be a Healer."

"You are horrible at potions," Sirius laughed.

"Yeah," Peter flipped Philip over so we could rub his tummy. "I'm doing one on one lessons with Slughorn. I'm actually quite good alone when I don't have the entire class staring at me & laughing, especially if they're Slytherins."

"I'm helping him to," Lily handed over some parchments with notes scribbled on them. "Practise those before your next class on Monday."

"Alright," Peter took them. "Thanks." Lily went to the table in the alcove with a tall window casting the last rays of daylight over it & was soon engrossed with homework, oblivious to anything else.

"So Moony, why are you parents here?" I finally managed to ask.

"They're gone now," Remus answered. "They are on their way to Finland to study some poltergeists found in an ancient cemetery recently unearthed. Also, we're not going back to France for a while. There was a clash of Death Eaters in the area where we live & two witches that went to Beauxbatons died. Maybe later when the war stops or moves elsewhere, we'll go back."

"That's horrible!" Peter exclaimed.

"Where will your family live then?" I asked. "You lot can put up at my place. It's a 24-bedroom mansion. There's plenty of room."

Remus actually laughed. _"Mercy (Thanks)._ But we're not THAT poor. Mama's originally from Cardiff remember? We're going back there to her old cottage."

"Alright," I gave up. "I wish we could all just be a pack again like before."

"Someday," said Remus. "When this war's finished. It can't last too long, can it?"

"I hope not."

Sirius came to stand by my head & tapped my brow. (Sort of, but I could feel tiny strokes while in front of Moony. Merlin's sake, Sirius is slick at times!) "There is one thing that's kept this pack together & we've gone nearly a year without it."

"What's that?" Remus asked.

"Well granted," Sirius cast him a look. "You're not into it as much. But Jim & I have managed to knock a few jinxes on Snivellus."

While it was true that I did have a few fights with him throughout the past year, it wasn't the same. Before, I had a will to fight back. He would jinx my bag or trip up my friends, I'd counter him before he could blink. Now though, it was mostly to get away since I had other things on my mind. I hadn't even found him worth mentioning in this journal before now. At least, Lily didn't get wind of it any more. "A few," I agreed. "Not much."

"Guys," Remus moaned. "Maybe that's why Jim's been so lethargic lately."

I froze. Dear Merlin, did he know? "What do you mean?"

"I thought maybe it had something to do with all the extra work you're doing for becoming an Auror," Remus shrugged. "You've forgotten how to live outside of exams."

I've forgotten how to live. Period. "Yeah. So a good fight with him would perk me up."

"I didn't say that," Remus defended. "Don't go looking for trouble. Please!"

"I won't start any fights," I muttered. "But I will finish them if given a chance."

"'Course you will," Remus grumbled. He picked up a new chocolate bar that literally had his named written on the wrapper in eloquent golden writing, opened it & snapped off a piece.

"Let's deal with that after the full moon," I went on. "Not right now."

Chocolate half way to his partly open mouth, Remus gaped at me. Peter's eyebrows shot up into his bangs while Sirius turned away from everyone to send me a glare. Remus dropped the chocolate piece & Philip scuttled forward to promptly eat it in one swallow. "Jim, are you feeling ok?" Remus asked me. I shrugged.

"It's his first Auror mission," Sirius rolled his eyes at me as he made up yet another cover story. "He's all nerves right now."

"Never thought I'd see the day when Jim would refuse a good excuse to have a fight with—" Remus suddenly looked down for his chocolate piece. "OY YOU MANGY AUSSIE RAT!"

Philip was grunting & nearly crying as he fled for the Portrait. "Moony!" I sighed. "You scared him!"

"He stole my chocolate!"

"It was on the floor," I said. "Besides, you've got more of it."

"Something's wrong with him," Sirius's eyes were looking towards the Portrait. He couldn't see Philip too well in the dimness of the little hall, but we could all hear his pitiful cries. Sirius went to get him. We heard thudding, yelling, swearing in various languages & growling. (Platypodes can growl like puppies.) Sirius came back nursing a bloody finger where Philip had apparently scratched him. "He's desperate to get out of the Portrait."

"Frank's upstairs though," I sat up. "Philip? Come back!"

"Hmm," Remus sniffed long & hard on the other half of the chocolate bar. "I don't think he will. This thing's packed with love potion."

"WHAT?!" Peter, Sirius & I yelped.

I glanced down the hall. "Are you telling me ..."

"We have a very horny platypus on our hands ... " Remus finished. "A male one at that. I hope his booties hold!"

"Aww great!" I slapped myself on the forehead. "What bitch sent you that?"

"Jim!" Remus glared gold at me. "There are no bitches here. I'm the only wolf."

"You KNOW what I mean!" I huffed irritably.

* * *

Harry curled up laughing silently. "Ok THAT one was rather good!" He didn't know what was funnier. That or the platypus.

* * *

"I'm pretty sure it's from Edwina Clarisse," Remus put the love potion chocolate into the fire where it sizzled loudly. "She's Slytherin to." He didn't look happy about the idea of a lady from the snake pit trying to seduce him. If he got caught down there being both impure in blood as well as being a werewolf, he was dead.

"Well, there's only one way to do this," I raised my wand. "Stupefy!" There was a pitiful grunt & Philip was finally knocked out. We took him to the hospital wing & left him in the holding tank that Madam Pomfrey had for him for such an occasion.

The next day passed too quickly for me & all too soon, I found myself for the first time watching the others duck into the passage under the Whomping Willow without me. I headed down the road to Hogsmeade with my partner, Jacob McCloud of Ravenclaw. I made it a point to take first watch on the side where the Shrieking Shack was. It was an easy post to get as all but the Marauders & Dumbledore knew what really went on there. Jacob was more than relieved when I offered to take that side.

All too soon I heard the first screams as I stood near the fence. It went on for nearly fifteen minutes. He was missing me. I wanted to abandon my post & go to him but it would mean my death since Prongs was locked down. Frustrated, I kicked the dismal fence surrounding the property of the Shack. Was this how Sirius felt when we abandoned him for a few months? Not that he didn't deserve it, but still, not being there holding Moony's hand just felt wrong. Not being paired with Sirius on Auror patrol was also wrong.

I never felt more alone then in that moment, shut out from the rest of the pack, paired with someone I barely knew. In that moment, I knew what my choice would be if I was ever faced with such a decision.

Remus, not Auror.


	19. Chapter 19

**(19) In The Moonlight**

I drifted along the High Street of Hogsmeade towards the center of town. Jacob would meet me there. We were supposed to go back & forth completely, but I used his fear of the Shack against him & so I would turn back every time. I knew they were long gone by now, deep into the forest...without me.

Most of the shops were closed as night wore on, but the Hog's Head pub was open 24/7 & I ducked in around midnight to grab two butterbeers. When next I met Jacob at the center, I handed one over.

"Thanks," Jacob said. "I was just going to ask if I could take that side for a bit just to grab one. It's cold out!"

"At least it isn't snowing," I opened my can. "Or windy."

We stood in silence for a few moments, drinking up & letting the warmth spread. "I heard them."

"Heard what?" I pulled my wand out, thinking about Death Eaters.

"Those vile spirits in the Shack," Jacob went on. "They screamed tonight."

I turned away, pretending to look towards the Shack. "Yeah well, nothing we can do about that." I put my wand away.

"How come you're not afraid of it?" Jacob asked. "Everyone else is."

"Dumbledore doesn't care, why should I?"

"Dumbledore has a lot more experience than we do," Jacob pointed out.

Yeah well, in this case he was wrong. While Dumbledore knew about the pooch, he didn't know that the three of us were Animagi. No one did apart from the Marauders, Lily & my Dad. "Exactly. Which means he has that Shack all boarded up. Let them scream. They can't get out."

"Probably why they're mad," Jacob said before finishing his butterbeer.

A bolt of electric blue shot between us, narrowly missing us both. We dropped our cans & pulled out our wands in an instant. Two more spells came our way from a small alley to our right. We dodged barely in time. I sent a white ball of Light down the alley. It illuminated five cloaked figures.

"Death Eaters!"

"Five of them? Here now?" I ran forward, ducking behind a carriage used to take Second Years & older up to the school. The five figures ran away. "They're getting away." I charged after them.

"Are you mad?"

"Are you an Auror or aren't you?" I shot back as I entered the alley. Jacob followed behind me. I seethed inwardly. If I was with my Grim, those five Death Eaters would be down by now.

I caught one with a Stunner while Jacob sent a bolt of power to another one that lifted the Death Eater up & threw him down the full length of the alley. Ok, not a bad shot. The other three disappeared. Jacob was hit in the shoulder by a spell that caused several cuts on him by the one he had thrown. He soon had lassoed the Death Eater & dragged him back to our feet. I tossed him next to the one that was still unconscious, then used bolts of power to tie them up & took their wands. I stunned the second one.

"Let's get the others," I was already running in the direction they disappeared. Jacob either had to come with me or not. I wasn't waiting.

We corned the other three against a high fence next to a house. The ensuing fight lasted several minutes. Jacob & I were pushed back a bit but we held out; though, not without receiving several injuries. Most were from unblocked spells, but Jacob actually fell over a stone behind him & twisted his ankle. He continued firing spells from the ground. At least he continued to fight. Maybe he's not such a bad Auror in the making after all. We finally knocked out the three of them in a combined spell that blasted a pit in the hard-packed snow between them. A quick Incarserous had them tied up.

"Now what?" Jacob asked.

I was now stuck with a decision. Face it, I'm the better fighter. I should be after fending off a werewolf for six years. I had to be the one to watch over our captors in case some one else showed up. I hated it but, I decided to lend my precious broom to Jacob. "It's inside the door of the Hog's Head so it won't feel cold. Fly to the castle. Bring Dumbledore here."

"Ok," Jacob made to leave.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"One scratch! You die! You have been warned!"

He laughed nervously as he left. Using a levitation spell, I hauled the three unconscious victims back down the alley & dropped them next to the other two. I waited alone in the cold bright night under the light of the full moon. I marched back & forth along that alley to keep warm & watch for more attackers. Often, I'd check the five unconscious ones to make sure they were still under. They all wore black cloaks & silver masks but there was something odd about all of them that I couldn't quite figure out. I was half wondering if I should bother to remove a mask to see if I could recognise one, when I heard a very familiar distant wolf howl. I stood up sharply. "Padfoot, he's too close! Get back!" It wasn't his fault. Moony was probably looking high & low for me. Still, it was very strange having a fear of that howl. I couldn't change. He'd kill me. I stood at the far end of the alley & looked towards the Forbidden Forest, having quite forgotten my five hostages though I will never admit that fact openly to anyone!

"Mr. Potter?"

I whirled around & sent three different spells in quick succession. Two struck but the tallest wizard blocked me. I blinked. That was Dumbledore! McGonagall & Slughorn were both on the ground, groaning.

"Nice shots, Potter," Dumbledore smiled at me.

"Five points from Gryffindor," Slughorn moaned as he sat up.

"Albus is right," McGonagall said. "Excellent spell work. Take ten points. Per spell!" Slughorn merely rolled his eyes.

"Jim!" Jacob stared horrified at me. "What on Earth did you do? Attacking teachers like that?"

"Sorry," I shrugged. "I thought maybe more Death Eaters had shown up. Better to be safe than sorry."

"Excellent point, m'boy," Slughorn agreed. "We can never be too safe. I'm just glad you don't shoot to kill."

"Nah, I keep my phaser on stun." What the hell? I can't believe I just stupidly said that. "Wand...I uh...wa...never mind!"

"Ah, nothing like a good Trek episode now & then," Dumbledore said as he turned to the five Death Eaters. I just stared at him. "Now, let's get these five to the castle, shall we?"

As the three Professors took care of our captives, Jacob & I were relieved by a full Auror, the same one that stood next to my father by the door when Mum announced the war. Moody sent us back to Hogwarts in the carriage as he & some one else took over Hogsmeade for the rest of the night.

During the ride, I inspected my broom from handle to tail, all the while half-listening to Jacob's assurances that it was fine. I'll be the judge of that. This thing is a Lamborghini, the fastest & most expensive broom in the world...& here you idiots think they just make cars. The one that started the company is a pureblood wizard.

* * *

"Wow, I need to look into that one!"

* * *

To Jacob's relief, I deemed the broom fine as we got out at the door of the castle. We both went to the hospital wing to get our cuts taken care of. Jacob had to stay the rest of the night for his shoulder so I went to Gryffindor's tower alone.

I stepped into the boys' washroom for a good hot shower to warm up. It was then that I saw them in the mirror along the sinks. I tilted my head sideways a bit to be sure. I saw four tiny lines of silver.

My 17th birthday isn't for over a month from now...yet I'm bloody going grey already! I couldn't believe or understand it. I stared at them as if looking would will them to turn back to dark brown. I ended up finding a fifth one! "Accio, grey hairs." I held out my free hand, feeling several quick tugs on my scalp. I closed my hand around several of them. I counted them—seven—then folded them up in a piece of tissue & went to my bed but didn't lie down. I stared at the full moon slowly making its way across the starry path. I went to Sirius's bed instead & put the covered hairs on the nightstand before trying to get some sleep.

I fell asleep late & some bozo (Sirius) woke me up early. So. Yeah. This day is starting out nicely & I'm not even out of bed yet. Unfortunately, I was unable to complain since he was snogging me senseless. I smacked him over the head. "How's the Lunar monstrosity?"

"In his private room in the hospital wing," Sirius finally sat on the edge so I could sit up. "I noticed you had an interesting time last night."

"What do you mean?"

"There are five students with various degrees of spell damage lying in the hospital wing," Sirius explained. "The worst one's Snivellus."

Ah. Not Death Eaters. Well, not yet anyway, considering. I knew there was something odd there. Five of them in Hogsmeade when I just happen to be there & the sizes of them weren't quite adult yet. Not to mention the way they just ran away like cowards. I knew they looked different! "Good," I said. "That takes care of Snivellus for a while. What were those idiots doing?"

"They're all from Slytherin," Sirius shrugged. "I guess they figured they could take on two Aurors since you're only training."

"I took out McGonagall & Slughorn to," I added.

"Yeah I heard about that!" Sirius smiled. "Always keep your phaser on stun, eh?"

"Oh shut up!" Sirius merely laughed so hard, he toppled off the bed. "Hey!" I yelled at him to get his attention. "Got something to show you." I grabbed the folded tissue paper & opened it. "Look. Seven of them."

"What?" Sirius was more interested in rubbing his hip on which he landed. I shoved the thing under his nose. "Some hairs. You making Polyjuice Po—OW!"

I just smacked him upside the head. "No. They're grey hairs I pulled off myself last night. GREY! Sirius. I'm not even 17 yet!"

"So what? Remus pulled his first out when he was 5 he said."

"He's a Moon Dog!" I glared. "I'm not! I'm too young for grey hairs. Why is this happening?"

"Well I don't know!" Sirius whined, more interested in nursing his bumped hip. "You have some Celtic in your or something? There's a legend about them going grey early!"

"Then that means you would have some since we're related," I pointed out.

He finally stopped babying himself & sat on the bed again. "You know another thing that causes premature grey is stress right? You've had one hell of a year." He took the tissue out of my hands & put it back on the nightstand. "That being said, you do know that if you rip one out, two more take its place, right? So you'll get fourteen next ti—OW! Will you stop hitting me?"

I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. "I can't believe what he did to me! To actually go grey over it!"

Sirius lay beside me, putting one arm around me. "Maybe you won't get any more until you're older. Those could have been just for this year. You're doing better now." I merely scoffed as I pushed back the leather strap exposing the two scars. "Jim that was ages ago. You never tried that again."

He didn't know about the cutting. "I heard Moony howling last night," I changed the subject. "You got a little close without me helping you."

"He was looking high & low for you," Sirius nuzzled into the side of my neck. "He's asking for you even now which is why I'm up here looking for you."

"I've missed enough of the full moon," I crawled over him to get out of bed. "I'm not missing any more. Never again!"

We headed down to the hospital wing & passed five beds with curtains closed. Jacob was just leaving, rather put out that we had fought with Hogwarts students. As soon as he had left, Sirius & I headed to the back door that led into Pomfrey's office & across that to another door that opened into a long hall with six doors on each side. Twelve private rooms.

Remus was usually in the first one & as soon as he saw me come in, he let out a mewling growl, happy to see me. Peter was feeding him chocolate while Sirius & I each sat carefully on either side of the bed. Remus was looking a little sore, compliments of Padfoot beating him up to keep him out of Hogsmeade. With the pack complete again, Remus soon fell asleep for most of the day.

The next few days passed without much incident. It was strange having my mother hovering over me since the Aurors were still here. I didn't see much of my father since he was stationed mostly in Hogsmeade & also, I think he was avoiding Mum. She had been wanting to know what the row with Orion Black was about & of course, he couldn't tell her without having his powers broken. Sirius tried to glaze it over as best possible by blaming himself for it. Mum kept mother henning over both of us & it was getting annoying! Sigh.

During the lunch break on Friday, the day the Aurors were leaving, our barn owl brought a letter to me. It was from my father & he had received his order of whatever he needed to heal me. Sirius & I were to meet him by the lake that evening after class. We brought Lily along.

"I assume you're Lily Evans?" Dad glanced over her, then glared at me. "So, I suppose you boys have an altar around here somewhere. Lead me to it."

We brought him deep into the Forbidden Forest. ('What part of Forbidden do you not understand?' Dad scolded.) The altar was set in a tiny clearing surrounded by thick old trees. Sirius went ahead to lower the protective boundaries so Lily & Dad could get in.

Dad looked around the clearing, shaking his head. "Irresponsible! Never in all my life..." He continued to mutter angrily under breath until he saw the altar. He glared at it, studying the dried dark-colored patterns on either side. My own blood. "Idiots! Well what's done is done. James? Come here. Now, or so help me Merlin!"

"What are you going to do?" I didn't like how he was looking at the altar. I wasn't prepared for another Tribal Summons any time soon.

"I'm going to release that Stag," Dad said. "You'll probably have to fight with him a bit until the enchantment's over. Think you can do that?"

"I've had a break from him," I said. "Probably."

"Then strip down & get on here," he pointed at the altar.

Oh Merlin! Not again! "I want Sirius to do it." Sirius made a whining sound.

"He wouldn't know how."

"He's the one that carved Prongs into me last time!"

"We're not doing a Tribal Summons. Now will you get over here?"

"We're not?"

"No & I don't want to hear of you—either of you—doing something so reckless again," Dad huffed impatiently. "Now hurry up! Not my problem you brought a girl."

"Oh she's seen it all already," I snickered. "OW!" Lily had thrown a rather large rock at my head. "Listen lady! You LITERALLY asked me to get out of the tub. It's YOUR fault!" Sirius had his face buried in one hand, trying to hide his laughter. Dad glared at me. Lily looked away & I wondered if she was really looking for a bigger rock to hurl at me.

I lay down on the cold stone, this time staring up at the sky. I stuck my tongue out at Lily who really did glance down to the ground looking for another rock. "Oh grow up!" Lily complained.

"Yes, please do," Dad agreed. "I like her." He put his bag on the altar next to me & began pulling stuff out.

"Be grateful you're a girl Lily, or I'd make a rude gesture right about now," I snickered.

"Oh yeah?" Lily raised one brow at me. "I can do that gesture twice at once. Beat that!"

I sat up & pointed downwards along my body. "I can, seeing as how I'm a guy." Lily glared. Sirius doubled-over. Dad just clapped me hard on the forehead & pushed me down so that I was lying flat on my back again, having no idea how it really happened.

"Jim, when did you learn to be so vulgar?" Dad tried to glare at me, but I could see he was desperately trying not to smirk.

"I'm a guy. It's instinct."

"Whatever," He shoved some green paste into my mouth. "Chew that."

Tabrenack! It tasted like hell! He smeared the rest of it over the barred tattoo. "It's called Skookum. A very powerful Native medicine. It can be used to heal the Spirit of an Animagus. You're supposed to eat some of it & the rest covers the tattoo." He pulled out his wand. "I'm going to release him now. You'll have to convince him to accept your help. He'll most likely fight you. You have to re-Merge with him. Call him out as you did the first time."

Now I knew why my father was more on edge than usual. If I couldn't re-Merge, both I & Swift Horn were dead. "Ok," I finally managed to swallow the vile stuff.

I was soon lifted in the air by his magic. Power bolts twisted around me as I began to call softly in Lakotan. Suddenly, my tattoo burned as if being touched by a brand & I felt the rush of the Spirit surge through my body. Prongs was loose & he was mad. There was a burst of Light above me, in the shape of a Stag. It didn't vanish but hovered over me. He was trying to pull out.

I repeated the call to Merge again twice over but I was becoming weaker with every passing moment. I soon realised, I was going to die. Prongs was too strong for me. I tried once more to call him but nearly passed out. Then I felt something at my head & a shadow stretch out across me to touch the Stag of white Light.

"SIRIUS NO!" Dad screamed at him yet managed to keep his power focused on me.

Whatever happened next can only be described as a lightening bolt. I know it wasn't exactly that but it's just what it looked like. The over-surge of powers among three pureblood sorcerers caused the three of us to be literally connected in one moment of time. Dad was knocked backwards off his feet & went crashing into Lily. Sirius & I were attached by the surge before he doubled over & fell back. The Stag of Light was gone & I came crashing back onto the stone altar. Alive.

Lily helped my father off the ground. He was massaging his wand arm as he glanced between Sirius & I a few times. Sirius held up his hand. Padfoot lay across his fingers, wagging her tail. It had been Padfoot that brought Prongs around to see reason. Padfoot made him re-Merge. Padfoot had just saved all our lives.

"I have never seen tattoos act like that," Dad gasped weakly.

"I told you," Sirius sighed. "We're a pack!"

Dad rubbed his forehead. "Never again. Never ever again! Do you boys understand me?"

"Yes, Sir," Sirius & I said in one voice.

Dad glared at me while I got dressed. "No more Tribal Summons. You never should have gotten involved with something like this. Jim, come here."

"Now what?" I groused, staring at the ground.

"How does your Spirit feel right now?"

I focused on him. It was like Prongs was giving me the tail. He didn't respond in my mind when I focused on him. I merely felt the tattoo run across my shoulders. Apart from feeling like I was getting silent treatment, the Stag actually felt back to normal for the first time since this year started. "He's fine."

"Transform."

I did so. Prongs kept his head down as if to charge. He swung his head around to look at Sirius, then back the other way to look at Lily. He shook his head violently, making his ears flap about like a rabbit. Soon bored with the humans, Prongs looked past Sirius at the large tree behind him & suddenly charged for it. Sirius barely stepped away in time. Horns collided with trunk as an incredible itch took over. Prongs began grating the antlers against the bark as strips of velvet began to fall. It hurt but it felt so good to. I had no intention of stopping until it was all off.

"It's amazing you learned this at fourteen," Dad came to stand nearby & watch. Prongs stopped attacking the tree to glare at him. A long strip of velvet hung over his left eye, dripping blood onto my muzzle. Prongs whistled softly & then began to rub the horns at another angle. "Can I talk to Jim now?"

Prongs glared again. Are you kidding me? My horns itch like Doxy powder! Go away, I'm BUSY!

"NOW!"

"What?" I began scratching my head. My hair was full of blood.

"Good," Dad nodded. "Looks like you have control of him again. I just wanted to see if you could stop him from breaking velvet."

"Oh," I didn't really care. "Can I go back to it now?" I started scratching my scalp with both hands. Once Prongs started on breaking the velvet, it would affect me even in human form.

"No," Dad grabbed my hands & pulled them away from my bleeding head. "I want to put that beast on lockdown again."

"Why?" I yanked out of his grip & went right back to scratching. "He's healed. He's fine! I can control him now."

"He may be healed enough for you to control him," Dad began. "But the both of you still have severe trauma to deal with. Until you pull through, I don't want you messing around with Animagic anymore."

"SIRIUS!" I looked imploringly at him.

"Sir let's give it a month or so," Sirius tried. "Just to see how well they're both getting along."

"I'd rather not," Dad began.

"I don't care!" I exclaimed. "Speaking of trauma, do you know how hard it was for me to putter around in Hogsmeade listening to MY pack run without me? I heard Remus screaming! I heard Moony's howls. He was looking for me everywhere. Enough's enough! You're not locking Prongs up!" I raised my wand. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to. I NEED Prongs! Deal with it!"

"You mind your tone of voice with me young man!"

"Make me!"

"JAMES!" That was Sirius. He stood between us. "Sir, he's had it rough. Leave him be. I'll watch him."

"Step aside Siri, or I'll lock you up as well!"

"You saw more than once how Padfoot handles Prongs!" Sirius bared his left shoulder to expose Padfoot currently sitting on it. "Please, let me work with him for a bit. If it doesn't work, I'll owl you."

"There is nothing to stop Orion from coming back to visit Regulus," Dad said. "What do you think that Stag will do if Orion shows up again?"

Kill him, is what I wanted to scream out. "I'll stay in the Tower, claiming illness."

"I'll get Dumbledore to bring you here right away if he does," Sirius added.

"Dad! I REALLY need to rub right now. If you two are quite finished?"

Dad let out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine! Go!"

Why hello, ya big old tree! How are you? Prongs promptly put his head down & charged.

"Come on," I heard Sirius usher Dad & Lily away. "He can take a few hours to clean them."

Prongs paused a moment to watch Dad & Sirius leave, but Lily changed her mind & sat down at the edge of the clearing to watch me. She held something out in her hand. "It's dried pineapple."

I can never say no to that one! Prongs trotted over & took the entire strip in one bite. He shook his horns as the itch demanded attention, then promptly crashed into the tree nearest Lily. She moved away to avoid getting hit or trampled on.

It took nearly three hours to clean them. Lily had fallen asleep by the altar. As Prongs, I trotted back to her & began nibbling at her clothes, hoping for more pineapple. Lily jerked awake & sat up. "What? Oh, I only had one piece."

Prongs huffed at her & then I took over. I lit my wand in the dark clearing. "Really, only one? Ridiculous. You KNOW how much that thing eats."

"Nearly as much as you," Lily teased. She stood up & looked around. "How late is it anyway?"

"I'd say its past eleven by now."

"We are way past curfew!" Lily gasped. "We'll be in so much trouble!"

"You're with a Marauder," I said. "You'll be fine."

"James! We're in the middle of the Forbidden Forest & you say it's nearing midnight!" Lily suddenly realised. "How are we ever going to get out of here?"

"Same way we got in," I shrugged.

"James!" Lily clung to my arm as some stupid animal howled in the distance. Emphasis on stupid & distance. "Oh no. Oh no! What's that?"

"Probably a Gytrash."

"Oh ok, a Gytrash," Lily gulped. "What's a Gytrash?"

I don't blame her for not knowing. Most people think them a myth & I've yet to meet a Dark Arts Professor who mentions them. But still, I'm a Marauder so I decided to have a bit of fun with the silly little girl.

* * *

"Dad!" Harry rolled his eyes.

"What?" Came the muffled sound of a picture in the closed album.

"What you did to Mum with the Gytrashes."

"Oh that!" The photo burst out laughing.

"How horrible can you be to her?"

"You'll be the same when you meet some girl."

"No I won't!" Harry swore to himself under breath.

* * *

"Big razor-toothed animal," I began. "Comes out at night to eat tails off smaller animals. If a human meets them, they'll see horrible things if they make eye-contact & then they literally die of fright."

Lily shuddered beside me. "C-can they climb trees?" She glanced up as if planning to climb.

"Don't have to," I shrugged. "They can reach right up to the top. You're actually safer on the ground. You can roll into some small space they can't get in & then just avoid their eyes."

The Gytrash howled again, much closer this time. "JAMES!" She finally flung herself into my arms, after all these years of waiting. "Get me out of here. Please!"

"We're too late," I went on. "That second howl means it's called its partner. We're in a pincer attack. Come on now. You're an Auror trainer. Surely you're not that scared?"

"I'm training to catch Dark Wizards!" Lily snarled. "Not fight unknown beasts in this godforsaken forest! You KNOW I've never liked this forest! So many horrible things in h—WHAT'S THAT?!"

There had been a flash of pale yellow light gliding along through the underbrush. A Gytrash had spotted us & was trying to move in without being hurt. They were stupid things really. Spectral dogs that, similar to Hinkypunks, can be driven away easily with a well placed Lumos jammed up where the sun don't shine. My game was nearly up as the thing circled the clearing twice. I could hear it moving & occasionally catch a glimpse of it against the dark cold night.

I had my wand light turned off by now & the creature suddenly emerged from the tree line. I still had Lily in my arms so her back was towards it but she heard it snarl. "Oh alright Lily. It's just a stupid dog. Really." I tried to get her to turn around. She clung to my neck so hard she nearly snapped it. "Lily! I was just goofing off!"

The Gytrash snarled again. Lily whimpered & turned to look at it, before quickly ducking her head to avoid eye-contact. She did a double-take before realising she was looking at a lank ugly dog made of pale yellow light. "Ohh! What do we do?"

I shook my head. "Lumos!" I held the beam high. The Gytrash yelped, tucked tail & ran away.

Lily stared at the retreating form of Light, then she turned & promptly punched my shoulder. "You idiot!"

I burst out laughing as I mocked her. "Oh James OH JAMES! Get me out of here! Aww, you gonna cry about it? Oh please get me out of here!" I fell on the ground laughing. "Razor-tooth! Sweet Merlin, Lily! When will you learn I lie like the devil?" I rolled around laughing.

She kicked me hard in the stomach. "I hate you!" She picked up her wand, shoving me over onto my other side as she did so. "You complete ARSE! James Potter! Lumos! Of all the stupid—Potter! Take me to the castle. NOW! Or else!" I just burst into a fresh wave of laughing tears.

"Oh man I can't breathe!" I was giggling like a school girl, still on the ground.

"Will you shut up?" Lily ordered. "In all seriousness though, how are we going to get out of here? It's so dark!"

I sat up, stretching. "Relax. I know this place like the back of my hand. What's that?" I inspected the back of my left hand & pulled off a fat young bowtrickle that had attached itself to it. I threw it away. Lily glared at me. "What? It isn't technically part of my hand. Now, you have to put your wand light out. The Stag can see better in the dark without it." I stood up & changed to Prongs, then knelt down on my front. Lily stared apprehensively at my back before getting on.

I tried not to bound too much with her on board. There were a few times I had to pick longer routes so she wouldn't get wiped off. At times, the path was brightly lit by the waning moon. We past a group of Centaurs who seemed surprised to see a human girl riding a large Stag but they didn't try to stop us. Getting out of the forest took nearly an hour & then suddenly, we were by the Quidditch Pitch which was flooded in moonlit & provided a stark bright contrast to the dark forest we just left. I brought Lily to the door & let her off.

We went inside & to the change rooms where a few spare brooms were kept. Two Gytrashes emerged literally out of the ground in the center of the Pitch but I ignored them. By the time they figured out how to attack, we'd be flying.

We flew up to the windows of the boys' dorms in Gryffindor tower. I eventually found the one I shared with the others just past the shining ray of the moon. Peter & Remus were both there, reading some last minute homework before going to bed. I pounded on the window a few times.

Remus laid his parchment aside & opened it. As he helped Lily in first he said, "Where the hell have you two been? Don't you know it's nearly one in the morning?"

"Sorry," I shrugged after climbing in. "My horns." I put both brooms under my bed to return them later.

"Sirius said you had an itch attack."

"I got rid of it all," I sighed, relieved that it was over.

"Really? I thought he was joking. It's a bit early for that."

I just shrugged. "I'll be good for a year now."

"We better get to the common room," Remus marched for the door. "Sirius is starting to have a fit with you taking so long!"

"Took you long enough!" Sirius jumped to his feet the moment Lily & I stepped off the last stair.

"Sorry," I shrugged. "Gytrashes."

"Tuh!" Lily clicked her tongue & marched to the armchair by the fire.

"What?" Sirius glanced at her.

"Nothing," I smiled meekly.

"I'm not speaking to you ever again, Potter!" Lily crossed her arms & ankles. Uh oh!

Sirius smirked at me. I made a face, then wrapped my arms around myself & cried. "Oh James OH JAMES! Get me out of—OUCH!" She had sent a power bolt right to my stomach that made me double over. My glasses fell off.

"Not even gonna ask!" Remus flung himself across the sofa as Peter sat down by the hearth. "Well now that we're altogether, I can finally say that there's something odd about the train."

"The train?" I stared at him.

"Hogwarts Express," Remus said sardonically. "You only ride it how many times a year?"

"What about it?" I muttered.

"Well you know it runs five times daily on weekends & three times daily during school hours," Remus began. "It has twenty four cars. But now, it has only twenty three."

"So?"

"I've never seen it having anything other than twenty four cars," Remus said as if that helped. "I've looked it up to. I can't find any records of it having any other number of cars. It's always been twenty four."

"So maybe one's off for cleaning," I shrugged.

"No need for that," Remus said. "There are cleaners on it all the time, even when we're traveling to or from school. As for the outside, every time it swings around the north of Hogsmeade it passes through a cleaning charm anyway to take care of it. That happens three times a week."

"Maybe it broke down," I really couldn't care less if that train sprouted antlers for Christmas. HEY! Ooooo...Marauder's prank coming up!

"There are four spare replacement cars in Hogsmeade for that," Remus said. "I've gone to check. They're all still there. I'm telling you, a car's disappeared."

"How could that happen?" Sirius asked. "One simply does not lose a train car."

"What about steal one?"

"Who would do that?" Sirius said more exasperatedly than before.

"Who indeed!" Remus pressed his fingers together under his chin. "Who & why?"

"Whatever," I shrugged. "I'm going to bed. Missing train cars aren't my problem right now. G'night!" I stood up & left, avoiding Remus's glare.

_(AN: Ok I ripped off some lines out of Homeward Bound & Lord Of The Rings. Bite me. LOL)_


	20. Chapter 20

**(20) Never Let Go**

Well now, I haven't seen this stack of ramblings for a few weeks. Part of me is starting to wonder if I should burn it now, yet something is holding me back. I'm thinking of destroying it on the date this all started but we'll see.

I'm still making scratches, though not as often as before. Lily caught me twice more & is rather mad at me. But hey, she's always mad at me. She still hasn't forgiven me for the Gytrashes but probably because us four guys (for I went & told them eventually) tease her about it any chance we get!

For the past couple of full moons, our pack has been complete as before. Swift Horn & I are nearly back to normal with each other. Both of us share the same desire to destroy what had torn us apart but at the moment, there is nothing either of us can do about it. He no longer tries to rip out of me & I hardly lose control of him. Occasionally, I'll feel my antlers cropping up in which case I duck under cloak until I can get rid of them, but it isn't as bad as it used to be.

As for Auror training, Sirius & I have been paired up more often than not, which was fine by me. We are often watching over Hogsmeade or even Dufftown. The training is becoming more intense & now we have a full Auror watching us but incognito. Sirius & I never know if we'll have a quiet patrol or come 'under attack' by random Aurors testing us to see how well we react.

After a month of having them jump out at us, Sirius & I were like, the hell with it. Those Aurors are going down! We've come up with a plan to use our Spirits to find out ahead of time who in the town is the spy Auror & we take them out before they have a chance to move! Our next patrol is in two days in Dufftown so we have time to plan ahead!

For now, the winter cold has turned into the damp of late March with occasional clear days. It's about time to! I'm so tired of hearing about how many cars the train now has (Remus still insists it has only twenty three while the last time I counted, it did have twenty four) & with the clear weather, hopefully Remus will lose interest in the stupid train & get back to his other hobby. Racing his unicorn.

Yeah, you heard. He has a unicorn even though he's a guy AND a wolf! During 5th Year Care Of Magical Creatures, one lesson was on unicorns. The girls naturally got higher marks. Us guys couldn't do much since unicorns are stupid sexist beasts not worthy of our time & as for Remus, we all wondered why he even showed up. The entire band of horned horses were skittish with that Dark Creature around. All of them, except one. A young black filly with gold trimmings (mane, horn, hooves, tail). She ended up not allowing anyone but Remus near her. We are amazed that she trotted to him, looking for treats. None of us expected Remus to do something so stupid as to jump on her back, but he did. Instead of getting thrown to kingdom come though, he ended up riding her far out over the grounds.

Did I mention racing? Oh yeah! That was my fault. See, I went bounding after him, feeling certain that the beast would kill him. We ended up racing so far out that Hogwarts appeared like a tiny castle on a chess board. Remus has been hooked on racing ever since & we actually built a track in the Forbidden Forest for him to ride around with Prongs trying to keep up.

For the past week, Remus has been sneaking off to the track, often dragging us along. As soon as most of the snow was melted, we had spent a day clearing it & packing it down. When I say we, that means Sirius, Peter...sometimes Lily…& I. Remus was off in the barns re-bonding with 'Paree' as he calls her. Paris in French. I really need to learn how to spell 'en Françoise' ...ok, that's horrible. I know. In French, anyway. The Sunday morning before Sirius & I were to go on our next training patrol in Dufftown, Remus finally deemed the track fit for riding on it, then pointedly looked at me.

"Mmm Prongs is too fat & lazy for this!" I moaned.

"Oh & Paree isn't?" Remus glared. "She's been inactive all winter. Come on. It won't be that bad."

"Carrot?" I held one out to her. She neighed & swung her hind legs around, attempting to kick me. I jumped back several steps as Remus smacked her muzzle & chastised her in French. "Stupid thing."

"Jim, be nice."

"Who me?" I started eating the carrot.

"Just get to the starting line," Remus mounted up & trotted off.

"Why can't Sirius do this?" I whined, grabbing my broom to follow along. I propped it by a tree in the center of the large oval track & walked out towards him.

"Not big enough or fast enough," Remus barely grabbed her mane in time as she side-stepped away from me. "Change James! You're pissing her off."

"I'm pissed off!" I groused before changing to Prongs. Paree immediately settled down.

Remus glared amber at me. "I don't expect either of you to go that fast for the first time. As you say, you're both rather useless during the winter." Prongs is the only Stag in the universe that knows how to growl. "Oh shut up! You said it yourself. Anyway, I just want to go around the track once. Easy pace." Prongs hung his head & heaved a heavy sigh. "Why are you worried? You haven't beaten her yet anyway. So really, you don't have to try that hard." I heard him snicker & promptly swung my head around to bite his leg. "OUCH!" He kicked my muzzle before I could blink. Damn his werewolf reflexes. "That was on my Lycan mark! You know it hurts twice as much there if you bite it again!" (Hence why I bit him there. DUH! Fenrir's signature is shaped like a crescent moon going through the four holes where his fangs sunk in.) "Conas (Basically, he called me an arse or idiot in a more vulgar way.)!" He then counted down from three in French before kicking the horned mare into gear. Paree was soon far ahead of me.

Prongs lopped along, not rightly caring. Then I suddenly had a bright idea. I'll beat that son of a wand alright! I crashed through the section of forest left standing in the center & came out far ahead of him, bounded around the curve & cut across the edge of center's trees to get back to the line. I waited for several minutes but couldn't hear the thudding of racing hooves.

Eventually, Paree walked up to me. Remus was shaking his head. "Cheater! That isn't how it works, you know! So it doesn't count." Prongs grinned widely. "Maybe I should use Sirius..." Prongs nodded his head vigorously. His antlers struck against the horn of the unicorn. "WHOA!" Remus wrapped his arms around the neck as Paree reared up. Uh oh! Now I had no choice but to run. I was being challenged by a unicorn. I fled down the track, Paree close behind. "Stop! Prongs, I'm going to murder you! Paree! STOP!"

I crashed through the center once more, but this time I stayed in the midst of the trees, forcing Paree to slow down. Remus soon jumped down & tied her up. But then he was the one coming after me. Prongs backed away so fast he sat down on his thick, fluffy triangular tail, grinning nervously.

"What is wrong with you?" Remus thumped his fist in the middle of my head between the antlers.

I changed back. "Sorry," I didn't really mean it. Honestly, I just wanted to nurse the bump Remus had just given me.

"Jim! I really need you to cooperate!" Remus glared. "I'm trying to train her."

"She is trained!" I shot back. "You can ride her just fine in spite of yourself, being both a guy & a mutt!"

"Yes but she isn't trained for an actual race."

"So?" I shrugged. "No one else cares about riding the unicorns. They mostly pull sleighs at Christmas. The rest of the year, they're just useless lawn decorations."

"You're not getting it," Remus groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Muggle folk can't see the horns. Unicorns are faster than a common horse. It's something I can do."

I stared at him. "Wait, you're not actually planning to put her in a real horse race?"

"Why not?" Remus shrugged. "I'd be guaranteed a win with her every time."

"Remus! You're INSANE!"

"No, I'm a Sorcerer that no one will accept since I'm a Lycan," Remus said. "But racing has nothing to do with either, happens during the day & is worth a lot of money."

"What are the Marauders & Lily then?" I grumbled. "We accept you to & so does Dumbledore."

"I appreciate that just fine," said Remus. "But face it, we're nearly adults now but I can't be an Auror & hardly anyone would want a werewolf around. My life can't be in the world of magic. I'm leaving." I gaped at him. "Don't worry, I'm not going to lose contact with my pack or Lily. But as far as magical careers are concerned, I'm not allowed thanks to Fenrir. Horse-racing on the other hand..."

I could only stare open-mouth at him for a full minute. "You're telling me this...NOW?"

Remus just shrugged. "Once my 7th Year of Hogwarts is done, there is nothing for me here. I came to learn to control my own magic. I've done that & much more. I found a pack! I have a few academic courses I want to do for 7th Year. Stuff similar to what Papa does so I can help him out at times. But that's about as far as I can go. You know it's true."

"Moony," I grabbed him in my arms & held him. "We're all breaking up."

"_Non, non,"_ Remus laughed as he said no. "We can still have full moons. Don't worry! I expect all three of you to come to the tracks. I could get you in for free & then maybe you guys can even bet on Paree!"

"Will do!" I said. "Bet on that!" We both laughed before I added, "You know, it's something you could actually do. Ride a horse around a track, bring home the winnings. You wouldn't have to worry too much."

"Well, I have a problem," Remus said slowly. "See, there's this moron standing in my way."

"I'll make sure you'll make it to an actual track," I said. "What's wrong? Oh, I know. You're wondering how to get Paree out of Hogwarts. Talk to Dumbledore."

"Already did," Remus said. "He says she's as good as mine. But you're the moron! Refusing to help me train."

"Oh!" Grr. We're back to that. "Oh alright! Let's try this again."

"Excellent!" Remus pulled Paree back to the line & got on.

Leaving. I couldn't believe what he told me that day! I couldn't imagine a wizard with his kind of power, turning his back on this secret other-world we shared, but I knew it was really all he could do. Fenrir had destroyed his chances at a magical pursuit when Remus was four years old. It's amazing he got this far. I stand by what I said. We are breaking up. I know Remus promised us we'd still share full moons & get free entry into the racing tracks, but something told me that all this was nearing its end. I wondered if it would end with Remus walking off these grounds for the last time, leading Paree away on her lead line, leaving.

"Hey I'm talking to you!" Sirius snapped his fingers in my face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I leaned back against the wall of the building, a muggle clothing shop that was currently closed. "Tired. Raced Paree all day."

"You were supposed to go around only once," Sirius pointed out. "Didn't you tell Remus you'd be on patrol tonight?"

"No, slipped my mind," I answered. It didn't but after what Remus had told me, I was desperate to help him & Paree train as much as possible. We had ended up staying by our track all day, doing runs after short breaks. I don't know if Remus told anyone else about his plans yet so I didn't tell Sirius what he had said. Sirius! If Remus left, would he & Sirius ever even get together? By now, I don't think so. Even if I wasn't with Sirius, I didn't think they would now.

For that matter, I wondered if Sirius & I were still together. He hadn't touched me in any way for over a month. No stolen kiss. No secret hand holding under the cloaks. No private showers. We were back to a common shower that any of the guys could walk into. It was like we had all gone back to being friends. I found I didn't like that. I missed Sirius in a way a friend would not, but he was never really mine, was he?

Don't get me wrong, I trust him with my life. I'd die for him & I knew that if Orion ever came back into my life, Sirius would be on my side. But that was it. I felt as if things had cooled between us & I had no idea how to, or even if I should, warm up again even though I desperately wanted to.

"Well as slippery as your mind is, you still have to stay awake tonight to patrol with me," Sirius said. "I think I know who our spy is but until you snap out of it, I can't really check."

"Sorry," I stood straight. "What do you want me to do?"

Sirius began describing to me in French what we were going to do, just in case our Auror could hear us. We were going to use our Spirits to root him out. Illegal Spirits. Also I think planning to attack an Auror is illegal to even if we are just messing around...but tell someone who cares. Sirius pointed to an open bar down the street. A muggle one & actually, I think it's a stripper club. If this was a year ago, Sirius would probably have taken an aging potion & gone in it. Now, he didn't even bat an eyelash at it which was weird.

There was one really drunk man sitting lopsided on the bench outside the door with a muggle newspaper in his hand. Sirius had been keeping an eye on him but the man seemed to never change & was always there. We were beginning to wonder if he was just feigning being drunk really just to watch over us. Sirius & I turned away & ducked into a dark alley. We did several spell checks to make sure no one was there & I even tried Accio on any Invisibility Cloaks. Nothing.

Sirius went between a large bin & the wall of a building & emerged as Padfoot. He barked at me as he trotted past. I waited for a few minutes so as not to appear as if I had seen the dog & then followed.

Padfoot ran down the street & crossed over to the bench, then stretched back on the forelegs, tailing curling over haunches. The drunk started & was suddenly on his feet, hand inside jacket. Yep. That's our dear Auror. The Grim whined & began frisking the man with his nose, including right up the legs. It made him twitch & I turned away laughing.

"Get away," The Auror pushed Padfoot off. "Get away. Dear Merlin! The Grim? Here! Go! Leave me alone!" (On seeing the Grim, one usually dies twenty four hours later. News flash. Grim's got to be in a cemetery so right now, consider it ...off duty shall we say? Besides, Padfoot's not the real one anyway.) Padfoot barked & ran away.

"You might want to keep your wand in," I teased as I passed. The Auror stared at me. "I noticed you reaching for it when that dog came looking for scraps. So you're the Auror on guard with us, right?"

He glared at me. "You can't know that!" He couldn't believe that I, a 6th Year Hogwarts trainee Auror (aka … brat) could pick him out. He was supposed to be a professional.

"Well I uh," I cleared my throat dramatically. "Do." I left him scratching his head in bewilderment.

After that one, Sirius & I made it our habit to root out the spy Auror. It probably hurt their egos being sniffed out by 'a couple o' brats' as they were starting to refer to us, but we don't care. So long as they didn't figure it out, we thought it rather amusing. Sirius was becoming bolder & began going to our posts a day early as Padfoot & eavesdropping on the conversations of actual Aurors. We were soon picking them out before they even started their shifts. It was miserably unfair...for them!

After six different Aurors inside of two weeks, they were getting desperate. The next one, they split us up. The Auror with Sirius ended up being groped by a big black dog while my Auror thought he saw a pretty Stag. Pretty? Are you kidding me? Handsome is a better word! Now, the Aurors banded together against us. Padfoot overheard a snippet of conversation that apparently our next shift would be handled by one of the most elite Aurors known. Ooo scared now! Not.

Sirius & I were in the Marauder's 'conference room' as we call it. It's a triangular room buried deep inside a lost section of Hogwarts. The entrance to it is behind a tapestry near the Slytherin door.

"They didn't mention names this time," Sirius complained.

"Maybe they think one of them is giving us information," I said. "I'm up for a challenge."

Sirius just grunted. "At least they put us back together."

"Back together?"

"Yeah, we're on the same team again."

That wasn't how I meant it at all. "Oh yeah." I hesitated, wondering if I should ask in a way that I would get my answer, then wondered if I would get the answer I wanted & ended up being afraid I wouldn't, so I said nothing at all.

Sirius sent me a quick smile which made me hot & cold at the same time. "They'll never figure it out."

"I hope not," I said. "Anyway, we'll have to make sure to find him when no one else is around then since we're in a muggle town."

"It'll be hard to do," said Sirius as he sat up straight. "I notice they're giving us the odd towns with mostly muggle folk. We hardly ever get Hogsmeade & I think it's because there have been more Death Eater sightings there."

"Oh you noticed it to?" I muttered. "They need to start putting us out there on the front lines now. We're not kids any more."

"I think they will soon," said Sirius. "I think that's why these Aurors are allowed to challenge us. Teach us to stay on guard. Like we don't know that already, but anyway."

"You think after this, we'll actually start facing real Death Eaters?"

"Exactly," Sirius stood up. "We should go or else we'll be late."

He changed to Padfoot & ran down the hall to the tapestry, leaving me behind. I watched him for a moment. "...Sirius..." I half-heartedly called him but he was too far ahead now to hear me. I think my heart broke for the billionth time in that moment. I officially considered myself single again. Just as quickly as it had started between us, it had suddenly come to an abrupt end. I walked the length of the hall.

Sirius was sitting with his back against one wall, legs stretched across the hall, waiting for me. "Gees Hornhead! Took you long enough! We're going to be late if you keep lagging." He jumped up & cut us out before I had time to say anything or blame him for my slowness.

When we were finally on our patrol, I tried to keep my distance from him, covering the side exactly opposite. I was no longer interested in harassing our over-head Auror & I didn't even bother to double-check people I passed. Remus leaving. Peter probably to once he became a Healer ...if ever. Now I lost Sirius. I have never felt more alone or confused as what to do (Should I even bother pursuing an Auror career?) as I did that night. I barely paid attention to my surroundings until well past midnight. I stepped into an all-hour coffee shop to grab a hot drink near two in the morning which was when our shift ended. The moment I came out, my life changed.

"JAMES!" I heard Sirius scream. "RUN!" He whizzed past. Laughing? Now what? "It's Alastor Moody! RUN!"

"MOODY?" I dropped my drink & took off after Sirius. Alastor Moody. Oh yeah, the very elite indeed. I knew he wouldn't take it easy on us so I fled like a hunted rabbit. A hand came out from behind a car & yanked me down. Sirius covered my yelp with both hands.

"He's mad!"

"How mad?"

"So mad that I think he'll be called Mad-Eye Moody from now on!"

I smothered a laugh. One of that man's eyes was missing & replaced with a magical sphere that could see through...wait...uh…see through everyth— "Sirius? We gotta run!" I fled the scene with Sirius close behind.

Sure enough, Moody was hot on our heels. "You brats! I'll figure out how you're doing it! GET BACK HERE!"

We dodged, jumped, changed direction but all the while, Moody seemed to get ever closer. We didn't dare change since that eye could see through anything (some say even Invisibility Cloaks) & the last thing we wanted was to be arrested for illegal Animagic!

In a few minutes, Moody gave up, but not before giving us both a few painful hexes for good measure. "You're lucky it's two! Get out of here! I'll see you at Hogwarts!" He turned aside to meet with two full Aurors who had just arrived & promptly began complaining to them.

Sirius & I were stampeding in the opposite direction & were soon on the country roads outside the town. Sirius ran through a yard to cut the curve in the road & turned so sharply around the corner of a fence he nearly fell over. I crashed into him. We both burst out laughing.

"Did you see his face?" Sirius gasped for air.

"We're going to be in so much trouble!" I doubled over.

"I know!" Sirius led the way down the road, putting as much distance between us & Moody as possible. "Grumpy ol' codger! He deserved it."

"Oh yeah," I agreed. "He's almost as grumpy as Argus Filch!"

"Filch is definitely worse though," Sirius pointed out, pausing by a car parked on the side of the road. "Ooo, this is a beauty!"

I read the words on the back. "It's a Cadillac. SIRIUS!" He had opened the driver's door. "What are you doing?"

"Relax, I just want to see what it's like in a car," he got in & pointed at the back seat. "Get in. I opened both of them." He closed his door as I shook my head.

I got in. "I hope the owners are fast asleep." I stared at the house set back behind two great oak trees. So far, its windows were black.

"Oh relax," Sirius ran his hands over the dashboard. "This is so more complex than a motorbike."

"Not really," I folded my arms over the top of the front seats. "Dad has a Ministry car. It isn't much different but it can get to the front of the line easily."

"Yeah but this is without magic," Sirius sighed. "Ah Jim. I was born in the wrong world."

Feeling horribly reminded of what Remus said about leaving this world, I gritted my teeth for a moment. "You're learning about muggles just fine."

"I guess," He promptly poked the horn & I nervously glanced at the house but it remained dark. "Where to, Mister?"

I stared at him, then leaned forward. "To the stars! Like what you're trying to get your bike to do."

"Alright," Sirius made as if to honk the horn again. Fearing he'd wake up the whole street, I grabbed him & hauled him into the back seat. He flipped over headfirst.

"You're such a dork!" I had to help him sit into the seat next to me, hard to do since we were both killing ourselves laughing. We finally got his head in the right direction & fell back on the seat...not to mention in each other's arms. Oh Merlin help! I tried to pass it off as part of the fall...but he didn't let go. I found myself lost in those pale grey eyes.

Holding me with one arm, he took my hand in his own, holding them up between us. "I figured you'd need a break, after ya know, seeing Orion again. It kind of unhinged you for a bit. Then there was your Spirit stuff going on so I thought I'd wait a bit."

I just stared at him. All this time, I thought we were through & hating it. I wanted to be mad at him but really, it was a nice thought & all that what with especially Orion popping back in my life. "Oh," I closed my eyes. Don't cry again! It's been a while. I'm due for sure! "Um thanks."

We sat in silence like that for a few minutes. "You nervous?" He suddenly asked.

I looked at him, realising what he was asking. "No," I whispered softly, leaning my head on his shoulder. I pulled our clasped hands to my lips kissing his fingertips, then looked up at him again. "Put your hands on me, Padfoot." I put his hand to my chest over my left peck close to where my heart was.

He pulled us close together, kissing me long & deep. I felt ourselves going down to lie across the back seat. MERLINISTHISISREALLYHAPPENING?!

I have never known such bliss as I felt in that car. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced. Unlike with Orion, this time it didn't hurt. This time, I was wanting it desperately. Wherever his vileness had injured, Sirius healed with his gentle touch. Whatever unnatural fears he had caused in me, Sirius washed away with his caring.

I could sense that we were both nearing the end & it was driving me crazy like a wild fire. With one hand on the window, I pushed myself closer if possible to him. We were both wet & out of breath as we lay there. He kissed me & pushed back my bangs stuck to my forehead.

"You're trembling," I managed to say between breaths, putting one hand on his face.

"Don't worry," He laughed. "I'll be alright." He put his head down on my damp shoulder.

I couldn't believe what just happened. I had often wondered if I would ever allow something like this to happen to me again, especially with another guy after what Orion did to me. I stroked Sirius's soaking hair, holding him close to me.

After a few moments, he raised himself up on me, putting his hands on my chest. He quickly smiled at me, then his eyes flicked up to the window. "OH MURD! WE GOTTA MOVE!"

"W-what?" I whimpered. This couldn't possibly be ending like this now!

"The Aurors!" Sirius sat up & I felt us separate as he hurriedly got dressed. "They're in the other yard!"

Tabernack! "WHAT?" I don't think I ever got dressed so fast. Sirius & I slipped out the car as quietly as we could & ran for the bushes barely in time.

Two Aurors found the car. We had stupidly left the door open. They looked inside, then closed the door & glared around. Sirius grabbed my hand & took me by side-along apparition to the gates of Hogsmeade. Still holding my hand, we ran down the High Street, laughing.

"Did you see their faces?" I sobbed through tears of laughter.

"What idiots!" Sirius doubled over. He pulled me to him. "Sorry for cutting our time short." I tried to shrug it off & ended up kissing him.

The spell hit my back & I knew no more.

_(AN: WHAT? Yes! I ripped off Titanic! No I don't care! Bite me!)_


End file.
